Natalie #2
“Just turned two.” He beams. His eyes glow like talking about his son is the most exciting thing in the world.
My heart soars at noticing how much he adores his little boy.
“You don’t mind? I’m a single father, I know I should have told you sooner but I was scared.
Scared of losing you. I understand if you want to leave. ” I put a finger against his lips.
“It’s okay. I can’t wait to meet him.” I beam. “Honestly, seeing you with a child would have made me fall for you even faster.”
I can’t speak. Is my brain playing tricks on me? Giving me false memories to replace the bad ones. Or are these the memories I forgot after the accident? Were the police right in saying I had a partner? More of the memory comes through, I close my eyes to concentrate on the images.
“What?” He chuckles.
“I love you, Dante. I love your gentleness, your sweet personality, your heart. And now I know you have a baby at home, well that just made me fall even deeper for you.” I lean across the table and give him a quick kiss.
“Because not many single dads stay kind. You are a rare specimen Dante, I am so lucky to call you mine. Amore mio.”
“Ti amo, gattina.” He strokes his fingers into my hair and captures my lips with his .
“ Dante .” I choke. “Oh my God.” I look down and fully see the picture, now slightly crumpled.
“It was you.” I stroke the creases along the photo.
“It was you .” I say again, unable to make myself believe it.
Standing in front of him I pull his shirt down a little until I see the outline of his tattoo.
“Oh my God.” Another memory comes through of the small scar behind his ear.
Which I check and it’s there. “Dante... Dante Moreno.” I double and triple check the scar and tattoo.
“It was you .” I’m running my fingers along every bit of skin I see to make sure he’s real.
“Fuck. Why did I forget you? Why you?” I whisper, just to make sure Nico doesn’t hear me. “It shouldn’t have been you.”
“What are you doing?” He looks confused as I grab his face and look into his eyes, my legs on either side of him as I stand in front of him. “Nat…”
“I lost my memories due to the accident. I didn’t leave you.
” I sob. His eyes never leave mine as they soften, realizing what happened.
But I have to tell him. I have to let him know.
“I didn’t leave you Dante. I would’ve never left you.
Not you. Never you .” I can’t believe Dante was the guy I was with the night of the accident.
When the police were questioning me I asked them why.
They said to let my partner know what had happened.
I replied I was single because I honestly believed I was, then thought they got it wrong when they said they found hickeys on my neck and breast. They weren't wrong though. They weren't wrong . I had Dante and because my phone was never found they couldn’t get any contact information. “I didn’t leave you.” I whisper, stroking a stray tear away that falls down his cheek.
“I’m sorry you thought that I did.” I choke. “I’m so fucking sorry .”
“Nat.” He glances across to his son quickly then brings me close, I hide my face into his shoulder and shuffle closer into his chest. He lifts me until I’m sitting on the bed beside him, my legs across his lap.
“It’s okay.” He strokes my hair while shushing.
That’s why it felt so familiar that night, because he had done this time and time again after my nightmares. “It’s okay. I believe you.”
I wrap my arms around him and hold him close.
Why is the universe so cruel to make me forget Dante?
Why did it have to be him I forgot and not Pa or Ma.
Why did it have to be the first person I ever felt love toward?
His fingers stroke gentle circles on my back, then lines.
A few strokes later I realise he’s writing something.
Taking a few deep breaths to concentrate he repeats the motion.
Ti amo.
A few minutes pass, my loud sobs have slowed down to sniffles and Dante is still writing on my back with his finger. I noticed he sniffs a few times against my own shoulder, where he lays his head.
Ti amo.
Ti amo.
Ti amo .
He repeats the saying time and time again.
My heart sinks. For all this time he thought I’d ghosted him.
No, no I would’ve never done that to him.
To any of them. When he showed me a photo of little Nico that day, I instantly felt my heart soar for the adorable little boy.
And hearing about how his mother neglected him, I felt some kind of bond and protectiveness for him .
We made plans to meet up the next day. The day after the accident happened.
So while I was lying in a hospital bed fighting for my life, my boyfriend and his son were at the beach waiting for me to come and build sandcastles with them.
And none of us knew what was happening with the other.
”Papa. Is auntie okay?” Nico’s voice is full of quiet concern.
Just like his papa.
“She will be, figlio. ” Dante says quietly back to his son. “Why don’t you watch the next episode of our show and you can tell me all about it later?”
“Okay papa.”
“You will be okay right?” Dante whispers into my ear.
“Yeah.” I hiccup. “I will be, I have to be.”
“No, you don’t have to be, Nat. You don’t have to be anything. If you can’t do it yourself we are here to help you. Whether it takes a few days or centuries. If you’re not okay, that’s understandable. Don’t force yourself to be happy if you’re not .”
His words sound like they have a hidden meaning behind them. I lift my head from his shoulder and gaze into his eyes. They shine with unshed tears, concern and still that little bit of hatred.
“I promise, I’ll be okay.” My voice comes out all croaky from sobbing.
With me still in his lap, he shuffles across the bed until he can reach the small table beside it and hands me the half bottle of water from earlier.
I keep my eyes on his while I take a sip.
Neither of us speak or move in the slightest. My eyes flicker down to his lips.
God how I loved his lips. I loved everything about this man.
Eve-ry-thing .
He’s the first to move, capturing my chin between his finger and thumb, lifting my face up slightly. I gaze up at him and he shakes his head.
“We can’t, Nat.” He’s right. Of course he is.
I close my eyes and slide from his lap. “I’m sorry.
” I swing my legs off his lap, he shouldn't be the sorry one, I should. Even though we’re now sitting side by side, just millimeters away from each other - the distance between us feels neverending.
The love is still there, yet so is the hate from the last five years.
I take another sip of the water. Nico chuckles at something on the tablet and Dante smiles.
“Seems like I’m missing a good episode.” He stands to grab a drink from his backpack, passing one to Nico too before coming back across to the bed, sitting further away from me than before.
“Yeah.”
Silence, and more silence.
God Natalie, say something! My little finger twitches, I just want to touch him, to feel him.
He’s here. He’s really here. For me it feels like yesterday that we were planning a trip to the seaside to build a city of sandcastles with a two year old.
But for him, it’s been a whole five years.
Five years of torture, of confusion, of loathing me thinking I had left him. Five whole years of not knowing.
“Dante, I…” I slide my hand across the blanket toward his , the tips of our fingers touch when the door opens.
“ Whats happening in here ?” Julian sounds pissed. I look around Dante to face the newcomer and his expression softens. Probably at my reddened eyes and cheeks.
“Why are you crying, treasure?” He glares icy daggers into Dante's back. “Did he upset you?”
I shake my head no, Dante leans in to whisper in my ear. “I won't tell him, if you want to you can. I will follow your lead .”
“Thank you.” I answer back in hushed tones.
Julian clears his throat, bringing our attention back to him. “I’ll leave you two to talk.” Dante stands, “if you need me just shout.”
Julian rolls his eyes, “I’m not going to hurt her.” He tuts.
“You said that before.” Dante fights back, “now look at her.” He gestures to the drip in my arm.
“That wasn’t my fault. She put herself in that bed. And I told her what would happen if she tried to harm herself again.” I think back to the first note I got from him. .
Shit, shit, fucking shit! I’m doomed.
Dante looks my way, taking note of my widening eyes before glaring back at Julian. “Lay one finger on her. I will shoot you down myself.” He picks up his son in one arm and his bag and jacket in the other. “That’s your final warning.”
We resolved nothing. After hours and hours of talking and drinking a colossal amount of tea. I still don’t know what side to follow. And now with memories coming back of Dante along with the feelings I had for him back then, I’m even more confused.
What would you do?
We spoke about everything, well Julian did.
From his job as a hit man, a fucking hit man - to explaining why he wanted me to kill Howard.
I tried to explain how I felt about the whole situation, but Julian was too far into his venting to let me get a word in.
He’s never spoken this much. It’s like his mask was the tape stopping a leaky pipe, and now he’s removed it, he’s flooding the place.
Well he’s flooding my overworked brain with all this information about his life, I struggle to take most of it in.
Apart from the fact he’s a fucking HITMAN!
What kind of hell did I get myself into this time?
“I’ll leave you to sleep.” He finally says. “Just,” he sighs, “please think about everything I said. I do love you, treasure. And I’m so fucking sorry. For everything.” He leans in close and gives me a quick peck on the forehead. “Sleep well .”