8. Hopeless
EIGHT
HOPELESS
NEVER TAKE FRIENDSHIP PERSONAL: ANBERLIN
FIVE
T hick smoke fills my lungs and blurs my vision, while chunks of concrete spiral through the air from the explosion. The masks covering our faces offer scant protection from the debris whirling around us, but they do conceal our identities from the armed men inside, who unleash a torrent of gunfire as we push forward, splintering off in search of Calista.
We know she’s somewhere here, but are we too fucking late?
As we dodge bullets and frantically check each room, disappointment weighs down on us—there’s no trace of her. But then, as I enter a room at the end of a dimly lit corridor, my gaze lands on a tattered old bed. The fresh bloodstains marring the mattress tell a harrowing tale, and a chunk of concrete with a metal plate hints that she was here not long ago. But where the hell could she be now?
“Faster! Come the fuck on, or you’ll get caught!” Dom’s voice rushes into my ear, monitoring our every move from a nearby car, his laptop streaming live feeds from our body cams.
“I can’t fucking find her!” I shout over the relentless gunfire that surrounds us.
Killian’s panicked voice crackles through the earpiece, echoing my frustration—he, too, can’t locate Calista. My heart sinks as I pull away from the room I suspect she once occupied, desperately trying to retrace my steps. I collide with Ash and Killian in the hallway, seeing their empty hands drain away the last remnants of hope I clung to as we reluctantly head back outside into the bitter cold, the battle still raging within the house.
“Nothing?” Ash asks, pushing his mask up onto his forehead, the red glow of his LED lights still blinding my eyes even though they're not even that bright.
I shake my head in defeat, mirroring Killian’s expression. The three of us sprint down the street a few blocks to where Dominic waits in the car. I fling open the door and slide in, slamming it shut behind me.
“FUCK!” I scream as Killian turns the key, and the engine roars to life, speeding us away as if we’re being pursued.
But when I glance back, no one is following us—only darkness settles like a blanket around us.
“So that was all just a fucking bust?” Ash growls, ripping off his mask to light a cigarette.
“She could’ve gotten away,” Dom tries to murmur, clinging to a flicker of hope, but the expression on his face betrays him.
“If she did, someone would’ve fucking seen her,” Killian mutters, his eyes glued to the road, his mask still obscuring his features.
The ride back to the apartment wraps us in silence, a heavy fog of failure enveloping us as our minds race with questions about where we went wrong. We had planned every detail—the pipe bombs, the surveillance, the layout of the entire building. Yet somehow, we failed, and the thought of failing to bring Cali home gnaws at our insides.
Entering their apartment, the atmosphere feels somber and oppressive. The guys slouch into chairs, lighting up as they try to numb their feelings with whatever they can find. I pluck a joint from my cigarette pack and remain standing, knowing that I need to return to my place, even if it’s just to grab a change of clothes. I need space to think—just a moment of clarity to devise a new plan.
“I’m heading home to grab some things, but I’ll be back,” I announce, my nerves frayed, bracing myself for their impending protest. Surprisingly, they don’t react.
“Bring back some liquor; we’re almost out,” Ash says, taking a swig from the Fireball bottle he clutches tightly.
“Anything else?” I ask, glancing at the three of them, preparing to commit their requests to memory.
“Bring me some of that bud you’re smoking too,” Dom says, reaching for a backscratcher to stick into his cast to soothe the itch on his leg.
“Will do. I’ll be back in a couple of hours. If you hear anything, call me." I nod and turn to leave, an unsettling sensation coiling in the pit of my stomach. As I glance back, a chill runs down my spine. “You might want to find somewhere else to stay for a while. They’re going to come after us for what happened tonight, and here, you’re all sitting ducks.”
“Then find us a fucking place, smartass,” Killian snaps, snorting a thick line of heroin in one swift motion. “Somewhere our fathers can’t track us down.”
“I’ll work on that too, but be careful in the meantime, especially your crippled ass, Dom.” I attempt to lift the mood with a laugh, but all I receive is a middle finger from Dom, who’s tightly gripping a loaded needle.
The brief walk home feels fraught with tension. Before tonight, the most dangerous thing I’d ever done was a petty robbery at a trap house down the street— years ago . I don’t usually break the rules; I try to keep my life clean and avoid trouble. Tonight shattered that illusion, potentially altering the course of my life forever. I’ve never harmed anyone; I just street race now and then. But now I find myself tangled in high-stakes chaos, uncertain of what it all means. Yet if it concerns Cali, I’m willing to risk everything to bring her back, even if it costs me my life. It's funny how love can do that, how it can make you not even question doing unspeakable things. But for the right person, for that one that you can't live without, you're willing to risk anything and everything just for them. And that's what Cali means to me, even in just the short time I've known her.
Instead of heading straight home, I circle back a few times, wary of anyone watching and waiting for my return. Only when I’m certain it’s safe do I finally step inside and ascend the winding stairs, letting tears stream down my face now that I’m truly alone.
As I unlock my front door, a familiar scent halts me, and I struggle to remember where I’ve encountered it before. Carefully, I glance around before stepping through the front door, locking it quickly behind me. As soon as my back presses against it, I close my eyes and begin to slide down toward the floor. But the feeling of cold metal pressed against my temple freezes me in place, and I clench my eyes shut tighter. The scent is even closer now—musty and sugary—an unusual combination, but one I recognize from the basement of Gunnar's house.
"Are you alone?" A whisper comes from my left, too low to identify who it is just yet.
“Fuck. Yeah, I’m alone,” I mutter, still too frightened to open my eyes.
The muzzle of the gun presses deeper into my temple for a brief moment before being withdrawn completely, and finally, I open my eyes when I hear the gun being set down.
Before me stands a masked figure, cloaked in black from head to toe. The same red ‘X’ eyes stare back at me—just like the ones on the mask I’d been wearing before.
"What the fuck do you want?" I seethe, not in the mood for any games after the night I’ve had.
"You,” they reply, and in one swift motion, they lift their mask, and my heart plummets to the floor.
“Cali? Fuck, how did... why are... Shit, you’re here,” I stammer as I wrap my arms around her, spinning her around and refusing to let go.
She shivers in my embrace, her body delicate against the tightness of my grasp. A few sniffles escape her before she musters a small smile, pain flickering in her broken eyes.
"It was you guys, wasn't it?" She asks, finally relaxing somewhat as we sink onto the floor together, still entwined.
"What was us?"
“The explosion—the reason I was able to get out of there.” Her wide, wild eyes search mine, seeking the truth that my mouth struggles to articulate.
Shock still consumes me as I hold her, hoping this is real and not merely a delusion I’ve stumbled into. The silence between us stretches on, thick and charged with everything unspoken. Her warmth is a balm against the cold reality of our lives, yet it sizzles with the tension of too many questions left unanswered.
“Cali,” I whisper, pulling back just enough to look into her face again. “What happened? Were you hurt?” Panic creeps back into my voice, slicing through the temporary spring of joy that came with finding her.
She shakes her head, but I catch a slight tremor in her hands. “No," she says flatly, making me believe she's lying. "I barely slipped away. I... I thought they’d catch me for sure.”
My heart aches for her, the fear and pain she must’ve endured clawing at me. “I’m so fucking sorry,” I say, feeling the weight of the world crash down on my shoulders. “We were supposed to get you out, but we didn’t plan it right. It was a fucking chaotic mess. We thought?—”
“You didn’t know,” she interjects softly, her eyes shimmering with unshed tears. “But you saved me anyway. You guys made it possible for me to escape, even if it was just a chance. You have to know that.”
Hope ignites in me, but it barely withstands the winds of doubt swirling around my thoughts. “You shouldn’t be here. We need to get you somewhere safe, away from this mess. They’ll come looking.”
A deep frown creases her brow as if the gravity of our situation is suddenly sinking in. “I can’t go back to the apartment. They’ll find me there. They’ll find all of us.”
“What were you doing here?” I ask, pushing the panic aside. “Did you follow me? If they see you?—”
“No,” she interrupts as she wipes a tear from her cheek. “You don’t understand. I was hiding, waiting for you to come back. I thought I could get us out, but I didn’t know how to reach you. I thought…” Her voice trails off, and the pain of uncertainty dances in her eyes.
“Thought what?”
“I thought you..." She hesitates, as if grappling with the weight of every word. “I thought you might not come back.”
Her honesty wraps around my heart, and my stomach churns. “I would’ve clawed my way back if I had to. You mean everything to me, Cali.”
Her lips curve up slightly, the corner twitching into a shaky smile. “Then we need a plan. They’ll be after me, after those who helped me escape. We can’t sit here forever.”
I nod, already sparking with thoughts of what comes next. “We need to move somewhere remote. Somewhere they won’t think to look," I encourage, feeling the rush of urgency coiling inside me. “But we have to be smart. If we slip up, it could cost us everything. The guys are already planning to move too.”
I look around my small apartment, suddenly acutely aware of its inadequacy—a cage rather than a sanctuary. But Cali forces my eyes onto hers, grabbing my face in her hands and turning my head, smiling as if nothing happened to her or to her friends, smiling as if everything is fine in the world. And then she leans in and captures my lips like the first night we met, slipping her tongue inside my mouth and owning it like she has so many times. And I let her.
For a short moment, the weight of the world lifts, and it's just us—lost in our kiss. Her warmth spreads through me, igniting forgotten feelings and wrapping around the raw edges of my anxiety. I need this—this connection, this assurance that she’s okay. The chaos of our lives dims against the backdrop of her presence, and I realize how desperately I need her.
But as the kiss deepens, a harsh reminder of our reality pulls me back. The cold metal of fear coiling around my heart tightens once more as I break away, breathless.
“We can’t stay here,” I say, pressing my forehead against hers. “Not even for a moment. They'll come looking for you.”
“Then we leave. Now.” Her voice regains its urgency as she glances toward the door, eyes darting around the apartment as if anticipating the worst. “Do you have a place in mind?”
My mind races through options, but every location feels tainted by the threat of discovery. “There’s an old cabin a couple of hours from the city. It’s secluded, and not many know about it. It'll give us time to think and plan.”
“Let’s go, then.” She stands, her determination igniting the fire within me. I jump to my feet, quickly scanning the room to gather essentials—my wallet, a knife I keep hidden for security, and my phone, which already buzzes with a text from Killian.
Killian
We need to discuss a new location. Meet us at the old diner.
I type a quick response.
Me
I’ll be there. Don’t talk about Cali. She’s with me.
I lock my phone, shoving it into my back pocket. I look at Cali, who’s already setting her mask back in place—cowardly comfort cloaking her face. “Are you ready?”
Her eyes narrow through the mask’s eye holes, and she nods, steeling herself for whatever may come.
“Just remember,” I say as I unlock the door. “If you hear anything... anything at all, you stay low and keep silent. I’ll get us out of this.”
She taps her waistband, grinning beneath her mask. “I'm a big girl, Five. If it comes down to it, I can hold my own.” She winks, and I already know she's strapped, and for some reason, it turns me on more than ever.
We slip into the night, the darkness enveloping us as we navigate the familiar streets that now feel foreign, like a maze filled with the ghosts of our pasts. Adrenaline surges through my veins, heightening my senses as I scan for any signs of danger.
After what feels like an eternity, we reach a car perfect for stealing—a ragged old sedan that’s seen better days but still hums with life. I open it, glancing over my shoulder every second to ensure we aren’t followed.
“Get in,” I say, my voice firm despite the trepidation swirling in my gut.
As she slides into the passenger seat, I can’t help but steal a glance at her—she’s just as beautiful under the moonlight, despite the fear shadowing her eyes. Without a key, I work my magic and spin a nearby flathead screwdriver in the ignition, and the engine roars to life as we pull away from my building, heart pounding harder with every mile.
“Let’s be quick,” she says, her voice slicing through the tense silence. “They’ll check the apartment soon.”
“I know.” My heart races at the thought of the guys back at the apartment, unaware of how close they are to danger. “We’ll pick them up at the diner and make our way to the cabin together.”
A brief semblance of calm wash over me as I weave through the streets, the hum of the engine grounding me amidst the chaos. But the moment the diner comes into view, that sense of ease dissipates, replaced by an icy knot in my stomach.
I park and turn to Cali. “Stay close. Keep your head down.”
Stepping into the diner instantly exposes us to the dim glow of fluorescent lights and muted conversations. The smells of grease and old coffee envelop us, but they do little to mask the tension coiled in the air.
I spot Dom, Killian, and Ash in one of the back booths, huddled together, their expressions pale against the slick black tables. As I make my way towards them, I don’t miss the way their gazes flicker to Cali, incredulity mingling with relief.
“We need to talk,” I assert, my voice low but urgent as I slide into the booth next to Killian. Cali follows my lead, sitting beside me.
“What the hell happened out there?” Ash asks, disbelief etched across his face. “We thought you were gone for good.”
“I wasn’t,” Cali interjects, her voice firm. “I got away. But we don’t have time for that now. We need to find a safe place, and we need to do it fast.”
“Fuck, it's so good to see you,” Killian chimes in, his words heavily slurred from the liquor flowing through his veins.
Cali smiles, reaching across the table to give his gloved hand a small squeeze. Her smile is bright, but not as bright as it usually is, which is understandable.
Dom, who’s been silent until now, glances out the window nervously, like a caged animal sensing danger. “They know we’re here. I saw something—guys in black, looking around. It’s only a matter of time before they come here.”
Adrenaline surges as I absorb the information. “Then we need to move now—get the hell out of this town.”
“What about supplies?” Killian asks, his brow knit in concern. “We can’t leave without something. We need food, water?—”
“I’ll grab what we need,” I say, my determination resurfacing as I shove my chair back. “I’ll go in and out. Just keep a lookout. If you see anything suspicious, let me know.”
Cali reaches for my hand, squeezing it softly as she leans in. “Be careful, please.” Her voice trembles slightly, amplifying the weight of my resolve.
“I will be. Trust me.” I can’t help but lean in and drop a quick kiss on her forehead before rising, ignoring the death glare all three men give me.
As I make my way toward the diner’s entrance, I glance back at the four of them huddled in the booth—just as I suspected, we are family now. No matter how messy and chaotic this gets, we are bound by loyalty—even if the world is unraveling around us.
Outside, the air feels heavy, laden with unspoken fears. I shake off the anxiety threatening to creep back in and stride toward the nearby convenience store. The flickering lights betray the sense of normalcy—the daily grind of life continuing even as ours spins into chaos.
Stepping inside, I quickly tick through my mental checklist—snacks, bottled water, anything we can carry. I grab a basket and start tossing items in; my focus narrows as I stock up on the necessities. I can’t shake the itch between my shoulder blades, tempting me to look over my shoulder, but I suppress it, refusing to be paralyzed by fear.
As I reach the checkout, I hear the distant sound of sirens—the shriek of urgency echoing in my ears. Panic rises within me, and I hasten my movements, tossing bills at the cashier as I grab the bags and rush back outside.
The moment I step into the parking lot, I see the unmistakable outline of a black van idling nearby. My pulse quickens, every instinct screaming at me to run. Not knowing if they are here for me or for Cali, I turn back toward the car, praying everyone is still inside.
But the sight that meets my eyes yanks the breath from my lungs. The diner door swings wide, and before I can process the scene, Killian bursts out first, followed closely by Ash and Dom, hopping on his crutches with the guy's help. Unmistakable fear radiates from them as they sprint toward the car, shouts echoing behind them like a thunderous drumroll.
“They're coming! Move it!” Dom yells, his eyes wild with desperation.
I take off toward them, adrenaline surging as the back door flings open. “Get in! Get in!” I bark, feeling the weight of impending doom crashing down on us.
Cali jumps into the front seat beside me while the others scramble into the back, hearts racing as we slam the doors shut.
“Go! NOW!" Ash shouts from the backseat.
I slam the car into gear and peel out of the lot, the tires screeching against the pavement. But as I glance into the rearview mirror, my heart drops—the black van is already barreling toward us, its headlights painting us in a blanket of sheer terror.
“You couldn't have brought a faster car, Five? You do that shit for a living!” Dominic growls, but I know he's right. At the same time, I didn't want to stand out, so I figured this was the best option.
“Faster!” Cali screams, her voice laced with panic, and I push the gas pedal down deeper, heart hammering in my chest.
“I’m trying!” I respond, weaving through parked cars, knowing we’re in a race against time—past the clamor of the diner and into an uncertain future. No longer just about saving Calista. It’s about survival. The stakes have never been higher.