Chapter 36
THIRTY-SIX
tate
The waiting room coffee is so bitter, it makes my lips twist.
I’ve been sitting in the same plastic chair since they wheeled Zane into surgery, absently watching CNN news stories loop on the television. My family is spread out around me - Mom staring at a magazine, Dad on his phone, Mark and Tessa, who just came by, talking quietly in the corner.
Dr. Gandolfo said the surgery could take anywhere from two to six hours. I glare at the clock on the wall, willing the seconds to tick by faster because I’m losing my damn mind.
Then the elevator dings, the doors open, and a group of my teammates, current and former, spill into the room.
Cam leads the pack, followed by Logan, Jaren, Colby, Carter, Jack, Parker, Masterson, and Keating. They’re the guys I’m closest to.
“Tate,” Cam says, walking over. “How is he?”
“He’s been in surgery for the past few hours.”
He sits down next to me. “Any word from the doctors?”
“Not yet.” My knee bounces with the restless energy flooding my insides.
The other guys find seats or lean against walls, crowding the waiting room. Then another elevator full of guys shows up. Everyone speaks in hushed voices, grave looks on their faces.
“This is really fucked up,” Masterson finally says to me. “The guy’s a hero, and he’s fighting for his life in surgery.”
“What exactly happened?” Carter asks. “The news said something about the FBI and game fixing, but they didn’t give details. Do you know anything about it?”
I look around the room at my teammates, at my family, at all these people who showed up.
And I know I can’t keep lying to them.
“Actually, yeah,” I say slowly. “He was working undercover, helping the FBI take down the gambling syndicate that destroyed his career in Detroit.”
“He told you all that?” Cam asks. “About him being undercover for the FBI? That seems like a lot to share with a colleague.”
“Uh, yeah.” I sweep a hand through my hair. “But…”
The guys look at me, waiting.
I take a deep breath. “The other part is that we’ve been together for weeks.” The words tumble out of the mouth.
“Together how?” Cam asks.
I catch Parker’s gaze. He gives me a slight nod.
“Together like we’re in a relationship. Like I’m gay and he’s the person I’m in love with.”
Colby stops pacing. Jaren’s eyes widen. Everyone stares at me.
“Holy shit,” someone says. I think it’s Keating.
“Yeah.”
“You’re gay,” Carter says. It’s not a question, and I know with one glance that he isn’t shocked.
“Yeah.”
“And you’ve been secretly dating Coach Christensen.”
“Yeah.”
“For how long?”
“We hooked up in Vegas a couple of years ago after a game. I didn’t know who he was then and when he showed up in Oakland, we kind of…” I sigh. “Fell in love.”
Cam leans back in his chair. “That’s why you’ve been so fucked up this season. All the performance issues, the weird ass behavior. You were dealing with this.”
“Well, not only this. I was dealing with a lot of things.”
“Like what?”
So I tell them all the same story I told my family, but with more details about the hockey side of things, including how Zane was forced to work with the FBI, how the syndicate tried to recruit me, and how I signed their contract thinking I could handle it myself.
“You signed a contract with criminals?” Logan asks.
“I signed a contract because they threatened my family.”
“The same criminals who destroyed Coach’s career?” Carter asks.
“Same ones.”
“And now he’s in surgery because he went back to them wearing a wire?”
I nod.
“It’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard,” Keating says. “He could have gotten himself killed.”
“He did get shot,” I say. “And he was lucky he survived.”
“At least those fuckers are in jail.” Colby says. “Does that mean you’re off the hook?”
“Yes.” I drum my fingertips on the arms of the chair, looking up at the clock again.
“So what happens now?” Cam asks.
“Now we wait. And pray that he makes it through surgery.”
“And after that?”
“I don’t know.”
“Are you guys going to stay together?”
The question from Carter catches me off guard. “What?”
“You and Christensen. You going to stay together?”
“If he wants to. If he survives this.”
“Why wouldn’t he want to?” Carter asks.
“Because I told him I never wanted to see him again. Because I walked away from him when he was trying to protect me. Because I’m an asshole who doesn’t deserve someone who’s willing to die for me. There are plenty of reasons.”
“Bullshit,” Cam says.
“What?”
“I said bullshit. You think he did this because he felt guilty? You think he wore a wire into a meeting with criminals because of some misplaced sense of duty?”
“I don’t know why he did it.”
“He did it because he loves you, you dumbass. And people who love each other forgive stupid shit.”
“Even when the stupid shit almost gets people killed?”
“Especially then.”
Mark, who’s been quiet this whole time, speaks up. “Can I ask you guys something?”
“Sure,” Cam says.
“How long have you guys known? About Tate and Zane?”
The guys exchange looks. Jaren and Colby shrug.
“I didn’t know for sure until right now,” Cam says.
“But I suspected something was going on. I caught the way they looked at each other during practice, the way Coach always seemed to know exactly what Tate needed to hear. And Tate’s game really improved when they started working together.
But I get why Tate kept it quiet. Conflict of interest and all. ”
“A bunch of us have dealt with the coming out struggle,” Jack says. “We could have helped. It’s not an easy thing to deal with, but we’ll always have each other’s backs, brah.”
“We’re all family, Tate.” Carter looks around the room. “And family always takes care of family.”
A smile tugs at my lips. “So you guys are okay with this?”
“Tate,” Colby says, “I don’t give a shit who you’re sleeping with as long as you’re stopping pucks. And if Coach makes you a better goalie, then I hope you two live happily ever after.”
“What about the media? The questions? People are going to want to know about the team’s reaction to having another gay player and that said player is sleeping with his coach.”
“Then we’ll tell them the same thing we tell them about everything else that’s none of their business,” Jack says. “To fuck off. You’re a good player and a good teammate. That’s all that matters.”
A doctor in surgical scrubs appears in the waiting room doorway but it’s not Dr. Gandolfo. It’s someone else, someone I don’t recognize. My gut clenches.
Silence falls over us all.
“Family of Zane Christensen?”
“That’s us,” I say, jumping out of my chair.
“I’m Dr. Kim, one of the surgical residents.
I was assisting Dr. Gandolfo during the surgery.
” She looks around the room at the crowd of huge hockey players and then her eyes land on me again.
“He’s stable. The surgery went well. We were able to repair the internal bleeding and remove some bullet fragments we missed in the first operation. ”
“Is he going to be okay?” I choke out.
“He’s going to need time to get back on his feet, but yes, he should make a full recovery.”
The relief is so intense I almost fall over. Mark catches my arm to steady me.
“When can I see him?”
“He’s being moved to recovery now. Once he’s awake and alert, probably in an hour or two. The anesthesia should wear off within the next hour.” Dr. Kim smiles. “He’s been asking for Tate. Is that you?”
“Yeah, that’s me.”
“Well, he’s going to be very happy to see you.”
She leaves, and the waiting room erupts in cheers and back-slapping.
“You see? He’s okay,” Mom says, hugging me. “He’s going to be okay.”
In the middle of the celebration, Parker pulls me aside. “Hey, can I talk to you for a minute?”
“Sure.”
We walk toward the vending machines, away from the crowd.
“I was worried about you guys after that night in the bar, about what would happen if people found out. And I never said anything. I want you to know that. But I watched you guys, and I could see how much you cared about each other. Even when you were trying to hide it.” His voice gets quieter.
“Tonight, when I heard he got shot trying to protect you... I should have said something.”
“Said something to who?”
“To you. I knew the guys thought you were straight and that it must’ve been really stressful for you to keep that secret. I should have told you that you didn’t have to pretend around me.” Parker looks miserable. “You’ve been carrying this alone, and you didn’t have to.”
“Parker... ”
“I’m sorry, Tate. I’m sorry you felt like you had to hide from everyone, including me.”
“It’s not your fault.”
“It kind of is. I could have made it easier for you. Could have been a better teammate. I know things were rough with me taking your spot for those games, and I…”
I look at him. “You’re a good teammate, Parker. Keeping quiet about something that wasn’t your business to share? That’s exactly what a good teammate does.”
“Is it?”
“Yeah. And showing up here tonight? That’s what a good teammate does, too.”
He nods. “You know, for what it’s worth,” he says, “you guys are good together. I could see it, even in that bathroom. The way he looked at you... like you were the most important thing in the world.”
“Really?”
He nods. “And the way you looked at him was the same.” Parker grins. “Also, your game got a lot better once you started working with him. Whatever else was going on, the coaching was on point.”
Despite everything, I smile. “Thanks, Parker.”
“Yeah, man. I’m glad he’s okay. I’m glad you’re both okay.”
“Yeah,” I repeat, and for the first time since I set foot in this hospital, I actually believe it.
He’s going to be okay.
We’re going to be okay.