Chapter 32
32
ALTA
T he opposite side of the bed shifted and creaked. Shortly after, the coolness of the cabin brushed against my hot cheek and ear when the pillow was pulled away. Confident, careful fingers swept through my hair, then skimmed over my forehead and cheek, calming me with each stroke.
“I know you’re awake,” Cas muttered against my shoulder, his hot breath seeping through the thin cotton of my long-sleeve T-shirt. “But you do need to sleep. Want me to run down to the store and get something to help calm you down?”
I shook my head. Pushing up, I pressed both elbows into the mattress to shift around the bed. Tucking an arm around his waist and hooking a leg around his thighs, I snuggled my cheek against his chest.
“I don’t think I can do this anymore,” I whispered into the dark. “It’s too much, Cas. I can feel my mind slowly shutting down from it all, just like it did ten years ago. I don’t want to go through that again, especially when I almost didn’t get out alive. If I fall into the dark chasm of my mind, I won’t make it out again.”
“Ah,” Cas said into my hair. “See, that’s where you’re wrong, Lady. You’re stronger than you think you are. Now is the time you need to remind yourself of who you are, what you’re capable of. You’ve held yourself back, telling yourself you’re safer in the shadows for so long that you’ve forgotten.”
“Forgotten what?” I almost begged.
“You’ve forgotten who you are underneath all the paranoia, all the locks and tics. Those things have defined you for way too long. The Alta I see is stronger than any of those things—hell, stronger than most men I know. But you have to believe it. I can’t do that for you.”
I tapped my middle finger against his breastbone. “You think I’m strong?”
“I do.”
“You think I can survive this?”
“I know you will.”
“Because you’re here.”
“No, Alta.” At the earnestness in his voice, I shifted back to look up into his face. “Because you can.” Mulling over his words, I tucked my head back against his chest. A light rumble from his chuckle tickled my cheek. “I’m hoping you’re the one who catches this guy. With what he did to those animals, I have a feeling you’d put a world of hurt on him before he ever saw the inside of a jail cell.”
My cheek slid against his shirt as my smile grew. “I do know a thing or two.”
“And you can pack a punch, don’t forget that. You’ve caught me off guard twice with the power in those tiny arms.”
“Do you think it’ll come to that?” I asked as I gnawed on the edge of my thumb. “You think I’ll be the one confronting him?”
His chest rose high, taking my head with it before lowering slowly on a controlled exhale. “I don’t know, but it’s best to be prepared. One thing is for certain—I’m not going anywhere until the bastard is behind bars or six feet under. I finally found someone to… someone I want to… I’m not letting you go without a fight is what I’m trying to say.”
With the steady beat of his pounding heart in my ear and the heat radiating off him, the pull of sleep came fast, dragging my eyelids down. He shifted, scooting to the other side of the bed slowly and slipping my head off him.
“Stay with me,” I asked in my sleepy state. “Don’t go. I don’t want Chandler. I want you here when I wake up.”
“Alta—”
Fighting with my lids to stay open, I pressed up on an elbow. “Cas, I trust you. It’ll be fine. You won’t hurt me.”
“You don’t know me,” he said in a sad tone that hurt my heart.
“I do, and I might know you better than you know yourself. Why do you think you’re a villain in this life? Because I don’t see it.”
“I’m a killer, Lady. I don’t mind it either. Where you have this light of hope and forgiveness deep in you, I have this dark, hollow hole. Nothing good comes from knowing me.” He sighed and leaned his head against the headboard. “I came into this world alone, and I’m prepared to leave it the same way. Well, I was.”
“I don’t want you to be alone. You don’t deserve this self-imposed exile.”
In the dark, I watched his lips pull up in a sad smile. “Funny, that’s exactly what I feel about you. You don’t deserve the solitary life you’ve given yourself. You deserve to live.”
“Ditto, Cas Mathews. Hey, I have an idea.”
“This doesn’t sound good.” He barked a laugh when I smacked his thigh. “Watch it. Any higher and you’ll bruise the part of me you’ve come to love today.”
My face heated. It was true, I was quite fond of that part of his anatomy.
“What’s this idea of yours, Lady?”
“I think I need to be alone to be safe, right?”
“Yeah.”
“And you feel like you need to be alone to keep others safe.”
“Exactly.”
“We should be alone together!”
The bed vibrated with his silent laugh. “I don’t think it works that way.”
“Says who? We make our own rules, right? We can strike a deal. You keep me safe, and I’ll keep you from slipping into the supervillain you believe you are. It’s a win-win.”
“Sounds dangerous for you.”
“There will be lots of sex,” I said seductively while skimming my fingers up his inner thigh.
“Sold.”
I yelped as he shoved me back against the bed and climbed on top, settling his weight over my hips.
“So you’ll stay with me. Tonight,” I asked, to make sure he understood the rules. Not that I did—heck, I’d just made the whole thing up to get him to stay. Where it all became a bit fuzzy was if I was talking about him staying tonight or forever. The forever part sounded better and better every minute we spent together.
“Lady,” he gritted out before tugging my shirt over my head. My pants and underwear were next. “It's a terrible idea, but okay. Though don’t say I didn’t warn you.”
I nodded in the dark and stuck out my hand between us. A full, mischievous smile glimmered on his face from the small bits of moonlight pouring through the windows.
Slowly he shook his head. “I have a better way to seal this deal,” he said, lowering his lips to mine. My back arched off the bed as he bit down along the edge of my lower lip and slid in deep between my thighs.
Yep. His way was much better.
Low, scared curses from somewhere in the dark woke me what seemed like days after I’d fallen asleep. Blinking back the fog, I glanced around the room, trying to pinpoint what was going on. The bed trembled beneath me, and the sheets had been yanked to the opposite side of the bed. Again a scared cry pierced through the night.
Eyes wide, I swallowed back the fear of what the next few minutes would hold and shifted to my other shoulder to face Cas. In the dark, he twisted on the bed, muttering things under his breath that I couldn’t understand.
This was what he didn’t want me to see. But instead of being scared, my heart broke for him. What Cas didn’t realize was in his nightmares, he wasn’t the villain—he was the victim.
At another bout of mumbled words, I stretched across the sheets. My fingers slid over his cold, clammy shoulder until they rested right above his heart. My hand leapt off his skin with every thunderous beat.
“No,” he mumbled as his fist beat against the bed. “No. I’ll kill you.” His arms swung into the air over and over punching something that wasn’t there. The scent of sweat and fear leached from his skin. The sheets were ripped from the bed as his legs thrashed back and forth like he was trying to leap up from the mattress.
Unable to resist the urge, I scooted across the sheets, pressing my naked body against his.
“Not her,” he gritted between clenched teeth like he was in pain. “She’s mine.” A desperate roar tore from his lungs, startling me back. “Love her.”
My eyes widened. Curling a leg over his thigh, I tugged him closer, sealing my skin against his. For the first time since we’d known each other, I used my body heat to warm his chilled skin. Soon his breathing calmed and his muscles relaxed beneath my hold.
Did he mean… surely he meant… could he have meant…
Me?
Quirks and all.
He loved me?
Did I want him to? I did like him, a lot. More than a lot. These past several days with him, I felt more alive and happy than I had in years. I just assumed I fell fast for Cas because it’d been ages since I found someone with this kind of connection. What's crazy was I knew even before we slept together—heck, maybe I knew from the first day we met. It was never simple attraction. From the moment his hand touched mine, we connected.
In a bold move, I slid the rest of the way over his hips, straddling his naked body. The moment my hot center touched him, his cock stirred to life, hardening within seconds. Leaning forward, I pressed my bare chest against his and wrapped both arms around his shoulders, clutching him tightly. His muscles tensed, then melted within seconds of realizing I was no threat.
Head buried into his neck, I smiled as his strong arms linked around my back, holding me even tighter to him.
“Lady?” he gasped. His arms wrapped around me like a vise, pressing the air from my lungs. “You’re here.”
My cheek slid against his slick skin as I nodded. “I wanted to be close to you,” I whispered.
The silence stretched between us. The stillness in the air pressed in, making the quiet unbearable.
“Close… to me?” The bewilderment in his tone made my arms squeeze tighter.
“Yeah, you.”
“Careful, I might never let go,” he replied. Within seconds, his breathing evened with deep inhales and exhales.
The scruff along his cheek tickled my lips as I whispered back, “That’s what I’m hoping for.”
Hot.
Way too hot.
Shoving against the weight on my chest, I gasped for air only to have it cut short by something pressing against my open mouth. I flung my eyelids open to find a pair of sparkling dark eyes gazing into mine.
“I slept. All night.” His lips teased mine, tickling with each word. “I’ve never slept like that. That deep. Normally my nightmares take me all around the house, but last night… I still had them, but it was different. I was more scared than angry and volatile. And this… I’ve never woken up like this.”
“Wanting sex?” I joked, wiggling beneath him to maneuver his hard erection between my folds.
“No.” He teased back by rolling his hips back and forth. His hiss of pleasure snapped all my senses wide awake. “In someone's arms. It’s comforting, relaxing. Nice.”
“Nice? Cas,” I begged. Lifting off the pillow, I sealed my lips against his. “Kiss me.”
Fine lines burst from the corners of his eyes as his smile grew. “How sore are you?” His hand snaked between us, leaving a trail of fire in its wake. I tried to hold back a wince as his fingers slid in and out. “Looks like sex is out for today.”
I let out a pouting whimper. His responding chuckle tickled my neck.
The tip of his tongue left a slick trail as it slid from my collarbone to between my breasts. The first bite of my soft flesh wasn’t a surprise, but the second, harder one drew a gasp as his teeth clamped down deeper than ever before. As he sucked the throbbing flesh between his lips, soothing the ache he’d caused, Cas resumed the slow slide with his fingers. The soreness quickly faded, creating a desperate, unrelenting throb between my legs.
Every muscle tensed and relaxed against the bed as his thumb flicked my tiny bundle of nerves. Unable to stop, I circled my hips, mirroring the movement. Each flick of his tongue against my pebbled nipple, every scrape and tug between his teeth, along with his slow, torturous fingers strung me tighter. I let out a loud whimper as he dipped lower, planting kisses and not-so-soft bites down my belly before settling his shoulders between my thighs.
“Breakfast is the most important meal of the day,” he said, staring blatantly at where his thumbs spread me wide for him. “And I plan on eating you first thing every morning for as long as you’ll let me.”
Before I could respond, his tongue slid between my folds. Each plunge of his fingers, every swipe of his tongue left me desperate for more. Sweat beaded along my brow as my fingers dug into his scalp, pushing him harder against me. I groaned his name as my body tensed and my back arched off the bed with my release.
My labored pants filled the hot room until slick lips sealed over mine. The tip of his tongue spread my lips, thrusting inside and forcing me to taste myself.
“Fuck, I want you so bad,” he mumbled against my lips before taking the lower one between his teeth with a tug.
“Do it. I want you, Cas. All of you.”
Without hesitation, his hips shifted over mine and rolled back, aligning himself outside my entrance. His desperation was clear, but still he restrained from plunging in deep with the first thrust. My internal muscles burned as they stretched to accommodate him. Dark eyes locked with mine, his breaths turned short and quick. Slamming his eyes shut, he let out a roar of frustration. Twisting, he moved us to the edge of the bed, allowing him to stand with my legs wrapped around his waist. The vibrations from each of his footsteps pushed him deeper at the new angle.
One hand on the wall to stabilize us, he bent forward to rummage through his bag with the other. Locating what he needed, he stood straight and removed his hand, causing my back to slam against the wall. A thin metal packet snagged between my teeth. Clamping down, I held the wrapper while he ripped the condom open. Holding me still, his fingers dug into my butt cheeks as he pulled out far enough to roll the thin latex over himself.
My bare back sealed against the wall as his weight pushed against me, thrusting hard and fast. I watched as a random painting near my head knocked against the drywall, threatening to fall to the ground. Cas’s roar of possession and satisfaction as he came tilted me over the edge I’d been dangling on. Legs clenching his waist, I held on for dear life, wringing out every pulse of pleasure I could as he continued to ease in and out.
“You’ll be the death of me,” he muttered, his voice hoarse.
“Death by too many orgasms.” I smiled against his sweaty chest, the coarse hairs tickling my cheek. “What a way to go.”
His head popped up from my shoulder, a smile tugging on a single corner of his lips.
“What?” I asked, pressing my back fully against the wall to take in his entire face. “Why are you looking at me like that?”
He planted a light kiss on my lips. “When we first met—hell, even just a few days ago—you wouldn’t even say the word sex, and now here you are spouting off about death by orgasms.”
My cheeks heated. “So?”
“So it means you’re getting comfortable with me. Getting comfortable with yourself. It’s good, really good.”
“Oh.” Behind his back, my index fingers worried along the cuticles of my thumbs. “Guess I never thought of it that way.”
A sense of loss overtook me as Cas withdrew and set my bare feet on the cold wood floor. “You’ve been alone for a long time,” he said, clearly not embarrassed by his nudity as he slid the condom off and tossed it in the trash. “But even you standing here right now, naked, or earlier when you told me what you wanted, that’s progress, Lady. Don’t knock these small victories.” Rummaging through his bag, he withdrew a pair of mesh shorts. After tugging them on, sans underwear, he came back to where I still stood to lean against the wall. “I’m going to make you breakfast. Then you, Peters and I are going to figure out a plan to catch this son of a bitch before anyone else gets hurt.”
The second the door shut, I slid down the wall until my bare backside hit the floor.
He was right; I was changing. On top of me being more comfortable with myself and my own body, the sensations of being watched came less frequently with him around. The fears and paranoias had almost completely gone away, even under the current circumstances. Which meant with Cas in my life, I was happy, but vulnerable.
Only time would tell if my evolving was a good thing or one that would get me killed.