Chapter 14
14
RAE
I chewed on the end of my ponytail, thinking over the call that just ended. It seemed Alec felt the same way I did about the jackass. Anyone who would talk about their wife like that with so much anger was not someone I ever wanted to know. If Alec ever found out about?—
“Miss me already?” Charlie’s cocky voice spilled through the speakers, severing the downward spiral my thoughts had taken. “Can Rae hear me?”
“Yes,” I responded, unsure why I was smiling. Charlie made things easier between Alec and me, buffered the ever-growing tension between us. What would we do without him these next few days?
“Your couch might be the worst couch in the history of couches. My shoulders and lower back are solid knots.”
“It’s a great couch,” I defended, even though I knew he was right. Alec said just as much the first night he stayed with me. “Next time you can take the bed with me and Alec.”
“The fuck he can,” Alec snapped.
“Why do you care, Mr. I Did What I Had To Do?” I mocked.
“Don’t start with me, Rae,” Alec said, shooting me a serious look. “I’m doing what’s best for you.”
“Don’t you dare suggest you know what’s best for me, Alec Bronson,” I hissed and pointed an accusing finger across the center of the truck.
“Um, guys? Not sure what happened in the last hour since you left, but I really don’t want to be the third wheel in your lovers’ quarrel.”
“We are not lovers,” Alec and I said at the same time.
“Not how it sounded last night.” Charlie’s resounding chuckle had my downturned lips ticking upward. “Was there a reason for this call, or you just wanted to check in on me?”
Alec shifted in his seat to sit up straighter. “That other case I asked you to look into last night before I went to bed, the missing women.”
“I remember. Several women missing over a few years. You wanted me to look into their online history and see if I could track them down that way.”
I stilled. My breathing picked up as my anxiety grew.
“The most recent woman who went missing, Shannon Chisom, look into her background and the husband’s. Specifically hospital records or ER visits.”
“Got it. Anything specific I should look for? Oh, and by the way, the coroner just left. Said he assumed the COD was blunt force trauma to the head, but because of all the blood, he couldn’t be sure until the autopsy. The beating seemed like overkill to me, same as the others, but this time the bastard used his fists instead of a knife or gun. He’s all over the board with how he kills these people. The only signature is the rage behind them and the connection to Rae.”
I pressed a hand to my stomach, hoping to calm the queasiness.
“Let me know what he says after the autopsy. And for the other case, I want to know if they visited the ER or hospital for broken bones, bruises, sprains, things like that. Anything common with domestic violence.”
A long pause weighed heavily in the truck before Charlie spoke again. “You think there was a reason for the women to go missing.”
“It’s a hunch. Shannon Chisom’s husband called, and it rubbed me the wrong way. Maybe domestic abuse connects them all. If we find the connection, then we can uncover who’s taken them.”
Closing my eyes, I leaned a warm cheek against the window, trying to drown out their conversation. I couldn’t think about those women and what they lived through. I hated my lonely life, but at least I didn’t live in fear of going home because of my spouse and what he might do. I shivered at the thought of always walking on eggshells around the person who should be your partner in life, not the villain.
“On it,” Charlie said. “Oh, Alec?”
“Yep.”
“Stop being a dumbass.” With those parting words, he ended the call.
I smiled with my eyes still closed. “I like Charlie.”
“I’m not a dumbass,” Alec grumbled like a pouting toddler. “You don’t understand, don’t know the full story.”
My lids flew open, and I swiveled in the seat. “Then tell me, Alec. I’m all ears. You know the worst about me, about my shit of a life since you left. How can what you have hidden in your closet be worse than mine?”
“Drop it, Rae,” he warned.
“You’re scared,” I said, finally getting it. “It was a woman, wasn’t it? Some woman broke your heart and made you scared to get close to anyone again. So now you won’t open up, too afraid I’ll hurt you too.”
The muscle along his jaw twitched, his posture now tense, as if prepared to pounce. “No.”
“A friend maybe, someone who you thought you could trust but stabbed you in the back.” I was grasping at straws, but I had to know. Had to understand what was holding him back from telling me why we were such a terrible idea.
“You need to drop it. Now.”
I held my ground even though that commanding voice sent a shiver of fear through me. Maybe I should’ve stopped, heeded his warning. But I didn’t, because with Alec, I wanted it all. All of him.
“Or maybe it was your mom who?—”
My seat belt snapped against my chest, and a scream tore up my throat as the truck skidded to a stop. Dust and smoke floated past the truck, which was still in the middle of the highway. Chest heaving, I turned my shocked face to Alec.
Both hands gripped the wheel, his full attention out the windshield. The quick rise and fall of his chest plus the flex of those biceps and forearms spoke to the taut tension pulsing off him in waves.
“You have one thing right, Rae Chapin.” Oh hell. I got the full name. I swallowed hard. “I am scared. Fucking terrified that if I let you in, allow your kind, sweet spirit to break past my walls, you’ll see the monster lurking inside and run. I can’t take that chance.” He slammed a tight fist to his chest, just over his heart. “I am who I am, but I sure as hell can stop the cycle from repeating, even if that means depriving myself of the only thing I’ve ever truly wanted. You.”
I flinched back at the passion in his words. “Alec,” I breathed. “Who said you were a monster? I’ve known you, I know you, and you’re?—”
“My father.”
I sucked in a breath, my nostrils flaring as a swirl of emotions flooded. His father was a notorious asshole in the community. The richest man in town could be, I guess. But how could anyone say that about their son, especially Alec? Sure, he got into fights when we were kids, but that was just him protecting or sticking up for me or other weaklings.
“What?” It was all I could manage. Too many other words lodged in my throat.
“My father. The last time I saw him.”
I shook my head in disbelief. “Why would you believe him enough to make you alter your life around this lie?” Anger began festering in my chest, not for me but for Alec. If he truly believed that about himself all this time, I hated his father for doing that to him.
After pulling the truck to the side of the highway, he put it in Park and leaned his head back, closing his eyes. Those dark lashes fanned across his naturally tan skin.
“Because he was right. He said I would grow up to be just like him. A mean bastard to the ones he claimed to love. Too high expectations, too much anger and harsh punishments. A wife beater and child abuser. A fucking monster hiding beneath a businessman’s mask. It runs through my veins, that constant simmering anger. I know I’m destined to be just like him, Rae. Now you understand why I push you away, why I left. I would rather cut out my heart with a dull blade than ever hurt you.”
I stayed gaping toward the driver seat as he thrust the truck back into Drive and slowly eased back onto the highway. All I could do was stare at him, fighting back the pity and anger that warred inside me. I wondered if he’d ever spoken those words out loud, ever told anyone what damage his father had done.
Child abuser and wife beater.
Those two hideous labels clanged in my head. How did I not see that in school?
“How did I not know?” I whispered, choking back the tears that were building and burning my throat.Was that why he never let me touch him back in high school? Why he seemed determined to only focus on my pleasure?
“He was good at hiding who he truly was and hiding the evidence on Mom and me. Now you understand, you see why this”—he motioned a finger between us—“or any relationship can never happen. I refuse to be my father.”
I pressed my lips into a thin line as I stared at him.
If he didn’t see how amazing he was, then it was up to me. He seemed to see only the beauty in me; it was my turn to make him see the good in himself.
“You’re a fool, Alec Bronson.” His head whipped my way, eyes darting from the empty road. “If you won’t fight for you—the real you, not the monster you think you’re destined to become—then I fucking will.”
I held a breath. Maybe that was a little too much? But he had to know it wasn’t true. The lie he’d believed for too long was just that, a big fat fucking lie.
“What did you say to me?” he said, the words hissing through his clenched teeth.
How did he not see it? Not see what I saw. What anyone who ever met him saw. Hell, even the reporters made him out to be a saint, and those people didn’t like anyone.
“You heard me. Pull over here,” I demanded, finger pressed to the window in the direction of the rest stop we were about to blow past. “I’m not having this conversation while you’re driving.”
Nothing. Not a twist of the wheel or motion toward the blinker.
Hell no. He thought he could drag me around, restraining me and kidnapping me, but he couldn’t pull over at my request?
I lunged across the truck and yanked the steering wheel, careening the front of the truck down the off-ramp.
“What the hell?” Alec yelled as he fought for control of the wheel. “You’re going to get us killed, Rae. Let go.”
Once we were halfway down the ramp, I released my tight grip, giving him control once again. “Pull into a parking spot. We’re going to talk about this. Now.” With a harrumph, he whipped the truck into an angled space and slammed on the brakes. For the second time in less than twenty minutes, the seat belt snapped against my chest, knocking the air from my lungs. I shot him a glare. “Real mature.”
Just over the hood, several concrete picnic tables and rusted grills secured to the ground dotted the rest area, all vacant. The rumble of the truck silenced.
“There’s nothing to discuss. I made my decision a long time ago, and I’m not changing my mind.” He crossed both arms over his broad chest. “Sorry, Rae. It’s just not in the cards.”
“Well, here’s the thing, Alec.” I inhaled a deep breath and released it slowly. “Even if I wasn’t insanely attracted to you, or still hopelessly in love with you after all these years, I’d still fight for you. Because, Alec Bronson, you’re my friend. You’ve been my friend since elementary school, became more in middle school, and stole my heart in high school. And I’m not the type of friend who will let their friend believe lies. Just like you wouldn’t allow me in middle school. When all those girls called me fat, shouted nicknames like ‘porker’ or ‘fat trash’, you never let me believe them. You fought for me to know the truth, and I’m doing the same thing now for you.
“And as your friend, I’m here to tell you I know firsthand you’re not the monster you think you are or will become. I’ve seen you, know you inside and out. Even as kids you were the good guy, defending those who couldn’t defend themselves. That’s not the heart of a monster, that’s the soul of a hero.”
He scoffed. “Tell that to the guys whose asses I kicked. It was happening then. I couldn’t stop myself. I needed that outlet.” His gray eyes turned cold. “What will happen if I need that outlet and you’re the only one around? Do you think you’d stand a chance against me, Sunshine? If I explode, I’d destroy you.”
“First, you never hit a girl or woman. All those guys back then, sure, maybe you picked some of those fights, but it never made you a bad person. It doesn’t mean you would grow up and be a man who couldn’t learn to channel that anger toward something else. And you know what? Even if you get that urge or are so pissed you want to take it out on someone and I’m the only one around, I know in my heart you would never hurt me. Because I know you, Alec. I know your heart. I’m not scared of you,” I whispered and stretched across the cup holders to grab his fisted hand.
Eyes distant, he shook his head as though deflecting my words from seeping deep. He didn’t believe me or chose not to hear my heart-filled argument. Maybe he needed a demonstration. To see I wasn’t scared of him, that even if he was pissed to the point of explosion, I knew he wouldn’t hurt me.
I racked my brain. A slow smile grew on my face as I formed a plan.
Good thing I knew his one major trigger. One that sent him boiling over within moments.
Me.
“It’s because I’m fat, isn’t it?”
“Rae,” he seethed. “Don’t do that.”
“Do what? Tell it how it is? That you’re this Greek god lookalike, actually better because you’re real life, and I’m me.” The truth in my words left me breathless, my insecurities leaking into this brief therapy session I concocted for him. “I’m nothing special.”
His entire body vibrated with restrained anger. He needed another push to send him over the edge.
“Well, I guess if you’re going to deny this between us, then I’ll just ask Charlie?—”
Just like that, he was in his seat and then not. I gasped as he crowded me against the door. A hot palm slid around the back of my neck and tightened, arching my neck and angling my face to his.
My breaths were shallow and quick. Desire twisted and trembled low in my belly. The soft cotton of the sleep cami I still wore beneath the sweatshirt scraped against my sensitive pebbled nipples. His heavy breaths fanned across my face.
“I’m still not scared of you,” I whispered.
He scoffed. “You sure about that?” His grip tightened. My lids drooped in response, my focus going from his intense gaze to his lips.
“Alec.” I glanced up and pleaded with him through our locked gaze. “You’re not your father.”
With a frustrated growl, he closed the small distance between us, crashing his lips to mine. When he pulled away, no doubt struggling internally with this turn of events—doubting himself, his control—I gripped the front of his T-shirt and tugged him close. Parting my lips, I slid the tip of my tongue along the seam of his mouth, begging him to open for me.
“You’re a stubborn woman, Sunshine.” His lips moved against mine, brushing and teasing. A sharp bite of pain along my lower lip snapped my eyes open. Those gray eyes danced with mischief as he nipped at my lip again. “Are you sure you want this? Want me knowing?—”
I cut him off with a kiss. “Yes. I want it all, everything you’re willing to give me. I know it won’t be easy, that you’ve believed something for so long that isn’t true, but I’ll be here for you. We’ll walk through it together. I want you, the good and the bad.”
“I’m not gentle, Rae. I have particular… tastes and triggers.” His free hand slipped between my pressed thighs and cupped my mound. “I take what I want.”
“Oh hell,” I moaned and relaxed into the hold he still had around my neck. “Please.”
“You think you can handle me?” Alec shoved his fingers down the front of the gym shorts he dressed me in before dragging me out of the house earlier. A low hum of approval filled the truck when his fingers slid against my wet slit. “You like this, don’t you? Just like the handcuffs.”
“Yes,” I breathed. The back of my sweaty thighs slid along the leather seat as I widened my legs, offering him more room.
“You want me to fingerfuck you right here in the truck, don’t you?”
I nodded, unable to speak with his finger circling my clit.
Every nerve ending was on fire. My head swam with desire as he teased me with his fingers and lips. The bastard knew what he was doing, and I loved every second.
“You’re so damn beautiful,” he whispered into my ear. “If I ever hear you degrade yourself again, Rae, hear you mention one negative thing about your perfect body, I’ll punish you for it. I’ll spank that fine ass of yours red and fucking love every second of it.”
One breath he was hovering over me, the next he was gone.
His fingers, his lips, his touch all gone.
“What?” I pouted. “Where did you go? Don’t stop. I thought we got past that?” My voice was low with frustration. “You’re good. I’m good. All good.”
A wide smile split his face, that dimple gone with his bunched cheeks. “I told you before that I like control, and I say not now, not here.”
“Why?” I whined.
He raised a hand and pointed out the passenger window. “Because a family just parked two spots down.”
I sucked in a breath as embarrassment flooded through me. I hastily sat up straight in the seat and made sure all clothing was situated before turning to see where he pointed.
Sure enough, a family of five were making their way toward a picnic table, the older male dragging a heavy ice chest behind him.
“Right.” I unbuckled my seat belt and reached for the door handle. Alec’s hand wrapped around my wrist, soft enough to not hurt but strong enough to keep me inside the truck. I gave him a small smile. “I’m not running, just going to pee. It’s been like an hour.”
Outside, the sweltering July heat smacked me in the face, making the sweatshirt heavy and constricting. Hopping onto the sidewalk, I turned and squinted to see inside the truck. Alec stared back, a disbelieving smile on his face.
I gave him a gigantic wave and turned for the bathrooms.
Had my life just veered because of him? Was the course I was now on toward happiness and love instead of death and loneliness?
I sure as hell hoped so, and that somehow it involved Alec.