Natalie #2
I look around and see my purse on the couch.
Picking it up I see my keys are still in there.
I need to leave this place. I need to leave before Julian kills me like Pa did my sister.
They had the same look in their eyes. The spark of chaos mixed with murderous intent.
Dantes however , no longer had the look of hatred.
Just pity and something like adoration when he looked at me.
God Natalie, you must be going fucking crazy . Of course he still hates you.
Putting Dante's phone back on the table, I grab the sweat pants from the medical room and slip them on before heading for what I hope is the exit.
Looking around I can’t make out where I am.
I can’t see anything but darkness. Taking my phone out I turn on the flashlight and notice the tyre marks.
I follow them, hoping they might lead to a road or a street I will recognise.
Sharp bits of soil and small stones hidden in the grass start to cut my feet, but anything is better than staying there and causing a fight between two friends.
I should have told them to leave when we were at the bank.
I should have asked them to go. Howard is dead because of me.
Julian and/or Dante could possibly be getting hurt now because of me.
I was selfish and went to work because I needed the money, if I never went in, none of this would have ever happened.
Selfish, selfish, selfish .
It’s all my fault.
Someone got hurt because of me - again.
People keep getting hurt because of me.
Julian tried to make me kill someone. I did hurt someone, kind of.
I was holding the blade when the first drop of blood fell.
I made a promise to myself all those years ago that I would never hurt someone.
Will never hurt another person, and now I have.
Julian forced me to break that promise. I can’t be with a man like Pa.
Or a man like Howard. I thought Julian was different.
Whenever he was with me he was kind, funny and thoughtful.
But underneath that mask was a murderous psychopath .
Just like Pa.
My phone bleeps, letting me know that my battery is on 5%. The flashlight turns off automatically. Shit, shit, shit. Not now, not when I have no clue of where the fuck I am.
I keep trying to follow the tyre marks using the feel of the dented grass. A few minutes later and my phone buzzes again from my purse, it must be completely dead now. The vibrations continue, I pull it out from my purse and check it.
1 missed call from Julian.
1 new voicemail.
I debate with myself on whether to listen to the voicemail or not.
My phone makes the decision for me though as it completely shuts down.
I look up to the sky and stare at the half moon.
The sky is clear of any clouds and the stars are nice and bright.
The view is gorgeous. The silence is bliss.
No arguments, no gunshots, no fighting. No-one would find me if I were to take the drugs I have hidden at the bottom of my purse.
I know he may be a crazy guy, but he did always respect my boundaries, he never went into my bedroom without consent and never went through my personal things.
My purse, my mail, my bedroom. All out of bounds for Julian.
I feel around for the hidden pocket towards the bottom of my purse.
One I sewn in myself to hide what I need to…
Empty.
What the fuck? That prick must have gone through it when I was with Pea in the medical room, because I definitely had them in there this morning.
I quietly scream out of frustration. Thinking rationally now, I realised I ignored every red flag Julian waved just because I was lonely and he made me feel safe.
The cameras, the breaking in, the constant fucking surveillence wherever I went.
Red flag, red flag, red fucking flag. Natalie, you idiot.
My eyes now fill with angry tears. I hate him. I HATE HIM.
But, deep down, I don’t.
In that small corner of my heart, I don’t hate him.
What’s wrong with me?
If he even thinks about coming back to my place after tonight he will have a big surprise, because I won’t fucking be there.
I have to move. I have to leave town. Somewhere where no-one can find me.
Somewhere where Julian can’t find me. Like hell.
I belong in hell after getting my boss killed.
After pining for a dangerous man for years. After letting my siblings get hurt.
My aching legs start to weaken the longer I walk. I start to walk to the right towards some trees I can see the shadows of, needing a bit of a break. I would carry on, push through the pain. But I’m going to pass out any minute. Plus I need somewhere to hide until morning.
Reaching the trees, I collapse against one.
The sharp bark scratches through the thin shirt and I feel my skin break, the pain is welcome.
I got someone killed. I don’t deserve to be pain free ever again.
I deserve to feel pain for the rest of my very short life.
I have another stash of pills in case of an emergency under my mattress - somewhere where Julian would have never looked.
Today has been one complete fuck up. My whole life has been one complete fuck up.
I can’t wait for it to be over, all over.
People would be much happier once I’m dead.
Ma, Pa, all my uncles. Dante. All my co-workers.
A lot of fucking people. I close my eyes and tiredness hits quickly.
I guess my body needs a break, but my mind is racing.
Unfortunately my body wins the fight and I find myself slowly drifting off to sleep.
“Natalie!” I hear Bull's deep voice yelling my name. I stir and look around, multiple flashlights are roaming around the field. It’s still dark which means it’s not morning yet.
“Come on darlin’, tell us you’re safe.” I rub the sleep from my eyes and look around again, nope I definitely wasn’t dreaming.
All four of them are out looking for me..
“Where are you?” Peacock calls out next. “Make some noise or something to let us know you're still alive.”
“Natalie, answer us.” Julian. “Come on, baby. I know I fucked up. I just want to know you’re okay.”
“We are worried about you, Nat. Let us know where you are.” Dante calls next. I guess they didn’t kill each other then. I exhale. Good, at least they can eventually work things out without violence - maybe. “Please.” He pleads.
“Come on, treasure. Let us know where you are.”
I stay quiet. I can’t go back with them.
If I can wait out here until morning then I can have some light to find my way home.
And then do what I need to do. I have no need to interact with any of them.
I’ve already ruined everything. I don’t need friends, not when I plan to die soon, I’d rather have no-one at my funeral.
No-one is better than fake friends. Fake people who lie straight to my face and murder others .
Stay still.
Be quiet.
Be a good girl.
I close my eyes and repeat the mantra in my head.
Stay still.
Be quiet.
Be a good girl.
“Please.” Julian croaks, it sounds like he’s closer now. “I didn’t mean to scare you, I’m sorry.” He can shove his sorry up his ass. I really don’t give a shit about his feelings right now, not after what he did.
“I warned you about your damn temper. I swear if something happens to her.” Pea doesn’t need to finish her threat.
She told me earlier when we were alone in the medical room after Bull left that if any of the other three dare hurt me in any type of way, she will use them as target practice - I’m sure she has a mind glossary of how many ways you can say you’re going to shoot someone.
The flashlights start going separate ways, every one of them shouting for me.
My eyelids go heavy again. God, I can’t wait to get home to my bed.
And not for sleep. I don’t know how much time passes, it could be a few seconds to a few minutes of them shouting my name, Julian apologises again and again.
My heart breaks, all I want to do is be furious with him, I want to hate him after tonight.
Yet my heart and body just wants to hold him close, to tell him everything will be okay.
It won’t though, nothing will ever be the same again.
Never again.
The happiness I felt just a few days ago feels like a fever dream. Someone must really hate me to take my blissful life away.
Why does life like to keep fucking me over?
The sounds of the leaves crunching close by has me holding my breath.
“Natalie.” Bull sounds really close now.
I shuffle around so I’m hidden between two trees.
“Natalie honey don’t hide.” He whispers.
“Please, not from me. The other two idiots I get though. They deserve to have the silent treatment from you for life .” I can’t control myself and make a noise between a laugh and a cry.
Oh the irony. They’ll definitely be getting the silent treatment from me.
“There you are.” Pea breathes from behind him, of course they stuck together.
The others are still shouting away. Both going opposite directions, one comes closer our way, I curl up into a ball, making myself even smaller so they can't see me behind the tree.
“What are you doing all the way out here?” She sits beside me. “We were worried about you.”
“I couldn’t stay.” I shake my head. “I just couldn’t. Not after that.” I look at their torches on the floor and beg them to turn them off, which they do. I relax a little more now the darkness surrounds us.