Natalie
Sixteen
“ J ulian.” I whimper as soon as I close the door behind me. “Help me.” He bolts from the couch to where I am standing and pulls me into his arms. The arms that cradled me a thousand times. The arms belonging to the man who loves me, who I love.
The man who will kill for me.
“Julian.” I mouth his name. “Julian.”
“I’m here for you, treasure. Tell me what’s wrong.” I grasp his arm hard enough to make him bleed as my nails break his skin, leaving crescent moon shaped wounds. “Breathe, baby.”
“Julian.”
“Breathe, Natalie.” He takes my hand and holds it against his chest. “Breathe with me okay.” Once my breathing evens out. “Good, that’s good, treasure. Now tell me what’s wrong.”
“I feel this overwhelming need to,” I pause, “to kill him. I almost did. I didn’t know there was a safety thing on the gun. I almost killed him, I wanted to after seeing what he did to those kids . What do I do? Tell me what to do. Please.”
Julian walks me over to the sofa. I sink down into the soft cushion while he crouches before me.
“Natalie. I fucked up when I tried to make you kill Howard. But I knew you had that anger inside you somewhere, and now it’s coming out.
I can’t tell you what to do. I can’t tell you how to feel.
But I can tell you that once that murderous need takes over, you will do anything in your power to make it go away .
” He slides his mask off the table and fiddles with it.
“Everyone has that feeling inside them, most people control it though. But you’re like us Natalie.
You are a bandit just like us.” He stands and walks out of the room, re-emerging a few moments later with a bag.
“My anger comes from seeing innocent people get hurt by monsters. Monsters like your pa and Howard. But yours comes from seeing the ones you love get wronged.” He places the bag into my hands.
“I got this made for you a while ago. When you told me you hated being called angel and would rather be a devil.” I chuckle, remembering the conversation.
“I knew exactly what kind of mask you would wear if you were ever part of our group.” I glide the mask from the bag and huff out a laugh.
“Only use it if you want to though. I’m not going to pressure you into doing anything.
If you want him dead I’ll do it for you.
” He puts his hands over mine, the mask sits heavy in my fingers.
“I get it Natalie.” He sighs. “I get why you would pick Dante, he’s perfect for you… ”
“I can’t have this conversation with you right now, Julian.” I shake my head.
He nods in understanding. “So what do you want to do?” He taps the mask. “What do you need me to do?”
It doesn’t take long for me to make my decision. I know what I have to do to protect my daughter, and if that means going against everything I ever told myself then so be it. I promised myself to never harm others like they harmed me. But fuck that, Pa is going to get what he deserves.
“I need you to put on your mask and come in with me. I need you to pull me out if I get too far into my own head. I need you to keep me on track and remind me that I’m doing this for those children in there.
” I point to the medical room door. “I need you to keep me sane while I’m doing something completely insane.
Leave me to do what I need to do, just stay in there with me .
Please. I know I wronged you, but please do this one thing for me and I promise I won’t ever ask you for anything again. ”
“There she is.” He beams. “And you can ask me for help anytime, treasure. Whether you hate me or not, I will always be here for you.” He takes my hand and kisses my knuckles. “ Always. ”
We both slide on our masks, everything feels like it’s going in slow motion as he pulls me from the couch and holds my hand as we enter the locked room, lock the door behind us and watch pa blink until his eyes get used to the fluorescent lights.
“Oh look, my little angel has come to visit me.” He smirks.
“Why are you wearing such a horrid thing? You look just like him.” He nods toward Julian, who is fiddling with something over by the fireplace, Then the room lights up even more as the fire starts to burn.
It was out when I was in here earlier, so I guess Julian wants to play with fire tonight.
Unlike being in here with Howard, my pulse is completely steady.
My breathing is normal and there is no sign of another panic attack.
Because Julians with me.
Because I have my protector in the shadows.
I’m completely calm and collected, and yet filled with murderous rage. It’s a strange feeling, but it makes me feel alive, on my own. I felt alive with Dante. I felt alive with Julian. But this is different. I can’t put my finger on it, but I love it.
Taking a step forward, I raise my hand and slap Pa’s cheek, sending his head flying to the side.
Taking Julian's tactic, I stay quiet, not saying a word.
“Natalie.” Pa sighs my name. “Are you jealous because I chose little Anya over you?” I look over to Julian, who is holding two different tools.
In one hand is a hammer and some nails, in the other is a fire poker, its tip heated a molten red.
I shake my head at them both as he offers them to me and I look around the room.
Keeping my focus on the weapon I want to use.
Julian follows my gaze and chuckles darkly.
Wandering over to the wall, he reaches up and pulls down the cattle prod , he presses the button a few times, filling the silent room with a buzzing sound, followed by pa’s heavy breathing.
He used one of these on me once. Right between my legs when I first refused to get raped by an uncle, so it’s the perfect first torture device to use on him.
“Natalie.” Pa sounds panicked as Julian hands me the prod and I hold it against his junk. “Natalie ple…” His begs abruptly stop and the high pitch of his screams replace them. Delightment spreads through my veins as he starts to cry.
You never stopped when I screamed so why should I?
“Please, no more.” He gasps when I remove the prod and go for another tool on the wall.
“No, no please no more.” I point to the baseball bat covered with razor wire and Julian reaches over me to grab it.
Whispering in my ear as he does asking if I’m okay, his hand on my hip is comforting, it’s fucked up but I’m so glad he’s in here with me now, even when I feel his hardness press into my back.
Why do I want to touch him? Am I just as sadistic as him?
I nod in reply ignoring my sexual urges, walk over and swing hard enough to knock pa from the chair.
His legs are tied up so he doesn’t stand up straight away.
“Fuck.” He groans and manages to get himself up on his knees.
I smack him again, this time on his back.
Just like he did with Sarah. Hit her over and over again with a bat until she finally agreed to take three uncles at once.
I hit him three more times before gesturing to Julian to stand him up.
Before he puts pa back on the chair, I yank down his boxers and walk over to the fire.
“No, no please. Not that.” He cries. “I know what you’re doing.
You’re doing to me everything I did to you and your siblings.
You can do anything but that, Natalie please.
” I find what I’m looking for in the fire, my blood raging hotter than the flames, and take one of the tongs to remove the metal ring.
“Please.” I grab another pair and make my way over slowly.
The image of my pa being held to the chair by Julian, the former's eyes wide and begging while the latter laughs brings me some sort of twisted joy. I use the free pair of tongs to straighten pa’s limp cock and take my time gliding the heated metal over it.
His silent screams make Julian laugh more.
Pa starts losing consciousness, making me fume .
I slap him awake.
“Natalie please, if you’re going to kill me. Make it quick.”
I shake my head. He put us through hell for years, I want to make him suffer as much as those kids did.
I press the ring down some more until it hits the base of his pathetic dick.
He used heat on Lydia after she caught an STI.
Tried to burn the infection out of her, when that didn’t work - because of course it didn’t - he tried to burn her vagina closed so she couldn’t sleep with another person.
I still hear her screams in my sleep. I saw her a few years ago and she’s doing well, living her life with her wife and adopted child.
She managed to run away a week after the burning.
She got herself fixed up, telling the hospital staff the same story we have all been taught to say.
“I’m not sure what happened, I got drunk and woke up injured. No, I don't want to get the police involved .”
We got taken to different hospitals each time.
When I got diagnosed with sepsis after the birth of Anya, I was taken almost seven hours away to a hospital across the country.
I was told to say I ran away and gave birth on my own and gave my baby up to a couple on the street.
Whatever Ma and Pa said we had to say, we said it.
They used our weaknesses against us if we didn’t.
My weakness was the younger girls. When I left Ma only had her boys.
I thought they were safe. I believed they were safe.
I didn’t know they took Anya back and did to her the same as they did to me.
Burn, you bastard. I think to myself, then grab the knife from Julian’s pocket.
Dropping the tongs I used for the metal ring, I still hold his dick up with the others. He just needs to lose one more appendage. Julian cut off his hand, now it’s my turn.
“What are you doing?” he screams as I make the first cut against his balls. “No, please.” He starts wriggling around in Julian’s grasp. “NATALIE!”