Chapter 21
Chapter
Twenty-One
SAVANNAH
F rom what I’d been able to deduce, Samantha was not as stupid as she liked to make herself sound and, in fact, acted like that to purposely be a pain in the ass. For the last two hours while waiting to speak to Matthews, I’d watched her go from highly intelligent conversation to the raving ditz in a blink. It all depended on who she was talking to, and it made me wonder if Matthews had given her a list of people he wanted her to piss off, which was great since it meant that I was on that list.
Matthews’ door opened down the hall, and I could hear his booming voice as he laughed. He walked down the hall with another man in a suit, who, if I had to take a guess, was someone from NCIS. He glanced at me, his expression sobering.
I stood and walked to him as he reached Samantha’s desk. “Executive Assistant Director,” I said.
“Agent Freeborn, what can I do for you?”
“Nice to see you too, Sir.”
He narrowed his eyes. “My office now,” he growled. The tone of his voice would typically worry me, but there was freedom in knowing that it didn’t matter how pissed off he was. I never had to report to him again after today.
He closed the door. The click, once ominous, now made me feel nothing. I loved my job. I loved helping people and solving crimes. But I’d never loved playing politics, and I wasn’t cut out for keeping my mouth shut and falling in line.
“Why should I be happy to see you, Agent?” I opened my mouth, and he cut me off. “That was a rhetorical question. You’ve been a pain in my ass since the moment you got here. Now you’re finally a good agent and help with a major case, and you not only resign, but you marry a Mikhailov, which puts all your closed cases under a microscope. On top of that, I can’t even put you on the stand to testify in the Mancini case because of your connection to the Mikhailovs, which fucks us and all your work over since Marko is dead.”
I sucked in a sharp gasp and took a step back, my heart stopping as my gut twisted into a tight knot. I might not have been romantically involved with Marko, but he’d become family. Oh God, how did I tell Cutter? Grabbing the chair, I lowered myself down and stared into my boss’s furious gaze.
“So you didn’t know that?” I shook my head and closed my eyes to keep myself from bursting into tears. I was still an agent at heart, and that meant you didn’t show that kind of weakness.
“No, Sir, I didn’t.”
“I’m assuming your new husband doesn’t know either?”
“I don’t know, but Nathan wouldn’t go after Marko. He didn’t need to,” I said defensively.
“Says the woman who broke all our rules to marry into a notorious family. What the hell happened?”
I folded my hands in my lap and glanced around at the walls and the awards that I’d planned on one-day earning. That was all over. Was I sorry? No, I could never be sorry about my son, no matter what path it led me down.
“When I was on leave, I went to California to continue investigating my brother’s death,” I said, not sure how much he knew about him being held by Nathan.
“Jesus Christ, Savannah.” He smacked his desk. “I gave you a direct order to stay away from the case.
“I know, but I couldn’t let it go. That is when I met Nathan.” I cleared my throat but sat up straight, determined not to be made to feel dirty about loving him. “Cutter is his son.”
Matthews sat back in his chair and pinched the bridge of his nose. “Do you need witness protection?”
I shook my head. “No, I am staying with him willingly even if the initial marriage was not. It’s complicated, but I realize that I created this situation, so I’m going to do the only logical next step.” Opening my purse, I held out my official resignation. “There is a hit out on me and my son. I can’t tell you from whom, but if something happens to me, this document officially exonerates Nathan from having anything to do with it.” I grabbed my gun and badge and stared at them in my hand before placing them on the desk along with my access card.
Matthews took the paper and read it over, shaking his head. “This is a mess.”
“I understand, and I’m truly sorry for that and for Marko. Tell me, was it just him or.…”
“I can’t give you the specifics.” He waved the paper in the air. “Not anymore.” He pulled open his desk drawer and held out an envelope to me. “That is your signed resignation. It’s official…I guess.” Matthews pushed himself to his feet and held out his hand. “I can’t believe I’m going to say this, but I’m sad to see you go, Savannah. You were a hell of an agent,” he said.
I stood and grabbed his hand. “It took me quitting for you to say that to me?”
He smirked. “I prefer the stick over the carrot.”
Letting go, I pulled out my wallet and grabbed all the cash inside, which was over a thousand dollars. Laying it on the desk, I tapped it. “I can’t officially donate to any of Marko’s family members, but I’d appreciate it if you would put this in the pot for me.”
Nodding, he picked up the money and dropped it in a manila envelope on his desk, which meant that there was someone.
Stepping out of his office, I looked around and took my final deep breath as an agent, closing the door on this portion of my life.
“Freeborn?” I turned to face Matthews. “Don’t end up on my wall. I’d hate to be forced to arrest a former agent.”
“I won’t, Sir.”
I wasn’t surprised to see security guards waiting for me at the elevator or when they silently escorted me out.
As soon as I got in the SUV, I pulled out a tissue and dabbed my eyes as Marko’s face, and the pictures of his family filled my mind. All our hard work, years of being undercover and risking our lives, gone. All the smiles and meals we had shared as we talked about his family or what I wanted for my future, and just like that, his life was taken. There was no doubt in my mind that it was the Mancinis. The timing was too coincidental to be anyone else. My hand squeezed the tissue as the emotion pressed on the inside of my chest, trying to get out.
“Are you okay,” Goran asked.
“Yeah, I just learned a friend was killed. I’ll be fine. It’s the danger we sign up for when we take the job.” Goran gave my hand a small pat but didn’t make a big deal of it, and I appreciated that. It was probably a soldier just like him who had done the job, and now, having sat on both sides of the fence, I wasn’t in a position to judge. I could, however, grieve and want revenge on the man who not only tried to kill me and my son but had taken the life of Marko.
“To the hospital,” Vlad asked from the front seat.
Visiting with my mother before leaving was not what I really wanted to do after the massive fight we had for the second time since I’d been here, but I would anyway because that was who I was.
“Yes, thank you.”
Although I could see the world flashing by outside the window, I wasn’t taking any of it in. Ironic since this was how I felt most of my life had been, even when I wasn’t in a fast-moving vehicle. What had I missed while I kept my head down, nose clean, and focused on school or work? How many more moments were there like Shawn and his cheating—that I didn’t know about for months—in my life?
“Savannah?” I jerked as a hand touched my shoulder, and my eyes focused on Goran’s face. “We’re here,” he said, his voice soft and soothing for someone who looked like he could play The Terminator . Blinking, I looked out the window and realized that Vlad and Guy were already out of the vehicle and waiting.
“Wow, sorry, I was really in my own little world there.”
“Are you sure you’re okay? You don’t seem yourself.”
Fiddling with the ring on my finger, I decided to keep it on today and tell my mother in person that I was married. If I had to listen to her tell me one more time that she wanted me to marry Shawn, then she would never make it out of the hospital alive because I was going to smother her to death.
“My life was so much easier before the monsters I chased had faces that I loved and hearts that I understood.” Looking into Goran’s kind stare, I felt myself getting emotional again and pushed it down. “I’ll be fine, really. Somethings are going to be more difficult to get used to, and sitting on this side of the line makes everything I’ve known and worked for complicated.”
“I understand.”
“Alright, let’s get this over with,” I said and knocked on the window for Guy to open the door.
Getting out, I had to admit that this hospital was far nicer than the public hospital. The staff was first-class, and it didn’t smell like cheap cleaner. Even the food and coffee were decent.
I half expected Shawn to be lounging in my mother’s room like a dutiful son, but I sighed a breath of relief when he was nowhere to be seen.
Mother was sitting up, reading a book with her glasses on the end of her nose like a professor, and her hair done up in a twist on her head. For someone who had complained non-stop to me about how everyone in the building was going to kill her, she sure was happy to use the other amenities it offered. Her nails were freshly painted, and her makeup looked like she was heading out for the night. My mother was beautiful even with her blonde hair, mostly grey, and the age lines creasing her face.
“Mother,” I said when she didn’t acknowledge me. Her hand was still slightly shaking, but it was far better than the first day I’d seen her.
“You’re back. I didn’t think you would be,” she said and glanced over the top of her book like I was an unruly child.
Reaching into my purse, I pulled out a handful of the pamphlets from the rehabilitation center I’d selected for her. Nathan had said that money wasn’t an issue, and even though I wasn’t fond of just using his money like this, I could only fight with one person at a time, and technically, I was now unemployed, so….
“I’m leaving today,” I said, holding them out for her to take.
She put her book down and grabbed the half dozen colorful and shiny pieces of paper. “What is this?”
“That is where you will be going when you’re discharged tomorrow. I’ve already arranged for a car to pick you up, and I packed you two suitcases of clothes and your toiletries from home that will be waiting for you.”
She opened the first pamphlet and stared at the rooms that were much nicer than anything she’d lived in since divorcing my stepfather. She’d drank and spent lavishly through the divorce settlement money within five years. The hazards of being an alcoholic. Even though she didn’t say anything right away, I could tell that she was impressed with the place. They boasted an impressive client list of the area’s rich and famous.
“At least you’re splurging to lock me away,” she said, dropping the leaflet down on her lap. No ‘Thank you’ or ‘How can you afford something so expensive’ was uttered. I wasn’t surprised. She wouldn’t feel bad until she was over a month sober, then she would try to rook me back in, but I couldn’t do it anymore.
I certainly wasn’t going to let her bait me into another argument. After another long session of crying and feeling sorry for myself, which was something only she could get me to do, I’d decided that I was going to cut all ties with her. She could still speak to Cutter as long as she never tried the same shit with him, but aside from that, I was done. Some relationships were just too toxic, and I needed to stop drinking from that poisonous cup.
“Once you’re done with rehabilitation, you will be taken home. It has already been arranged.” I rolled out my shoulders. “I’m leaving today to fly home, and I wanted you to know that I won’t be back. I won’t keep Cutter from speaking with you or visiting once he gets older, but it has become clear that our relationship is unsalvageable. The fighting is not good for either of us. But, before I leave, I want you to know that I’m married.” I held out my hand with the red diamond ring—that I’d somehow gotten used to despite it being a miniature island on my hand. “I’m living in California now, and I’ve put my house on the market.” Pulling out the piece of paper I had written on. I handed it to her. “This is my address, and you have my number if it is an emergency. But I suspect you won’t.”
“You’re married?”
I nodded.
“To who? When? And why is this the first I’m hearing about it?’
“I married Cutter’s father, who is a very successful businessman. We got married in a rush in Italy, no ceremony or anything, and that’s where I’ve been living since we got back.”
“Were you ever going to tell me?”
“Honestly, I don’t know. But I’m choosing to tell you now. Goodbye, Valerie,” I said, using her name for the first time in my life, but it felt more accurate. Mother had been a stretch for a very long time. “I hope rehabilitation goes well.”
Turning, I walked for the door. “Wait, are you seriously cutting me out of your life?”
I looked over my shoulder at her. She was glaring at me, and I knew I had made the right decision for my sanity, even if it was difficult and made me feel like I’d failed. Her failure as a mother wasn’t my failure as her daughter. Trying to separate that thought process had me wading through every traumatic moment of my life and analyzing it as I allowed myself to grieve.
“Yeah, I think it’s best. It’s obvious you’ve only put up with me despite my best efforts to connect with you, and you don’t really want me around. It’s time and should’ve been done long before now. Take care of yourself.”
Without wasting another breath on her, I walked out and didn’t look back. I guess that was my three for this trip. Death of my career, death of a friend and colleague, and now I’d let the last petal fall from the dying flower that had been my relationship with my mother.