Chapter 7
CHAPTER SEVEN
Josie felt like she was dying. She felt much better wearing the T-shirt, boxers, and socks that Nate had given her, but she still felt entirely too naked. And even though Nate had given her a whole canteen of water to drink all by herself—and she’d drank until the water sloshed around in her empty stomach—she still felt as though every muscle in her body was on the verge of failure.
She’d also nibbled on some beef jerky. It was extremely salty and now sat like an uncomfortable lump in her belly, but she was glad to have it all the same. Just that tiny bit was more food than she’d had in her stomach in weeks.
But it was taking all her concentration to put one foot in front of the other. The terrain they were walking through was rocky, hilly, and on top of it all, hot . Extremely hot. It felt as if every drop of water she drank was coming out her pores in the form of sweat.
Josie wanted to sit down and refuse to move another inch. She wanted a real pair of hiking boots, that hamburger Nate had promised, and an hour-long shower. But since none of those things were going to materialize anytime soon, she just kept walking. Nate was behind her, and she kept her gaze on his brother’s boots in front of her. She stepped where he stepped and did her best to keep her misery from the men, to avoid being a burden.
When Nate told her that Tate was his twin, she was surprised for a moment. In her eyes, they didn’t look alike at all. Oh, she could see the resemblance. The obvious similarities in their facial features. She figured they probably had fun playing tricks on people when they were younger, pretending to be each other. Maybe it was because she’d spent so much time memorizing Nate’s features, but she had no problem telling them apart.
Nate’s eyes had a little more gold to them than Tate’s. His ears were a touch more pointed, his hair a little longer, his beard definitely bushier. Josie guessed if they both shaved, it might be harder to tell them apart.
But it was more than just looks. With Nate, she felt as if she were…home. It was a ridiculous thought. She and this man were like ships passing in the night. They were sharing this intense experience, and when they were safe and back in the United States, they’d each go back to their own lives.
The problem with that was, Josie didn’t want to go back to her life. After weeks of captivity, she wasn’t the person she used to be. Just days ago, she would’ve said she was more frightened. Unsure of herself. Weaker. But around Nate, she felt stronger . As if she wasn’t a shell of the woman she’d been before making the impulsive decision to fly to Kuwait .
Honestly, she wasn’t sure who she was anymore.
And that really scared the crap out of her.
But watching Nate walk away? That thought terrified her. He’d been her rock. Her salvation. She supposed she had some sort of psychological connection to her savior that a therapist would tell her will fade with time. But Josie didn’t think so. She was drawn to him in a way she’d never felt before. And not just because he was keeping her safe.
When Nate seemed surprised that she didn’t think he and his brother looked alike, Josie wished so badly that she could tell him why. Explain that something about him called to something deep inside her . That she’d know him in a room full of red-haired, freckle-faced men even if she was blindfolded.
“I’m going to need to stop soon,” Nate said from behind her.
Looking over her shoulder, Josie glanced at the man she couldn’t stop thinking about. He looked…not good. Looked like she felt. He was pale, the freckles on his face standing out even more than they had before, and he was limping.
“Roger. Pyro, find us a place to stop for the night,” Tate said.
Josie turned and stepped to Nate’s side, putting her arm around his waist. She wasn’t going to be much help if he suddenly keeled over, but she wanted him to know she was there for him, just as he’d been for her.
“Blink?” Kevlar asked, coming up to his other side. He’d been bringing up the rear, guarding them from behind.
“I’m okay,” he said softly. “Just hurting.”
Josie pressed her lips together in frustration. She wanted to tell Kevlar and the others that Nate had been tortured, had water poured over his face, and was repeatedly kicked and beaten. But her stupid words still wouldn’t come.
“What’d they do to you?” Kevlar asked, as he and Josie helped Nate navigate over the rocky terrain, churning up dust with every step.
“What didn’t they do?” he returned.
“Talk to me,” Kevlar ordered gruffly.
Josie felt Nate sigh more than she heard it. “Cigarettes, beatings, waterboarding…the usual.”
Tate had obviously been listening, and he stopped walking and turned to face his brother. “Are you fucking kidding me?” he asked.
Nate shook his head.
“And you didn’t say anything?”
“Would it do any good?” Nate countered.
They all knew the answer to that.
“Right. Give me a rundown of what hurts and where,” Kevlar demanded, sounding like the team leader he was.
Nate chuckled. Josie felt it down to her bones. “What doesn’t? Burns on my calves, ankles, and the tops of my feet. Ribs likely cracked. Bruises everywhere. A few broken fingers, and I think there’s some water in my lungs. But I’m alive and upright, so I’m good.”
“Fuck. And her? Sorry. You, miss? Are you okay?” Tate asked.
His concern surprised Josie. Especially after what he’d just learned about his brother. She nodded, trying to indicate she was fine, that she hadn’t been tortured.
“She’s not good,” Nate countered. “But she’s alive and upright too. We just need to rest for a while. Eat something other than jerky. Reset.”
“Found a place!” Pyro called out from somewhere ahead of them.
They all started walking again without another word, Tate ahead of them, looking back at them every few seconds as if to make sure his brother was still on his feet, and Kevlar and Josie still helping Nate along. Soon they arrived at a small cave, where Pyro waited.
“No footprints around it and nothing inside. Doesn’t look like anyone has used it for shelter. So that’s good.”
“Agreed. Okay. Pyro, see if you can find some sticks for a small fire. I’ll get my brother and his friend settled. Then we’ve got plenty of food for us all,” Tate said.
“I’ll help you, Pyro,” Kevlar volunteered, and after dropping their packs, the two of them headed away from the cave without a word.
Josie looked after them in concern.
“They’ll be back. Pyro won’t get lost. He’s got a great sense of direction. It’s why he’s such a good pilot,” Tate told her. “Now come on, let’s get the two of you off your feet.”
Within minutes, Josie was sitting on a crinkly metallic blanket Tate had pulled out of a pack, with Nate at her side.
“Show me,” Tate ordered his brother.
“I’m fine,” Nate insisted. “I’d rather eat something.”
“Not until you show me your fucking wounds,” Tate growled.
For a second, Josie thought the two men were going to get into a physical fight, but eventually Nate backed down and leaned forward to take off his boots, pull up his pants legs, then he removed his shirt as well. Tate growled low in his throat as he began to clean the worst of his brother’s wounds. He had dark bruises all over his body, which looked extremely painful. Josie was horrified all over again.
“Now can we eat, Mom?” Nate bitched after he’d put his boots and shirt back on.
Tate didn’t comment, simply reached into his pack and pulled out a bag and threw it toward Nate.
He caught it without a word and smiled as he read the package. He held it up for Josie to see. “MRE. This one’s meatballs in marinara sauce. It’s pretty close to a hamburger.”
Josie hadn’t been feeling all that hungry. She’d gone so long without food that she’d simply forgotten what it felt like to feel anything other than empty. But when she heard the word meatball, her mouth started watering. Suddenly, she felt almost sick with the need to eat.
“Easy, Spirit, I’ve got you.”
She watched Nate open the plastic bag, feeling like a feral dog might when presented with the possibility of real food. She wanted to snatch it out of his hands and stuff everything in her mouth as fast as possible. Her hands shook with a need for the calories she’d been denied for so long.
“Start with this,” Nate said, holding something out to her.
Josie blinked. It was yellow and rather sickly looking, but she’d recognize it anywhere. Bread. She reached for it, not caring that her hands were filthy. That she was shaking.
“Fuck—wait.”
She didn’t want to wait! But Josie took a deep breath and did as he asked. She wasn’t an animal, even if she’d kind of acted like one back in that cell .
“Give me your hand,” Nate ordered.
She held it out and watched as he used a wet wipe to slowly and methodically clean as much of the dirt off her fingers as he could.
Frowning, he said, “It’s not good enough, but we can’t spare the water to wash right now. I’m sorry.”
He was sorry ? Josie’s eyes filled with tears. No one had taken such good care of her in her entire life. He had to be hungry too, and he was hurting; she’d seen the results of the torture he’d endured. And here he was, tending to her hands as if she was made of glass. It was too much.
Emotions she’d pushed back to the recesses of her mind rushed forward. Swaying, Josie closed her eyes, trying to keep her tears at bay.
“Come here,” Nate said, seeming to understand how close she was to the edge. Of course he did. It was as if he could read her mind. Knew what she was thinking and feeling.
She cried then. For the first time in a very long time. She’d cried the first week she’d been taken, but after that her tears seemed to dry up. Now they returned with a vengeance. Even as she cried though, no sound escaped her. Her chest heaved with sobs, and yet not one squeak left her lips.
When she was done, Josie felt as if she weighed a thousand pounds. She was so tired, she could barely lift her head.
To her surprise, Nate smiled down at her. “Feel better?” he asked.
Josie shrugged. She wasn’t sure how she felt.
“Right. So…should we try this again? Start with the breadstick as I get the meatballs ready.”
He held out the bread, and Josie took it in her much cleaner but still grubby fingers and stared at it for a moment, before opening her mouth and taking a small bite.
“Go slow,” Nate warned. “It’s been a while since you’ve had carbs, and you don’t want to throw it up.”
No, she didn’t want to do that.
At any other time, the bread would probably be gross. It was a little hard, and whatever preservatives had been used to make it edible made it taste slightly off…but it was also the best thing Josie had ever eaten in her life.
She closed her eyes as she forced herself to chew slowly and not swallow the bite whole. It was as if she could actually feel the bread making its way down her throat to her stomach. She opened her eyes and looked at Nate. He was staring at her with an expression she couldn’t interpret.
Josie wanted to stuff the rest of the bread in her mouth before anyone could take it away, but instead, she held it out to Nate.
“I’m okay. You can have it,” he told her.
She shook her head and held it closer to his mouth. To her surprise, he didn’t grab it. Just leaned close enough to take a bite.
“Oh my God, that is so good,” he said with his mouth full and a small smile.
“If you guys think that shit is good, you have to be half starved,” Tate said from across the cave.
Josie had forgotten he was there. She’d forgotten about everything but the food and Nate.
“You have no idea,” Nate told his brother.
“I’m thinking you might even be able to choke down the beef sticks,” he said with a chuckle .
Nate huffed out a breath. “No one is that hungry,” he said, then looked at Josie. “The beef sticks taste like dog food. And before you ask me how I know what dog food tastes like, Tate and I dared each other to try it when we were around twelve. So trust us, we know.”
Amazingly, Josie found herself smiling.
Nate stared at her for a beat with something close to awe on his face, before clearing his throat and looking down at the plastic pouch in front of him. “Meatballs are almost done.”
The smell coming from the bag was absolutely amazing. It was so good, Josie actually felt kind of nauseous, which made no sense to her.
Nate opened the pouch and steam rose between them. He picked up a fork and stuck it inside. When he removed the fork, there was a decent-size meatball on the end. Josie restrained herself from grabbing his hand and stuffing the whole thing in her mouth.
He brought the fork to his own mouth and bit off half the meatball. It seemed incongruent from all the other things he’d done for her, making sure she had water first, not wanting to take the breadstick from her.
Then he opened his mouth and breathed in and out rapidly, saying, “Hot, hot, hot!” in a muffled tone. He swallowed and brought the meatball back to his mouth, but instead of eating the rest, he blew on it, trying to cool it off. Then he held it out to her. “That whole thing was too big for you to eat, but I had a feeling you’d try anyway. I also wanted to make sure it wouldn’t burn your mouth.”
Josie wanted to cry again. He wasn’t being selfish by taking the first bite, he did it to save her from herself—because once again, he could read her mind.
She lifted her hand, curling her fingers around his on the fork. Without breaking eye contact, she leaned forward and wrapped her lips around the meatball.
The spices immediately hit her taste buds, making her eyes snap shut as she moaned deep in her throat. Oh my God, it was so good! Josie had never tasted anything so delicious in her entire life. She could die right now a happy woman.
Opening her eyes, she found Nate watching her like a hawk. “Okay?” he asked.
She nodded immediately.
“Good.”
They took turns, him eating half of each meatball to make the rest easy for her to eat in one bite. Josie was shocked to find that after only four bites, she was completely stuffed. She put a hand to her stomach—then gasped and quickly raised her shirt, even more shocked to realize her belly was distended, sticking out as if she were a few months pregnant.
Frowning in alarm, she looked at Nate.
“It’s normal,” he soothed. “You’ll be hungry again in an hour or so. It’ll take a while to work back up to regular-size meals. Instead, you’ll need to eat small snacks several times a day.”
She had no idea how he knew that, but she trusted him.
Pyro and Kevlar had returned by then, and Josie watched them and Tate open their own MREs and eat without fanfare. By now it was almost dark, and her eyelids felt as if they were made of lead .
“Lie down, Spirit. Sleep. We’ll make sure you’re safe. Nothing will happen when we’re here. Promise.”
Nate’s words settled into Josie’s soul. She hadn’t even known she needed to hear them, but she had.
But before she went to sleep, there was something she needed to do.
She reached for the accessory packet that came with the MRE and pulled out the little plastic knife. Leaning over, she used it to write something in the dirt on the floor of the cave.
Nate looked at it, then up at her. “Josie?” he whispered.
She nodded.
“That’s your name? Josie?”
She nodded again.
A small smile spread across Nate’s face. “It’s beautiful.”
Josie wasn’t sure about that. It was just a name. She’d never given it much thought. But not having a name made her feel like…less. Like a non-person.
“Tate, Pyro, Kevlar…meet Josie.”
The other men nodded at her from across the way. She could barely see them, but she gave them a little wave anyway.
“Holy crap, she’s just like you. How many times have you given me that dorky little wave when we part ways or meet up?” Tate said with a laugh. “Oh, sorry. I didn’t mean that in a bad way, Josie.”
“Whatever,” Nate said with another smile as looked at her. “Josie,” he said quietly. “It’s so nice to meet you.”
She returned his smile, feeling shy all of a sudden.
“Although, I still think Spirit fits you. Go on, lie down. Use me as a pillow if you’d like. ”
Josie frowned and shook her head, pointing to a few of his injuries. He was hurt. She wasn’t going to lie on him. No way.
But Nate chuckled. “You weigh like two pounds. Having your head on me isn’t going to hurt. Not in the least.”
She still had no plans on using him as a pillow…but the next thing she knew, they were both lying down and Josie was on her side, up against Nate, with her head on his shoulder and an arm around his belly.
“Perfect,” Nate said on a big sigh.
Josie could literally feel his muscles relaxing. They were lying in the dirt, in a cave in the mountains in freaking Iraq, and yet, she felt safe for the first time in weeks. She had no recollection of falling asleep, only of feeling a sense of rightness…then nothing.