TWENTY-FIVE MAC
TWENTY-FIVE
MAC
BACK THEN
“We’re eighteen, motherfucker!” I tackle into Sage, sending him splashing into the lake.
Today’s my birthday, and freedom tastes like sunshine on my tongue.
Sage turned eighteen three months ago, and I’ve been ticking down the days until I joined him.
Sick of his constant, “I’m an adult now, Mac.
None of this nonsense suits me now that I’m older and wiser,” bullshit.
He never actually said it like that, but that was the basic idea.
He’d always end up going along with my schemes in the end, but the whole process could be shorter. Sage pushes me off him and spits a mouthful of lake water into my face.
Doesn’t break my grin, though. “Doesn’t change anything, asshole.” He stands, glowering down at his wet clothes with disdain. I sit in the lake like a sad little bitch.
“Means we’re both free! We can finally start our own life.” I jump to my feet, shaking his shoulders before he punches my gut. I bend over, clutching my stomach. “Ow. You dick,” I wheeze out.
He doesn’t say anything, just storms out of the water, back towards the fire pit. He’s been in a shit mood for days now, and no matter what I do, I can’t seem to cheer him up.
Honestly, he’s been pissy since his birthday. Since turning eighteen, this invisible burden dropped on his shoulders. I don’t have that problem. All I see is a future outside of Jessie James. A future without my dad or my mom.
Freedom.
“And how will you pay for this new life, Mac?” Sage lobs his remark over his shoulder. I try to dodge it, but I’m hit with shrapnel. The real world hitting me hard in the chest.
I’m broke. I barely got out of high school with a diploma. I didn’t even bother applying for college. Suddenly, the freedom I tasted turns sour. I spit into the lake, hoping to lose the taste, but it’s persistent.
“I have some savings,” I say weakly. Sage stops and glances back at me with a look of practiced patience. I’ve been telling him of my dreams to leave since we were ten. Always a far-off future. But now I’m eighteen, and no closer to actually getting out of here.
I turn my back to Sage and throw my ass down in the sand. What a fucking buzzkill. Sage sighs before joining me in the sand, his side touching every inch of mine. The negativity that his comment caused my brain temporarily forgotten with the contact.
Yeah, I tackled him into the lake, but I was careful. I’m always so fucking careful around him now. I often wonder if he notices. If he realizes how I keep my body angled away from him. Always trying to create space where there isn’t any.
I should stop sleeping next to him in his tiny, sad bed. That’s really not helping my predicament. And I’ve tried. Believe me, I’ve tried. But even when my dad isn’t home and my mom’s brain is fried on drugs, I always end up right there in his bed, anyways.
I can’t fall asleep in my trailer anymore.
Haven’t for a long time. I’ve slept in his bed more than my own.
But he never stops me. Always presses himself back into the wall and throws his leg over mine when I crawl in.
Most people would probably find this habit fucking weird.
I know Luna looks at it too damn closely.
But it’s us. I don’t give a fuck if it’s weird.
“Shit, I’m sorry, Mac. It’s your birthday, and I’m being a selfish dick,” Sage mumbles towards the lake.
He nudges my shoulder with his when I don’t say anything for a few seconds.
I just relax into the feel of him against me before I inevitably have to shift away.
Just a few more seconds, though. Just a few seconds to enjoy this, a birthday gift to myself.
“Nah, it’s whatever.”
“No, I’m a dick. Happy birthday, bro.” I see him smile from the corner of my eye.
“I got you a gift,” he says, sounding almost shy about it.
I turn to look at him, and a fucking swarm of bats take off in my stomach.
The setting sun shines back at me from his brown eyes.
I look away, quickly clearing my throat.
He doesn’t need to see hearts popping out of my eyes.
“Yeah?” I ask instead, carding my fingers into the sand, letting the small grains filter through my spread fingers. I’m sure there’s a metaphor in there somewhere about time and whatever.
“Of course I did. I’ll give it to you tonight.” He jumps to his feet, and I mourn the loss of him against my side. The selfish delight I stole in those few seconds are ripped away, and guilt takes its place.
“Come on, let’s go get wasted.” He holds his hand out for me. I quickly wipe the sand off my hands and grab his. He yanks me to my feet, steadying me with a hand on my arm.
God, I’m fucking pathetic. I’ll never have him like that. He’ll never look at me like I look at him.