Dante
eleven
S he lost her fucking memories.
“Fuck.” I laugh and slide a hand over my face.
When I saw her today, my son snuggled up with her as they spoke about school, it was like I was back there.
To that time when we were happy, when I held her in my arms and cradled her back to sleep after her night terrors.
Back to hearing her short and cute giggles whenever I told a lame ass dad joke.
Back to the nights when we shared a bed, from her silky skin against my fingers to her quiet moans...
“I love you.”
When I heard her tell me she loved me for the first time my heart almost exploded. I knew for a couple of weeks beforehand how I felt and wanted to tell her in the perfect way. The locket I had custom made for her had her birthstone on the outside with an inscription inside.
“ Her gesture, motion, and her smiles. Her wit, her voice, my heart beguiles. Beguiles my heart, I know not why. And yet I love her till I die ” She smiles, “a quote from one of your favourite poems I assume?”
“You know me too well.” I laugh .
“Well I love it,” she turns and holds her hair to one side while holding the locket out with her other hand.
Making sure it's clasped securely I lean down and kiss the spot between her neck and shoulder, she leans her back against me, turning her head slightly so I can kiss her sweet lips. “And I love you, Dante.”
My phone rings, bringing me out of the sweet daydream. I check the time, almost two in the morning. The number is unknown. Who the heck is calling me at this time? The call cuts off and a text soon comes through.
Unknown:
Hi, not sure if this is still your
number Dante. But I think we need
to talk. If this isn’t you then I’m sorry
for disturbing you.
Natalie
Natalie? I call back and she answers within the first ring.
“Is everything okay?” I ask before she can finish saying her hello. “What’s happened?”
“I, I need to talk to you. I’m sorry for calling so late.
I hope I didn’t wake you.” I look down at the freshly made coffee on the table and the paperwork from the nanny agency saying they are terminating my contract.
I was researching more agencies before I started thinking about the first woman to ever break my heart.
I never had any deep feelings for Nico's mother - the only other woman I had a ‘committed’ relationship with.
And by that I mean we fucked and that was it.
Natalie was different though. Even though we spent our nights in hotels, we always went out beforehand.
Whether it be a walk along the shore or a candlelit dinner, our relationship was romantic and loving.
It’s been five years, and I still remember every little detail of her scarred body.
I remember the way she had my heart beating faster when she walked into the room.
I remember being so fucking scared of messing something up and her leaving.
I thought she did leave, I thought I scared her away by not telling her about Nico sooner.
But I was terrified of losing her. I was terrified of putting Nico in danger if she couldn’t be trusted.
But the more time I spent with her, the more my feelings grew, and I knew I could trust her with my son.
And when she ghosted me, it broke me. Pea wanted to go searching for her.
I’m grateful I kept Natalie's name to myself. They knew I met someone, but I didn’t want them to meet her, not when I can’t fully trust them around new people, not just that but she could be used as a pawn for our enemies.
Shit. Maybe Julian felt the same. He didn’t want to tell us because he can’t trust everyone else.
He’s had years with her though, I only had four months, even though for me it felt like years. I would understand if she chose him. That doesn’t mean I’ll be happy about it though .
“No, you didn’t wake me.” I sigh and close my laptop down. “What’s up?” I swear if Julian has upset her again, I will lose my shit.
“I know you probably don’t want to talk about it now, or ever.
But…” I wait for her to finish her sentence.
“But I wanted to know how you honestly feel about me. Do you hate me for thinking I left you on purpose?” Closing my eyes and taking a deep breath.
I think of what to tell her. “An honest answer, please. I can take it.”
She wants true transparency. After being lied to and abused for most of her life I can give her that.
“Truthfully, I still have hate towards you. I know it wasn’t your fault.
But I felt that hatred for years and I can’t just stop .
” She hums with agreement. “And I can’t trust you.
Not right now. You broke my heart twice Nat.
Once when I thought you left me and again last week when I heard you say you loved my best friend.
I know it’s selfish to feel like that because you didn’t know about us.
I know that. But watching you with him fucking hurts.
I hate you for making me feel like that.
” She’s silent, did I take it too far? “I’m sorry. ”
“I understand.” She sniffs.
“And yet, my heart still yearns for you.” I confess.
“What you said earlier about your heart having different feelings for the same person. I feel like that with you,” I hear her take a shaky breath.
“Only, I’m not the only one who has to make the decision, kitten. You have to make your choice too.”
Please choose me.
“Only you can call me that .” She half chuckles and half cries. “And I still don’t know why you call me that.”
Because the first time I called you it you gave me the biggest smile and called me random, so it stuck.
“Thank you. For telling me.” I take a sip of my coffee and exhale.
I tried to tell her time and time again when we were together that she doesn’t have to thank me for every tiny little thing.
But now I know about her past, now I know everything she went through as a child. I understand why she does.
And I swear, those bastards will pay for what they did to her.
“It’s okay. How are you feeling now?”
“Better now I have the locket back.” She whispers.
“Julian had it this whole time.” I grind my teeth.
He stole her locket? “He had the picture for a while too. When it appeared the same time he did I assumed he was the one there with me that day. I’m sorry.
” He took her picture too. What an asshole.
And I can’t even speak to him about it, not without him finding out about mine and Nats history.
I need to tell him at some point though.
“Nothing to be sorry for Nat. In fact I should apologise to you. When I didn’t hear back from you after that night I assumed that you had ghosted me. I should have tried to look for you or something.”
“No, you shouldn’t be sorry. The timing was shit. The police tried to tell me I was with someone that night, but I couldn’t remember you. If I had only fought harder to remember I…”
“Amnesia is a tricky thing. Memories come back when they are ready.” I won’t let her beat herself up over something that wasn’t her fault. “Don’t worry about anything else but your health right now. You need to get yourself well again, we can have a proper talk after that okay?”
“Okay.” She exhales. We go quiet, none of us wanting to leave the call. I rip out some paper from my notebook and start tearing it into little pieces. She starts sniffling on the other end of the line, breaking my heart even more.
“Hey, wanna hear a cool joke I heard the other night?” I ask, breaking the silence.
We used to spend hours on the phone, sometimes talking about everything and anything, sometimes we were just on the phone for the company while doing household chores, sometimes she would read aloud her favourite parts of whatever book she was reading, but every time we would struggle to cut the call. Just like now.
“Sure.” She giggles and sniffs again. I huff out a laugh at my heart racing hearing her giggle.
Fuck. I lay my head back against the cushion and close my eyes. Don’t go there, Dante. She’s your best friend's girlfriend.
“Do you know why eggs don’t tell jokes?” I manage to say.
“No I don’t.”
“Because they might crack up.” She laughs softly.
“That was a terrible yolk .”
“So was that.” I chuckle.
“I don’t want to leave the call, but I’m getting tired.” She admits. Same, gattina, same. “Dante.”
“Hmm.” I finish with the first piece of paper and start on another.
I hear her walking around on the gravel.
I’m surprised Julian let her out of his sight, but she probably wanted privacy while making the call.
With the amount of cameras in the warehouse she probably didn’t feel comfortable doing it there. “Are you dressed up warm?”
“I am.” She huffs. “Please don’t start going all dad mode on me .
” I smile. “I remember everything.” She whispers.
“I remember everything. ” She takes a shaky breath.
“Thank you. Thank you for bringing my memories back.” A moment of silence passes again, I don’t know how to reply to her.
“ Goodnight, a...” I inhale quickly. “Goodnight Dante.”
“Goodnight, gattina .”
“Papa!” Nico jumps on the bed, waking me up. “Uncle Jules is on the phone.”
I open one eye, hold my hand out and he puts the phone in my waiting palm. “What?” I say into the receiver.