Chapter 5 #2
I’d done what I had because I could. Because no one had stopped me, and that was what I’d been taught since I could remember. But what I’d claimed had cost me nothing, and nothing about it was strength.
At the start, I’d been fuelled by daydreams of what I’d do to him if I ever got free, yet all had turned stale as I saw the truth I wasn’t expecting.
Knox was paying every day. His torture had never ended, even when he was giving all that he had to the Misfits, or chasing the trafficking ring in a desperate attempt to make the pain end. And that was something I still couldn’t fully contend with.
Thistle, I knew, was no different.
She’d been through things I couldn’t imagine, and this was the best I could offer her.
Patience.
It was a second chance to give something I’d failed at the first time.
A low growl rumbled in Thistle’s chest as she clutched me. Another spike of pain she shouldn’t have to endure. Pain she didn’t deserve. I knew she was strong enough, though. She could fight through this.
Again, she shuddered, and I held her closer. I felt useless, just like I had earlier tonight, watching what was happening to her with no power to change it.
Ace had arrived, and that wasn’t my doing. Without him, she’d be broken, if not dead.
I shoved down the rage that tried to swallow me whole, trying to focus on her.
That was hard. Seeing her pain, feeling it… It was as if my ribs were slowly clamping down on my heart.
I just had to make sure she wasn’t alone—do this with her.
I couldn’t change it, but I could hold her through it. I stroked her hair, clinging to that anchor, knowing if I got lost, she would, too.
“I’m… scared,” Thistle whispered at last, glistening violet eyes turning up to meet mine.
“What are you scared of?” I asked.
She choked out a sob. “I hate…” She trailed off, squeezing her eyes shut. I waited, taking a breath and forcing my instincts into line as her heat hormones filled the air. “My… my body.”
I frowned, feeling a rise of hatred at that notion, at what it meant for her, at how she’d got here, then stamped it down, holding her gaze. I wanted to listen properly.
The silence stretched, and her tears cleared. “If I was born like Ace, everything wouldn’t always be… be about that… I d-don’t want it.”
“Your body?”
She shook her head. “It never liked me anyway. Just like…” Another tremor wracked her, and she clenched her jaw. “Just like now.”
I considered that, my heart tightening in my chest. “Well, I want you with or without this body. We could put that mad little mind of yours in that plushie, and I’d still take you everywhere.”
She giggled through another wave of tears as she shuddered again. Finally, she settled back down and began tracing little hearts into the sheen of tears on my chest. “That’s not… true, though,” she whispered.
“Truest thing I’ve ever said.”
“You need sex.”
“Or what?”
“I don’t know.” She pouted. “You probably d-die or something.”
I snorted. “Do I look dead to you?” What did she think? Knox was letting me out on the weekends? “Thistle, you’re the first good thing that’s happened to me in a long time. I don’t give the first fuck if sex isn’t on the table.”
“What if it wasn’t… ever?” she prodded, peering at me curiously.
I shrugged. “Don’t care.”
“You c-can’t go telling me you don’t like sex, silly.”
I grinned. “I like cars—doesn’t mean I keeled over when Knox crashed my Mercedes.”
Even if it was on purpose.
She pouted, as if trying to find a way around that. It seemed she couldn’t, as her eyes wandered to the other two Alphas who were still out cold.
“Sex has never made me panic before,” she whispered.
I snorted. “Has anyone ever stopped to check on that?”
She wet her lips, finger tapping on my chest anxiously. “No.” She looked so unsure. “I think it’s just in my head. Like if we did it right now, I’d still… enjoy it.”
I nodded thoughtfully. “We should dig a hole, take this and bury it deep, then pretend it never existed. I’m sure then it’ll be gone forever and definitely won’t cause problems again.”
She straightened. “You think so?”
Her wide eyes narrowed as she examined my expression. I barked a laugh at the frown that scrunched up her face as she recognised my sarcasm.
I stroked away a tear on her damp cheek, a smile still lingering. “I only want sex with you if it’s something you’re excited about. If it’s something you think about, dream about… can’t get enough of.”
Her eyes darted to the side as if she didn’t know what to do with that. She pouted, then shifted back down to clutch my chest with her rather inadequate wingspan.
I settled back into cuddling her. She was still uncomfortable, even if I was purring as aggressively as I could.
My fingers gently traced the fresh bite on her neck—the one I’d left.
It wasn’t bleeding, but it was new enough that if I pressed too hard, it might.
Still, it felt right, and I felt her breathing loosen as I traced it, a reminder of my claim. My protection.
For as long as I was here to give it…
At our side, Ace and Knox remained out cold.
After another hazy nap, she finally blinked up at me and muttered that she was starving.
Right.
Food.
How long had passed since her heat started? I had no idea how long I was out.
Dazed and still shivering from the heat, she wasn’t ready to let me go, and let out a furious hiss of distress when I tried to tuck her in between Ace and Knox.
So, I made do with letting her cling to my back, legs tangled around my waist, loose hair tickling my shoulders.
The only problem was, as I worked, she kept almost falling every time she nodded off, so I made good on my harness promise and strung together two belts to strap her to my back while I put together a meal.