Chapter 6
6
ELLIE
W orst. Day. Ever.
Okay, that wasn’t true. I’d had worse in the past.
Fine.
Worst. Day. This. Week.
I chafed my hands up and down both arms, hating even more now that I was out in the elements that the asshole took my coat. Scratch that. Chandler’s coat. Devil’s balls, I bet he’ll be pissed. A shiver of apprehension raced down my spine at the thought of someone like him mad with that anger directed at me.
Wait. If I was apprehensive, then why did my stomach go all twisty again? And why would that make the normally dormant area between my thighs pulse? Hell, maybe Ryan’s diagnosis of exhaustion was wrong. None of these bodily reactions were normal.
What remained of the dead grass along the road’s shoulder twisted beneath my boots as I stomped toward job number two. Sure, I worked a lot, but I enjoyed it, which most people didn’t understand.
After breaking things off with Brett, I was alone, penniless, and without anywhere to live. I swore I’d never be that dependent on a man again and picked up every cash-paying job that was offered to support myself. But it was about more than the money. It was nice being busy. Too many hours in my shithole of an apartment reminded me of just how alone I truly was.
No family, no friends. The weight of loneliness became too much to bear at times. Which was why I had so many jobs. That and to support my Netflix and candy addiction. Mostly the Netflix. Candy was cheap. Cheap and delicious.
At least the wind had calmed a little through the day. Now instead of blowing thirty miles an hour, it was at a breezy fifteen. Still chilly but better than the cold air blowing so hard it cut through your clothes and skin.
The broken Golden Chick sign in the distance appeared close, but I knew it was still over a mile away. I sighed and moved to cup my cold fingers over my mouth, but the tight pull of my right bicep halted the motion.
I should’ve done more when that jackass grabbed me to remind me how displeased Jacob was that I hadn’t returned to his side. But besides having memorized every move from several hundred action movies, I had no way to defend myself. So instead of fighting back, I curled in on myself and nodded as he relayed Jacob’s message for me.
I really wanted that man to die.
Then I’d be free… right?
Yeah, that was the million-dollar question. Would I ever be free when, according to the world, I was never even born?
A boulder suddenly jutted out from the ground directly in front of my boots, which were slightly too big to begin with since I bought them at a yard sale, catching the toe. A scream lodged in my chest as I whirled my arms to stay upright but failed to defeat gravity.
Loose particles of asphalt, some coyote scat, and glass dug into my bare knees and palms as I fell to the ground. On all fours, I cringed at the tightness in my bicep, turning unbearable as it helped support my weight. Shifting back to my heels, I sat back and lifted my face to the sky, eyes closed.
Destiny was a damn bitch. It wasn’t bad enough that I’d already had a bad day, but she had to go and top it off with this. At least no one was around to see the fall.
“Ellie?”
Kill me now. Someone. Anyone. End my misery.
Slowly peeling my lashes apart, I turned to the idling black Chevy truck. From my spot on the ground, I couldn’t see who was in the driver seat, but I didn’t need to. I’d already memorized his voice. Plus only one man seemed to make my body go haywire at his mere presence.
“Yeah,” I said on a groan as I pushed off the ground. Keeping my focus on the road’s decaying shoulder, I dusted off my palms and bent forward to do the same with my knees.
“You want a lift?”
I could hug him for not asking why I was kneeling on the road. Maybe he thought I was worshipping the winter landscape. I surveyed said landscape—dry, dusty, dead. Yeah, he probably wouldn’t buy that.
I opened my mouth to refuse but thought better of it. “Sure, thanks.”
Reaching for the door handle, my fingertips barely brushed the cold metal when the door magically swung open. Confused at what just happened, I glanced between the open door and the man who was quickly infiltrating all my thoughts as he leaned over the center console, hand extended.
“I can get in on my own,” I said, still not understanding why his hand was on the seat.
“Oh, I’m sure you can, but where I was raised we open the door for a woman, and I knew you wouldn’t give me a chance to round the truck and open it from the outside.”
“Okay.” That was all I could think to say back. I slid the strap of my bag from my shoulder and tossed it to the floorboard before climbing inside the warm cab.
Once I was inside, he straightened and placed both hands on the wheel, smirking as he stared out the windshield without making a move to put the truck in Drive.
“Where you headed?” he asked.
“Golden Chick.”
“Funny. Me too. Lunch for me and Alec.” Thumping his thumb on the steering wheel, he continued to stare out the windshield, not turning as he talked. “One of your many jobs, I guess?”
I nodded and reached forward to warm my cold fingers in front of the heater. I hissed as my sore arm stretched, the muscle cramping.
“What happened?” he demanded, turning his full focus on me. Those clear blue eyes scanned from the top of my head down to the scuffed toes of my Doc Martens. “And where’s my coat?”
“I, um, left it?” I cringed toward the door, knowing the lie was a terrible one. Lying to a profiler was probably the worst idea I’d ever had. He’d see right through it and be even more mad that I lied to him.
Heavy silence filled the truck’s cab, the whirl of the blowing heat the only sound. Biting the corner of his lip, Chandler nodded as a resigned look washed over his features.
“Do you not feel comfortable telling me what really happened?” Disappointment radiated off him, making me question my hesitancy to tell him the truth.
“Honestly?” The armrest dug into my back as I leaned against the door.
“That’s all I ask, ever, Ellie. If you want to… work together”—was it just me or did he seem like he wanted to say something other than the word “work”—“then I need you to trust me, and I need to trust you. Think you can do that?”
“What happened today doesn’t have anything to do with the case though.”
“But it does concern you, and you’re working with me.” He shrugged like he didn’t care one way or another. Very slowly he released the tight grip he had on the steering wheel and reached for the gearshift. After throwing it into Drive with more force than I’d ever seen anyone use, he returned the hand to the steering wheel.
“Would it help you trust me?” I asked. Chandler dipped his chin in acknowledgment as he started back down the road toward Golden Chick. “Okay, well, someone took it is the short version.”
“As in someone stole it?”
“As in someone stole it because it was yours, and I was wearing it.”
Fine lines spread from the corners of his narrowed eyes. Flexing one hand and then the other, Chandler readjusted his grip like he needed to stretch out some tension from his long fingers.
“Was it Swann?”
“Ryan?” I chuckled. “No, Ryan wouldn’t hurt a fly.”
He shot a curious glance my way before refocusing on the road. “No, Chief Swann.”
“No. I haven’t seen him today. By your tone, I’m guessing he left a lasting impression today at the station?”
“You could say that.”
“Yeah, he does that.” I eyed him. “Don’t think less of me because I dated him, okay? We’ve been broken up for a while, and… well, the reason we were together is a long story. Plus he’s a different person when he needs to be.”
“I could see that. It’s classic manipulative behavior from a narcissistic asshole.”
“Damn, you’re good at this profiling stuff.” I smiled despite the day I’d had.
“That one wasn’t hard to identify.” The frown that had turned his lips down lessened before vanishing altogether.
“Am I? Hard to profile, that is.” Where did that come from? No way in Hades did I want him to see through to what made me… well, me. Yet a small part was excited about the prospect of him digging to my darkest memories, releasing them out into the world.
“You’re the toughest one yet.” He shot me a wink. “So who was the guy, then.”
“The guy?”
“Who stole my coat and somehow hurt your arm.” Reflexively, I cradled the injured arm to my chest and grasped the elbow in a gentle hold. “Yep, that one. Don’t try to hide things from me, Ellie.” An excited gleam seemed to brighten his eyes. “I see more than you realize.”
Is it hot? It was definitely hot in the truck. I swallowed against a dry throat and cleared it of the weirdness building there.
“A messenger for Jacob. He doesn’t like other people touching his property, apparently.”
“You being the property, I’m guessing.” I side-eyed him at the deep, menacing tone he’d taken on and nodded. “You know that’s not true, right? Women aren’t property. You’re not property.”
“Well,” I said hesitantly, not wanting to bring this small detail up, “we are married, so I kind of am.”
The seat belt jerked, tightening against my chest when the truck came to a screeching halt. The back fishtailed as we skidded along the asphalt. When we finally came to a complete stop, my head popped back against the headrest.
“What the hell was that?” I exclaimed, my heart in my throat. “Did you almost hit something? Was it an armadillo? I bet it was an armadillo. Those assholes are everywhere. Next time just hit the ugly creature. Fuck.” My pulse raced with the rush of adrenaline.
At his silence, I stopped searching the side mirror for the animal that almost killed us and twisted toward the driver seat. Face flushed, lips pursed, Chandler had turned in his seat, facing me head-on.
“What?” I questioned. “They’re ugly and carry diseases.”
“There are too many things about that single statement.”
“Are we talking about the armadillo?” I tilted my head, trying to figure out why he looked so upset. Clearly I didn’t understand something.
“There wasn’t an armadillo, Ellie. I’m talking about what you said about being married and property.”
“Oh, that.”
Chandler shook his head and massaged his forehead. Once, twice his lips parted like he had something to say but couldn’t find the right words. “Did you want to marry him?”
“Um, it was more of a known thing than a choice. I was ‘the chosen one,’” I said with air quotes.
“Right,” he said, his jaw tight. Clearly this conversation was pissing him off for some reason. Not sure why, since I was the one married to that asshole Jacob. “Did you sign a marriage certificate?”
“Marriage certificate?”
“See?” He waved a hand in my direction like I’d made some kind of groundbreaking point. “If it wasn’t your choice and there’s no documentation, you’re not married, technically. Unless you want to be.” I shook my head at his questioning expression. “Good. And the property part, even if you were legally married, that’s not how marriage works. You are never property, married or not. You are your own person, have your own choices and consequences. No one owns you. You’re free to do what you want. Do you understand that, Ellie?”
I nodded despite the fact that his words battled against my childhood training. What he said made sense, and I knew it was accurate based on what I’d seen on TV shows and with couples around town. But I was different, wasn’t I? Our marriage contracts were different in The Church. But did that contract apply outside the community?
“Ellie.” I turned from the dash, blinking away the fog that had covered my vision. “You zone out a lot, you know that?”
“Yeah.” I dug through my purse, searching for whatever candy I had stashed at the bottom. A fingertip swiped across a flexible plastic wrapper. Gripping the tiny candy, I withdrew the green Jolly Rancher, unwrapped it and popped it in my mouth. “I have a lot going on up here constantly,” I said around the hard candy while pointing to my head. “Sometimes I get lost in it. Candy helps though.”
“That’s normal, considering.”
“Yeah?”
Sighing, Chandler turned back to face the windshield. After a moment, the truck shifted as we continued to our destination once again.
“You’re a curious one, Ellie.”
“Thanks?”
He chuckled at my response. “I like it. It’s a nice change. So tell me something about yourself.”
“Like what?” I held my breath, hoping he didn’t want to hear about my past.
“I don’t know. Clearly you don’t want to talk about your past.” My brows rose with surprise. “You have a very expressive face. Let’s start small. Tell me something you want, something you dream about.”
I said the first thing that popped into my head. “To live.”
His brows furrowed, a thick line forming between them, but he kept his focus on the empty road. “You don’t feel like you’re living now?”
I huffed a humorless laugh and leaned back against the seat. “I don’t think anyone in this town is.”
“Point taken.” The heel of his hand pressed against the steering wheel, he circled, turning the truck into Golden Chick’s parking lot. Only two other cars sat in the lot, both of which I recognized as fellow workers. “Here. How long is your shift?”
“Oh, this won’t take me too long.” I swirled the apple green hard brick around my tongue. “The GM knows my situation and pays me to come a few times a week to deep clean the bathrooms and eating area.” A sense of appreciation swelled at the thought of the man and how he offered this side gig knowing I needed the cash. “He’s a good guy.”
The canvas strap of my purse dug into my palm, indenting little grooves into my skin as I gripped it tight. Reluctantly I reached for the door, knowing this rare moment was coming to an end. I didn’t want to bust the little bubble in the warm truck with us talking, even unboxing my issues and setting the record straight. But he and I, this moment, was over, and no matter how much I wanted this to never end, it wasn’t in the cards. I was me and he was him. This was fun, a nice distraction, but time to get back to reality.
A gust of chilled air rushed through the truck when Chandler pushed the driver side door open and stepped out, causing me to shiver. Disappointment gripped my heart, making it ache. He was clearly ready to end the moment I was having a difficult time letting go of. He probably saw through to the mess that I hid beneath a strong, happy exterior. Maybe he’d discovered that I was broken beyond repair.
The sting of rejection made me cringe. I was a fool. This man didn’t want someone like me. A no one. Hell, he didn’t even ask for a favor in return for driving me to work. Which meant he didn’t feel the same… warmth as I did when we were close. Or find me as attractive as I did him.
Now that sucked. The first guy who I liked and wanted to touch me, or to at least reciprocate the attraction, didn’t feel the same.
Destiny really was a witch’s cold cunt.
I jerked out of my reverie when the door swung open, revealing a smiling Chandler gripping the metal edge.
“Ready?” he asked.
Awesome, now he’s rushing me out of the truck to get away from me. Obviously being around me was torture and he couldn’t take another minute.
I tightened my grip on the purse strap and swung both legs out the door. My boots met the pavement with a stomp.
“Thanks for the ride,” I whispered, keeping my face toward the blacktop, not wanting him to see how much his rejection hurt. “Someone at the front counter will take your order.”
I stepped around him, ready to give him the space he obviously wanted, when he placed a gentle hand on my shoulder and slowly turned me to face where he stood with arms crossed.
“Not so fast, Ellie. How bad does that arm hurt?” He hitched his chin toward the bicep that asshole at the clinic nearly snapped in two.
“Not bad,” I lied. He arched a blond brow and pursed his lips, clearly not believing me. I rolled my eyes. “Yeah, it hurts, okay? But I’ll be fine.” Fake smile plastered across my face, I took a step back toward the front door.
Chandler’s ice blue eyes sliced through the lie to the truth beneath that I was desperate to keep hidden. I couldn’t let him see I needed help. No, I would do this alone. Never again would I be indebted to a man because of a kindness they offered.
Brett Swann taught me that lesson the hard way.
His loud clap startled me. “Well, then I have no choice but to do the gentlemanly thing here.” He smiled as he towered over my small frame, the toes of his boots pressing against my own. A soft lovesick sigh caught in my chest as I tipped my head back to take in his handsome face. “Well, I do have a choice, but I’m choosing the one that’s selfish on my part.”
“What are you talking about?” I took a step back and held my purse close to my chest as a shield from his sexiness.
“I’m talking about telling Alec to get his own damn lunch and me sticking around to help you.”
“No, you’re not helping me with anything.” I shook my head. “I’m fine. And I won’t be indebted to you.”
Something passed over his face—sadness, disappointment I couldn’t tell—which caused his smile to slip.
“Ellie, I want to help because I can, not because I expect anything from you after.”
I wet my lips and shifted from one foot to the other. He was incredibly hard to read. First he wanted to get away from me and now he was suggesting he stick around to help? What was in it for him? “You said it was selfish on your part. Why?”
“Didn’t miss that slipped confession, did you?” He rubbed at the top of his short, military-style hair.
“Nope,” I said, but my heart hammered against my chest, wondering what he was about to admit. “What did you mean?”
“It gives me a reason to hang out with you for a little longer.”
“Why would you want that?” I asked, the words shaky from the cold and nerves. What game is he playing? “What’s in it for you?”
He let out an embarrassed chuckle and turned toward the glass front door. Red bloomed along his cheeks. “I guess I don’t want this to end just yet. So how about this. Let me help you here, and then we’ll head to Alec’s to go over the profile.”
I started to nod but stopped when his words sank in. “How do you know Alec’s house is where I’m headed next?”
“Alec mentioned you’d be coming by when he offered me the spare bedroom so I don’t have to stay at the motel up the road again.” He shuddered, revulsion flashing across his features. “After staying there last night and having to sleep in a chair because I couldn’t stomach sleeping on the small murder scene on my mattress, I gratefully took him up on his offer. Is that okay?”
“Yeah, sure. Of course that works for me.” I chomped on the Jolly Rancher, breaking it into several small pieces. “Um, don’t think this is rude or that I’m ungrateful for the help or anything, but I’m not sure someone like you knows how to clean a bathroom.”
That smile widened, showing off his straight teeth and transforming his face, somehow making him even more handsome. “Someone like me?”
I waved up and down his clean dark-wash jeans and deep black Henley. “A rich FBI profiler who has better things to do with his time than help a no one like me clean a bathroom.”
A gust of wind brushed my chin-length hair across my face, obscuring my view of Chandler. I tucked the stray lock behind my ear and held it as I waited for his response.
“Ah.” He glanced down at his attire and shook his head. “Don’t let this look fool you. You wouldn’t have known this, but before I was a profiler, I served as a Marine.”
I furrowed my brows, not understanding the connection between being a Marine and cleaning bathrooms. “That’s great, but it still doesn’t answer my question. If you want to stay and help, well, knowing how to clean is part of the helping part.”
“Sassy. I like it,” he said with a wink. Devil’s balls, there goes my twisty stomach again. “As a Marine, I was trained how to clean a latrine with a single toothbrush and my own spit and make that fucker shine.”
I grimaced. “That doesn’t sound sanitary. You really should use cleaning products.”
Chandler laughed again, this time longer and deeper. I beamed at the accomplishment.
“Come on, dark and mysterious,” he said, extending a hand. “Let’s get this done so we can move on to catching a killer.”
Without a second thought, I raised my hand and placed it in his. For the second time that day, a burst of warmth and a tingle of excitement bloomed from the simple connection and flared within me, making my breath catch when he wrapped those long fingers around my own, engulfing my entire hand.
With his slight tug, I willingly trailed behind him, trusting the man I’d met less than twenty-four hours ago more than any other I’d met in my entire life.
That had to mean something.
Right?