Chapter 4
4
ELLIE
“ I ’m a damn fool,” I muttered to myself. The rough edges of the zipper pressed into my fingertips as I held the windbreaker tighter, fisting the thin material, hoping it would somehow keep me warmer. Taking my break inside would’ve been smarter than standing out in the elements, but I wanted to put as much distance between me and the mystery man as possible.
Artificial strawberry flavor coated my tongue as I swirled the Blow Pop along the surface. Others smoked on their breaks, but me, I did this. Not that I was against smoking—didn’t care one way or the other—I just didn’t crave the nicotine the way others did. No, I craved the sticky-sweet artificial sugary deliciousness candy makers around the world had perfected. Like this Blow Pop.
Perfection.
Would I say that if it was available during my childhood? Who knew. Because it wasn’t. Any type of candy or sweets, for that matter. It would’ve been a sin to indulge in something that wasn’t nourishing to the body Jacob had blessed.
I shuddered at his name. Now candy was my vice, the one thing I could turn to when I needed a reminder that I was free to do whatever I wanted. Well, kind of free.
Shoulder to the edge of the diner’s siding, I huddled a little tighter to ward off the chill that had begun to sink to the bone. At my back, the diner door slammed against the frame, signaling someone had joined me, but I didn’t turn and put my face to the wind. My cheeks were already wind-burned from the walk to work; I didn’t need to add more.
“Ellie.”
No, no, no. Devil’s balls, why me?
Slowly I turned to face Alec with a fake smile. His friend stood beside him, hands buried in the pockets of a warm-looking jacket. The same man who infiltrated my dreams all night. Dreams I’d never had before of gentle hands, understanding, and pleasure. Yeah, the pleasure was what burned into my memory even still. I’d woken up hot and itchy, tangled in my damn sheets.
Those clear eyes locked with mine, and I found it hard to look away.
“We got off on the wrong foot, it seems,” the mystery man said. His features were tight, almost as if this conversation was painful. “I’m Chandler Peters, by the way. I think I left that off last night.”
I stared at his extended hand, glancing between it and Alec a few times before I placed my ice-cold fingers in his.
I held back a gasp when his larger hand engulfed my own, chasing the chill from my skin. “Ellie.” I swirled the hard candy around my mouth, loving the way he tracked the movement of my lips. “Nice to meet you. You two friends?” I inclined my head toward Alec.
Reluctantly I tugged my hand free from the warm cocoon his offered. Shoving it into my apron, I tightened my fingers into a fist, hoping to hold on to the soft tingle his hand had erupted along my palm.
Witch’s tits, what is wrong with me? Maybe I was coming down with something.
The flu maybe? Wasn’t this time of year flu season or something? Then the hot flashes, clammy palms, fitful sleep, and rolling stomach make sense.
I should call Ryan, the local EMT who doubled as the town’s makeshift doctor, to see what he thinks of my symptoms.
“How about we talk inside,” Alec said with a nod toward the door, his concerned gray eyes focused on my light jacket. Typical Alec. He was too nice for his own good. Great friend to have, protective too, but too nice for someone with jagged edges to her soul like me.
My lips parted, ready to tell him no, that I wanted to stay out here, but I swallowed the words to hold back a gasp as Chandler stepped closer, determination in his gaze. The grind of zipper teeth dragged my focus to those long fingers working the zipper of his expensive jacket down. Now directly in front of me, he shrugged out of the coat and swung it around my back.
A blanket of warmth cocooned around my shoulders, immediately seeping deep and chasing away the early signs of hypothermia. I blinked up at him, not knowing what to say or do. My mind told me to thank him the way Jacob demanded I thank him—on my knees or back—but before I could ask which he wanted, Chandler stepped back to Alec’s side and smiled.
“Better?”
I nodded, a little confused. Why was he happy that I was warm? I closed the two sides with one hand while using the other to pop the sucker out of my mouth.
“Ellie.” I jerked my attention from Chandler to Alec. “I wanted you to meet Chandler and discuss why he’s in town.” I slid my gaze back to Chandler. Without the jacket, I could see more of his strong, lean body by the way his shirt clung to his chest and arms. Witch’s cunt, there went my stomach again. I was definitely coming down with something. “He’s here to help identify the man responsible for the dead women we found outside town.”
Like a cold bucket of water was dumped over my head, a shiver raced down my spine, my shoulders shaking with the force. Me needing to find out first couldn’t be a good thing.
“Why?” I popped the sucker back in my mouth and moved it from side to side. “What does it have to do with me?”
“Alec didn’t want everyone in town to know this yet, but I’m with the FBI,” Chandler stated. I could almost feel his reluctance to tell me.
“Okay,” I said at the same time Alec cursed and turned, putting his back to me. “I’m guessing Alec thought I’d be scared because of that.”
“Guess so.” A corner of his lips twitched like he wanted to smile. “Are you?”
“Depends.” Alec turned back, his brows raised with surprise at my response. “Are you the good kind or the bad kind?”
That almost-smile grew to a grin. “I’d say the good kind, but I wasn’t aware there was a bad. I’m a profiler with the Behavioral Science Unit.”
“For real?” I stood taller with the excitement his words invoked. I’d been told my entire childhood that the FBI was bad, but I knew better after everything I’d learned these past four years. Netflix was an incredible teacher. “Like on Criminal Minds ?”
Chandler laughed and nodded. “Yeah, something like that. You know about what I do?”
Nodding, I pulled the Blow Pop out and rolled it against my lower lip. “Sure, yeah. I binge-watched that show on Netflix last year.”
“You’re not intimidated by him, or hate him?” Alec asked, stepping back into our little circle. “I figured you’d need some time to warm up to the idea of him helping out.”
I debated how to respond. “Anyone else, maybe, but I’m more intrigued than scared. Plus, you seem to trust him. Right?”
“I’ve worked with Chandler before. He’s a good agent and a good guy. Yeah, I trust him.”
“Then I do too. As long as we’ve known each other, you’ve never put me or the town in harm’s way. If the FBI is here to help find the person behind those bodies, then I’m cool.”
Alec clapped his hands and rubbed them together. “Perfect. That makes what I’m going to ask that much easier.” I arched a brow in response. “We need your help, Ellie.”
The lightness of the conversation evaporated, and I knew what he was about to ask. “No.” Dread weighed heavy in my stomach, reminding me that I forgot to eat breakfast.
“Ellie. Just one visit, one introduction to help us get past that gate. I think these women are from that community. Hell, maybe even the bastard killing them is in there too. You can help.”
“What’s all this about?” Chandler asked, looking between us.
“The leader of The Church won’t let me past the gate—hell, any law enforcement—to ask questions unless we bring her too.” Alec grimaced when he looked my way. “Ellie was raised?—”
“I said no, Alec,” I snapped before he could divulge my sad little life to the hot FBI agent. I shook my head and popped the sucker back in my mouth. “I’ve told you before that I’ll do anything to help this town except that. Don’t ask me to go there, to see him. I can’t.” I hated that word. It made me feel weak, but it was the truth. I wasn’t strong enough to face the community. My parents, Jacob, the others who shunned me when I left.
“It’s fine,” Chandler said in a calm tone. He should’ve been furious that I wasn’t willing to help, but instead he sounded… understanding. “We’ll get what we need another way.”
I didn’t dare meet his gaze, afraid I might find disappointment in my unwillingness to help. I should’ve said yes, but I couldn’t. Not when the idea of going back made vomit rise up my throat. But if I did, and they found the evidence they needed, maybe they could shut the community down. Then I’d be free.
Free of their constant hold.
But what if they didn’t, and I was forced to stay behind those gates?
I wouldn’t risk it, even if it was for the greater good. Was it selfish, sure, but who would blame me? I couldn’t go back there, back to the hopelessness every new day brought. I had a chance here in this town. As minuscule as it seemed, it was better than having no chance, no hope, no life behind those gates with him.
Jacob Barns.
Leader of The Church.
My husband.
My captor.
My abuser.
“Hey.” I turned my face and unseeing gaze to the hand lightly gripping my bicep. This grip felt different than others before. Could a grip have different meanings? Hell yes. Some were to control, some to gain attention, others to demand. But this one, it was strong, in control, yet not controlling or harsh. I blinked at the hand and ran my gaze up the arm to Chandler’s concerned face.
I shook my head, dispelling the dark thoughts and memories. What was left of the Blow Pop rolled along my tongue as I attempted to ground myself to the fact that I was free, away from Jacob and his control.
“What?” Did he say something while I was zoned out?
The back door to the diner swung open, sending the stench of cooking meat wafting up my nose.
“Break’s over, Ellie. The Rotary Club just got here, and I need your help, doll.”
I nodded to Sally, who shot Chandler a death glare before ducking back into the warmth of the diner.
“What was that?” I said with an amused smirk. “How could anyone get on her bad side?”
“Your friend Alec did that.” Chandler shot him a fake scowl. “He said it was for privacy, but now I think it was to have someone praying for my lost soul tonight.”
A rumbled chuckle from Alec had me smiling in return. “Nah, I just needed a good laugh. Sorry it was at your expense.”
“No you’re not,” Chandler said, shaking his head.
Alec held up his hands. “Guilty.”
“What if I could help in other ways?” I asked quickly before I lost the nerve. Both men turned their full, now serious attention to me. I shrank into myself a little at the intensity behind Chandler’s stare. “I mean, I know everyone in this town, and if you give me the basic profile or something, I can help. You know, vet people out?”
“All those seasons of Criminal Minds didn’t make you a cop or profiler, Ellie.”
Embarrassment washed over me, heating my cheeks at Alec’s admonishment. “And Mindhunter and every true crime documentary,” I muttered under my breath.
Sure, it wasn’t like going to training at Quantico, but it was better than nothing, right?
“She has a point.” My head popped up, my focus on Chandler. “About knowing people in town. Being a bartender and diner waitress, she sees everyone from pancake lovers to the town drunk.”
Now my cheeks burned with something new. Yep, totally sick. I needed to see Ryan as soon as possible. Maybe Alec could drop me off at the clinic on his way out so I didn’t have to walk the four miles.
“This is a terrible idea,” Alec said, crossing his arms across his chest. “We can’t involve her in the case.”
“Isn’t that what you tried to do earlier when you asked me to help you get into The Church?” I questioned.
Chandler whistled and raised both brows. “She has you there, man. And good thing I’m here to override you on that decision. Ellie, welcome to the team.” He pulled out his wallet and thumbed through a few bills and cards before pulling one out and holding it out to me. “Here’s my cell number. Call when you’re ready to go over the profile. We’re headed to the police station now, so maybe later this afternoon.”
I cringed at his mention of going to the station, knowing exactly who he’d see there. Brett wouldn’t have forgotten Chandler’s interest in me last night. He sure as hell didn’t let me forget it. The bastard stuck around until closing trying to talk about the good old days when we were together. Which, if you heard his side of the story, our two years together did sound amazing. Too bad it was all a bunch of shit.
Brett was a manipulative asshole who charmed and talked his way through life, then turned into Satan himself when things didn’t go his way. Why it took me so long to break free from his hold, I had no idea. But I did. I broke free from him, from Jacob, and now I was on my own doing fine. Fine with my three jobs, and now my new side gig of helping the attractive profiler find the serial killer dumping bodies in our town.
I had to remember to keep my distance from this Chandler guy. It wasn’t that long ago that I had to start all over with nothing, a second time, because I depended too much on one man. I couldn’t do that again, couldn’t go back to needing someone to survive.
Nope. Never again would I rely on a man. I was done with being taken advantage of, forced to shove pieces of myself down deep to make room for their likes and needs.
Never again would I lose the freedom to deny a man’s access to my body.
Never again would my mind be controlled by someone else.
Never fucking again.
“Thanks for the ride, Alec,” I said over my shoulder as I hopped down from the truck.
“Hey, Ellie.” On a sigh, I turned and leaned against the open door. “I’m sorry I pushed you earlier. You have your reasons for staying as far away as you can, and I need to respect that.” I nodded, accepting his apology. “It might not come to that, anyway. I was getting ahead of myself, hoping we’d catch a fucking lead on this case.”
“Why do you think it has something to do with Jacob or someone inside The Church?”
He scrubbed at his scruffy jaw and looked to the dash. “We haven’t been able to identify a single victim. Nothing in missing persons, no arrest records from fingerprints, nothing. Chandler thinks the victims were in high-risk professions or floaters of some kind, but I think it’s closer to home than that. I’ve never met a single druggie, prostitute, hitchhiker, or anyone along those lines who didn’t have a record. So how have we not been able to identify these women?”
I smacked at my gum, mulling over his assumptions. “So you think because you haven’t been able to identify them the normal way, they must have been raised in The Church like me and don’t have any records to connect them to.” Pinching the sticky substance, I pulled it until it was a long string and wrapped it around a finger. “I can see that, I guess.” An idea popped into my head. “What if I could help you in a different way?”
“Chandler already agreed to?—”
“No. I’m thinking of something different. What if I could verify your assumptions that these women were from inside the community? I could look at their pictures and see if I recognize any of the victims. It was a big community, but if they grew up there, I’d know their face, especially a female.”
Alec’s brows furrowed. “Why especially a female?”
“School.” Yeah, school. That was a better term than brainwashing camp for the females on how to submit and be a good little wife.
Alec thumped his thumb along the top of the steering wheel, staring out the windshield. “Some of the victims were in bad shape, Ellie. Think you could handle seeing that?”
I swallowed hard, pushing down my nerves. “Yeah. If it helps catch this guy, I’ll make myself handle it.” And I would if it meant offering what little help I could to protect this town. A town that took me in, loved me, and helped me start a life when they didn’t have to. They knew where I came from and accepted me anyway.
A few, like Alec, even go as far as protecting me from the harassment I still receive from Jacob’s devout followers who come into town. Apparently the bastard wanted me back. But with the protection from Alec and others, I either had to go back to Jacob willingly or risk the full force of the Texas Rangers if I was taken against my will.
And me going back willingly to that excuse of a man?
Hell. To. The. Fucking. No.
I’d rather suck Satan’s dick than go back to that bastard.
“Sound good?”
I shook my head, the ends of my short hair skimming along my neck with the movement. “Huh?”
“Knew you weren’t listening. I said I’ll talk to Chandler about showing you the pictures, get his take.”
“Oh, right. Good idea. Sounds good.”
He raised a hand in goodbye. “Great. Hope you feel better.” The door wasn’t even fully closed before he was shifting the truck into Drive.
A cloud of dust flew up in the truck’s wake as it pulled out of the parking lot. Turning into the wind, I held Chandler’s coat tighter by wrapping both arms around my chest as I shuffled toward the glass door. A distinctive manly scent infiltrated my nose as I burrowed into the collar and took a sniff.
My stomach twisted as I took another deep inhale.
Yep, I was sick. Had to be the flu.
The cold metal dug into my palm and fingers as I wrapped them around the handle and gave the door a hard tug to offset the heavy wind. I stumbled inside before the door slammed closed, the toe of my too-large boot catching on the threshold. Inside I let out a long breath and stood straight, rolling my shoulders up and back. I blew a bubble, tucking a strand of black hair behind my ear with an air of nonchalance as I scanned the somewhat full waiting room.
Eight sets of eyes glared as I worked my way toward the check-in desk. A worn work boot shot out in an attempt to trip me, but I quickly sidestepped to avoid falling face-first. A small sigh of relief escaped when I reached the counter and tugged a pen from the holder to sign in.
Janice’s round, wrinkled face poked around the corner. “What are you doing here, Ellie?” she asked. I felt her concerned gaze sweep over my face even though I kept my attention on the sticker sheet as I wrote my name.
Ellie.
Just Ellie.
No middle name. No last name. Hell, not even a full first name. But it was mine, the one I chose.
“Not feeling so hot,” I whispered. “Wanted to see Ryan to make sure it wasn’t anything contagious.”
Janice nodded before her eyes went wild. “You’re not pregnant, are you?” she whispered, but I was pretty sure everyone in the waiting room heard her. “You did have that date last week.”
Devil’s balls. This damn town. Loved it. Hated it.
“No, I’m not pregnant,” I said loud enough for everyone between here and Dallas to hear. Needed to cover my bases on that one so no one took that rumor back to Jacob. “I think it’s the flu.”
“Oh, honey, come on back. Let’s get you in a room just in case.” Shoving away from the desk, Janice rounded the corner to open the door separating the waiting room from the exam rooms.
A few male voices grumbled their annoyance that I was going before them, plus a few snide comments about me that I let flow through one ear and out the other.
“Don’t listen to them,” Janice said over her shoulder as we walked into a room. After tugging on some gloves, she pulled out a thermometer. “Let’s check your temperature first.”
I nodded and reluctantly slid Chandler’s coat off, draping it over the red plastic chair.
“Where did you get that nice coat? A little big but expensive looking.”
“A friend,” I lied. “He lent it to me.”
“The same boy you went out with last week?”
“No,” I groaned. “And that wasn’t a real date. It was dinner… at Denny’s. It lasted all of an hour.”
“A new boy, then.”
“No, a friend,” I said around the thermometer she pushed between my lips. “Nothing more.”
“Well, if you ask me, you need to find a man.” She shook her head while watching the numbers tick higher, tracking my temperature. “What about Ryan?” A small knowing smile twitched at her lined lips. Deep creases splayed out from them like rays of sunshine from all those years of smoking.
“We’ve been over this, Janice.” I leaned back, placing my elbows on the exam table.
She pulled the small device from my mouth and checked the front.
“No fever.”
“I’m good on my own, and if I weren’t, Ryan really isn’t my type,” I whispered in case he was close. Ryan was a great guy, just not great for me.
“What is your type?” The sound of Velcro separating filled the room before she slid the blood pressure cuff up my thin arm. It swelled as she pumped the rubber bulb.
“I don’t know.” Another lie. Pretty sure sexy FBI agents were suddenly my type. Damn, two major lies in one day. I was on a one-way route to hell at this rate. “Maybe I’m destined to be alone.”
“If you start collecting cats like you do key chains, then I’ll be worried.” She looked at the dial. “Blood pressure is good too.” After pulling the cuff down my arm, she hung it back on the designated hook and grabbed the clipboard. “Tell me your symptoms.”
“Hot flashes, clammy palms, and my stomach.” I pushed a fist to my belly button. “It feels off. Not all the time though. Just like the hot flashes, it comes and goes.”
“Sore throat?”
I swallowed to double-check. “Nope.”
“Fatigue?”
“I work three jobs, Janice.”
“Right, so that’s a yes but normal. Chills?”
“Sometimes, but not really because I’m cold. Just more of like a tingle, I guess?”
The tap, tap, tap of her pen filled the silence as she studied her notes.
“I’m not sure what you have, but I’ll leave that to Ryan.” Pushing off the wall, she walked to the door and pulled it open. “I’ll let him know you’re here. I’m sure he’ll be right in like always when you’re waiting.” She shot me a wink before closing the door.
I let out a sigh of relief only to suck it back in as the door rattled beneath a hard knock only moments after Janice left. The person on the other side didn’t wait for a reply before swinging the door open.
I held a tight breath to calm the wave of fear that flooded through me.
It wasn’t Ryan.