Chapter 27
27
Ryan
“I’ll go grab us a couple of beers. Why don’t you find us a place to sit?” Miles suggested, holding the door to Flanagan’s for me.
“Sure,” I replied absently as I stepped inside.
Scanning the pub for an open table, my feet faltered when I spotted Court sitting at a high-top. It felt like a punch to the gut to see Dalton, the friend I’d met not too long ago, next to him with his arm wrapped around his shoulders.
I’d taken a risk and texted Court the night before, but he hadn’t responded. Now, he was looking comfortable with someone else while I felt like my world was crumbling. Was it possible he was in some sort of relationship with that Dalton guy? Was it one more thing he had lied to me about? He’d told me Dalton was a friend who was starting his own security firm and wanted Court to work for him. Was that true? Was Court looking for a security gig instead of his job as a cop? Or maybe the security job would be a side hustle for extra cash?
Just as I was about to bolt to give myself a minute to figure out what to say to him, our eyes locked. Without a second thought, I turned around and walked outside.
An Hour Earlier
Lying on the couch, I stared at the TV, not really paying attention to the show playing on it. It had been my first day back in the office since everything had happened, and I was a bit drained from the numerous questions from my coworkers. Word had gotten around that I’d been working from home because I’d been involved in a police investigation. Of course, that was all anyone wanted to talk about when I returned, and I looked forward to the day when I could put all of it behind me.
As I scrolled on my phone, trying to decide where I wanted to order dinner from, a text came through:
Miles: A few of us are thinking about hitting up Chrome. Do you and your guy want to meet us there?
A few weeks ago, I’d told my friend I was seeing somebody, and while he’d been surprised given my dating history, he’d been happy for me. He had also asked to meet Court soon. We hadn’t had a chance to do that before, and now it didn’t seem to matter.
I’m gonna have to pass
I know things have been a shit show lately but you can’t stay hidden away in your little love nest forever
My heart broke a little reading those words. Miles was aware of the investigation, but he didn’t know about the fallout with Court. A part of me wanted to go back in time and stay in my little bubble with Court, where I was happy and didn’t know the truth. But what kind of lovesick fool wanted to remain in the dark because it hurt less?
I’m not actually sure where things stand with Court tbh
Oh man sorry. That sucks. Sounds like you could use a night out
I didn’t want to leave my apartment, but it would probably do me some good to do something other than work, sit at home, or hang with my family. Although, Chrome, with its loud music and people looking for their next hook up, was out of the question.
Not really feeling Chrome
Okay. How about I cancel on the other guys and meet you at Flanagan’s for darts and a couple of beers?
That sounded more like my speed at that moment.
Sure. Meet you there in 30 minutes?
See you then
Present Time
“Ryan!” I could hear Court’s footsteps behind me, and before I could make it to the parking garage, he placed his hand on my arm, stopping me. “Wait.”
Turning around, I glared at him. “Why are you following me? Shouldn’t you go back inside with your friend ?”
I was sure I sounded like an asshole, but every emotion I’d been holding in for the last few days was threatening to spill out. The last thing I wanted was to lose my shit on the sidewalk in the middle of downtown Boston.
His face fell, but he didn’t step back. “I’ve been trying to give you space, but I’ve been desperate to talk to you. Please don’t run away.”
“Oh really?” I balked. “Is that why you didn’t answer my text last night?”
“What text?” His confused expression quickly morphed into realization. “Oh shit. The phone I was using while undercover was a burner. The battery died at some point yesterday, and then I turned it in this afternoon. What did you say?”
I shook my head. “It’s not important now.”
“It’s important to me. You’re important to me.” He took a step forward.
I took a step back. “I can’t do this here.”
“Come back to my place,” he pleaded. “We can talk in private, without any interruptions.”
I hesitated. My heart and brain were on different pages. He’d hurt me more than I’d thought possible, but I hadn’t been lying when I’d sent him the text saying I missed him. I was so confused. Maybe going to his place was my chance to say my piece and see how the chips fell. “Okay. We can go talk. Let me tell my friend I’m leaving, and then we’ll go.”
While I explained the situation to Miles, Court went to chat with Dalton. To my surprise and relief, there wasn’t any more physical contact between the two of them.
“Do you want to ride with me to my apartment?” he asked as we walked outside again and headed for the parking garage across the street.
“I’ll drive myself.” Driving separately felt like the better option. I needed the space to sort through my thoughts. Plus, if the conversation went bad—and there was a chance it would—I wanted the ability to leave without having to rely on him.
“Okay. You can follow me, and I’ll text you my address in case we get separated.”
The drive didn’t take long, and after I parked, I walked over to where he waited for me.
“This way.” He started up the narrow stairs to his apartment. When we stepped inside, he flipped on a light. “Do you want something to drink?”
“No,” I answered and followed him to the living room. I paused to take in the space. It was simple and neat, with a couch, a coffee table, and a few shelves filled with what appeared to be some family photos. “I’ve never been here before,” I said quietly as I sat down on the edge of the couch.
Court sat next to me, his expression somber. “No, you haven’t.”
“That feels … strange,” I mused. “Like it’s another reminder that I didn’t really know who I was dating.”
He winced, running a hand through his hair. “I get why you feel that way. I know I screwed up, but I swear, the guy you got to know wasn’t fake. I wasn’t pretending with you.”
“It’s hard for me to understand that with everything I’ve found out. You lied to me about who you were. About why you were with me.”
“I lied about why I was with you initially.” He looked down at the floor. “I hate myself for it, but I need you to know that what I felt—what I feel —for you is real. It was real once we started spending time together, and it’s real now.”
I took a deep breath, overcome with the conflicting emotions swirling inside me as I prepared to tell him the truth. “When I texted you last night, I told you I missed you.”
He moved his hand as though he wanted to reach for me, but then thought better of it, and kept his hands in his lap. I wasn’t sure if I wanted him to keep his distance or not. “I miss you too. It’s like a piece of me is lost, and I can’t get it back because it’s you.”
My pulse raced. “I’m scared. The other night I spoke with Fallon and Rhett, and Rhett explained how you telling me about the case before it was over showed that you cared about me. And while the rational part of me understands why you had to lie, the other part is terrified of getting hurt again.”
He nodded and finally reached for me, wrapping his hand around mine. “I understand, and I don’t expect you to trust me overnight. But I’m willing to do whatever it takes to prove to you that I’m serious about us. I swear I’ll never give you a reason to doubt me again.”
I stared at him, searching his face for any hint of a lie, but all I saw was sincerity and regret. “What about Dalton?” I asked, the question slipping out before I could second-guess it.
Court’s brow furrowed. “What about him?”
“What’s going on between you two?”
“Dalton and I work together. We’ve been friends for years.”
“Is that it?” I pushed. “When I walked into Flanagan’s, he had his arm wrapped around you, and things looked a little cozy.”
He sighed. “Yes, we used to hook up sometimes, but it was a casual thing. There’s nothing going on now. In fact, he was encouraging me to reach out to you.”
I supposed that was a point in Dalton’s favor, but there was something else I needed to know. I swallowed hard. “Did you hook up with him while you were getting to know me?”
“Once,” he admitted. “It was after I got back from the party on the Cape. I didn’t know then what you’d come to mean to me.”
The truth stung, but honesty was what I’d asked him for. And telling me things he knew I wouldn’t be happy about showed me I could trust his words. “We weren’t together then,” I said as much to myself as to him. “I can’t hold that against you, although it still hurts to hear.”
“I’m sorry.” He rubbed the back of my hand with his thumb. “If I could take it back, I would, but I can’t change what’s happened in the past.”
We sat silently for a long moment as I thought about what I truly wanted. Finally, I looked into his eyes. “I don’t know if a relationship between us will work, but I was falling in love with you, and I think I would always regret it if I didn’t try to get that back.”
“You have no idea how much that means to me. I fell in love with you too.” He smiled warmly. “I’ll spend every day making sure you know how I feel, and I promise I won’t hurt you again.”
I nodded, my heart pounding as he leaned in. When his lips met mine, I felt like I could breathe again.
The following day, I’d just stepped into my apartment when my phone buzzed in my pocket. Pulling it out, I saw my sister’s name on the screen:
Are you home? I need to talk to you
I just walked through the door. Do you want to come over?
Her reply was instant:
Be there in ten
I paced in the living room as I waited for her. Sure, Morgan was dramatic and needy at times, but the last few days—hell, the last few months—had me thinking of worst-case scenarios. And with everything we’d been through, I worried she might have something terrible to share.
The knock on the door forced me to take a breath, but when I opened it, I froze. Morgan stood there, her cheeks blotchy, and her eyes red and swollen from crying.
“Hey,” I said softly, stepping aside to let her in. “What’s going on?”
She brushed past me, not saying anything until she sat on the couch, her arms wrapped tightly around herself.
Sitting silently beside her, I didn’t want to push, but my mind started racing again. “Morgan, you’re worrying me. What’s wrong?”
She stared at her lap, then took a shaky breath. “I don’t even know where to begin. For the past few days, I’ve been feeling off. At first, I thought it was because of everything that had happened with Donnie at the cabin. But then it didn’t go away…”
“Okay. Have you gone to the doctor?”
She shook her head. “No. I took a pregnancy test this morning, and it was positive.”
What? I blinked, trying to process what she’d just said.
“Oh,” I managed after a beat. “Wow. That wasn’t what I was expecting.”
“Me either!” She shot up from the couch and began pacing the living room. “This changes everything. My whole life is about to turn upside down, and I’m not ready for a baby. What’s going to happen with my social media stuff? No one is going to want fashion advice from a pregnant woman, and forget going to any parties in the foreseeable future.”
My heart broke for her. Despite knowing what a horrible guy Donnie was, she had loved him, and after enduring what I could only imagine was a devastating loss for her, she was facing an unplanned pregnancy.
“Okay.” I wrapped an arm around her shoulders and guided her back to the couch. “First, let’s take a deep breath. You don’t have to figure everything out right this second.”
She sank back into the cushions but her leg was shaking. “You don’t get it. I’m going to be someone’s mom.” Her voice was filled with panic. “What if I’m a shitty parent? What if I mess up? What if?—”
“Stop.” I placed a hand on her knee. “You’re not going to be a shitty mom, but it’s okay to be scared. This is a big deal. Anyone would feel overwhelmed.”
She sniffled. “I don’t know if I can do this.”
“You don’t have to do it all on your own. You’ve got me, Dad, and Declan. We’ll be there every step of the way.”
Her lips trembled as she gave me a small smile. “Thank you. That means a lot. Especially since I know I won’t be getting any support from Donnie’s family. Rumor has it, his mom is selling whatever assets he and Joseph left her and moving to New York. I tried to reach out to her, but she refused to see me. I’ve heard she’s a nasty bitch anyway.”
It didn’t surprise me that the person who raised Donnie and chose to date Joseph Hughes wasn’t a kind and compassionate person. “You don’t need her anyway. Court and I can even babysit for you whenever you want. You’ve got a whole support system, Morgan. You’re not alone.”
She looked at me again. “Wait. You and Court can babysit? Does that mean you’ve forgiven him for lying to you?”
I rubbed the back of my neck. “I didn’t realize you knew I was upset with him.”
She shrugged. “I overheard you talking the other day when you told us about Court being undercover.”
“Ah, that makes sense. You’ve always been nosy,” I teased, trying to lighten the mood. “But yeah, we’re trying to work through everything. Are you okay with that? I mean, considering…”
“Considering he was investigating the father of my baby?” she asked with a humorless laugh. She shook her head. “Honestly, my feelings about Donnie are all over the place. I’ll never know if he truly loved me like he claimed. Or if he was using me and my connections for his drug thing. I’m going to need a lot of time—and probably a good therapist—to untangle it all.”
“That’s fair.”
“As for Court?” She exhaled deeply. “I don’t hold anything against him. How could I when he saved my life? He saved yours too. I’ll always be grateful for him.”
He’d been there for a lot of the bad shit that had happened to us, but he was also the reason things didn’t end up worse. “I’m glad to hear that.”
She patted my leg. “You’re always looking out for me. I don’t know if I say it enough, but I’m lucky to have you as my brother. You’ve been my rock through everything, even when I didn’t deserve it.”
“I’ll always have your back. No matter what.”
She smiled at me with unshed tears in her eyes. “Thank you, Ryan. For everything.”