Julian #2
Dante is trying to balance Howard on the chair when I walk past the room on the way to my bedroom.
I lay Natalie on the bed and cover her shivering body with a blanket.
Stroking her hair from her face I notice the blood seeping through the fresh dressings.
I take a mental note to change them again when she wakes up.
I stand and watch over her, she looks right where she is meant to be.
In my home, in my bed. Just like she should have been all these years.
If only it wasn’t so damn wrong. Bringing her here has definitely put her in more danger.
She murmurs in her sleep. I’m so fucking sorry, treasure.
If only I had just brought you here in the first place or took you away somewhere.
I should’ve fought harder to stay. Tears sting my eyes and I’m grateful for the mask.
You will never have to go through any of this again.
I promise baby. Her mousy blonde hair is now tainted with her blood as I play with it.
I love her silky locks. She groans again and rolls over so she is facing me, she mumbles my name.
It’s okay, I’m here. I take her hand in mine, twisting our fingers together.
“I’m here, treasure.” I whisper. I hear the Locked Room door slide closed and footsteps head my way.
“I’m leaving.” Dante says as he leans against the doorway. “Don’t hurt her.” He spins and leaves before I can answer. Why do they all think I’m going to hurt her? I have never once purposely hurt a woman. I leave that to Pea and the rest of the women in my teams .
Squeezing her hand one last time, I leave her to rest. Going into the ‘living room’, I throw my jacket on the back of the black leather sofa, go to the open plan kitchen and flick the switch on the kettle.
It matches the one I bought for Natalie within the first few months of visiting her home.
I love tea, but what is it with most Americans not having a tea kettle?
I chuckle to myself as I remember her note, confused on what this new kitchen appliance was.
Then smile as I remember her waking me up after a nightmare and showing her how to make a cup of tea.
The smile she gave me after taking her first sip of my favourite beverage made me so damn happy .
She has woken me up a few times since, each time with two cups of the steaming liquid on the table as she snuggles up and cries out her feelings.
Granted, it’s not easy drinking through a straw, but it’s better than her seeing my face.
She shouldn’t ever see my face, she might recognise me and I’ll be screwed.
I finish making my tea, and assured that she will be sleeping for a while, remove my mask and sit on the sofa.
I let the drink cool for a few minutes, and as I’m about to take my first sip, “Julian.” She says softly.
I panic, she is standing right by where my mask is placed on one of the kitchen counters.
Her eyes meet mine. This is it, she knows who I am now and I’ll never see her again.
“I’m so sorry,” she says quickly as she picks up my mask and finds a straw in the top drawer.
“Here,” she holds out the two objects, “you can put it back on if you feel more comfortable.” I meet her eyes.
Her baby blues meet my green ones. “I need to apologise, you were right, Xander could have left and I wouldn’t have known.
” She sighs. “I’m sorry for not texting you.
I’m sorry for sending you away. I’m so, so sorry, Julian.
” And any anger I had for her dissipates with that sigh and her quiet sorries.
I understand why she had to go in, she needs to work, well, needed as now she is going to be here, she will want for nothing.
“No,” I put my cup down along with the mask and straw on the coffee table in front of us then shuffle closer to her.
“You have nothing, and I mean nothing to apologise for.” I hold her face in my hands, her finger traces my tattoo like normal.
She has done it so many times, she doesn’t even need to look now.
“I was scared and I freaked out, I shouldn’t have taken it out on you.
I was coming for you anyway .” I admit, “and then when he dragged you out like he did. I wanted to kill him.” I whisper the last sentence and wipe her tear stained cheeks.
Her eyes haven’t left mine, like she is entranced by them.
This is her first time seeing my eyes. I wonder how she feels about the rest of my face as her eyes start to wonder.
I see her hand rise and feel her fingers stroke against my skin, I close my eyes and take in the unfamiliar feeling.
No-one has been so gentle with me, not like this.
Whenever someone has touched my face before, it’s to either cut me up or smack me about.
My past experiences have left me with permanent scars scattered all over my skin.
From being shot and stabbed, to being tied up and slowly sliced open.
That’s why I wear the mask, people would recognise me by my scars.
No matter if I dye my hair or wear contacts, my scars are now a part of my identity.
A lot of dangerous and fucking scary people know me through the permanent wounds, including Natalie's Pa.
I should have killed him, finding her adoption file and reading his name had my blood boiling.
That's when I knew I had to warn him to stay away from her. I didn’t kill him, I just took his hand.
Unfortunately the bastard managed to rip off my mask and see my face.
He knew who I was straight away and laughed, I ran after picking up his watch.
My childhood came back to me in flashbacks.
My identity was found out and I fucked up.
Luckily, I managed to scare him enough for him never to come near my girl again.
“Why do you hide?” Natalie asks. “You’re beautiful.
” She hiccups and changes the subject. Not like I blame her.
Her delicate strokes over each individual scar has my eyes burning with unshed tears.
This woman, after everything she has been through the last few days, is comforting me.
Me. The man who doesn’t deserve it after scaring her.
I don’t deserve any type of happiness. I need to take her home. I need to stay away from her. I need…
I need her.
I lean my forehead against hers, I press my lips to the tip of her nose.
“It’s okay to cry, treasure.” I have comforted her enough times to know the signs of her holding back.
“Let it all out. We can talk when you’re ready.
” She starts sobbing. Loud uncontrollable sobs that shatters my soul and I can’t help but cry myself.
I pull her close, holding her tight as she lays her head on my shoulder, smoothing my hand up and down her spine, I comfort her as well as myself with the actions.
“You’re safe now.” I croak. “I’m here, baby.
” I kiss her temple. “I’m never leaving you again. ”
“Thank you for coming for me.” She cries. “Thank you Julian.”