Chapter 25
TWENTY-FIVE
Logan
“I need to be in New York after the game tomorrow,” I tell my coach.
He stares at me for the longest time, rocking back and forth in his chair while flipping a pencil in between his fingers.
“I know that we can’t miss games.” My knee bounces uncontrollably against the floor, to the point where I about slap a hand on it to stop it.
“If you know that you can’t miss any games, why are you asking?” Coach asks.
I stare back as I make an effort to control the tone of my voice. “Because I won’t get to be in the game anyway. So instead of sitting my ass on the bench at the game, I could be sitting next to my friend’s hospital bed while he’s taking his last breath.”
My voice shakes toward the end. I’ve been a mess since I found out about Sebastian. I can’t even process what happened to him. Apparently, he was with the wedding party on the groom’s side. They had a good ol’ time, drinking and partying until the wee hours of the morning.
At some point, they loaded into a limo to go back to the hotel where everyone was staying.
Not all of them took the limo, only a handful.
On their way there, a tractor-trailer entered the expressway on the ramp that put him driving in the opposite way of the traffic.
The road was not as busy at that time of early morning, but, as luck would have it, the limo with all the guys was passing that particular ramp right then.
The aftermath was horrific. I saw some pictures on the news, where they didn’t show the victims, only what the limo looked like after the incident, and the bloody marks left on the pavement. My stomach turned as I wondered how much of that was my friend’s blood.
I wanted to fly out there right away, but Leyla, the PR rep of the Sliders, convinced me to wait.
“Sebastian is in an ICU unit right now,” she explained. “Only family is allowed in there, and his aunt is already there. I can let you know once they allow for outside visitors.”
I understood and stayed put despite the fact that I wanted to be there for my friend. But I was grateful for the reprieve as I’d never been around anyone on their deathbed. It gave me more time to come to grips with it.
Now, though, it is time. Sebastian is not getting any better, but he is not stable either, which is what they had hoped for. His blood pressure spikes at times for no apparent reason, then, just as abruptly it drops really fast, to the point where they think he is going to flatline.
The coma he is in is medically induced right now after he came to from the one caused by the accident. They wanted to give his body more time to heal and hopefully recover, but now they are concerned about his brain.
“If you want to see him, you should make plans to do so,” Leyla told me.
That’s why I now find myself in the coach’s office, begging for a day off so I can go visit my dying friend. I am disgusted with his reaction, though. He doesn’t seem to be affected much by the fact that one of the better players on the team is out, and that he might never come back.
“You can have the week off after the game tomorrow,” he finally concedes. “But I need you here tomorrow,” he insists.
“Coach…” My knee takes off again.
He puts a hand up to stop me. “I get it, kid,” he tells me.
“Trust me when I tell you that I get it. And I know I seem insensitive toward what’s happening with Roonie, but at the end of the day, I have a team to run.
If it was you in his place, and he begged me to go see you, I would tell him exactly the same. ”
I nod at him like I understand what he’s saying. In reality, I am angry as fuck that he wouldn’t even consider it.
“Just one day, Mantei,” he tells me. “That’s all I’m asking from you.”
My eyes snap to his. “What if he’s dead when I get there on the day after tomorrow?”
“Then it wasn’t meant to be,” he says, his tone short and curt.
I am about to fly over this desk and wrap my hands around his neck. I want to squeeze it until he stops breathing just so that he truly understands what my friend is going through.
But I don’t do any of that. Instead, I stand up and clear my throat a few times.
“I will take you up on your offer of the time off after the game tomorrow,” I tell him. “And I hope that one day, you are in the exact situation I am in right now.”
Coach stares at me but doesn’t react. I’m not even sure what he could say in response. It is obvious that I am angry and that I am looking for a fight.
I turn around and walk toward the door.
“Thank you for your time, sir,” I spit out in fake politeness before I walk out.
My bag with all my gear is sitting on the floor outside in the hallway.
Since practice is over, I can just leave, so I pick it up and walk out of the arena.
My heart becomes heavier the closer I get to my truck as I try my hardest not to glance toward Sebastian’s usual spot.
It now sits empty and sad. It’s a depressing metaphor for the state he is currently in.
The heat I always complain about doesn’t even register. I throw the bag in the trunk, then take my seat at the wheel. I turn the engine on, but don’t put it in gear. I just sit here in the parking lot at the Austin Aces arena, wondering what my life has become.
I think back to the day when they made me an offer, and the relief I felt at knowing that I was not out of the pros. Then, I realized that Sebastian Roonie, my former teammate from the Sliders, was already here. I felt instantly better about the whole thing, like that was a good omen.
Now, knowing that he is lying in a hospital bed while being kept alive by machines, I wonder why I fought so hard to hold my position in the league.
Why I didn’t fight harder for Elizabeth when her father threatened to ruin me.
I wonder what my life would be without her in it, and I don’t like the pathetic images playing in my head.
I also wonder why I am sacrificing saying goodbye to my friend for a career that will be short anyway.
Part of my contract guaranteed a certain amount of money, so if I walk, I’ll get that on top of what I already have.
If I find a good financial planner, I could live off that money for a long time, especially if I also get a job.
I want my life to be more meaningful than just worrying about my position within the team or the money I could potentially make, especially when there’s literally a matter of life or death.
What if it was Elizabeth lying in a hospital bed, and Coach told me I couldn’t go to her unless I stayed for another game?
The more I think about everything, the more I realize that maybe this is not the life for me. I want to be happy, and I want to have my priorities straight. I love hockey, but I’m sure that I love Elizabeth more. And I need her to understand that.
With a sigh but enough determination for us both, I put the truck into gear and drive home. I smile while driving, knowing that she is there, waiting for me. I think of her adorable face when she is concerned, and how much she’s babied me since we got the news about Sebastian’s accident.
I get home pretty fast, or that’s the illusion because I am so deeply into my own thoughts. I park in the spot I always do, feeling weary when I get out of the truck. The only thing that keeps me going is knowing that Elizabeth is on the other side of this door.
“I was waiting for you,” I hear as soon as I walk in. Her voice is like a balm to my soul.
I walk straight to her and pick her up, burring my face into her soft hair. She brings her legs up to wrap them around my waist before cupping my head gently until she can see me better.
“Did you talk to your coach?”
I told her that we would leave for New York as soon as Coach gave me the green light. In my mind, there was no doubt he’d agree to my request for my time off, which is why I had instructed Elizabeth to pack us each a bag and be ready.
“Yeah…”
That’s all I can say. By the tone of my voice, she can tell that I don’t have good news.
“He said no,” she guesses correctly.
I let out a shuddering breath. “He said I have to stay for the game tomorrow, but that I can leave after. And I can have a week off.”
She squeezes her legs tighter around my waist. “That’s a good thing, right?”
I nod but don’t meet her eyes. Instead, I pat her gently on the ass and she brings her legs down from around my waist. I drop her to her feet gently, then place a soft kiss on her full lips.
“I need some water,” I tell her and turn around to walk to the kitchen where I grab a bottle of water. I twist the cap off and drink most of it in one go before pausing for a second and finishing the entire thing.
Once done, I put the cap back on and tap the bottle against the counter in a hypnotic move.
“I’m really sorry, Lo,” Elizabeth whispers from behind me. “I can’t imagine how hard this must be for you…”
With a lot more aggressivity than intended, I turn around to face her.
“If I didn’t have anything at all, would you still want me?”
She looks stricken for a second. “I… What?”
I open my arms to encompass our surroundings. “If I didn’t have this house and some money in the bank, and I couldn’t help you while in your time of need, would you still need me?”
Understanding dawns in her eyes that fill with instant tears.
“Logan, I’ve wanted you from the moment I laid eyes on you.
I pursued a relationship with you despite my better judgement…
I left everything behind to be with you,” she continues.
“I appreciate everything that you do for me, so much, you have no idea… And if you have nothing, I would still love you just as much,” she finishes.
I nod in gratitude, then start pacing back and forth. My head is a mix of emotions. I have never experienced anything like it, not even when I thought I’d lost her forever. After I do a couple of laps around the kitchen island, I decide to drop a bomb on her.
“I think I want to quit hockey.”
She lets out a soft gasp of surprise as she presses both hands to her chest. She stares at me like she can’t believe what she’s hearing. Truth is, I insisted for so long that hockey was my life, it sounds crazy to me, too, when I say I want out.
“Is it because you’re in the second line?” she asks. “I’m sure you’ll have opportunities to grow, Lo. This is not it for you. You’re an amazing player, a great goalie…”
“It’s not just that,” I interrupt. “Why would I sacrifice so much for hockey when it’s so easy for hockey to take a shit on me, ya know?”
She stares at me with pity in her eyes, and I hate seeing it.
“Is this because they wouldn’t let you skip the game tomorrow?”
There’s sudden tightness in my chest while my breathing is more labored.
“My friend is lying in a bed dying, Lizzie,” I yell at her. “Literally dying!”
I start pacing again, running my hands through my hair, making a mess of it, but I don’t care about anything anymore.
“Logan…”
She touches my back, and I jump, shaking her hand off.
“It is just a business to them,” she tells me, like I don’t already know. “Their heart is not involved. Sebastian was part of the team, but in their world, life still needs to go on. They have sponsors, and…”
She continues telling me all the things that I already know. It’s ironic that they’re coming from her. She is such a mess when she lost her job, and she couldn’t understand why they wouldn’t give her another chance. Only for her to sound like… like a team owner.
This is something I never thought of her as when, in fact, she is the heiress to one of the best teams in the league. While she’s never been involved in the business itself, it sounds like she’s got enough of her father in her to understand better than me why Coach said no to my leaving today.
“I think you should go back to your father,” I tell her out of nowhere.
“Logan,” she cries out. “What are you saying?”
I let out a long breath of air, trying to release some of the pressure in my chest.
“I’m saying that you’re better off in his world than mine. You’ll be happier there, I guarantee it.”
She slams her body into mine as she hugs me from behind, begging me without words to take it all back.
‘You don’t mean it,” she tells me. “It’s because you’re upset about what’s happening with Sebastian…”
I drop my eyes to the floor, fascinated with the design in the tiles.
“I am going to quit hockey,” I repeat to her in a cold tone. “And you are going to move back to New York. We are both going to move on with our lives.”
“Logan,” she begs.
But my mind is made up. Life is too short, and I don’t want to drag her down with me as I spiral into nothing.