14. Panic
FOURTEEN
PANIC
ALL DOWNHILL FROM HERE: NEW FOUND GLORY
CALISTA
A ddy's incessant chatter since our return to Boston has become unbearable. Her voice grates on my nerves, leaving me begging for silence, desperate for respite. Her words increasingly mirror my mother's, triggering a deep unease. I've tried ignoring her, but the resulting silence feels agonizing—a huge difference to the ease of normal conversation. The defenses I've carefully built around my heart are slowly crumbling, my resolve weakening. Anxiety, panic, and fear surge within me, threatening to overwhelm the fragile composure I've maintained.
I shouldn't confide in the imaginary friend I created to cope with past trauma, but she's been my companion since I was thirteen. After ten years, severing that bond feels impossible yet necessary. I need to quiet the fucking voices in my head, but shit, I don't fucking know how. Sometimes they're my only solace, and they've saved my life more than once. How can I abandon them?
A single raindrop traces a cold path down my neck, sending a shiver through me. I grip Ash's hand tighter as we walk, a shared apprehension and silent understanding palpable between us. Approaching my parents' house intensifies my anxiety. The carefully constructed shield I've built against their manipulation and abuse threatens to shatter. I feel myself unraveling, and I have no fucking idea to stop it.
I know my parents can't physically harm me—not now, at least. But the fear spreads like wildfire. My throat constricts, my pulse races as my feet fall on the familiar blacktop of the driveway. I'm here. Again.
"Hey, you'll be alright, Cali. I'm here, and I won't let anything happen to you," Ash reassures me, his eyes twinkling briefly in the moonlight before his mask obscures his beautiful face, revealing glowing red eyes and a mouth.
"I know," I sigh, struggling to articulate my feelings. "I can't explain it, but you don't need to worry," I assure him, adjusting my own mask as we walk down the long driveway, trying to ignore the panic constricting my throat.
"What's your plan?" Ash asks, sensing my purpose.
"I want to watch them—my parents, Gunnar, and their associates. I need to understand their movements. And I want Gunnar to know he should have fucking finished the job when he had the chance." A grim smile touches my lips. The thought of confronting them brings a measure of calm. "He should have killed me then—instead of fucking with me—because now, I'll make his death fucking excruciating—he'll receive absolutely no fucking mercy."
"That's my girl," Ash growls, his voice low and husky. His touch sends shivers down my spine as he pulls me close against the old iron fence, hidden from the security cameras. He lifts me effortlessly, my legs instinctively wrapping around his waist. He spins me, pressing me against the cold iron bars, a sharp pain shooting down my spine before fading to numbness.
"I love you, Cali, but baby, I love it when the Little Psycho in you comes out to play." He removes his mask, impatiently taking mine off as well.
I anticipate what's coming—the thought itself igniting a desire—to possess him here, against the fence, within sight of the cameras, to let my parents and Gunnar witness our intimacy, a defiant act against their control.
The cold metal bites into my skin as I slide us down a few feet, a stark contrast to the heat radiating from Ash's body. His hands are everywhere, exploring, claiming. The pain from the fence is quickly forgotten in the rush of sensation. His kiss is fierce and demanding, a reflection of the storm raging within me. It's a kiss that speaks of vengeance, of defiance, of reclaiming my power. He tastes of moonlight and something wild, something untamed, and fuck, I just want more.
"Fuck me, Ash. Right here, right now," I demand, desperately reaching down to undo his pants to free his cock.
His large, tattooed hands slide under my skirt and swiftly push my already soaked panties to the side, letting the cool air sweep across my pussy. Feverishly, his tongue drives into my mouth and brushes against mine as we duel for dominance right against the fence.
"Fuck, your hands are cold, but I don't even care," he mumbles against my lips, his tongue toying with mine as I stroke him to get him hard.
"I'll warm you up, baby boy," I purr into his mouth, guiding his cock to my slick pussy as he bends his knees to angle himself perfectly to slide inside me.
My back arches against the fence as he thrusts inside me, filling me in one swift move that makes my nails dig into the skin on his shoulders, even through the fabric of his shirt. He pumps his hips, sliding in and out of me, each time filling me to the brink.
Grunts and groans fill the chilly night air around us, drowning out the sound of passing cars, honking horns, and the commotion from the city, trapping us in our own little world of passion and desire.
I cling to Ash as if he’s my lifeline, and I'm dangling from the edge of a cliff, with him being the only one to keep me from plummeting to my death. With every thrust, my legs lock tighter around him, his cock owning every inch of me. He looks into my eyes as I go to shut mine, speaking in a language only we can understand. I keep them open, staring into the dark, shimmering colors swirling around his pupils. He grins, biting his bottom lip as he slams my back into the iron over and over, but the pain has already turned into pleasure, and I can feel myself coming undone in his arms.
"Harder," I pant, leaning in and brushing my lips against his ear while my eyes lock onto the camera just a couple hundred feet away, a grin tugging at the corners of my lips.
"Like this?" he asks, picking up the pace.
He fucks me even harder, his cock sliding deliciously between my walls and tightening the muscles in my lower belly. I nod frantically, unable to speak as he steals the breath right out of my lungs with each thrust. Sweat drips down my face and neck, even as the wind blows bitterly. But I don't care. I'd catch hypothermia for this man any fucking day.
All of a sudden he stops, and everything I had blocked out comes back into focus. The look in his eyes is dark and alarming, matching the wicked look on his face.
"Why did you stop, Ash?" I ask, out of breath and on the verge of coming all over his cock.
"Because I didn't fucking hear you, Little Psycho. I asked if it was hard enough for you, but all I got was fucking silence." He pulls out of me and sets me on my feet, my legs like jelly, as I try to compose myself, gripping the gate so I don't fall.
"I nodded!" I shriek, grinding my jaw in complete disbelief.
"Nodding isn't an answer, Calista, and you should know that." He pulls his pants up and zips them, his eyes never leaving mine.
"So you're just going to stop? Just like that?!" I shake my head stunned, not able to process his whole dominating demeanor.
"Yup," he says, walking away toward the house that I managed to escape from, leaving me a worked-up mess and highly pissed off.
I run after him, still clenching my jaw and biting my tongue, so I don't say something I'm going to regret, but I already know how I am, and it's fucking inevitable. Sitting beside him as we look into the living room window, spotting my mother and Gunnar dry humping like teenagers, I begin recording the scene in front of me, still trying to think of a comeback that'll hit him where it hurts. And then it comes to me, making the evil in me burst through the surface like it's been begging to.
"Fine, when we get home, I'll just fuck one of the guys so I can finish... better yet, I'll fuck Five's brains out. I'm sure he'll fucking love that." I chuckle under my breath and keep my eyes on my mother, feeling Ash glare at me without even having to turn my head.
I know I got under his skin. That was the point of my statement because I know it'll piss him off to the point where he'll fuck me like a savage... I know him too well.
"Seriously, Calista? You're gonna fucking play it like that?" He seethes, making me finally turn to look at him.
"Yeah, Ash, it's like that. You didn't want to finish the job, so I'll get someone who's more than wil‐"
Suddenly I'm on the ground, flat on my back on the soaking wet grass with my skirt pushed up over my ass and my legs roughly spread wide open. Ash settles between them and hastily unzips his jeans and pulls his still-hard cock out, plunging into me in a violent thrust that actually brings tears to my eyes.
But I fucking love it.
Before I get the chance to speak, he wraps his hand around my throat and chokes me—not that lovey-dovey kind of choking, but the one where I legit can't fucking breathe. He fucks me roughly, leaving no room move or breathe as he pounds into my pussy, leaving it throbbing every time he pulls out and drives back in.
"Wipe the fucking grin off your face," he growls in a demanding tone, choking me harder until little black and white dots dance in my sight.
I claw at his hand trying to get him to loosen it, but with each passing second I can feel myself growing weaker. My legs shake and my body spasms beneath his as he fucks me hard and rough, like he never has before, and just as I feel myself coming, everything around me goes black as I pass out under him.
But I still got what I wanted.
I don't remember getting back to the apartment. And as I open my eyes and rub the blurriness out of them, realizing I'm on Dom's bed, confusion sinks in even more, and a wave of disorentation washes over me. I sit up, my throat pulsing, and gently rub the front of my neck where I remember Ash choking the fuck out of me.
"Shit, what happened?" I ask aloud, hearing the commotion from the guys in the living room.
"What happened was that Ash fucked you outside of your parents house while you were passed the fuck out," Addy says, scaring the shit out of me.
I turn to my right to see her standing in front of Dom's window, watching the view below. I roll my eyes and grab a cigarette out of the crushed pack on the nightstand, desperately needing the nicotine.
"You know, he could've killed you the way he choked you," she states, as if I could give a fuck. But I don't.
"Addy, I don't fucking care. Why are you even here right now? And how the fuck do I get rid of you?" I snap, feeling a sting in my heart for reasons I don't understand.
"You can never get rid of me, Cali, and we both know this. With or without your medication, I'm always here, and I always will be."
Just as I go to respond to her, the bedroom door opens and Dom limps in, walking a lot better without his crutches. He sits beside me on the bed, and his eyes immediately dart to my neck, I assume, glancing at the beautiful bruises Ash's fingers left behind.
"Fuck, I thought he was kidding when he said he choked the fuck out of you," he sighs, shaking his head.
"Nah, he was telling the truth, but it's fine." I grin, laying my head on his lap, his fingers instinctively raking through my messy curls.
"Fine?" Dom chuckles, a low rumble in his chest. "Cali, you're covered in bruises. He could have killed you."
His touch is gentle, almost hesitant, as if afraid to cause more pain. I close my eyes, enjoying the warmth of his hand in my hair—the familiar comfort—a much-needed change from the chaos of the last few hours. The sting in my heart remains, a dull ache that has nothing to do with the physical pain.
Addy clears her throat, now from the doorway, her presence a persistent, unwelcome shadow. "He's right, you know."
I push myself up, ignoring the throbbing in my neck. "Addy, please. Just… leave."
The words are sharper than I intend, but the exhaustion is wearing me down. The adrenaline that had been fueling my anger is fading, leaving behind a bone-deep weariness. I then realize I did it again—I've spoken to the girl no one else but me can see.
Dom's hand tightens in my hair, a silent reassurance. "She's right to be worried, though," he says softly, his gaze unwavering, my heart swelling from the fact that he's playing along with my crazy, which turns me on more than it probably should.
"I'm fine," I insist, but my voice cracks, betraying the lie.
The truth is, I'm far from fine. But it has nothing to do with Ash and what happened. The physical bruises are nothing compared to the emotional ones, the confusion and the unsettling feeling that something fundamental has shifted. The casual brutality of Ash's actions, the almost nonchalant way Addy recounted it, the strange comfort I find in Dom's presence… it all feels wrong, yet strangely familiar. I need answers, but more than that, I need to understand why I don't feel the outrage I should. Why, instead of anger, a strange, unsettling calm has settled over me. The nicotine burns in my lungs, a small rebellion against the numbness that's creeping in.
"The only way I feel alive is feeling pain, being on the verge of death—not knowing if I'm going to make it out in one piece," I mutter through the puff of smoke flowing from between my lips, pooling in a cloud above us.
"I know, and that's one of the fucking reasons why we're so perfect together—all of us," Dom replies, smiling at me with a spark of mischief in his eyes.
I look around the room and don't see Addy anywhere, which makes the grin on my face even wider. Pushing Dom onto his back, I straddle his lap and tug at his shirt, impatiently pulling it over his head. My fingers trace his tattoos as he wiggles his hips, his hard cock poking at my entrance. His hands reach around and push my skirt up, pushing my panties to the side like Ash did earlier.
"Sit on my cock, Cali. Fuck me like you hate me, Little Psycho. Take what you want and then some, fuck, I need to be inside you so fucking badly," he begs, knowing how much I love it when he does.
Once his pants are down and my clothes are completely off, I climb back on him, lowering my mouth to his cock with my eyes deadlocked on his. He watches intently as I open my mouth and slide him inside, the tip touching the back of my throat as I seal my lips around the base. I slowly bob my head, taking him deeper each time, refusing to look away. His grin only fuels me further, and I cup his balls while forcing his cock down my throat, swallowing so my muscles tighten around him.
"Ah, fuck," he groans, lifting his hips and fucking my mouth as I continue to suck him even faster.
I suck until the bulging vein in his cock throbs against my tongue, giving him a teasing break so he doesn't cum before I want him to. The second I sit on him, his hands grab my hips, and he slams me down on his cock, impaling me like a sword to the fucking heart. My head falls back onto my shoulders as I sit up straight and begin bouncing, smiling as the familiar squeek of his bed echoes around the room.
So wet and needy, I fuck him hard and fast, desperate to come even though I already did just hours before. But each man fucks different, and Dom has what I need right now. I grind on him, desperately needing the friction against my clit that makes my body tremble with overwhelming need.
"Dom," I moan, reaching down and gently wrapping my hand around his throat, squeezing my eyes shut as little spasms rock my body.
"What is it, baby? Tell me." He cups my tits, his thumbs circling my nipples and making them turn to little pebbles, goosebumps following suit.
"I'm... I'm close," I stutter, matching his thrusting hips each time I slam down on him.
I can feel his dick pulsing inside me, and I shiver as he comes, giving me no warning. A sticky mess, my pussy swallows every drop that doesn't drip out as I slide up and down on his cock, and all I want is more.
More of him. More of Ash. More of Killian. More of Five. Just. Fucking. More.
His legs tense as he empties himself deep inside of me, and his hold on my tits gets harder, holding them in place as I frantically bounce up and down as fast and hard as I can, trying to get myself over the edge I've been teetering on for the last few minutes. When I finally do, I soak him. The damn breaks and I completely unravel, choking him almost as hard as Ash choked me, but I know Dom can take it.
Letting go of my tits, Dom slaps my ass and roughly squeezes my cheeks, spreading them apart and using them to guide me up and down on him, helping me ride out the wave of pleasure surging through me. My head drops, and a jolt of electricity shocks me to my core right before I collapse on top of him, his cock still buried inside me as we lay here panting, trying to catch our breath.
All of a sudden, just as my heartrate begins to return to normal, Dom says something that immediately gets my blood boiling and nothing but revenge front and center in my mind.
"So... My father called me tonight. Actually, all of our fathers called us tonight."