Chapter 33
I’m almost to the horses outside when he catches up, and I have to hand it to Dolly, she’d at least been right about one thing. Apparently, all I do need to do is walk the other direction.
“Aiden,” Cypress says, reaching out for my arm right as I’m about to pull myself up into the saddle. “Hold on a minute.”
I shrug him off, not trusting myself to face him. My chest feels too tight, my skin too hot, the music from inside still too fucking loud. “I’m fine.”
“You aren’t,” he argues, and I can’t tell if he’s cross or if everything just sounds wrong right now. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have made you come here.”
I laugh. “You didn’t make me do anything. My choices are my own.”
Rather than try to swing up again, I start walking down the dirt path away from Dolly’s bar and toward the house, leading Helios—because I suppose that really is his damn name now—behind me.
Cypress follows a moment later with Cerberus, his long strides catching him up quickly until we’re side by side.
“What that man was saying—”
I shake my head. “It’s not important.”
“It is.”
“No. It isn’t.”
“It bothers you—”
“You don’t think I’ve heard that before?
” I ask, pausing and letting myself look at him now, at his frown that actually makes me miss the grin.
“I’ve heard far worse. Far more times than I can count.
It’s the same thing everywhere I go. Here.
Soldana. Doesn’t matter. Everyone always wants to know the same damn thing.
” I start walking again, afraid if I don’t, I’ll reach for him.
“You might as well get it fuckin’ over with too. ”
His frown deepens, though this time it seems more in confusion. “Get what over with?”
“You know what,” I tell him. “You’ve been saying since that first night in the alley that you know who I am.”
“And I do,” he replies, still sounding so sure of it. “From the moment I saw you in the saloon. Maybe even from outside the hotel—”
“Then why don’t you ever ask me about it?”
“About what?”
“All of it,” I snap, surveying the rocks and brush as if they’re judge and jury. “The gunfights. The stories. The people I’ve killed. You’ve never asked me about any of it.”
He shrugs. “Because I didn’t think you were ready to tell me.”
“Never seems to make a difference to everyone else.”
“Well,” he says with a sigh. “I don’t want to be everyone else to you.”
I stop again, turning to face him, still able to hear the music in the distance as proof we’re not the only two people in the world right now. “What is it you want then?”
He opens his mouth to speak but then closes it, seeming to think better of what he was going to admit before he glances away. Another of his tells, though I haven’t quite figured out yet what this one means.
“You really don’t know?” he asks finally. “You didn’t know me, too?”
“I knew you…” I begin, but now it’s his turn to shake his head, smiling a bit.
“As a thief,” he corrects.
“You are a thief,” I remind him.
He smirks. “Only for you.”
I roll my eyes. “You robbed Maddock in Soldana.”
“I conned him.”
“Is that not the same thing as thieving?”
“Not to me.”
“Why?”
“Isn’t theft if it never belonged to him in the first place.”
“What didn’t? His own money?”
“His money. His property. His land.” He scoffs. “But taken from how many people? From how many more?”
There’s an edge of something in his voice that I haven’t fully recognized until tonight.
It’s the same as when he’d told those men in there to be careful or when he’d said Maddock already had too many advantages.
It’s not just anger. It’s deeper than that.
Darker. And it feels as familiar to me as the kitchen table had.
“You know, he didn’t so much as hesitate when it came to wagering his men’s money,” Cypress continues. “When it came to wagering what he had already promised you. If I didn’t do something right then—”
“Hold on.” I raise a hand, stepping closer to him. “Are you saying you stopped losing just because he went back on our deal?”
He doesn’t respond, not immediately, which is precisely how I know I’m right.
“Why?” I ask, trying to wrap my head around it all. “I wouldn’t have told Maddock about the watch. Or that I thought you were playing him.”
“I know.”
“Then why? Why bribe me? Just because you wanted me as a partner? You could’ve—”
“Bribe you?” he asks, stepping closer now, too, so that only a couple feet separate us. “Is that still what you think I was doing?”
“Yes.”
“Why?”
“What other fuckin’ reason could there be? Nothing else makes sense.”
He stares at me, appearing to be caught between laughing and tearing his hair out. “Aiden—”
“You knew who I was. You knew my reputation. That’s why you wanted—”
“Fuck, Aiden, I didn’t want your reputation,” he nearly shouts. “I wanted you. I wanted you, and I thought maybe, just maybe, if I could give you the things you deserved, then you might actually…”
“I might actually what?” I ask him, my heart racing while I wait for him to tell me. While I watch his eyes search mine, only to switch to looking at the stars, as if he might find what he’s searching for there instead.
“I should…” he starts to say. “I should go back.”
“Go back?”
He sighs, his gaze returning to mine with his mask back in place. “Yes, I’ll…I’ll ride back with Dolly once the evening is over.”
Without another word, he turns, guiding Cerberus in the direction we came from, and the fact that Helios acts like he wants to follow him, too, feels like insult to injury. Traitor.
“Cypress,” I call after him when he’s a few paces away, and he immediately stops, pivoting to face me again. “You go back and you’ll stay away from that table? From those men?”
“You asked me not to lie to you, Aiden, so I won’t.”
“Damn it, why? Why can’t you—”
“Because someone has to.”
“Not you,” I counter. “You think I don’t get it? You think I don’t understand that some men need killin’? But it doesn’t have to be you. We don’t need you getting involved and causing us more trouble.”
His jaw clenches, and for a second, I think he’s going to listen, but then he only smiles. “Like you said, wolf…” He turns away. “There is no we.”