Chapter 12
CHAPTER TWELVE
Josie’s lips tingled. Even after standing in the hot shower for twenty minutes. The various soaps Remi and Wren had bought her smelled heavenly. She’d tried all four of them. It was extremely difficult to get out of that wonderful shower and get dressed, but she was hungry. And she wanted to see Nate.
That kiss. It had surprised her, but she wasn’t upset about it. Not in the least. In fact, she wanted more. She’d been physically attracted to him from the first moment, even bloody and beaten in that cell. Of course, she wasn’t interested in doing anything but getting out of the hell she’d found herself in back then. But now?
Bringing a hand to her lips, she traced them with her finger. She was safe. Away from terrorists, and beatings, and from the threat of starving to death. Now she wanted to live .
Josie had figured Nate saw her as someone who needed taking care of. More like a sister than anything else. But that kiss changed things. At least for her.
Maybe he didn’t mean it? Maybe it was a spontaneous thing that he now regretted. Looking down at herself, Josie wrinkled her nose. She wasn’t exactly a cover model. Too skinny, too short, too…quiet. She’d surprised herself with the ability to speak to others today. True, she hadn’t exactly been a chatterbox, but words were coming easier now.
Staring into the mirror, she continued to study herself…and frown. She wasn’t the kind of woman who men fell all over themselves for. Especially after what had happened to her. Everything about her was plain. Her best feature used to be her hair, and even though Nate said he’d help her with that, the urge to cut it all off was strong. She didn’t quite have dreadlocks, but it was close.
Lowering her head, Josie braced herself on the counter and closed her eyes.
What was she thinking? Even stoic, Nate was larger than life compared to her. He needed someone who was outgoing to balance his introverted side, good in social situations, and who didn’t look as if she lived out of her car or something.
“Josie?”
Her name on Nate’s lips scared her so badly, she jerked away from the sound and almost tripped over the small throw rug in the bathroom.
But Nate was there, his arm around her waist, saving her from falling on her ass.
“Fuck! I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you. I thought you heard the door open.”
Josie shook her head as she looked up at him .
“What’s wrong?”
How could she explain what she was thinking? That she was pretty sure she was falling in love with him, but she didn’t think there was any way he could ever feel that way about her? That she wasn’t good enough for him. That she dreaded going back to her lonely life in Las Vegas.
But as usual, Nate seemed to understand how on edge she was. He pulled her close, and she gladly buried her nose in his chest and clung to him.
“You smell good,” he murmured.
Josie wanted to snort. Of course she did. She’d used four different soaps and wasn’t wearing the same stupid beach cover-up she’d worn for weeks and wasn’t wallowing in the dirt anymore.
“Vanilla with hints of peach and some kind of flower,” Nate said with a chuckle.
Josie looked up at him with a small smile on her face.
“And the clothes look like they fit pretty well. Much better than my huge shirt and sweats.”
She liked wearing his clothes. It made her feel as if she was constantly being hugged by him.
“But I have to admit, I liked you in my clothes,” Nate went on, as if he could read her mind. “Come here,” he said, even as he was turning her in his arms and stepping in front of the sink. Then he put a finger under her chin and forced her to look at their image reflected in the mirror. “I bet you were in here cataloguing everything you think is a flaw.”
Josie’s surprised gaze went to his own.
“I’ve been where you are now, Spirit. I can’t tell you how long I spent staring at myself in the mirror after my team was killed and injured. Questioning my very existence. You want to know what I see when I look at you?”
She didn’t. Not really.
But apparently it was a rhetorical question, because he didn’t even give her time to respond before he continued speaking.
“I see strength. Stubbornness. A resiliency that I rarely see these days. Not many people would’ve been able to survive what you did. Society is pampered. If someone doesn’t get their half-caf, triple-shot, caramel, mocha, soy, no-foam, extra-whip, extra-hot, upside-down, caramel drizzle with seven pumps of mocha syrup double-blended Frappuccino, they have to go to bed for two days because they don’t feel well. And that’s not a surprise, because all that sugar has probably clogged their arteries and made them unable to think about anything for more than two seconds at a time.”
Josie couldn’t help but snicker at that.
He smiled back at her and ran one of his large hands over her hair. Then he leaned into her, tucking his chin on her shoulder and wrapping his arm around her. “But you, Spirit. You did what you had to do to survive. You didn’t give up. Even when you had every right to. You fought to stay alive. Rationing water, staying calm. Waiting for fate to bring me to your side.”
Okay, she was going to cry if he didn’t stop.
He didn’t.
“If you think anything about you makes me want to turn up my nose, or repulses me, you’re so far off it’s not even funny. I like you, Josie England. A lot. I’ve never felt as comfortable with someone as I do with you. You don’t make me feel as if I should be anyone other than who I am. Which makes no sense, because we haven’t really had much of a chance to sit down and really get to know each other. But there it is.
“I want that…to get to know you. I want to know everything there is to know. About where you grew up, if you had a good childhood, more about your job, your friends, your life. I want to know what you like to eat, and your favorite things to do for entertainment. I want to sit in the same room as you and not speak at all, but look up and feel content simply because you’re there, occupying the same place as I am.
“And yes, I’m physically attracted to you as well. I’ve always been attracted to petite women, but you…” He swallowed hard. “There’s something about you that draws me in like no one ever has before. I shouldn’t be saying all this. Not after the trauma you’ve experienced. I should be getting you to a psychologist so you can talk through—or write about—what happened. But knowing all that doesn’t stop me from wanting to hold you. Touch you. Kiss you. And of course, take care of you. I want to make sure you’re fed. Make sure you’re getting enough to drink. Wanna keep you safe from anyone or anything that might hurt you, ever again.”
The tingles Josie felt earlier when he kissed her had started up again, but this time throughout her entire body. She couldn’t tear her gaze from the man standing behind her. Holding her. Seeing herself through his eyes was enlightening, and it only made her want him more.
“Fuck. I’m saying too much again. This is why I usually keep my fool mouth shut and observe rather than talk.”
But Josie shook her head, then turned in his arms. She felt small around most people, but in Nate’s arms, she felt especially tiny. But also stronger. More confident. Moving a hand to the back of his neck, she went up on her tiptoes and tried to bring his head down to hers. She wanted to kiss him. Needed to kiss him.
He resisted for a moment. “Are you sure?”
Sure she wanted to kiss him? Yes. A hundred times yes .
“Yes,” she said firmly.
As if her consent was all he’d been waiting for, Nate’s head dropped and his lips were on hers.
They both moaned as passion flared between them.
Josie usually felt self-conscious the first time she was intimate with a man. But with Nate, kissing felt right. Natural. His arm banded around her and he straightened, taking her with him. Her feet left the floor but Josie barely noticed. She couldn’t seem to get enough of this man. Their tongues dueled as they fought for dominance over the kiss. He tasted like strawberries. She wanted more. So much more.
Wrapping her legs around him, Josie threaded the fingers of one hand through his hair and clutched him to her with the other. She felt Nate walking, but with her eyes closed and their mouths still fused together, she didn’t care much where he was taking her.
She opened her eyes and pulled back a fraction when she felt him lower himself onto a soft surface. The couch. She shifted until her knees were on the cushion on either side of his thighs. She liked this. Felt as if they were on a more even level. She could look into his eyes without having to strain her neck.
“Hi,” she blurted like a complete dork .
He smiled. “Hi,” he returned.
Up close like this, his freckles stood out even more. And Josie had the urge to count every single one. But it would take too long. He had too many.
One of Nate’s hands was at her back, almost spanning it from one side to the other, and his other hand was at the nape of her neck, stroking the sensitive skin there with one of his thumbs.
“I have the stuff ready to work on your hair.”
It wasn’t what she’d expected him to say—and it was as if someone had thrown a bucket of cold water over her. Josie was suddenly embarrassed by her actions. He’d been telling her how impressed he was with the way she’d handled the situation she’d found herself in, and then she’d gone and thrown herself at him.
She shifted her body weight so she was leaning away from him, but he scowled, tightening his hold on the back of her neck.
“What? What did I say? You don’t want me to touch your hair? Okay, I’ll talk to Caroline, see if she knows someone who will come to the apartment. Or maybe Remi or Wren know someone. Maybe they can help.”
He sounded panicked. Josie shook her head.
“No? You don’t want them to help? You don’t want to do anything with your hair? No what , Spirit?”
“I didn’t mean to maul you,” she blurted out.
Nate stared at her for a moment, then inhaled deeply as he closed his eyes. But he immediately opened them. “In case you missed it, Josie, I was just as into that as you were. Christ, I’ve thought about almost nothing but kissing you from the moment you sacrificed your water for me in that hellhole—and felt like shit as a result. You were hurting, traumatized, and all I wanted to do was feel your lips on mine.”
Josie was genuinely shocked. Not by what he said, but that he’d felt the same pull toward her as she had for him.
“With that said, I’m also not dumb enough to haul you to my bed right this second.”
She frowned.
“Not that I don’t want to, but I don’t want whatever this is between us to be a one-and-done kind of thing. I wasn’t lying when I said I want to get to know you. I want to know what makes you tick before taking you to bed. Because when I get you there, I’m going to want to keep you there. Hell, I already do. Sleeping next to you since leaving those cells has been…incredible. I just don’t want to rush us.” He then chuckled and shook his head. “As if I haven’t already done that. But seriously.”
Josie was embarrassed to discover that she wanted to be rushed. She wanted to know what it was like to be with this man. To have all his attention. To have his hands on her body. To have him inside her body. Her nipples tightened at the thought, and her position over him made her pussy clench. She was straddling him. She could reach down and undo his pants and take him into her mouth. Show him how badly she wanted him.
“Fuck. You’re so beautiful,” Nate said reverently, his gaze running down her body.
Josie couldn’t help but squirm a little.
“We have time,” he told her. “Time to get to know each other. Time to explore this attraction we have for each other.”
In response, Josie placed her hand on his chest and ran it all the way down to just above his waistband, then back up.
She could hardly believe she was acting this way. This wasn’t like her. She was the shy one. The one who always questioned whether she should or shouldn’t take a relationship to the next level. She second-guessed everything. But after her brush with death, she was going to go after what she wanted. Him .
Nate caught her hand with his and brought it up to his mouth, kissing her palm. “You’re going to be a handful, aren’t you?” he asked.
Josie gave him a huge smile.
“Right. You’re stubborn—but so am I,” he told her. “And right now, I want to get my hands on that hair of yours.” Then he picked her up and turned her on his lap before placing her on the floor in front of the couch.
He moved her so easily. In the past, Josie would’ve been offended if someone had done what he just had, but since it was Nate, she was more turned on by his strength than anything else. She couldn’t help but think about how he could move her around in bed, to any and every position he wanted to take her in.
Her libido had roared to life, and it made her feel really alive for the first time in weeks. But Josie took a deep breath. He was right. She didn’t want a one-night stand either. She wanted Nate, sexually, but she wanted him by her side as a partner, boyfriend, whatever, even more.
Maybe she was just feeling this way because of what happened. Because he’d been her knight in shining armor. Because he’d saved her.
But she mentally shook her head. That wasn’t it. Yes, she was thankful he was there when she needed someone the most, but she was old enough to know what she was feeling was real. Not a result of some savior complex.
Then something else suddenly occurred to her.
She turned her head and blurted, “I’m thirty.”
Nate was holding a wide-toothed comb and the bottle of detangler, giving her a confused look. “Okay?”
“I had my birthday while I was in that cell.”
Understanding dawned. “ Fuck .”
Was it stupid that she’d gotten used to hearing him say that? And that she loved it? Probably. “I forgot until just now,” she told him.
“Well, Happy Birthday, Spirit.”
She grinned at him, then turned around and brought her knees up. She clasped them against her as she felt the first spray of detangler against her scalp.
Was she upset that her thirtieth birthday was in that hellhole? Not really. It wasn’t as if she would’ve celebrated all that much if she’d been in Vegas. Even though she lived in Sin City, she didn’t go to the Strip that often. To her, it was gross and dirty. She understood the draw for tourists, but the glitz and glamour did nothing for her.
When she’d been a little girl, she’d always assumed by the time she was thirty, she’d be married and have a couple of kids. Thirty seemed so old to her back then. But now? She felt as if she was just figuring out who she was and what she wanted out of life .
Josie went into a kind of trance as Nate worked on getting the snarls and mats out of her hair. The tugging didn’t hurt, and the way he ran his hand over her head again and again felt amazing. She loved being touched, hadn’t had a lot of opportunity to experience it much in her life.
And while he worked on her hair, Nate talked. Told her all about his SEAL teammates who had died and been injured. Spoke more about his current team. About his brother and some of the shenanigans they got into when they were little. More about his dad, who sounded like a man she really wanted to meet.
He told her about boot camp, and training to be a SEAL. How he’d almost quit a few times, but obviously stuck it out.
Listening to his deep voice was comforting. Soothing. By the time Josie realized he was running the comb through her hair from her scalp all the way to the ends, over and over, she was a pile of mush leaning back against the couch, his thighs cocooning her, making her feel safe and cared for.
“I don’t think I’ve ever talked so much in my life,” Nate said. “But there’s something about you that makes me feel comfortable spilling my guts.”
Josie tilted her head back and looked up at him. “I love the sound of your voice.”
“And I love that you’re finding yours,” he returned. Then he leaned forward and kissed her. The angle was weird, and feeling his nose on her chin made her giggle.
He straightened, and she loved the grin on his face. “Your hair is amazing,” he told her. “So long and silky. And I had no idea it was so blonde!”
Josie wasn’t surprised. It had been thoroughly coated with dirt and grime. Her white-blonde hair had looked almost brown the entire time he’d known her.
She licked her lips, wanting Nate to kiss her again, but her stomach chose that moment to let out a loud growl.
“I need to feed you,” Nate said, sounding concerned. “Come on. Up you go. Wren and Remi totally went nuts and sent what looks like the entire store. I cut up some strawberries, you can munch on those while I see what I can whip up real quick.”
Before she knew it, Josie was sitting at the table with a bowl of strawberries in front of her, while Nate puttered around his kitchen, muttering about the fact it was closer to lunch than breakfast now as he pulled things out of the pantry and fridge. Being waited on was a new experience, so she decided to enjoy it. Tomorrow, she’d insist on pulling her own weight, but at the moment she was still feeling kind of floaty after having Nate’s hands on her for so long.
She couldn’t stop herself from reaching up and running her fingers through her now detangled hair. It felt so soft, and she smiled as she stared at Nate.
He turned then, catching her looking at him. He returned her smile, and the electricity that had been arcing between them flared for a moment. She thought he was going to stalk over to her and kiss the hell out of her, but she underestimated his self-control.
Nate took a deep breath, then turned his attention back to the lunch he was preparing.
Twenty minutes later, he put a plate as big as her head in front of her, filled to overflowing. He’d used an air fryer to cook some strips of chicken, then smothered it with salsa and sour cream. He’d added garlic toast, a salad, and some instant mashed potatoes.
It looked and smelled delicious.
“It’s too much,” Josie said.
But Nate simply shrugged. “Eat what you can. We’ll box up the rest and you can either eat it later or tomorrow.”
To her surprise, Josie was able to eat almost everything on her plate. She was stuffed but felt absolutely amazing. She’d forgotten what it felt like to be so full. She’d never take food for granted again. Not after going without it for so long.
“Go sit,” Nate ordered. “I’ll clean up and join you when I’m done.”
But Josie was done being lazy. She ignored him and picked up her almost-empty plate and brought it into the kitchen. “Do you want to do dishes or pack up the leftovers?” she asked, trying to sound firm.
Nate grinned. “I can’t decide if I liked it better when you didn’t talk and did what I asked, or this new bossy Josie.”
She lifted a brow at him.
“Fine. I’ll pack up the leftovers.”
Happy she’d gotten her way, that he was letting her help, Josie turned on the water in the sink and got to work rinsing everything off before putting plates and utensils in the dishwasher.
Working together, they got the kitchen cleaned up in no time. Nate led her back to the couch and sat, pulling her down next to him. He settled her under a blanket, against his side, before turning on the TV with the remote.
“Anything you want to watch?”
Josie shook her head. She’d never been much of a TV watcher, and she had no idea what was even popular after so much time away.
Her eyes felt heavy as the eventful morning caught up to her. The hot shower, his hands in her hair, the full belly. She was suddenly exhausted.
“Sleep, Spirit. I’ve got you.”
That was all it took. She relaxed completely, secure that the man she was using as a pillow would keep her safe.