6. Carina - Then
six
Carina - Then
I was sitting in Sophia and Pierre’s eat-in kitchen, nursing a cup of coffee that Sophia insisted I drink while she plated up the cookies we’d baked. I’d been in Seattle for two weeks. It was so much fun reconnecting with Sophia and Pierre.
I’d done a bit of soul-searching myself too. I didn’t know what I wanted out of life anymore. I’d done the high-powered career. The stress, the long hours, and the need to be constantly on were a drain. I was disillusioned too. I always thought David and I were building Delaney’s Warehouse together, for us. He’d imagined Cara taking over and our eventual retirement. But even when she was a teenager, I realized that she would never want to be a part of it. Sporting goods wasn’t remotely interesting to Cara, and more importantly, she wasn’t the corporate type. That wasn’t an insult to her at all. She was a creative. The restrictive nine-to-five schedule, business suits, and a corporate office would strangle that creativity right out of her. I didn’t want that for her.
I’d fully accepted that when we were ready to retire, David and I would sell the company. But then he’d cheated on me. I couldn’t stay with him after that—I wouldn’t. He shattered my trust, but even worse, he put me at risk. That was a betrayal I couldn’t get past.
The HR Department’s reaction to my request to take some leave was a wake-up call. I realized that it was his business, not ours, and definitely not mine. I may have been by his side from the start, but that was irrelevant. I’d made it possible for David to run the business and open more stores. I’d helped him grow it to where it was today. But it was his business and always would be. I hadn’t realized it, but I’d been like any other employee the whole time, nothing more. The management team tolerated my direction because I was married to the CEO.
And for what?
I’d missed so much of Cara’s childhood. The weight of knowing how many school assemblies I missed was suffocating. Cara received awards for English every year of her schooling. I’d never seen her get one. She entered poetry and short story competitions and had won so many of them that I’d lost count. All those hours I put in every week meant I’d missed everything. With the benefit of hindsight, I now realized they were so much more important than David’s business.
She’d say I was there when it counted, but she was looking back at her childhood with rose-colored glasses on.
My whole adult life had come down to shirking my responsibilities as a mother, choosing work over my child while working for a man who was completely ungrateful. I’d helped him build up his company and sacrificed our daughter to do it.
These past couple of weeks had given me perspective. I saw how Sophia and Pierre balanced their life together. Despite both of them working, they made time for each other. They enjoyed life.
I wanted the same. Desperately. But I had no idea how I was going to get it. Maybe if I hadn’t been a stupid teenager and signed a prenup that cheated me out of millions of dollars, I could have afforded a little plot somewhere in the hills where I could grow my own vegetables and work part time. But that was a luxury I’d never know, not without challenging the agreement. To do so, I needed to fork out a hundred thousand dollars in legal fees and even more in forensic accountants—money that I just didn’t have. I was stuck between a rock and a hard place.
“Carina,” Sophia called.
I blinked, shaking out of my thoughts. I’d been a million miles away and hadn’t heard a single thing she’d said.
“What do you think? Should we do it?”
“Sorry, I spaced out. What are we doing?”
She looked at me, sympathy in the way her brow furrowed and her lips turned down. She was concerned about me, and I appreciated the sentiment more than she would ever know.
“A girls’ trip to Vegas.” Sophia repeated patiently.
I must have been zoned out for a while, because I didn’t remember her mentioning anything about it.
“I mean…,” I hesitated, not really knowing what to say.
“What?” she asked, popping the baking tray into the sink and coming to sit down kitty-corner to me. “What’s got you in your head?”
I smiled sadly. “Just thinking about what I’ve learned from these last couple of weeks with you and Pierre. I know I want the rest of my life to be different, but I have no idea how to make that happen.”
“Let’s start with Vegas.” She grinned and moved her hands as if pushing open curtains on a stage. “Picture this. We get dressed up in fancy clothes and see some shows—Cirque du Soleil or a cabaret. We eat at nice restaurants and drink champagne. We go shopping and get pampered at a day spa. Maybe even take a helicopter flight over the Grand Canyon.”
I smiled wistfully. It sounded wonderful. It all sounded incredible. Maybe a trip like that was exactly what I needed to get out of this funk and my life back on track. Left up to my own devices, I’d stay at home in pajamas. I was a homebody at heart. I loved home-cooked meals and evenings with friends. Aside from work and the conferences I attended, I didn’t get out much. The idea of a few days spent living it up sounded fabulous.
“You’re hesitating,” Sophia said.
“I want to….”
“There’s clearly a ‘but’ coming. Except I’m not listening to it.” Sophia grinned.
Then she became serious and reached out to grasp my hand. She squeezed it and I had to blink back tears.
“You need this, Carina. Hell, I do too.” She huffed and shook her head. “I’ve missed you, and I want to have some fun together. Neither of us ever do girls’ trips. Let’s do it together just this once.”
I nodded and she beamed. “Excellent!”
My responding smile was tentative. I was excited, but it was nerve-wracking too. This vacation was safe—it was familiar. But Vegas was a big city with people everywhere. It was bright lights and nights out. It was so far out of my wheelhouse that it was scary.
Sophia pushed the plate of cookies toward me, and I picked one up. It was still warm and so deliciously soft. I broke a piece off and popped it into my mouth. They were so good. Nothing beat old-fashioned chocolate chip cookies. I moaned and snagged another one before pushing the plate back to Sophia.
“Have as many as you like,” Sophia offered. “I’m going with five,” she declared with a smirk.
My smile grew as I ate another piece of the cookie and thought about the trip. I could totally do this. I was an independent woman who was in the prime of her life. I had curves for days. I was smart and confident—even if my confidence had been taken down a peg or two, given my ex-husband’s exploits—and I had my best friend with me. We were doing this. We were going to Vegas. I pulled back my shoulders, lifted my chin, and nodded. “We’re doing Vegas.”
Sophia laughed and held up her mug to mine. We clinked them together, and she gestured to Pierre’s office where she kept her laptop. “Let’s book some flights.”
“Sophia,” Pierre called.
“Yes, my love,” she answered.
“Your maman is calling me. Can you call her?”
Her brow furrowed, and she went to her bag. Her eyes widened when she looked at her screen. “I’ve missed five calls.”
She swiped her screen and held her phone to her ear. “Maman,” she greeted, pausing for a moment before speaking in rapid-fire French.
I didn’t understand any of it, but Sophia’s body language spoke volumes. Worry lines deepened between her brows, and her mouth turned down in a frown. She gasped and held her hand to her mouth, tears springing to her eyes. Whatever her mum was telling her was bad news.
Sophia nodded and exhaled slowly before sucking in a long breath. “Maman,” she said, then spoke again in French.
When she lowered her phone to her chest, I stood up and gestured to the corridor where my bedroom was. “I’ll give you some privacy.”
“It’s okay. Stay,” she answered. “My father has had an accident. He needs an operation to pin his femur. My mother needs me. She doesn’t drive, and—”
I held up my hands. “She needs your help. Go to her.”
“But our trip?”
“It can wait. There’s plenty for me to see on my own, and when you’re ready, we’ll do a girls’ trip.”
“Thank you,” she whispered.
Pierre had come in and overheard part of our conversation. As soon as Sophia relayed the news, he set off to book their flights. I made myself scarce after that. They’d offered for me to stay here for as long as I wanted, but I didn’t feel comfortable without them.
Holidaying by myself was my first test, and I was going to ace it. Where should I go? I’d always wanted to visit San Francisco. I could wander the shoreline, visit Alcatraz, and see the Golden Gate Bridge. Or I could go to Yosemite and see the giant redwoods. I could head north instead to Vancouver. Or I could see the Adirondack Mountains.
“Carina.” Sophia knocked on the doorframe and poked her head into my room to see me folding clothes. “I’m so sorry to have to cancel our trip before I even booked it. Pierre has flights booked for tomorrow morning, so we’ll head to the airport early. But you’re welcome to stay here as long as you like,” she reiterated. “Treat the house like it’s yours. Use the cars. Whatever you need.”
“No.” I shook my head and held my hands up. “I think this is a good opportunity for me to take a trip by myself. See some sights. Experience being single.”
“You’re going to see Vegas?” she asked, amazement coloring her tone.
I huffed out a laugh, surprised by my own thoughts. I didn’t mind alone time, in fact, I often craved it, but vacations for me were always about family and friends. Doing anything alone would be a first, but I wasn’t sure whether I was ready for Vegas.
“Um….”
Sophia swallowed, looking torn between helping her parents and me. That wouldn’t do.
“Vegas is definitely an option,” I clarified, plastering on a smile that I hoped didn’t look fake. I had about twenty hours to decide where I wanted to go. Easy peasy.
If Cara were already in the country, I would have happily spent time with her. But she wasn’t set to arrive for a few months yet. Perhaps that was a good thing. It would force me to do this on my own.
Sophia gestured to her phone. “I need to call Jacques to let him know what’s happening.”
I nodded and smiled. I had my own homework to do.
An hour later, I wandered into the kitchen to rinse my empty mug and overheard Sophia talking to Jacques on speaker while she was unpacking the dishwasher.
“Mom, Carina’s welcome to stay with us. She’d love it on the ranch,” Jacques said.
I couldn’t help my blush as I stood next to Sophia at the sink. I hadn’t told her that Jacques had taken me out when he’d been in Brisbane. He’d been so charming that night.
“Carina?” she inquired.
I opened my mouth to answer, but then I saw Sophia press her fingers to her closed eyelids. She had the weight of the world sitting on them, and I hated that my friend was so worried about her father. I knew they were close and that she wouldn’t be satisfied he’d be okay until she saw him with her own eyes. But I still had to try.
“He’ll be okay,” I soothed.
She nodded and pressed her lips together. Then she explained to Jacques, “We were just organizing a girls’ trip to Las Vegas, and now….”
“You don’t need to worry,” I assured her.
“I feel terrible.”
I wrapped my arm around her shoulders and hugged her to me. “You have more important things to worry about than me. Focus on your parents. I’ll be absolutely fine.”
“Carina, book your flight to Vegas for tomorrow,” Jacques directed. “I’ll meet you there.”
“Don’t you have hockey?” I asked automatically. Who could just drop everything and go on a trip to Vegas with less than a day’s notice?
He laughed. “It’s the off-season. I’ll start training again in a few weeks. For now, I have some time on my hands.”
“Seriously?” I asked, my belly flip-flopping with excitement. It wasn’t because I wanted to experience Vegas. The excitement was reserved wholly for Jacques. Before the guilt at finding my best friend’s son so handsome could set in, heat crawled up my throat, my cheeks getting hot. I grinned, almost giddy with the anticipation of a weekend spent with Jacques.
“Definitely.”