Chapter 35
LIVELY
I fucking hated the sight of her tears.
It felt like I was watching an Empire fall. Like I was watching a queen crawl . And I hated it. Oh God, I hated it so much , I was pretty much unraveling at the seams, but I didn’t know what to do to make it stop .
“I can't lose her,” she was gasping between heaving breaths. “I can't— she's my sister, she's—” Another sob tore through her and my heart shriveled even more. “She's only fourteen, she can't—”
Her whole body was trembling now, fine tremors that seemed to start in her bones and ripple outward. Fuck .
“What do you need?” I asked, desperate, one hand moving in steady circles on her back. “Tell me how to help.” Please .
But she just shook her head against my shoulder, her tears soaking through my shirt, and every tremor that ran through her body felt like a knife twisting in my chest.
“I…I don’t know…” She mewled.
There were many times I’d let myself imagine what it would feel like to hold Hailey Baleman like this, to have her willingly step into my arms. Many times, I’d dreamt about this very moment…
But not like this. I’d never imagined it would be like this.
“I can't—” Her voice cracked, the sound so broken it made something in me fracture. “I don’t know…I—"
My arms tightened around her instinctively, as if I could somehow shield her from the pain tearing her apart from the inside out.
I wanted to crawl into her and take her pain into my own body.
My own pain didn’t matter—my own fear for Mallory wasn’t the focus here; it was Hailey.
Hailey was the only thing that mattered right now.
“Tell me how to help,” I pleaded again, my voice rough, barely holding on to my stoic facade. “Hailey, please . Let me—”
She lifted her face from my shoulder then, and the sight of her nearly stopped my heart.
Tears streaked down her cheeks, her eyes red-rimmed and desperate in a way I'd never seen before.
Hailey Baleman didn't do desperate . She was ice and steel and stone cold determination.
Unbreakable. Except she wasn't unbreakable.
She was breaking right here, right now, in my arms, and I'd never felt more useless in my life. I’d never seen her this broken before and, fuck, I never wanted to see her like this ever again—
“Kiss me, Lively.”
The words were a literal suckerpunch, and I froze like I was looking into Medusa’s eyes. I was that petrified.
What ? My eyes rounded as I looked down into her grief-stricken face.
For a moment, I wasn't sure I'd heard her correctly. I didn’t want to dare imagine it…because of how many times I’d imagined her saying those exact words.
How many nights I laid awake, thinking about what it would be like to finally close the careful distance she always maintained between us. But…
Not like this. That much was true.
“Hailey…” I brought one hand up to cradle the back of her head, fingers threading through her hair. But instead of pulling her closer, I simply held her, pressing her cheek against the crook of my neck. She didn’t want me to kiss her right now…that was just her grief and pain talking.
“Please, please kiss me,” she whispered, and the raw vulnerability in her voice made my chest go tight with a sharp pain I could barely manage. “I just—I need to feel something else. Anything else. I need—”
And there it was. She didn’t want to kiss me; she just wanted to distract herself. Which simply meant that she was just going to regret it as soon as she came back to herself. And I don’t think I could bear that. No, I knew I wasn’t going to be able to bear it.
“No.” The word came out gentler than I expected, considering how much it cost me to say it. Because, fuck, of course I wanted to kiss her. But that didn't mean I was going to take advantage of her when she was shattering in my arms like this.
“Why not?” Her fingers tightened in my shirt, her expression turning stubborn. “You kiss women all the time, don’t you? What’s so different about this time?”
Because you mean way more to me than any of them ever did. Because the day I kiss you is the day I probably fucking die.
If I wasn’t so damn tormented by her obvious distress, I would have laughed…
but not because it was funny. Because how could she believe I’d treat her any less than she deserved to be treated?
How could she think I would take advantage of her now, like this, all because she was throwing herself at me?
I clenched my jaw. “This time,” I said, slowly, “is different because I want you to be okay. I want Mallory to be okay. I—” I just fucking love you, okay?
But, of course, I couldn’t say that part out loud.
Not here. Not now . “I don’t want you to regret this.
” I finished, brokenly, my voice catching on the word, ‘regret’.
Because it would fucking break me .
And before I could even register my body moving, I was already leaning into her.
Her wet eyes widened slightly as I closed the distance between our faces, but I forced myself to pivot at the last possible second, forced my lips to press against her forehead instead of that delicious mouth that was tempting me to claim it.
And I hoped she could feel it all; my devotion, my pain at her misery, my wish that she’d get through all of this, through that simple gesture.
When I pulled back slightly, I held her gaze, watching as they clouded right over again with her pain and fear that not even that small gesture of comfort I’d given her could do anything to chase away.
A fresh wave of tears spilled down her cheeks, but then she melted against me, the tension in her frame giving way to something that felt almost like surrender.
“I need to get to her, I need to know that she’s okay,” she whispered. “But I can't—I can't think straight. I can't—”
I know. I know, Hailstorm. “Then let me think for you.” I pressed my cheek against her hair, breathing in the faint scent of her shampoo. “Just for a little while. Let me handle this part.”
She nodded against my shoulder, and the trust in that simple gesture nearly undid me. Keeping one arm around her, I fumbled for my phone with my free hand. Coach first—he needed to know what was going on so he could tell Coach Hawkins.
“Lively.” His tone was curt. “I heard Baleman sprained her ankle. Why haven’t you come down yet? Too steep for the both of you?”
Heart thundering in my ears, I said, “We have to go back. Hailey needs to leave camp.” And I was well aware that I wasn’t making much sense to him, but I had to get the words out. “She has a family emergency.”
There was a short, tense silence before Coach Gunner spoke again. “Got it. I’ll get in touch with Coach Hawkins.”
Next, I dialed Dylan. My vice Captain was the best person to call in a situation like this. He wasn’t going to lose his mind…not like I was doing.
“Hey, Dylan,” I said as soon as he picked up, teeth grinding at the small whimpering sounds Hailey was making against my neck.
Each shaky breath she took seemed to echo in my chest, a reminder of how completely her walls had crumbled.
Shit, my heart was literally shredding in my chest at the sound, and I almost wondered why I didn’t just kiss her—
No .
This wasn’t about me. I had to keep my own feelings out of this.
“Are you guys already down the trail?” I asked, and his breathy answer was proof enough.
“Nah, man.” He said, and I cursed. That perked him up at once. “What’s up?”
“We might have to leave tonight. I’ve informed Coach.”
“Shit, what is it?”
“Hailey has a family emergency. She needs to leave. Tell her teammates.” I said, and cut the call off without hearing what else he had to say. He’ll get it.
“Coach is handling the paperwork right now.” I told her finally, running my hand up and down her spine.
She pulled back slightly, wiping at her face with trembling hands. “We?”
“Did you really think we were going to let you fly across the country alone when you can barely walk?” I tried for a light tone, but the concern bleeding through probably ruined the effect.
Not that I gave a shit, honestly. “Besides, Mallory would kill me if I didn't come visit her in the hospital.”
“When you say we…” she trailed off, suspicion shining in her teary eyes.
I nodded, “I mean all of us,” I said, and her breath hitched in her throat. “We won’t let you go through this alone, Hailstorm. Depend on us a little.” Rest on me, more.
A sound caught between a laugh and a sob escaped her. “God, I—” She pressed her forehead against my collarbone. “I’m so sorry about this. You guys don't deserve any of this. You, the team, or—”
“Stop.” I threaded my fingers through her hair again, trying to ignore how right it felt.
“You deserve everything, Hailey. You have to let your friends help you this time. Give us the opportunity to. Contrary to what you think, you have all these people around you who would do anything for you.” I said and she looked away from me, her jaw clenching.
People like me. I would do anything for you.
But that was going to be a slow process, and right now, we had to focus on the most important thing. “But first, we need to get down this trail and get you to Mallory. Okay?”
She nodded, and I could feel her gathering herself, trying to rebuild some of her usual composure. But when she tried to stand, her ankle buckled immediately.
Without hesitation, I scooped her up in my arms. This time, she didn't protest, just wrapped her arms around my neck and pressed her face into my shoulder.
“I've got you,” I murmured, starting down the trail toward where Logan would be waiting. “Whatever happens, I've got you.”
And that was a promise I wanted to keep for as long as she’d let me.
I didn't sleep for shit last night. I couldn’t.