Chapter 22
22
ALTA
W hoa.
Just like yesterday, his declaration of possession, of being his, should’ve scared the heck out of me.
But it didn’t. The opposite happened. My knees went weak and my heart raced. The tips of my fingers and nose tingled. My stomach dipped and trembled in a way that made me want more. Every part of my body honed in on the purely masculine man holding me the way I’d only ever dreamed of being held.
Cas radiated control, confidence, and patience when he held me in his strong arms.
And there was nowhere else I wanted to be.
It was different with Cas from the man who stole three days of my life. With Cas, I felt safe, not terrified. I had a choice with Cas; when held captive those three days, I had none, no matter the tears and pleas for him to stop. With Cas, the way he made me feel desired, desperately needed, was empowering.
All in all, Cas breathed life back into my petrified soul. With each touch of his hands against my skin, each embrace and slide of his lips against mine, a fractured piece of me fused. The scars would always be there, and that was okay.
My scars were what he liked the most.
And that made me more whole and sure of myself than I’d ever been.
“Did he?” Cas asked before angling his head to deepen the kiss.
With his lips pressed to mine, I smiled.
“No, he was trying to get a rise out of you.” Palm against his hard chest, I pushed back, putting a bit of space between us. “And it seems like it worked.” Cas leaned down for another kiss, but I pressed harder. “Now, what happened to your hand?”
Taking the hint that now was time for talking, not making out, he huffed and tugged our lower bodies together. I held back a whimper at the hardness behind his zipper digging into my belly.
“How was your night? Any flashbacks?” he asked, those dark brown eyes searching mine.
“Just my usual nightmares, Nothing better, nothing worse. Stop avoiding my question.” Needing friction, I shifted back and forth, rubbing against him. A loud groan of pain and frustration erupted from his chest and echoed around the cabin.
“We need to get out of here,” he said, wrapping my hand in his and tugging me toward the door. I smiled as he snagged the keys, commanded Benny to stay, and yanked me out onto the porch. “Where to, Lady?”
“Sure it’s safe out there?”
The condescending look he shot over his shoulder as he locked up made me giggle. “Why can’t we stay here, where it’s warm?”
“You mean hotter than Hades on a summer day? And because I don’t trust myself being around you anywhere with a bed, or walls, or any smooth surface your back could be shoved against.”
I wrapped my arm around my waist and squeezed while biting back a smile. All thoughts of yesterday making him rethink us or him being turned off vanished. I wanted him too, and we’d figure it out. I was sure of it.
Slow. We’d do this slow, and everything would be fine.
“So the park it is,” I said. “No smooth surfaces on the trails.”
Inside the truck, he twisted the key and turned. After snatching my thumb from my teeth, he intertwined our fingers, locking them in place between us. “Where to, my Lady?”
“Are you trying to kill me?” Cas grunted as we scaled another boulder. “I’d rather die by a bullet than this shit.” His deep intakes of air could be heard through half the park.
“Just a bit farther. It’s my favorite view,” I said with a smile while I waited for him to catch up. Granted, he had more bulk to haul up, and he could only use his left hand because of the other’s mysterious injury. “On my days off, I hike up here and sit for hours just watching, listening. It’s peaceful.”
“If you don’t die before you make it,” he grumbled. With a loud grunt, which sounded mostly for dramatics, he stepped up beside me.
“Are you going to tell me what happened to your hand now?” I asked, then started up the trail once again, this time with Cas close behind.
“Are you going to keep asking until I tell you?”
“Well yeah.” I chuckled and tossed my hands in the air. “Spill it, Mathews.”
“I preferred the ‘sir’ nickname. Fine, I punched our microwave.”
I pulled up short, causing him to stumble against my back. “The microwave? What was its offense? Not heating your food, or dinging too loud?” Chin over my shoulder, I shot him a smirk.
“It looked like me.”
My smirk fell. Turning, I placed both hands on my hips. “I have no idea what that means.”
“It means exactly what I said. I saw a reflection in my sleep, and I… it’s why I said I couldn’t stay the night with you. I’m trained to take out any threat, and in my sleep, I can’t decipher between a threat, a friend, or a fucking reflection.” Shouldering past me, he started walking ahead. “Back home, I’ve just stopped replacing mirrors. This is the first time I’ve hit a microwave though.” Stopping, he held his wrapped hand up to his face. “Hurt like a bitch too.”
For several minutes, we walked in silence.
“Do you want to talk about it?” I finally asked, unable to take it any longer.
“Not really.”
“Is that kind of a yes?”
“That’s a hell no.”
Even with the weight of the conversation, I couldn’t help but smile. At least he told me about the hand. He could’ve just kept avoiding the question. Opening up didn’t seem to be his thing, which was fine since it wasn’t mine either.
Half a mile later, we reached the end of the trail. We stood at the edge of a steep drop-off, surrounded by the best view of several snow-covered peaks down to the stream-filled valleys.
“You were right.” A muscular arm wrapped over my shoulder and hugged me close. “This was worth almost dying.”
“You’re kind of dramatic, you know that?”
Cas huffed a small laugh and flexed his arm, tugging me tighter against him.
“I can see why you don’t go back to Texas. How could anyone ever leave this?”
I nodded but frowned at the same time. “I miss it though. I miss my parents.”
“Why’d you leave?”
I wrapped an arm around his lean waist, savoring the contact. How had I gone so long without the touch and feel of comfort, of another human’s loving touch?
“I couldn’t be there anymore. Everywhere I turned, there were places that used to make me happy. I missed my life, I wanted the old me back so bad, but nothing was working. Therapy, drugs, hypnotism.” Cas looked down with an arched brow. “Yeah I know, but we were desperate to fix me. When we realized nothing would work, I left. I couldn’t take being there anymore, and my mom was suffocating me, afraid I’d sink too deep into depression and hurt myself.”
Stepping out of Cas’s warm hold, I sat on a large flat boulder and leaned back against a tree. “Remember me telling you Benny and I had a lot in common because we both lost someone?” Hand over the brim of my hat to shield the bright afternoon sun, I eyed Cas, who nodded. “I mourned me. The person I was. The happy spirit who thought everyone deserved a friend. The girl who not only wasn’t afraid to step out into public, but who relished in it. I spent way too much money making my hair silky and shiny, which of course everyone noticed and commented on.”
I tugged on the end of my ponytail and flicked the dull, dead ends back and forth in front of my face. “That was the first thing I tucked away. Now whenever I go out, I wear a hat of some kind, and I keep it back in a bun, hidden from view while I work. I guess because it’s the one thing I knew made me stand out.”
“Which you don’t want,” Cas said with a groan as he sat down next to me. “Because you’re afraid it’ll attract the wrong attention again.”
I nodded as I kept my eyes on the pebbles I rolled between my fingers.
“I saw you.”
“You did,” I said with a smile. “Even when I tried to hide.”
“It was your eyes. Peters was right earlier. You let people see inside you, see your emotions, everything. And somehow it was like you saw me too, all my darkness, and you didn’t flinch away. It’s what drew me in.” Turning his gaze from the beauty in front of us, he locked eyes with me. “It’s what won’t let me go.”
“Can I ask you something?”
“You’re going to no matter what I say, so sure.”
A broad smile spread up my cheeks. “Touché. This morning, you got worked up when you saw me with Chandler, and any time John is in the room, you’re an ass. What’s with that? You know I don’t… I don’t like them as I like you.” My cheeks burned.
His gaze swung back to the scenery and leaned back on his elbows. “I'm not used to having something like this, like you in my life. Something I want only for myself. I’ve never had something that’s just mine.”
“Even as a kid? Come on.” I nudged his shoulder with my knee, urging him to look back, but he didn’t turn.
“My childhood wasn’t like yours. I was moved from foster home to foster home until I aged out at eighteen. I was the scrawny kid who everyone picked on. Anything I was given, someone would take away.”
“I don’t believe you were scrawny.” My nose wrinkled trying to imagine it. “You’re so formidable now.”
“Formidable,” he said with a laugh. “Not sure my ego can take any more compliments.”
That time I sailed my knee hard into his shoulder.
“Fuck, that hurt. And yeah, I was scrawny. I was picked on at whatever home I was in, and at school. I had zero relief from it. When I turned eighteen, I signed up for the marines. I wanted to become this badass no one would ever pick on again. I was terrible in boot camp.” A nostalgic laugh had me watching his profile. He looked lost in memories as he stared at the mountains. “But eventually I started putting on weight—imagine what having three meals a day would do to a growing kid—and I learned to fight. I liked it, the fighting. It helped take the edge off the simmering anger that always sat just below the surface, ready to erupt. The marines taught me how to hone the anger, control it, use it. But still, even then I didn’t have anything of my own. Until you fell into my life.” He smirked.
“Stupid Benny knocking me over that day,” I said as I leaned back and closed my eyes to absorb what all he’d said. “So what you’re saying is you’ve never had a girlfriend?”
“First, no. I’ve had a lot of fuck buddies?—”
Eyes still closed, I flung my arm out, nailing him in the forehead. “I don’t need details.”
“Touchy,” he laughed. “No, I’ve never had a girlfriend. Never someone who I knew wanted me exclusively, and I wanted the same way. Someone who made me feel.” The last word was barely a whisper, almost like he didn’t understand. “Does me calling you mine and being slightly possessive?—”
“I’d lean more toward overly possessive and protective.”
“Fine, overly possessive and protective. Does that mean you’re my girlfriend? We haven’t even had sex.”
The flush came back in full force, heating my cheeks. “I don’t think having… you know is a requirement.”
With a contemplative look, he closed his eyes and sighed. “I don’t know what this is, and I don’t know how long we’ll be here, but I do know I want you while I am. You’re addictive. What you’re doing to me is too.”
I swallowed and nodded. The reminder that he was only here for a short while made my stomach flip with disappointment. “Maybe you’re the one who’ll fix me so I can date after you’re gone.”
Cas groaned and shot a glare over his shoulder from where he now lay flat on the rock. “If I can’t talk about past fuck buddies, you sure as hell can’t talk about future ones.”
True.
A happy, content feeling washed over me, making my eyes heavy. Rotating on the rock, I lay back, resting my head on top of Cas’s hard stomach. Up and down, my head rose and lowered with each of his deep breaths, lulling me to sleep.
“I can’t believe it,” I sighed.
“What?” His wrist rested on my shoulder, allowing three of his fingertips the reach to brush up and down the length of my neck.
“I’m relaxed, comfortable. I’m about to fall asleep.” Rotating my head, I tipped my chin to see above the bill of my hat to look at him. “It’s because of you. I’ve wanted to do this exact thing in the past but couldn’t. Thank you.” Shifting back and forth, I nestled to get comfortable and let out a deep, whimsical sigh. “You’re my hero.”
“I’m no one’s hero.”
My heart sank at his words. His tone made it sound like he believed what he said. How could he not see how amazing he was? Thoughtful, caring, protective—all the qualities I hoped to find in someone one day. Never expected it to come wrapped in a sexy-as-hell package too.
My eyes fluttered closed. Just as I slipped into the beautiful space between awake and asleep, a soft, deep voice whispered, “If I could be anyone’s hero, Lady, I’d die to be yours.”
A shiver snapped me awake. Blinking against the bright sun, I pushed onto my elbows with a groan. Hand at my lower back, I massaged the sore muscles that had pressed into the rock while I napped.
“Come here,” Cas said with a tug on my arm as he also sat up.
After scooting back, his injured hand wrapped around my shoulder, holding me in place while the knuckles of his good hand pressed into my tight muscles.
“Oh,” I moaned. “That feels so good. Harder, right there.”
“Lady,” Cas growled and pulled my back against his chest. “Do you want me to strip you naked and have my own personal picnic with you splayed out on this fucking rock for everyone to see?”
Well, when he put it that way….
The tip of my ponytail swished along my back as I shook my head.
“That’s what I thought. So kindly stop making noises and saying shit that makes me want to, understood?”
Remembering his words from earlier, I smirked. “Yes, sir.”
“Fuck,” Cas grumbled, but went back to kneading the muscles along my spine.
A soft chuckle died on my lips as the hair on the back of my neck and arms stood on end. Pressing up to my feet, I turned to scan down the trail.
Beside me, Cas stood too. “What’s wrong?” Mouth open to explain, I gaped at the gun dangling from his left hand.
“That was fast,” I said in awe.
The corners of his lip twitched upward. “That’s the only time I’ll be okay with you saying that.”
“It just felt like someone was watching us,” I whispered, following Cas as he stalked toward the trail. “Maybe you should give me the gun since you have a bum shooting hand.”
“I’m trained to use both,” he whispered over his shoulder. “I’m keeping my gun.”
“Fine,” I sighed as I gripped his black T-shirt. Even though I’d been trained since childhood, there was zero doubt that he was a faster and more accurate shot than me.
To our right, a barely audible cascade of sediment and rocks fell, shifting both our focus between the rocks. Cas’s back muscles tensed beneath my hand. Nerves drew me closer to him, pressing my front against his back for protection. I wasn’t the fragile girl type, but he was the one with the gun, so I snuggled in closer.
“Let’s keep moving,” Cas directed. “I don’t like this.”
Next thing I knew, he was hauling me down the trail as I fought to keep up. My grip on his shirt loosened as we weaved between the rocks. Just as his shirt slipped through my fingers, something snagged my foot. Everything stilled as I tilted forward, hands extended in front of me to soften the blow that was to come.
But it didn’t.
Unclenching my eyes, I found a pair of amused dark brown ones staring back. “You thought I’d let you fall?” A flash of pain swept across his gaze as he used both hands to haul me upright. Mouth open to say something else, he glanced over my shoulder. His shoulders rose, muscles bunched, ready for action.
“Alta, get behind me. Now.”
Not understanding what was happening, I peeked over my shoulder and froze.
A beautiful mountain lion stood not twenty feet from us, stock-still—watching.
“She must’ve been what I sensed earlier,” I breathed. “It’s okay. At least it's not the serial killer, right?” I let loose a nervous laugh, which Cas didn’t reciprocate. “We need to make some loud noises.”
“Like what? Yelling?” Cas shook his head and raised the hand holding the gun.
Anger at the movement, at what he considered doing, filled every pore. Reaching up, I smacked his arm as hard as I could—which was pretty hard considering all I’d learned in karate classes over the years. Cas grunted as his arm dropped down and the gun clattered to the rocky ground.
“What the fuck, Alta?” he said, his teeth clenched so tight that I could hardly understand his words.
“You shoot her, and I shoot you.” I grimaced, realizing it was an empty threat at the moment. “When I get my gun.”
Once, twice, Cas slow-blinked, obviously not understanding.
“You will not shoot that beautiful animal,” I whisper-yelled. “She’s not doing anything to us.”
“That ‘beautiful animal,’” Cas countered angrily, his voice rising with every word, “is stalking us like we’re her next meal. I’ve prepared myself to die in a lot of fucked-up ways, but death by cat isn’t one I’m okay with.”
Nervously, I glanced back again, only to find the large cat several feet closer.
Shit.
“Our phones,” I mumbled, thinking out loud. Fumbling in the back pocket of my jeans, I tugged mine out. Hitting the music note icon, I chose whatever song came up first and hit Play. Daya’s “Sit Still, Look Pretty” blared from the speakers as I cranked the volume up to full blast.
Catching my idea, Cas did the same. Soon Daya and Metallica blared from each device, competing for attention. Fear and excitement pulsed through me as I watched the large predator in awe. I worked in parks for years now and had never been so close to one. It was more beautiful than expected, with her long, muscular legs, gorgeous tan fur, and enormous paws. I bounced on the balls of my feet.
“Jump and wave your arms now.” The scowl he shot me was a clear ‘hell no.’ “We need to make her think we’re bigger and stronger. Now jump.”
Cas grumbled something under his breath before hopping from foot to foot and waving his arms.
“I want to pet it,” I said to Cas, not taking my eyes off the animal.
“Don’t. You. Dare,” he said between jumps.
“Please?”
“Alta, I fucking swear….”
After a minute of the combined music and Cas looking like an idiot, the lion yawned, looking bored, then turned on her massive paws and prowled back up the trail. Still trembling, I turned to Cas with a broad smile and fisted his T–shirt in excitement.
“Did you see that?” I exclaimed. “Wow. I mean, wow.” I tossed both hands in the air to accentuate my astonishment. “Beautiful, beautiful animals. I’ve never seen one—” I stopped short and tilted my head at his pursed lips and furious glare. “What?”
“What? Seriously? You knocked the gun out of my hand, Alta. What if she would’ve charged?”
“Then I would’ve sacrificed myself,” I said stubbornly.
“You’re crazy,” Cas grumbled as he picked up his gun and dusted it off.
“And you’re an ass right now.”
“What? How am I being an ass?”
I pointed back up the trail. “You wanted to shoot her.”
“So?”
“So?” I said in disgust. “It’s an animal. What did she ever do to you?”
“Besides look at you like her next fucking meal? What is it with you and animals?”
I blanched. He made it sound like it was a fault to be so connected to the animals. Without replying, I shook my head and started down the trail once again.
“Wait up.”
Okay, maybe I was a tad over the top when it came to them. Naming them was a little strange, and putting my safety in jeopardy to save them could be seen as foolish. But they’d always been there for me, offering the serenity, the escape I’d needed the past ten years. Animals didn’t know evil, didn’t seek me out just to hurt me. No, that was only humans. So yeah, maybe I had shifted the connection most people had with other humans to animals, but that wasn’t a bad thing. It was survival. Because even though I’d been alone for a while now, I was never really alone. Not with them.
They gave to me what I couldn’t accept from anyone else.
“Alta, I said to wait the fuck up,” Cas shouted from several feet back. His loud grunts as he scaled the rocks and trotted down the trail penetrated through the quiet.
Shaking my head, something farther up caught my eye. Slowing my steps, I drew closer, narrowing my eyes to try and see better. Another step closer. Then a loud gasp pushed from my lungs. My eyes widened in shock and disgust as the realization hit of what I was looking at. Turning to scream for Cas, my cheek smacked into his chest. Instinctively I wrapped both arms around his waist, burying my face in his shirt.
“What—” Cas cursed under his breath. “It’s okay. You’re safe, Lady.”
His consoling words and soft, rhythmic strokes along my spine did nothing to erase the horrific display behind me.