Chapter 6
STAN
Having Axel in my home was a dream come true, and I hated feeling that way.
Being happy that he was hurt because it meant we got to see each other again was shitty at best. That was an oversimplification of my emotions; obviously I wasn’t happy he’d been injured.
How could I be… but also, it was how he came to be here, and that part meant so much to me.
Gah. Why was this so complicated? If only his wolf scented me as his, but he couldn’t have or we wouldn’t be in this situation. He’d have called me his and our lives would’ve been so very different. Sometimes I wished I was human so falling in love could be enough.
Axel had been healing really well. I’d been nervous, especially with his wolf impacted by the initial concussion.
I’d never seen an injury like that before, and even after contacting a healer I knew, I had no real plan other than to do what we’d already been doing.
I made sure he had the nutrition he needed, gave him more therapy sessions since the physical therapist was human and wanted him to take more rest days than a shifter would require, and watched for signs his wolf needed more than we were giving.
I’d taken him in for imaging, and if that went well and the team doctor agreed, he’d be back on the ice soon.
His coach didn’t know how quickly he was healing. We gave him regular updates and decided to be vague with his teammates and media. It wasn’t something we could really share with his human team. His healing might’ve been slower than a wolf’s, but it was still very quick for a human.
Axel was able to use his hand without his splint now and had since less than a week after the accident. But when he had to go to follow-ups, on it went. I knew Axel hated not rushing back to playing.
If it had been me who was hurt, the hospital would’ve thought thank gods, he’s back.
What a great recovery. But with Axel, it wasn’t only his team he had to worry about being suspicious.
It was all of his fans, the reporters, and the bet makers.
Axel had to let this play out despite his desire to hit the ice.
We got the news we’d been waiting for at his last appointment with the orthopedist—he was cleared for splint-free living as long as he promised not to overdo it.
The doctor was unsurprisingly pleased at our patient’s progress, but felt confident he’d make a full recovery.
That wasn’t something Axel had heard from anyone, including me, up until then and you could see him visibly relax at the doctor’s words.
Unlike the doctor, my worry had been less about his physical body after the first few days had passed and more about his wolf.
Things were going really well between us, so well that I almost allowed myself to be fooled into thinking that maybe we could be together for real, forever.
Aside from doing things to help his recovery, we fell into our old patterns back in school.
We watched movies together, played far too many video games, and ate our weight in pizza.
It was nice being together like this and just being us.
Unlike when we were in college, Axel was more vocal about his feelings. He told me he’d missed me, along with all the things he wanted to do with me and to me, but not once had he said that he scented me as his mate. And without that, did the rest really matter?
“I love kissing you,” and “Being in your arms is everything” is great and all, but what I longed to hear was, “Mine.”
Love was important, so was getting along. But being with someone who fate didn’t send your way could be snapped apart with one scent. It was terrifying. At least for me it was, especially now when I realized how deeply in love with him I was.
What if I did say screw it and choose Axel? What if I allowed myself to believe with my whole heart that we were always and forever? And then one year, two years, five years later, someone walked by, he scented them, and realized I wasn’t really meant to be his? I’d be crushed beyond repair.
That fear was the only reason the two of us hadn’t gone further than kissing and snuggling. At least on my end. I didn’t know his excuse, and I suspected it had to do with his wolf not recognizing me.
The grown-up, mature thing would be to have a conversation about this. But how could I? Once I opened that can of worms, they would be everywhere, and there would be no turning back if he decided, “No, you’re right. We might have mates. Let’s not do this.”
So instead, I tried to convince myself just to have a human relationship with him, one where we could kiss and hug and laugh and play, where I could take care of him as he needed and snuggle on the couch with him for a good horror movie.
But there were some days, especially when I had long shifts at work, that it was hard to keep up that facade.
“Five minutes,” I called to Ax, who was Zooming with his team.
“Gotta go, the boss says we need to leave. Wish us good news.”
I didn’t know what to do about that, especially since today was the day he was going to a specialist to get approval to return.
He wouldn’t be approved to jump back in and play, that would take time, but not to be here anymore, to be with his team, to be practicing, working on his skating, getting used to the schedule again?
All of that was great. Him no longer here with me, not so much.
We met at the local arena, thanks to some connections and strings his coach pulled. And because of course there was, a few guys with cameras were out front and we had to sneak in the back. It was ridiculous.
“Are you nervous?” I took his hand.
“Yeah, for a lot of reasons. I used to feel like home when I came on the ice. Used to...”
But before he could answer my question fully, the sports medicine specialist, a cat shifter by scent, called to us. I couldn’t fathom how much they paid him for what amounted to a housecall. “Over here!”
We had a short meeting in the office, and a few times I got some side-eye from the doctor who wasn’t loving the fact that a random nurse was there. I thought that was more out of professional awkwardness than anything personal, and he looked twice at our intertwined fingers.
“I got the report from your last scans, and everything looks really good.” He set his tablet down. “I honestly didn’t think we’d be having this conversation. Your wolf being impacted the way he was had me thinking the worst.”
The guy didn’t mince words.
“So I’m ready to go back, doctor?”
“Yes, but you know how it is with injuries. I know you’re going back, but remember you’re not playing playing, just working toward that.”
“I understand.” His hand tightened.
“Why don’t I give you a few more days’ rest, and you can meet up with the team when they have a break in their schedule? That’ll be a good time to ease your way in.”
That didn’t sound like a good idea to me at all. Days off, he should be with me. Except we hadn’t had that talk. In fact, we’d done everything but talk about the important stuff.
After a quick exam, the specialist watched my mate on the ice for a little bit. If I hadn’t known Axel was a hockey player, watching his grace as he flew over the ice, I’d have thought he was a figure skater. It was beautiful.
Axel thanked the doctor, and we went home, but the car ride was eerily silent. It had been the best news possible, yet neither of us was smiling. As we got out of the car, he pulled me into a hug, holding me tightly.
“Shift with me, please,” he whispered. “I need to meet your fox. Please?”
Why now after all these years? My future would be determined by a single act. I was ready to stick my head in the sand and put my fingers in my ears. Not that I could do both at the same time. Damn, why did everything involve a choice?
“Shift? You and me?”
“Yeah. It’s what we should have done years ago.”
There were no should or coulds, just destiny. This was where my heart would likely be broken and we’d part as friends, never to see one another again.
How would his wolf and my fox react to one another? His beast didn’t recognize me as his mate, so they’d agree that love was only for humans and wish each other well.
But I’d been putting it off for years and it was time.
I agreed knowing it was going to be my band-aid moment.
We went out back and shed our clothes. First, he shifted. His beautiful wolf stood there on all fours, looking up at me tentatively.
“I’m coming,” I said, and fell back, letting my fox take over. Before my paws even hit the ground, my fox shouted at me.
Mate! Mate! Mate! You’re my mate!
Axel was my mate.
My fox said so.
But how could he be? He didn’t scent me back. Was I going to be rejected? Was I going to lose him once again, only this time for real, forever?
I shifted back, needing answers. He was already on two feet by the time my shift was complete.
”Mate,” I said.
”You scent me?”
I nodded. “You?” The words barely left my lips, the fear of rejection too strong.
”I always have. I could blame it on being young and foolish, but it wasn’t that. Not really. It was fear.”
I understood that all too well. I’d been acting out of fear since I first fell in love with him.
”Are you scared now?”
”I’m a lot of things. Scared isn’t one of them.” He crossed over to me and rubbed his cheek against mine. “Mate. Mine.”
”Yes. Yours. Now mark me so the world knows it.”
There was so much more to say, to figure out. It could all wait. This was something we should’ve done all those years ago, and I refused to wait another day. Axel was mine and nothing was going to get between us again, especially not my own fears.