Chapter 17
17
ELLIE
O f all the damn nights, they chose tonight for a visit. A nagging thought whispered that this was no coincidence. Somehow, just like Brett, the Orin rumor mill notified everyone in a twenty-mile radius that I ventured out of town, with Chandler no less.
The horror. How dare I be so selfish.
With a deep inhale for courage, I leapt from the seat, my boots stamping to the crumbling asphalt. Desperate to get this visit over with, I set my feet in motion, my steps quick in the direction of the people who raised me. Pointless pleasantries bypassed, I maneuvered around the two to unlock the door.
“Elizabeth.” Dad’s deep voice shot a shiver of repulsion down my spine. Devil’s ball sack, I hoped they didn’t feel the need to enlighten Chandler on all the ways I was fucked-up in the head. With any luck, they had some lingering self-respect to not divulge all our dark family secrets. “You’re to come home with us. This rebellion has gone on long enough.”
Rebellion. Right. That was what they called me not returning to the sick asshole who kicked me out of the only home I ever knew all to teach me a lesson, so sure I’d crawl back to him. Jacob or anyone behind those gates never expected me to figure out the real world on my own.
With a dramatic sigh, I shoved a shoulder to the center of the door, wincing slightly at the impact, forcing it to swing open. “Can we not do this where all my neighbors can hear?” I waved in the direction of a few curious faces who’d peered out their doors, Stan being one of them. Gesturing into the apartment, I gave them a wide berth as they passed through the open door.
The bags from my shopping trip, and the store we stopped in for him to purchase a few pairs of jeans, hung from Chandler’s fingers, colliding against his thighs with each step he took toward my apartment. He paused at the threshold, his face a mask of calm.
“You don’t have to stay for this,” I whispered so my parents wouldn’t hear. “I’ll call you?”
“What if I want to stay?” he asked. “I won’t say a word, just be there for emotional support.” When I didn’t respond, he glanced over his shoulder at the truck. “Or I can go. But I’d prefer not to leave you alone with them. I know they’re your parents, but I know from experience the mental shit that parents can spew in the matter of minutes that will fuck with your head for days.”
“Our parents should never meet,” I said. Dad’s impatient voice rumbled through the apartment, ordering me to hurry up. “If you stay, don’t let what they say affect how you think of me.”
Chandler considered my words. “When I was eleven, my mother caught me jacking off. She washed my hands with bleach, then tied them behind my back for two days. I was then forced to watch documentaries on the sexually perverted mind to make sure I knew that sex was from the devil.”
“Whoa.” Why did that make me feel better rather than worse? He was abused, yet I found comfort in the story.
“Do you now feel differently about me, Ellie?”
“Well, no, not at all. It makes me feel… understood.”
“Well, there you have it. I promise not to pass judgment no matter what I hear inside. And I also promise to not kill them. Tonight.”
“But another day is on the table?” I laughed, somehow in this fucked-up situation after his awful childhood story and finding my parents on my stoop.
“Well, yeah. My restraint only goes so far.” He peered over my shoulder, and his almost smile vanished. “So what will it be, Ellie? Can I come in, or should I go wait in the truck until they leave?”
Biting the corner of my lip, I stepped aside and gestured into the apartment.
“Don’t say I didn’t warn you,” I muttered to his back as he passed by.
Dread rolled in my belly as I shut and locked the door. Steeling my spine, I pushed my shoulders back and lifted my chin, then immediately rushed to my candy bowl for the necessary sugar support.
They will not have power over me. Their words will not hurt, their reminders will not scare, and their actions will not affect.
Not today, Satan. Not fucking today.
“Your soul will be damned for sleeping with another man’s wife.” That was what I heard when I rounded the corner, sucking on a Blow Pop—which I’d never be able to eat again without remembering Chandler fucking my mouth. My dad was practically spitting in Chandler’s face. But to Chandler’s credit, he didn’t react, just stepped around my imposing father toward the single bedroom, bags gripped tightly in both hands.
“Can we just assume we’re all damned to hell for breathing and move on to you telling me to come back to the compound so I can refuse and you can leave? It’s been a long day.” And because I knew it would piss them both off, I added, “It is my birthday, after all.”
Mother’s eyes widened while Dad’s face turned a bright shade of red.
“You’re a disgrace to this family.” I nodded as I swirled the cherry-flavored candy coating along my tongue. “We raised you better than this.”
“Yep. Disgrace. Raised me better.” Hell, where did this attitude come from? Normally I listened without interruption, then ate an entire tub of ice cream to fill the dark void their words had caused after they left.
The man responsible for this change, encouraging me to be the independent, strong woman with a damn backbone I always wanted, walked back into the room. Crossing both arms over his chest, he leaned against the far wall where he could observe the entire room.
“How could you, Elizabeth? Your beautiful hair.” Mom pressed the tips of her fingers against quivering lips. “He loves your hair.” Dad rested his hand on her shoulder, his fingers tightening in a silent command. “Sorry,” she whispered. “Won’t happen again.”
“Look at what you’re doing to your mother.” His dark, soulless eyes slid from me to Chandler. “Whores suffer the most in the depths of hell.”
“Well, we haven’t gone all the way yet, so maybe I’ll have a chance at scoring one of the upper-level rooms.” I popped the sucker back between my lips and smirked. Okay, Chandler’s game of goading assholes had clearly rubbed off. I liked it.
A slow sinister smile crept up Dad’s thin lips. I knew what was coming and braced myself for the wave of disgust that would surely pass over Chandler’s face when he learned how disturbed my childhood really was. How could he not be disgusted when he finds out most of what I learned sexually was from watching my parents?
Bile burned up my throat, but I swallowed the revulsion down and swirled the sucker that now tasted like ash.
“Don’t,” I rasped.
“Don’t do what, Elizabeth? Don’t tell him the sexual acts he’s enjoyed thus far were perfected by my tutelage.” Turning with that same conniving smile, he stroked Mother’s hair in a placating motion. “Jacob expected Elizabeth to be pure,” he explained. “But how would she please him without training?”
“Porn would’ve been a better option, in my opinion,” Chandler said, his voice tight. “It was a great teacher for me.”
Clearly that was not the response Dad expected. His fingers tightened in Mother’s hair, but she didn’t flinch, only turned those adoring eyes up to him.
“He’s done waiting,” Dad said with force. “Jacob commands you to come home.”
I felt the blood drain from my face. To hide the tremble, I clasped both shaky hands behind my back.
“Have there been new women coming around to placate him?” I kept my gaze glued on the fucked-up couple. Hopefully I could get them to reveal small bits of information that Chandler could use for the case.
“Of course, but you’re special, Elizabeth. Not some distraction like the others. You are the chosen one for him.” Mother leaned against my father’s side. “You are the one he truly wants.”
“Let me guess. Those women left the moment they realized the fucked-up life they’d be forced—” I gasped, my next words gone as Dad stepped forward, hand raised high in the air. I didn’t shrink from the blow I knew would come next. No way in Hades would I give him the satisfaction of seeing me cower.
But the hit never came. Instead a grunt of pain reached my ears.
I blinked at the scene. Dad’s hand was no longer raised ready to strike but secured behind his back by a stone-faced Chandler.
My insides went all squishy and tingly, heat building between my thighs at the sight. He protected me. Intervened on my behalf.
Swoon.
“I will say this once, and only once. Touch her and I will break every finger on the offending hand. Hurt her and I will shove the barrel of my gun up your ass and pull the trigger with zero remorse as your insides splatter against the walls. Do you understand?”
“Don’t touch me,” Dad bellowed, clearly not happy being the submissive one. A howl of pain echoed around the apartment. His chest rose and fell with rapid breaths.
“I said. Do. You. Understand?”
The menace in Chandler’s quiet words sent a shiver down my spine. The thought of that commanding tone directed at me did all sorts of strange things to my body. Sweat beaded along my brow and slicked my palms while my breaths turned to short pants.
“Yes,” Dad ground out. The fury behind his eyes was almost enough to send me shrinking back.
Almost.
“It’s time you two leave. I’ve heard your case, and like all the times before, I won’t go back. Ever. And as a reminder, if I am taken against my will, or come up missing, the full force of the Texas law enforcement community?—”
“And FBI,” Chandler added.
“And FBI will be at the gates, armed and willing to search every house to find me. That is not what your fearless leader would want, now is it?” A bit of Chandler’s tenacity rolled through me. “Do you understand?” I cocked an eyebrow.
The rage pumping through my father’s veins was palpable.
“One day you will pay for this,” he spat. “Pray for his forgiveness, but either way, his punishments will be severe.”
“Not if I can help it,” Chandler nearly growled as he slammed the heel of his hand between Dad’s shoulder blades, propelling him forward a couple feet. Dad stumbled to stay upright before shooting a death glare over his shoulder. “She asked you to leave, so leave.”
Dad stormed out the door, leaving Mother alone in the middle of the apartment. In what looked like a daze, she shuffled to the kitchen and set the box she held onto the counter. Turning, she took her time surveying the walls, Chandler, then me.
“That was on your front porch when we arrived.” Her hair swayed as she nodded toward the box. “Be careful the game you’re playing, child. Your words and actions have hurt others. His attention will only be diverted for so long.” Her feet barely lifted from the floor as she hurried out of sight.
I jumped when the door slammed shut, the cheap frames around the cat pictures rattling against the wall. My backside cushioned my fall as I slid down the wall until I sat on the floor. Their sour smell lingered in the apartment, making me wish I’d bought that half-burned cinnamon candle at the thrift store last week.
“I’m sorry,” Chandler said from where he paced along the other side of the room.
“For what?” I laughed around the Blow Pop. “For standing up for me? I think what you mean is ‘you’re welcome.’”
“I told you I wouldn’t say anything, and I did. I intervened when you didn’t ask me to.” Rubbing the back of his neck, he paused, staring at the wall. “Tell me he didn’t touch you.”
I leaned my head back until it hit the wall. Chandler didn’t need to clarify what he meant. “He didn’t.”
His shoulders eased an inch from his ears. “Okay.” His voice was strained.
“They made me watch them together. It was a special request from Jacob for his future bride.” I studied Chandler’s back as it rose and fell with each deep breath. “My father is a gem, as I’m sure you noticed. He took a perverse satisfaction in making me watch as he talked me through my mother’s?—”
His rage-filled bellow startled me, sucking the next words right out of my throat. The crunch of drywall and wood filled my ears. I scrambled to my feet, tossed the half-eaten sucker toward the kitchen, and darted to where Chandler reared back, ready to assault the wall again. I grasped his bicep, my fingers barely touching around the taut muscle already in forward motion. I cringed, bracing myself to be flung against the wall with the momentum of his punch.
“Ellie,” Chandler croaked. His muscles melted, the once fisted hand unfurling to pull me to his chest. Up and down I moved with the cadence of his breaths as his heart pounded beneath my ear. For several minutes we stood sealed together. I cherished the quiet moment, the protection he offered from everything outside the little cocoon of warmth he created around us.
“I want to torture every person who’s ever hurt you.” He trailed long, comforting strokes up and down my spine, causing me to melt even further into him. “And after all I’ve seen, I could be very creative.”
Unsealing myself from his chest, I rested my chin on his sternum. “Thank you, but I can defeat my own monsters. But knowing I have you as backup makes me stand taller.” I tilted my head toward the hole in the wall. “Especially if I’m ever threatened by thirty-year-old drywall.”
“How do you do it?” A sense of wonder highlighted his voice.
“One day at a time,” I said. “One thing I learned through all the shows and books I’ve read is that none of what happened was my fault. It happened, and it sucked, but I have the choice to either dwell on it or move on. Every day I choose to move on instead of dwelling. That’s how I do it.”
“You amaze me,” he whispered before brushing his lips against my own. I sighed and molded my body against his. “Every aspect of you sucks me in and holds me captive.” Lips to my ear, he nipped at my lobe. “Don’t ever stop.”
“Never.”
He herded me backward until my ass hit the wall, his full weight pressed against me. I lost myself in the sensation of being engulfed by him. Warm, wet lips pressed against the column of my throat, sucking against my throbbing pulse.
“I should go,” he muttered against my skin, goose bumps flaring up in the brush of his breath.
“Why, when I want you to stay?”
Pulling back, he stared deep into me, his eyes shifting as if he was reading my thoughts.
“If I stay, I won’t keep my hands off you.”
“Even after hearing what….” I rolled my eyes, hating myself for bringing it up again. “You know.”
“Just because I’m shredded on the inside because of what happened to you doesn’t change that I want you. But I was planning to take the high road and let you have some time to yourself if you needed it.”
“I don’t need it,” I murmured.
His bright blue eyes seemed to darken. “What do you need, Ellie?”
“You.”
As if that word was a knife cutting the tether he had on his restraint, Chandler snapped into motion. One hand slipped into my hair, fisting at the base of my neck and holding me captive. A hard thigh wedged between my own and pressed against my throbbing core.
“Dark and dirty, right?” he muttered as he nipped at my collarbone.
“Yes,” I begged. “Do your worst, Fed.” I don’t know why I tossed that slur out, but it added to the naughty nature of what we were about to do. “We shouldn’t do this,” I moaned, my own words spiking my already heated blood thrumming through me. “Darkest levels of hell, remember?”
A mischievous chuckle tickled the skin of my chest. “At least we’ll be there together. It’s wrong on so many levels how I want to destroy this tiny body.” Releasing my hair, he gripped the hem of my vintage T-shirt and yanked it over my head. With a little help, the sports bra concealing my full chest followed the T-shirt. Chandler stepped back, his rapt attention on my bare chest.
Biting the corner of his lip, he cupped both breasts, thumbs harshly dragging over their pebbled nipples. I sucked in a tight breath and closed my lids, focusing every cell on his dominating touch. I jolted against the wall when his flattened tongue dragged over one before switching to the other. Wetness collected between my thighs, no doubt dampening his dark slacks.
A flash of pain that quickly morphed into pleasure had my eyes flaring open to watch him nibble and bite the full flesh of my breast while his expert fingers tweaked and pulled the nipple on the other. Unable to stop, I slid both hands over his short-cropped hair, urging him to take more, to make it hurt in the best way possible.
“Nope.” Tilting back, Chandler dropped his hands to his belt and worked the clasp. Pulling the thin leather through, he held it in one hand and gathered both of mine behind my back. After securing both together with the belt, the efficiency of his quick movements signaling this wasn’t his first time, he gazed down at his work. “Better. But not quite.” His short nails scraped along my hip bones, dipping into my jeans before sliding them down to my feet. Boots first, then socks, and finally pants were tossed to the side. “Perfect.”
The single word was said more to my pussy than to my face. Falling to his knees, he pressed his nose to my center and inhaled deep. My legs wobbled as a surge of desire pounded through me at the erotic scene.
“Chandler,” I said, chest heaving up and down as I stared at him. “I’ve never…. No one has ever….”
Nodding, he placed a tender kiss to my inner thigh before taking a quick nip. I squealed and tried to shuffle away, but his firm grip on my hip stopped my retreat.
“Well, that will change tonight. Come on.” Hand clasped against the back of my neck, he guided me to the couch and positioned me on the hard armrest. I squirmed on the rough material, a soft moan escaping at the scrape along my sensitive folds. He clicked his tongue. “No playing without me, baby.” With a quick shove between my breasts, I fell backward, a gasp of shock whispering past my lips.
A cloud of dust burst from the cushion at my impact. Chin to my chest, I stared up at the grinning Chandler, not understanding. With a harsh tug, my ass, still positioned on the armrest, lifted and was dragged closer to the edge. Widening my knees, he stood between my spread legs.
“How dirty?” he rasped.
I shouldn’t enjoy this side of him, the pure dominance and desire pulsing off him in waves. But I did. And I wanted more of it.
No, fuck that. I wanted it all. This between us would be over soon, and I didn’t want to waste a minute of what little time we had.
For the first time in my life, I wanted it to hurt instead of needed it to. I wanted him. My body demanded him and all the detestable things he had planned.
I was going straight to hell for this.
“I want it all,” I panted. “Don’t hold back.”
His eyes flared as a smile that promised pain and pleasure spread across his face, bunching his cheeks.
I swallowed, my mouth suddenly scratchy and parched.
There was no going back now.