Chapter 18
18
CAS
O ut of spite for the fucker who interrupted us, I lingered by the door, waiting to swing it open until a few annoyed knocks rattled the hinges. Ice crackled between us as John stood across the threshold, each of us staring the other down. His eyes narrowed at my smile. A part of me wanted him to try something, anything to lay his ass out.
“Agent Peters called, said you had a new development and I should come over.”
Still I remained in the middle of the doorway, one arm braced against the frame, preventing him from entering. I wasn’t as bulky as some of the other guys at the USPP, but still formidable enough to kick anyone's ass even if they were twice my size.
The boys who knew me best said it was my detachment from people that helped me fight better than anyone they’d ever known. I had no pity, no remorse. I always assumed that was the primary trait I received from my birth mother, whoever the fuck she was.
The system molded me. Each foster home, each person who took me in just for another government paycheck, chipped away any emotion or feeling for people I might’ve been created with. Then what little hope I had left in humanity or the desires of ever being wanted were beaten out of me in the marines. But what they took from my soul, they gave something back in return—purpose. They needed me, and I needed them. It worked out well for both sides. I was their efficient killing machine.
That’s what you become when you don’t care if you lived or died.
After making the bastard sweat a few more seconds under my hard stare, I shoved off the doorframe and stepped aside. I braced myself for the yelling and accusations to begin between Alta and John, but they didn’t. Not a single word was uttered. Confused, I turned and scanned the room.
My lips curved up as I shook my head.
Of course she hid.
That woman was becoming the one woman I never wanted to be without. Which was fucking stupid, considering I hadn’t even fucked her yet. Hell, we hadn’t even done middle school hand shit. No way could I be thinking long term about someone I’d only known a few days, even if it felt more real than anything I’d ever had before.
The overwhelming necessity to protect her was the most unexplainable thing. Only in the heat of battle, when the lives of my men and the lives of other American soldiers were on the line, did I have this desperate, all-consuming need to protect what was mine. Somehow within the first few seconds of meeting her that first day, she locked herself in the ‘must protect what’s mine’ category. Every inch of my body, especially one long—and still somewhat hard after that strange kiss—body part, told me she was mine.
And no one messed with what was mine.
I had nothing in life to call my own before her.
My Lady.
Mine.
“Damn,” Peters said with a low whistle after walking into the living room. “You got here fast.”
“You said it had to do with Officer Johnson.”
Peters’s brows shot up at my loud, scoffing chuckle.
“Speaking of Birdie—” Peters paused at my slight head shake and pointed nod to my bedroom. “Right,” he chuckled. “We do have a new development.” The note, now encased in an evidence bag to keep it safe, floated to the coffee table.
John stepped forward, picked up the small baggie and flipped it between his fingers. After reading the inscription, his features hardened.
“I told her to stay the fuck away from this case. I told you two to keep her away from it, and now look.” He slammed the note down and stalked closer, looking pissed as hell. “She’s been through enough in her damn life. She doesn’t need this. If he doesn’t kill her, being stalked all over again will break what’s not already broken in her.”
“She’s not fucking broken,” I growled, taking a step toward him and putting us face-to-face.
He huffed and crossed his arms across his chest. “Really? And you know that how? I’ve known her for years, and believe me, that woman needs someone to look after her, to help her get over her fears, not put her in situations where she’s in the fucking crosshairs again!”
“Cas,” Peters said in a calm tone, sticking an arm between us, “let it go. We have to figure out what we’re going to do with her.”
“You’re not going to do anything with me.” Alta’s tone was calm and steady. “It’s my life. My broken life,” she added with a glare to John before focusing back on Peters. “I get that I’m in danger, and y'all don’t want me in the middle, but I’m already here, and I think… I think I can help if I stick around. I’m not leaving.”
The other two and I looked between us.
“It’s not safe,” John said, moving closer with his palms raised like he was walking toward a cornered animal. “You need to get out of here, Birdie. Do this… do this for me. For us.”
“Or how about I do something for, I don’t know, me?”
Pride burned in my chest at the way she put him in his place, solidifying what little doubts I had about her being the right woman for me. Someone just as damaged, just as determined to get through this life in one piece.
Mine.
She was so fucking mine.
If the other two weren’t in the room, I’d pin her against the wall and prove it to her over and over again. Images of her long strawberry-blonde hair covering her naked shoulders, of her open mouth taking in pants of air as I pounded into her, had my dick at attention. Again.
“What do you want to do?” I asked as I shifted my weight between my feet, trying to ease the pressure of my fully hard dick.
“I’m staying right where I am.” John opened his mouth, but she shot him down with a raised hand. “I won’t instigate him, and I’ll be extra cautious. I’m not saying use me as bait, but I am saying I’m not running. I’ve been running for far too long.”
“I could order you to leave,” John said, somewhat out of breath. He was panicking and grasping at fucking straws, anything to get her to leave.
“Actually,” Peters chimed in with a smirk, “she’s suspended, so you can’t. It would be a huge help to our investigation, and I appreciate you offering to stay if that’s what you want.”
Alta nodded and looked to me. “I’m staying.”
“You’re not to work on the case,” John said. “What the fuck are you doing here anyway?”
“Hanging out with me. It is something people do when they’re a couple.” I lifted my hand to Alta, who didn’t hesitate a second. John’s eyes burned fire hot when she tucked herself beneath my arm and wrapped hers around my waist.
“Right. Guess I wasn’t?—”
“Watch your next words,” Peters said tensely. “I stopped him from snapping your neck earlier. I doubt he’d listen to me a second time.”
John pressed his lips together so tight that all the color drained from them. “We can take shifts watching Alta,” he said. “Rotate days or something.”
Alta’s arm tightened around my waist. Her pleading hazel eyes met mine.
“Peters and I will figure it out. You’ve got enough on your plate.”
“Fine.” Turning on the heels of his boots, John marched to the door and flung it open. Before it shut, he turned and glared at Alta. “Hope you know what you’re doing. Your life depends on it.”
The moment the door clicked closed, Alta hurried over and locked it, once, twice, and a third time.
“Well that was awkward,” she said with a smile as she leaned back against the door. “Thanks for having my back with my decision.”
Peters gave a stiff nod. “I do agree with one thing that ignorant dipshit said. You need protection.”
“I thought….” She looked to me. “Can’t you do it?”
Calluses scraped down my cheeks, and the scruff of my growing beard abraded my palm. “I need a cigarette.”
Being outside eased the increasing constriction in my chest. Of course, I would love to stay with her, to protect her. And I would, during the day. But at night, that was the issue. I couldn’t trust myself at night. In my sleep, my nightmares were a reality, and any little thing could set me off. I wouldn’t endanger her life even more by staying with her.
The door creaked open, the scent of lavender wafting forward.
“It’s not you,” I said, not turning.
“I’ve said that a lot over the years,” she joked. Shoulder against my arm, she leaned her head onto my bicep and sighed. “Chandler filled me in. You don’t have to say anything. But the thing is… I trust you.”
“You shouldn’t. I have zero control over what I do or how I react while I’m asleep.” Holding a deep inhale of smoke in my lungs, I avoided saying more than needed.
“How are you staying with Chandler, then?”
I rolled my eyes and took another hit off the cigarette. “He stays locked in his room, even though he says he’s going to try his luck one of these nights just to see what the fuck would happen.”
“What would?”
“Probably a snapped neck or a bullet between the eyes.”
“Oh,” she breathed. “But what if I promised to stay in my room? At night, you could sleep on the couch, and I’d lock myself in my room, with Benny.”
My head dropped forward. “Sorry, Lady. Me staying overnight isn’t in the cards. I promised to protect you, even if it’s from me.”
“Okay,” she relented. “So you’ll stay with me during the day, and Chandler will come over at night. Babysitting shifts.”
I wrapped an arm around her shoulders and pulled her tight against my side. “It’s best this way, I promise you. But if you want me there during the day, inside your cabin, I have one condition.”
“What?” she asked as she tilted her head up, giving me a full view of her beautiful smile.
“We’re cleaning your place, and you’ll keep it like that. Understood?”
Not sure how, but her smile grew wider. “Deal, Sergeant Mathews.”
“Good. I’ll go pack a few things, and then we can run into town and buy some cleaning shit.”
“I have—” I cut her off with a single look. “Right, looking forward to it. Sir.”
Flexing my arm, I pulled her tighter. “Sir. I like that. Remember it tonight.”