23. Harper
Harper
It was bad enough when I’d just hooked up with Cash.
Then there was that moment with Lincoln, and while neither of them could be ignored, at least I could pretend they were spur of the moment decisions.
Momentary blips of insanity. But what happened with Everett in the living room officially makes it a pattern, and realizing that leaves me even more turned on and confused about my place in this house.
It was never supposed to happen like this. It was supposed to just be a temporary place to stay while I got my shit together enough to leave, and now…
Now it’s spiraled out of control.
I can’t lie to myself and say I’m not attracted to all three men.
They’re attractive, and everyone knows that.
But at least before, it was all theoretical.
I didn’t have to face the reality of any of it.
Now that I’ve been intimate in various ways with all three of them, it’s become so much more real.
And of course I have no idea what any of it means or where it’s leading.
“It’s not like I can just ask either,” I mutter to myself in the shower. “I’m sure that would go over so well. Wander down to breakfast like, ‘hey so now that I’ve rubbed up against all three of you, I was wondering what the fuck is going on here’. Yeah, that would go over so well.”
There’s nothing for it but to turn these thoughts over and over in my head, tying myself into knots about it because that’s somehow less embarrassing than discussing it with the three of them.
I’m lucky that things sort of go back to normal over the next couple of days. I have work and the men are busy, so there aren’t very many lingering glances or moments where I have to fight not to blush when one of them looks at me.
And then a couple days after the incident with Everett, Cora has a meltdown in the living room.
I’ve avoided sitting down there as much as possible, but it has the most space for Cora to play, so I sit in one of the chairs, keeping an eye on her while scrolling on my phone.
Her hitched breathing is the first sign of trouble, and I look up to see tears streaming down her face.
Her sobs are silent and heartbreaking, and it always tears me apart to see her so upset, especially while making no noise.
It always hits me that if I wasn’t there to see it, it’s possible I wouldn’t even know she was distressed.
I start to get up, to go over to her to figure out what’s wrong, but before I can, all three Alphas spring into action.
Lincoln was already in the room, working on something on the couch, and Everett and Cash both come out of the kitchen, alarm written all over their faces. They must have heard her breathing change and come to investigate.
“Hey, hey, hey,” Cash says, kneeling down to Cora’s level. “What happened? Can you show me?”
The other two hover behind him, watching as Cora picks up the toy truck she’s been playing with. One of the wheels has fallen off, leaving it unbalanced and not able to roll right.
She bangs it on the floor, her little face red and wet as she keeps crying.
“Okay, let me see what I can do. Can I have it?” Cash holds a hand out, patience and calm radiating from him.
He talks to Cora in soft, soothing tones, and it’s amazing that I don’t even have to tell him how to handle a four year old in the middle of a meltdown.
This gentleness just comes naturally to him somehow.
It works with Cora, who hands over the truck and then covers her face with her hands, sobbing so hard her shoulders shake.
“I’ll be right back,” Lincoln says softly. He disappears upstairs while Cash plops down on the floor a little ways away, hunting down the missing wheel to see if he can fit it back together.
When Lincoln comes back with crayons and paper, Everett also gets down on Cora’s level. “Let’s do something else,” he murmurs. “While Cash fixes your toy. Can you look at me, ladybug?”
Cora peeks out from between her fingers.
“Good,” Everett praises. He waves Lincoln over, and they spread out the paper and crayons together. “Let’s draw a picture, all right? Something nice and bright.”
“What colors would you use for a bright picture?” Lincoln asks.
There’s a moment where it seems like Cora won’t respond.
She glances at me, and I nod encouragingly. “Go on, baby. What colors?”
That’s all she needs to reach down and pick up a bright goldenrod crayon.
“Great start,” Lincoln says. “What else?”
Watching the three of them like this makes my throat tight with emotion.
They were probably all busy, probably doing important things, or at least things they wanted to do more than comfort a sobbing, mute four year old, but here they are.
Their heads bent over their respective tasks as they work on soothing her and fixing her problem.
In the time we’ve been here, each of them has developed their own ways of communicating with Cora.
They all have nicknames for her, and Cash uses his exaggerated expressions to make her giggle, urging her to smile when she’s upset.
Lincoln taught her simple signs and understands how it is to be quiet in a loud world.
And Everett speaks to her like the intelligent child she is, regards her with quiet dignity, and treats her like a princess.
None of them act like she’s a burden, and Cora has never had to wonder for a second if she’s welcome in this house. They’ve been as open with her as they are with me, and it means more than they probably even know.
Eventually, Cash manages to snap the wheel back in place, and he grins as he rolls it back to Cora. “Good as new. Just needed a little elbow grease,” he says.
Cora claps her hands, and I watch as she throws her arms around each of the men in turn, hugging them tightly.
My eyes sting all of a sudden, and I have to look away for a while. All I can feel is gratitude, mixed with fear and longing and a dangerous kind of hope that I try hard to suppress.
Cora goes back to playing like nothing happened, and I finally let myself relax a bit. It feels good, to have people in my corner who can help her when she’s having a meltdown, and not have it all be on me all the time.
Cash gets to his feet and comes to lean over my chair, a smile still fixed on his handsome face.
“Do you have a minute?” he asks.
“Depends on what you want it for.”
His smile stretches. “I just want to show you something outside. Won’t take long.” He holds a hand out to help me up, and for a second I consider ignoring it, but instead, I put my hand in his and let him tug me to my feet.
I drop the hold as soon as I’m up though. I can already feel the stares of Lincoln and Everett, and I don’t need them to see Cash and I holding hands. I also don’t want to do that in front of Cora.
Cash leads the way outside, walking around behind the house to where garden beds have been constructed. It’s a bigger section than I was expecting. When he said he’d make me a garden plot, I assumed it would be a corner out of the way somewhere. Not this.
But stretching out behind the house where the sun hits just right are four large beds, boxed in with wood. I can smell the soil, rich and earthy, and they look well-constructed.
“So,” Cash says. “This should be enough to get you started, right? I know some things can’t be grown together or their roots will tangle and get fucked up, so we made them spacious, and we can put more dividers in if you need it.
It all drains well, and should get enough sun that you can grow anything you want. What do you think?”
I blink, trying to figure out how to fit my gratitude into words. It was an offhand thing I said about gardening, and it’s been indulged in a way I never would have expected.
“It’s beautiful. It’s perfect,” I say. And then, because I can’t help myself, I throw my arms around him, mimicking the hug Cora gave him just a bit ago.
At least it starts out like that. But then Cash wraps his arms around me, holding on, and the hug shifts from a simple one to something much more loaded.
He holds me longer than necessary, leaning in and pressing his nose to the crook of my neck, and I can feel the tension crackling between us. I know he can too, judging by the way he slides a hand down my back, stopping just shy of the swell of my ass.
It takes him a few beats, but he pulls back, and his eyes are darkened when he looks at me. “I’m glad you like it. I can’t wait to see what you’re going to plant.”
It’s a simple thing, but it means so much at the same time. I don’t even know if Cash or the others realize the effect they’re having on me, on Cora.
These men and their habit of making things wonderful. I don’t know what to do with any of it, but for right now, I’m distracted by the itch under my skin to start planting.
“I have to decide what I want to grow,” I say excitedly.
“We have a selection of seeds,” Cash says. “We always planned to do something like a garden, but it never panned out. Too much other stuff going on. I think Lainey is also into gardening, so you could call her for advice.”
It’s a good idea, and when I call her, she laughs with excitement and promises to come over as soon as she can.
By the time she arrives, I’ve changed into clothes I don’t mind getting dirty, and Cora and I stand with the men, looking at the fresh potential of the new soil.
“Oh, this is wonderful!” Lainey exclaims as she comes around the back of the house. “This is going to be so good. You’re very lucky, Harper.”
I duck my head to try to hide the blush spreading over my cheeks. Luckily, Lainey is distracted by giving her brother a one armed hug and then pushing him away.
“All right, off with the three of you,” she declares.
“What?” Lincoln gives her a look. “You’re kicking us out of our own backyard?”
“I sure am. This is officially girl time now. Gossip and gardening. Go back in the house and do man things.”
“Man things.”
“You heard me.”
Cash looks amused as he shakes his head. “I guess we heard the lady. Come on.” The three of them troop back inside, leaving us alone in the garden.
“I’ve never really done this before,” I tell Lainey. “So I don’t know where to start.”
“That’s okay!” she says brightly. “Just pick out what you want to grow, and I’ll help you.”
Cora and I sort through the seeds, picking out wildflowers and some fruit plants, and herbs.
Lainey shows us the best way to divide them up so nothing gets overcrowded and the things that need the most sun are toward the outside of the garden beds while the others are closer to the shade of the house.
She hands me a trowel, and I get down on the ground, starting to dig small holes in the cool, slightly damp soil.
It feels good to do it, getting my hands dirty, just working on something meditative and easy as digging holes and making sure they’re spaced the right distance apart.
I look up after a bit to have Lainey check my work, only to find that she’s already watching me with her bright, observant eyes.
“What?” I ask. “Is there dirt on my face or something?”
She shakes her head. “No, it’s just… you seem different these days. Like there’s been a change in you. A change for the better, I mean.”
Immediately I feel the heat rushing to my face, and I drop my gaze back to the soil to avoid having to meet her eyes. “I… I mean, I don’t—”
Lainey just laughs. “I’m not going to get in your business.
I know you’re a private person, and I respect that.
But you know, my brother has always been a great judge of character, and I’m glad he and his pack mates decided to bring you on at the bar and help you out.
It’s been good for you, and I know it’s been good for them. ”
“Oh.” My cheeks are still burning, and I don’t even know what to say to that.
She’s right, of course. Them offering me that job has changed everything, and sometimes I have to remind myself that not that long ago, I was feeling hunted and worn too thin, desperate to figure out where Cora’s next meal was going to come from and checking to make sure I had an exit strategy no matter what.
Now I’m almost comfortable. We’re both well fed and warm and safe every night, and it feels better than I expected to know that the men have my back.
“They’ve been very good to me. To us,” I say, glancing over to where Cora is dropping seeds into some of the holes Lainey dug.
“They’re good guys. That reminds me that I was talking to my parents the other day, and they’re excited to meet you.”
My head snaps up and I stare at her. “What?”
“Relax, it’s not a big deal. They just know you and Lincoln are friends and that you work for them. It’s been so long since he’s let anyone new into his life, so of course they’re curious about you. But they’re harmless, really.”
There’s a spike of anxiety in my gut at the idea of meeting anyone’s parents. That seems like a level I’ve never made it to before. I have no idea what Lincoln and Lainey’s parents are like, so I don’t know what they’ll think of me.
What even am I to Lincoln? To any of the men? A friend? An employee? A housemate?
It’s the kind of thing I should probably know before meeting people’s parents, but it’s all so tangled up and complicated.
I go back to gardening because that at least feels more simple right now.