Chapter 4
Simone
For some reason, as soon as I’m alone, I start shaking again. It’s not cold in here, but I can’t stop the tremors from returning. I stare absently at the water while the tub fills, barely noticing when it gets so full that I have to hurry to turn it off.
I’m not in my own body. I turn toward the mirror and gasp. I knew my eye was swollen because I can only see out of a small slit, but I wasn’t expecting to look quite as beat up as I am.
My eye socket is already blue. My cheeks are bright red, and it hurts when I move my mouth too much.
I’ve seen the rest of my body. Some parts of me are worse than my face.
I didn’t let my gaze linger earlier because it made me feel sick to my stomach, so I’m not really interested in looking again now.
It hurts to brush my teeth, but I do that first. I pee next. Why I pull my tights back up, I have no idea. I’m not ready to take my clothes off.
I look back at the water. It’s going to get cold eventually. My legs don’t want to hold me up, though. My knees are weak. I lean against the wall next to the tub and slide down it until I’m sitting on the floor.
I feel like a fool. What’s wrong with me? I’m safe. I’m in Professor Arnalt’s house, where I’ve longed to be for four years. He designed a bedroom for me. Right? Did he really make that room for me ?
I’m not being rational. He wouldn’t lie to me. If the room existed, he would have just told me. He didn’t need to lie about it. There’s no reason he couldn’t have just said, “I have a Little room in my home you can stay in.”
That wouldn’t be weird. He’s a Daddy.
I tuck my forehead against my knees because that’s the only part of my face that doesn’t hurt. I can’t catch my breath. Everything is piling up, and a dam is about to let loose.
I’m safe.
I’m safe.
I’m safe.
That man doesn’t know who I am. It was a random attack. I know that’s true. Isn’t it? What if he does know who I am? No. He would have used my name if he’d known me.
But what if he’d been watching me come and go for months, targeted me, and then grabbed me tonight? That scares the fuck out of me. He really hurt me.
I’m not sure what would have happened if someone hadn’t pulled into the parking lot when they did. A good Samaritan who also called the police and stayed with me until they arrived. I don’t even know who it was. Some random guy from my building.
What if he hadn’t come home at that exact moment?
I know I screamed, but it wasn’t loud enough.
No one came. What if the attacker had taken me to another location?
He’d intended to. He’d lifted me right off my feet and started walking.
It was only because I managed to knee him in the fucking balls that he released me.
He could have killed me when he took me down to the ground. He could have slammed my head into the concrete, either on purpose or by accident. He could have punched me so hard that he broke my jaw or skull. He could have yanked my tights down and raped me right there on the sidewalk.
My skirt and sweater are both torn. He could have yanked them right off me and left me cold, naked, and alone. I would have been bleeding. Or maybe he’d intended to kill me after he raped me. Maybe he had a knife or a gun that I didn’t see.
I pull into myself even tighter and scream when I feel hands resting on my shoulders.
“Simone, baby, it’s me. Camden.”
I tip my head back and look at him. It is. Camden . It’s not my attacker. It’s my savior. The man who stepped in tonight to bring me home and give me a place to sleep. The man who says he wants more. Was he just saying that?
“Baby…” His brow is furrowed. “I heard you crying. I knocked and called your name, but you didn’t answer, so I came in.” He sits against the wall beside me, carefully scoops me off the floor, and settles me sideways on his lap.
I didn’t realize I was crying, but now I am. I’m sobbing. I can’t stop.
He gently rocks me. “I’m right here, Little one. You’re safe. I’ve got you.”
I’m safe.
I’m safe.
I’m safe.
I know this. Intellectually, I know it. But I can’t seem to shut down my brain.
“I couldn’t do it,” I finally sob around hiccups.
“Do what, baby?”
“Get in the tub. I couldn’t take my clothes off.”
“Does it hurt too much?”
“No…” I sob harder again. “I don’t want to look at myself,” I manage.
“Oh, Baby girl…” There’s pain in his voice.
I feel bad that I’m putting him through this. It’s more than he bargained for. I’m a hot mess. I’ve never been like this in my life. Not even when I left home to go to college without any intentions of returning. That stung, but not like this.
I’m a strong, independent woman. I don’t cry. I don’t panic. I don’t have meltdowns. Camden must think I do this all the time.
He just holds me and rocks me. “I’ve got you. You could skip the bath, but I’m sure you don’t want to sleep in these clothes.”
“I don’t even want to see these clothes again,” I say definitively. “And I want to wash that fucker off my skin. I want to scrub him off me. He touched me. He touched my hair and face.” I shudder. He had his hands all over my body, but mostly through my clothes. I feel icky.
“Want me to turn the lights off?” he asks without laughing. He’s serious.
“Will you do it for me, please?”
“Do what, Baby girl?”
“Wash me,” I whisper almost too softly to hear myself. I’m asking too much of him. It’s going to sting when he turns me down. He’s already told me twice tonight he didn’t want to see me naked. I’m a fool for asking.
He tips my head back. His expression is serious. His brow is deeply furrowed. “Simone, are you sure that’s something you’re ready for?”
“Yes, Sir.” Am I ready for him to see me naked? I’ve been ready for that for years.
He swallows. “There’s nothing I’d like more in the world than for you to let me take care of you in every way, Simone.
I’d gladly give you a bath tonight and every night for the rest of our lives.
But I don’t want you to wake up tomorrow and regret sharing yourself with me so intimately while you’re upset.
I don’t want you making decisions that are so important when you’re under stress. ”
“Seeing me naked isn’t life-altering, Camden.” I try to sound bold and sassy.
Camden stands, sets me on my feet, and sits on the toilet seat. He gently cups my face, meeting my gaze. “How many men have seen you naked, Simone?”
His question is unexpected. I look down.
“Eyes on me, Baby girl.”
I lift my gaze. Why did he have to go and ask me such a loaded question? Shit.
One brow rises above his eye. He’s going to wait.
I sigh. “None.”
He gives a slight nod. “That’s what I suspected. And you want me to remove your clothes after everything you’ve been through tonight?”
“I’m going to develop a complex and start crying harder if you fucking turn me down, Camden.” I’m not joking. He’s tying me in knots.
“Okay, Little one. How about if I turn the lights off so you don’t have to see the bruises?”
“How about if I close my eyes instead? I already saw them. I know what they look like. They’re probably worse now.
You might as well see them, Camden. I don’t want to spend the next two weeks pretending they don’t exist. There are some scrapes on my back that likely need Neosporin. I won’t be able to reach them.”
He strokes my cheeks gently with his thumbs. “Okay.”
I have no idea if I’m being fair to him. Who wants to see a woman’s beaten body? No one. If he is as interested in me as he says, he’d probably rather not see me naked until all the evidence of my attack is gone.
Yeah, I should have thought of it from that angle. I turn away from him. “Never mind.”
Before I can step away, he grabs my hand and pulls me between his legs so that my back is against his front.
He wraps his arms around me from behind and kisses my neck.
“Talk to me, Simone. You’re free to change your mind.
You’re always free to change your mind about anything .
But tell me what’s going through your head, Baby girl. ”
My lips tremble. “I’m asking too much of you.”
“You’re not. There’s never going to be too much.
It’s not possible. I know you, Simone. I know your Little better than you probably know her.
I have more experience with Littles than you do.
Your experience is mostly from reading, in your head, and what you’ve observed at Surrender.
It’s not practical. I’ve watched you suppress your Little for four years.
So, I know what I’m getting into when I say I want you. ”
My breath hitches.
“That’s right. I’ll tell you every day until you believe me.
I didn’t dream this up on the spot tonight because Jameson called and asked me to get you.
Let me tell you a few more things. You’re mine forever.
I don’t have doubts about that. You’re allowed to have doubts.
You don’t know me as well as I know you.
But, Little girl, I will do everything in my power to make you see that you’re mine . ”
I can’t even exhale.
“Some day, you’ll wear my ring on your finger. A ridiculous diamond that makes your hand too heavy to lift,” he teases. Does he? Maybe he’s not joking.
I’m never going to breathe again.
“In sickness and in health, Baby girl. Right now, we’re going through a period of sickness.
I’m right here. I’m not squeamish. Will I get pissed when I see what that fucker did to you?
Yes. I’ll try to control my reactions. But I will not avoid looking at you while you’re bruised, Simone.
Every part of you is mine, even when you’re injured.
You can ask me to do anything for you, Baby girl.
Always. I will never turn you down. So, if you think asking me to give you a bath so you don’t have to look at yourself or think again tonight is a hardship on my part, you’re badly mistaken.
Taking care of you is my life’s work. It starts now. We clear?”
“Yes, Sir.” I slump against him and wince when doing so hurts in about six places.
He rights me and reaches for the hem of my sweater. “Arms up.”
Finally breathing again, I inhale long and slow, letting him pull the sweater over my head. When I lift my arms, I wince because it hurts so much. I don’t look down. I don’t want to start crying again.
He unzips my skirt next and lets it fall to the floor. Bending lower, he unties my pink boots and takes them off one at a time. My tights and panties are next to go, and finally, my bra.
Goosebumps rise all over my skin. I’m cold now that I’m naked, but mostly I’m fucking nervous. The Daddy I’ve been lusting after for years is seeing me naked for the first time and not under ideal circumstances.
“I should have checked the water first.” He keeps one hand on my hip and reaches around me. The splash of water tells me he’s checking it. “It’s still pretty warm. You might not want it very hot anyway. Ready?”
“Yes, Sir.”
He lifts me by the hips and sets me in the tub. “I’ve got you. Sit on your bottom, Baby girl.”
I lower onto my butt and grab the sides of the tub to steady myself. Keeping my eyes closed makes me feel disoriented.
“Can you tip your head back so I can pour water over your hair, Little one?”
I squeeze my eyes tighter as I do what he asked.
“Good girl.” He wets my hair and then starts gently massaging shampoo into it.
It smells so good. “Is that my shampoo?”
He chuckles. “I don’t know if it’s the same brand, but I’ve smelled lavender on you since I met you, so I bought it, assuming you liked it.”
I purse my lips to keep from crying again. He did arrange all of this for me specifically. Holy shit.
While he massages my scalp, he asks, “Were you at Surrender earlier tonight, Simone?”
“Yes, Sir.”
“Is there any chance your attacker followed you home?”
I frown. “I don’t… I don’t know. I guess he could have. I didn’t think of that.” I shudder. What if he did? What if he’s a member of Surrender? I didn’t recognize him, but I don’t know every club member. Not even close to all of them. I don’t pay any attention to anyone who isn’t a Daddy Dom.
“It’s not super likely, but just in case, I’m going to call Roman tomorrow and see if he recognizes the description you gave the police. Did they say anything about doing a sketch?”
“She said someone could do it in the morning if I felt up to it.”
“I have her card. I’ll call her.”
“I didn’t even get her name,” I mumble.
“It was Davidson. Carol Davidson. I got it, baby.”
Thank goodness one of us was paying attention. I have a lot to be thankful for, including the fact that this amazing man is currently massaging my scalp so well that I’m about to moan.