Chapter 20
20
ALTA
T he water cooled within seconds of wrapping up project de-hair. Stepping out of the tub, I snagged a towel and flipped my hair to wring out the gallon of water trapped in the thick locks. Being hairless everywhere other than my head felt sexy. With renewed confidence, I tucked the towel around my chest and swung the door open, only to be stopped by a muscular chest preventing me from vacating the bathroom.
“That wasn’t quick,” he stated as his gaze roamed up and down my near-naked body, pausing at my heaving breasts pressing against the tight towel. Time stood still as his teeth sank into his lower lip. “Are you scared?”
Scared?
Yes.
No. Not in the way he was undoubtedly thinking. With wide eyes, I focused on the indentions left along his lower lip. My thighs squeezed together to ease the pounding throb those tiny indentations caused.
“You have a choice, Lady. I’ll respect your decision either way, but I need to know. Push me away if you don’t want me to rip that towel off you right now and bury my face between your legs. Because the control I normally have around you is wearing thin.”
My choice. Of course it was. He might not be a gentle man, but he sure as hell was a gentleman.
The wetness pooling between my legs decided for me. Releasing the death grip on the top of the towel, I dropped my arms to my side and let my eyes flutter closed. Every other sense heightened. His scent wrapped around me like a warm blanket, warmth radiating off him as he took a step closer to my trembling body.
“Open your eyes,” he commanded, but in a softer tone than earlier.
My lids lifted, eager to do as I was told.
“All you have to say is stop.” The pad of his thumb pressed against my lower lip, dragging it down until it popped back into place. “If it’s too much… if I take this too far. Promise me, Alta.”
“I promise,” I whispered around the index finger roughly dragging along my upper lip. “Please, Cas,” I begged just as a shudder of overwhelming need overtook my body, shaking my spine.
His teeth quickly replaced his fingers, nipping at my lower lip and pulling back, tugging it past the point of comfortable, but somehow turning me on even more. I whimpered for more as his lips sealed over mine, sucking all the air from my lungs and the strength from my legs.
With ease, he shifted us around the small bathroom. The cold doorframe dug between my shoulder blades, the back of my head smacking backward at the force of his possessing kiss. Each flick of his tongue against mine was deeper, more sensual than the last. This wasn’t just a kiss. No, it was a claiming, a marking—a taking.
And I loved all of it.
Lust made my skin tingle with pleasure and my thoughts foggy.
Perfection. This was pure perfection. Holding back the past ten years felt worthwhile because it meant I’d waited for him.
My lips burned as his scruff scraped to kiss across my cheek. His fingers looped around my neck, tightening slightly, my arousal peaking beyond anything I’d ever known.
“You’re. Mine,” he snarled against my ear. Thumb pressed into the corner of my jaw, he arched my neck, stretching it beneath his slick lips.
A low, aggressive growl yanked me from the haze. Peeling my eyes open, I found Benny staring at Cas, teeth exposed.
Whoops. Forgot about the attack dog.
“Gehen,” I said with a shaky voice. When he didn’t obey, Cas eased the restraint around my neck so I could take a full breath. “Gehen,” I commanded, that time clear and sure. With a look of doubt—I swear he did—Benny turned and made his way to the dog bed in the corner of the living room. Dark eyes still on Cas, he lay down with a huff.
Unfazed, the tightness around my neck returned, shoving my head back against the wood with a light smack. Teeth sank in deep where my neck and shoulder met, making me cry out in surprise and loving every damn second of it. The pain turned to pleasure as quickly as it had come, fogging my brain once again.
Damn this man.
Slowly he sucked and nipped lower. Lips against the swell of my heaving breast, he locked onto the skin and sucked. Hard.
“Mine,” he said with a smirk as he stared at the various marks he was leaving on my fair skin.
Hooking a thumb between my breasts, Cas gave a rough tug, releasing the makeshift knot I’d made. The worn terry cloth slipped down my waist and legs before pooling on the floor at my feet.
His hungry gaze singed each place it touched, but spiraled into an inferno when he zeroed in on my hairless mound.
“Fuck me,” he said around a heavy breath.
“That’s what took me so long. I used all the hot water too.”
“Take the last drop of hot water on this fucking planet if it means you’re bare for me every day.”
There was no controlling my erratic breaths. Each short gulp of air wasn’t enough. Either the lack of oxygen or his lips back on my skin made the room spin. Shutting my eyes, I focused on Cas. Like the inexperienced woman I was, I eased my hands up his shoulders unsure of what to do but needing to touch him. There was no way he couldn’t feel the tremble in my fingers as I felt up his neck.
“Yes, Lady,” he praised as I weaved my fingers into his short hair.
Daring a peek, I found him staring up at me while his tongue circled closer and closer to my hard nipple. On their own, my fingers flexed, pushing his mouth against my breast. I felt more than saw a smirk.
“Your hands on me, your fingernails digging into my scalp, tell me I’m doing something right. Don’t be afraid to touch me, because I’m sure as fuck not scared of touching you.”
To emphasize his point, warm lips wrapped around my nipple, sucking hard, almost to the point of pain, before flicking the tip back and forth with his tongue.
Giving up on holding back, I pulled him closer by gripping what little hair I could.
“Fuck,” he groaned around me. Swift, light kisses coated my skin as he moved to the other side, repeating the same motions but with more urgency. “I’m going to taste you.” He released my neck, skimming his hand down my waist and clamping around my left thigh. In the same movement, my leg was hoisted over his shoulder and a warm breath brushed between my legs.
“You’re so fucking perfect. You smell like heaven.” His nose buried between my folds as he took a dramatic inhale. When his tongue swiped up and back down again, I reached back, gripping the doorframe for support. “You taste like candy,” he muttered against me. After another long swipe, his glazed eyes flicked up and found mine. “Like the best fucking salty-sweet candy I’ve ever had.”
His lids closed like he was savoring the flavor.
“Cas,” I begged.
My plea was like a spark against gunpowder to his focus. Cas’s dark eyes flew open, and his lips sealed against my body. Arching my back, I shifted back and forth, unable to stand still while he devoured me whole.
My fingers tightened around the wood. The slight tremble in my right leg turned into a full-on shake as his tongue flicked and plunged inside me. The twinge of pain as he slid one thick finger inside quickly shifted to pleasure.
“More,” I breathed. How had I gone so long without this? Without the worship of a man? Oh, because this right here had never happened before. The intensity with Cas was soul-engulfing.
He slid in another finger as his free hand pried mine from the doorframe and wrapped it around his head. Taking the hint, I dug my short nails into his scalp, yanking him harder against me.
His deep groan of pleasure vibrated to my core, setting off a cosmic burst. I cried out his name as the most intense orgasm pulsed through every square inch of my body at the continued laps of his tongue. My knee buckled, sinking me deeper to the floor. Arm around my waist, Cas held me up as his fingers continued their fast pace, pushing me higher. With another flick of his tongue and curl of his finger, I fell apart once again, his name a breathless scream pouring from my lips.
The world spun, lights dancing behind my closed lids. Everything was peaceful and right in the world.
A stinging sensation flung my eyes open to see what was going on, only to find Cas smirking at a set of teeth indentions inside my left thigh.
“Mine.”
I cringed at the already sore muscles of my thigh as he removed my leg from his shoulder and gently set my bare foot on the ground. Hands around my waist, he eased me down to the floor, putting us eye-to-eye.
The shimmer of his lips reflected the bathroom lights. As I stared at the lingering visual display of my orgasm, his mouth twitched into a mischievous grin.
“Here, see how good you taste.” Before I could object, his slick lips pressed over mine and his tongue dove in, tangling with my own. As the delicate taste filled my mouth, all revulsion of the act disappeared. I slid a hand into his hair and tugged him closer.
Kissing Cas solved all the world’s problems. Nothing else mattered. I was safe in his arms, cherished by his lips and tongue. That was all I needed to know for the rest of my life.
With a light nip of my lower lip, he pulled back, a wistful smile lighting up his face. Reaching up, he brushed a wet lock of hair from my forehead. “Now, I’m going to take a shower so we can go eat.”
Like the dazed fool I was, I merely nodded in agreement, unable to find words. With a soft chuckle, he pressed his lips to my forehead and stood.
Uncaring that I sat recovering in the middle of the doorway, preventing him from shutting the door, Cas stripped off his black T-shirt. I blinked once, twice. Yes, I’d seen his bare chest before, but that close, within touching distance, his muscles were even more defined. I blinked several times to wipe away the mirage, because no way guys looked like that in real life.
Ogling every inch of his exposed skin, my appreciative gaze shifted from his defined pecs, down his taut stomach, to where his long fingers fiddled with his belt. The metal buckle clinked open and he tugged the end, yanking it out of the belt loops with a whipping sound. After staring at the long leather, he tossed it across the bathroom toward me.
“That’ll come in handy later.”
My wide, unblinking eyes continued to watch as he unbuttoned his dark jeans and slid them down his thighs, revealing more incredible, defined strength. Dark hair covered his muscular thighs and calves.
He paused with his thumbs hooked around the tight band of his boxer briefs. Lip between my teeth, I watched, captivated, to see what came next. Cas shoved the elastic over his hips, allowing the underwear to slide down until they pooled at his feet.
That’s when the fantasy stalled.
My breaths turned to short wheezes as I gaped at his long, hard cock. Terrible memories of Lance replayed in random succession, unable to control my breathing as darkness encroached in the corners of my vision. Only the steady pounding of my rapid pulse filled my ears.
My muscles wouldn’t respond; nothing worked. I couldn’t stop the fuzzy images from filling every crevice of my thoughts, flooding from the dark corners of my mind. Three days, three whole days I suffered under the lunatic who thought I loved him back—he just needed some reassuring. Even high on Special K, enough memories were imprinted in my mind to haunt me. Images of him on top, grunting, taking me as I lay there, unable to respond. Of him forcing my mouth open while he shoved himself down my throat. His hand over mine, squeezing tight as he pumped our hands down him. Every minute, every second was there, waiting to emerge when I least expected it.
Like now.
Bile built in my stomach and pushed up my throat. Angling to the side, I smacked a palm against the hardwood floor before I vomited what little I’d had to eat into the hallway. More pictures. More dry heaving.
My abs ached and burned at the constant clenching. Hot tears streamed down my cheeks, mixing with the strings of saliva dangling from my lips. I felt like shit, and I was sure I looked awful too, but it didn’t matter. Getting out of the attack in one piece was.
I flinched at a cold towel swiping across my mouth.
Fingers gripped my chin, turning my face into the bathroom. Dark, searching eyes met mine. Anger, concern, and fierce determination were what I found in their depths, not sympathy or disgust like I’d expected.
“Breathe through it,” he coaxed in a commanding tone my body immediately responded to. “Take control. Fight it, Alta. Focus on me.”
“Xanax,” I somehow got out.
He shook his head. “You got this on your own. You can’t change your past, so don’t dwell on it. Push those memories out. Focus on me.” His grip tightened as he shook my chin, gaining more of my attention. “Own it. Don’t let it own you.”
It struck me fast and hard—he believed in me. I freaked out on him because I saw him naked, I threw up, and yet there he was, inches from my face, walking me through the panic attack. Something lingered behind his eyes, and I got lost trying to figure out what it was he was holding back.
“Focus on what you can control, nothing else. You can control your breathing. You can control your thoughts. Focus. You can do it, Lady.”
Little by little, I clung to his confidence in me and began pulling myself out of the downward spiral. Instead of picturing Lance, I focused on Cas. Instead of remembering the all-consuming fear I lived for those three days, I focused on the touch of Cas’s fingers, the fluttering and happiness it brought.
Minutes later, the tremble in my fingers faded, my vision cleared—minus the embarrassed tears—and my breathing calmed.
“Why are you crying?” Cas asked, sincerity filling his voice.
“Why?” I glanced away to avoid making eye contact with him. “Oh, maybe because what I was nervous about just happened. I freaked out because I saw your… you know, your….” Without looking, I waved a hand toward his still-exposed crotch.
“Oh, that?” Humor laced his words. “Don’t worry about that, happens a lot. Most women pass out when they first see me. I’m used to it.”
I smirked at his valiant attempt to lighten the mood until I remembered the next part. “And then I threw up and—oh my goodness, I threw up.” Flush heated my cheeks. I buried my face in my hands and shook my head back and forth. “I’m more fucked up than I realized. Here I thought it was just the paranoia. Nope, bonus, that bastard left me with the inability to be intimate with anyone ever again. You can go if you want to. I understand. I?—”
“Alta, look at me.”
Dropping my hands, I took a deep, steadying breath in. He was leaving; why wouldn’t he? I peered up beneath my lashes, prepared for the worst.
“Did you think this would be easy? You were held captive and….” He glanced away, the muscle of his jaw twitched. “This is the first time in ten years you’ve let someone touch you without pushing them away. Give yourself a little credit, Lady.”
A relieved sigh pushed past my lips. “You’re not leaving?”
His brown brows furrowed, causing a deep line to form between them. “Did you really think I would?”
My wet hair brushed across my shoulders as I shook my head. “Did you expect something like this would happen?”
He nodded. Sitting his bare backside on the floor, Cas grabbed the towel beside me and laid it over himself, leaving me naked. I narrowed my eyes at the towel.
“Not a chance. I love this view. And yeah, I figured there would be some triggers, but since you hadn’t been with anyone since the assault, we didn’t know what. Now we know.”
“We know I can’t look at a nude man,” I grumbled, disgusted with myself.
“That’ll come with time, which is fine. You’re okay being naked with me, and I’m golden with that, Lady. As long as I get to play with you, I’m happy.”
“You make me sound like your new favorite toy.”
His smile faltered, and his features turned serious. “For the first time in my life, I have something to call mine. So yeah, I might be possessive, but when you’ve grown up with nothing, you learn to appreciate the things you do have. And I plan on appreciating the fuck out of you.”