32. Mac
THIRTY-TWO
MAC
BEFORE
Mac
Sage, please text me back. I’m sorry I left like I did. But if you just let me explain…
Please, Sage! Just answer the phone.
I can’t do this without you.
I’m sorry.
At least let me know if you’re ok.
Luna called. I couldn’t bring myself to answer.
I think I have to let you go. You’ve obviously let me go. I get why you won’t talk to me. But I can’t keep texting you like this.
I’m sorry.
Happy Birthday.
I tried calling again. You didn’t even let it finish ringing. I can’t do this anymore.
Please.
God, I’m fucking pathetic. Texting a number that never replies. I feel like I’m chasing a ghost. Did I imagine it all? Did any of it happen? Maybe you blocked my number. Maybe you’ve already forgotten me. Maybe I’m the ghost. I feel like one.
It’s my birthday today. Remember how we used to always go out to the docks for my birthday?
Or that time when I turned twelve, and Mom baked that terrible cake?
God, it was awful. She mixed up sugar and salt, and it was hard to swallow.
But we ate it. It was the first time someone baked me a cake for my birthday.
I fucked up today. Made a stupid mistake that almost lost me my job. I don’t know why I’m telling you this, you’d probably laugh and call me a dumbass if you were here.
I’m so sorry, Sage. So fucking sorry.
No fuck that. I’m drunk so, excuse the fuck out of me, but I’m done, Sage.
I’m fucking done. I’ve tried to reach out.
But you ignore me. I get why you hate me.
But come the fuck on! After everything we went through, you can just pretend I never existed.
Well fuck you, Sage. FUCK YOU! I don’t fucking need you.
I’m sorry. Please text me back.
Do you really hate me this much?
Fine. I’m done.
Goodbye, Sage. I won’t text you again.
You win.
I stare down at the final text to the only person I’ve ever truly loved. My eyes start to blur as I look over the outlandish amount of texts I’ve sent this past year.
A tiny read receipt pops up under the text. But I know better by now than to hope he responds. The only mercy he gave me was turning on the read receipts in the first place. Letting me know he was at least alive.
I think that’s why I kept texting in the first place. I knew he would never reply, but I needed to see that stupid read at the bottom. Needed to know he was out there, living his life. Even if he didn’t want me in his life anymore.
Everyone else stopped trying to reach me a while ago. I could never bring myself to reply, eaten away with guilt over leaving them like I did.
The only person who still tries to call me is my mom. The last person I’d ever want to talk to. Maybe the cringe and groan I give my phone whenever her name pops up is the same reaction Sage gives my attempts.
But I mean it this time. I’m done. I’m done chasing after a boy who wants nothing to do with me. My heart feels so heavy. Weighed down by this final goodbye.
I don’t think I’ll ever get over losing him. Even if it was me who left. He’ll always be the love of my life. Even if he never talks to me again. Sage Meadows will always own my heart.