Natalie #4
“I’m so close.” I moan. He speeds up his pace. “Fuck, Dante.” I whine his name. “I’m cumming.”
He thrusts a few more times before he stills as he moans my name. “Nat, you are my missing puzzle piece.” He says between breaths, “I am so grateful to the universe for sending you to me.”
“No, amore mio. I’m grateful for you.” He looks bewildered, yet amused at my attempt at Italian. “Did I say it wrong?”
“No, gattina. I just wasn’t expecting it.”
“I learned a little for you. I can’t say much but…” I shrug.
“Cazzo, un giorno giuro che ti farò diventare mia moglie. Ti amo, gattina.” he mumbles into my shoulder.
“Yeah… I don’t understand most of that. But I love you too, Dante.”
“I promise, it was a good thing that you’ll find out in the future.” He brushes my lips with his. “I think I need another shower, care to join?”
We sit on the beach later that night, Dante snuggles me from behind.
His arms keep me warm as the air chills around us and I relax into them.
He hasn’t stopped touching me since my declaration of love.
My beautiful new locket hangs between my breasts.
He fiddles with it between the tip of his fingers after pulling the blanket up a little higher around my legs.
He places a gentle kiss against my temple.
“Thank you. For loving me.” He whispers.
“I just hope my secret won't tear us apart.”
“What secret?”
“I’ll tell you soon .”
I wake up heartbroken. Dante believed I left him because he told me he had a child, when in reality I got knocked unconscious saving his best friend and lost my memories.
Then said best friend stalked me for years.
If only I never ran to the burning car that night, what would be of me and Dante now?
I swing my legs over the edge of the bed and stand on shaky legs.
Bull finally gave me permission this evening to start walking around a little, and then took me off the drip.
Julian was a little annoyed with the interruption, but I was glad.
It gave me a bit of a break from his consistent excuses.
Kidnapping and torturing Howard for my benefit, what a load of bullshit.
If he really wanted to help he could have listened to me when I said I wanted to just move on with life.
And now a man is dead. Dead because of my whatever the fuck he is.
Stalker? Boyfriend? Crazy ass protector who decided it was what was best for me .
For me to take Howard's life to give me my power back.
Bullshit . I would have got my power back myself like I did after Ma and Pa.
Yes I was weak after the accident when I tried to kill myself, but I got stronger.
He knew that and still tried to force me to kill .
There must be something wrong with him, there has to be.
He never told me he might have a mental illness, but his actions speak differently.
Fuck, what do I do? How do I ask him? Maybe I could ask the others?
Bull is a doctor, maybe he knows Julian's medical history.
My dry mouth begs me for some water as I make my way across the room. Grabbing a bottle of water from the small fridge in the corner, I hear movement in the next room.
I wonder if Julian's awake?
Shuffling across to the door, I open it a crack and see him fiddling with something in the lounge area.
“Julian.” He jumps up, quickly hiding whatever he was holding. “Why are you awake?”
“I couldn’t sleep.” He admits. “What about you, another bad dream?” He comes over and takes my face in his hands. “Do you want a drink or anything?” What is it with these men and holding my face?
“I’m okay, thanks though. But I do need to sit and re-evaluate our relationship.” I tell him honestly. “I’m so confused, and I’m struggling to decide on what to do.”
He sighs, looks down at the floor, steps a little closer and leans his forehead against mine. My hands rise and wrap around him.
Stupid muscle memory.
And yet, I can’t find it in myself to let go.
“I understand,” he whispers. “Take as much time as you need, treasure. And I’ll be here to listen to you when you need to talk.
” I stare down at our feet, his slippers match the grey tone of his shirt.
“And I promise, I will respect whatever decision you will make. I’m sorry I didn’t before, but watching you through the cameras and hearing your pain.
That broke me. It almost fucking killed me .
” He admits, he didn’t say any of this before, but the hurt in his voice leaves small cracks in the ice around my frozen heart.
“I want, no, I need you to live, Natalie. Even if it’s not with me.
I want you to be happy .” I feel a small pressure against my hair.
My pulse starts to race, a lump rises in my throat.
Don’t go there Natalie, don’t fall for this guy again. Not after what he did.
A stray tear escapes, he quickly wipes it away with his thumb. “Why are you crying, treasure?”
“I was happy.” I say quietly. “I was happy before you, and I was happy with you. But then everything with Howard…” I sniff.
“I know.” He exhales.
“You don’t know everything.” I close my eyes.
“I got some of my memories back from before the accident.” He tenses, I can’t tell him about Dante, it would break him even more, and despite everything that’s happened, I still want to protect him.
But I can tell him without mentioning a name. “I had a boyfriend.”
“I know.” He nods. “I saw and took the picture from your bag that night. The picture of you on the beach.” He breathes deeply. “I shouldn’t have taken it, I know, but I couldn’t help myself.” Then he asks what I didn’t want him to ask, “do you remember who your boyfriend is, or was?”
“I do.” I admit. “I do know who he …” Was ? Is ? Technically none of us broke it off, I know Dante thinks I did. But I didn’t. So, where does that leave us?
What a messed up situation.
“I understand.” Julian nods. “You probably want to go back to him right? Explain everything. If you remember where he lives, I will take you to him.” He goes to pull away, I hold him still, nestling my face into his chest.
What the hell, Natalie? LET HIM GO!
“I can’t remember his address.” Which is true, we never went to each other's places. It was my idea, I wanted to get the trust up first, which was why hotels and public places were the best place to meet. In my head they were the safest places too. “And I,” I take a deep shaky breath, “I’m so confused right now. I love you both.” He freezes, hands stopping midway through gliding down my back.
“And I don’t know what to do.” I continue .
“I still hate what you did, but I can’t cut my love off just like that.
I thought I could but I can’t. And then yesterday when my memories started coming back for him, so did my feelings .
” Letting out a shaky exhale, he reaches behind him to take my hands in his, I twist my fingers with his, not wanting to let him go, even though I should.
Let him go, you crazy lady! You need to stay away from him until your decision is made.
If there is one to be made anyway.