19. Rusty
nineteen
Rusty
I was floating, not just because of the spontaneous orgasm in the orchard, but because I was ridiculously happy. I was more in love with Jacques and Travis than I’d ever been before. They were attentive, doing little things for both Carina and me that made us all smile. Jacques left Post-its with sweet and spicy notes written on them for us, and Travis cut up mango and portioned it out in small containers for me so I didn’t have to glove up or risk an allergic reaction to the sap to eat one.
I’d missed Travis when I woke this morning, so I’d gone in search of him. By the time we’d come back, Jacques had coffee brewing for them and a green juice made for me on the table. There was fresh bread baking in the bread maker, and Carina was cooking a breakfast of bacon and eggs. Having breakfast together had quickly become our morning ritual—the four of us eating before Travis went to work. It wouldn’t always be like this—Jacques would be starting preseason training soon, and Travis was about to start his twenty-four-hour rotation again, so he’d already be at the station when we were waking up, but I was loving it while it lasted.
We’d spent the past few mornings laughing together, but we were doing lots of communicating too. Carina and I had promised to talk things through honestly with each other, and it was rubbing off on Jacques and Travis too. I’d wanted Carina to stick around because she made my guys happy, but I liked having her here too. The four of us together felt right.
Travis looked at the oversized clock on the wall and stood up. He pressed a kiss to Carina’s temple and said, “Thank you, darlin’. I’ve got to get ready for work.”
“I’ll clean up,” I volunteered.
“Have you got much on today, Rusty?” Jacques asked as I took the final sip of my juice.
I shook my head. “No, today’s an easy day.” I looked between him and Carina and added, “Did you want to do something together?”
“I would love to, but I can’t,” Jacques explained. “Hux is on his way over. We’re going to skate for a while—ease into preseason training.”
Carina made a face, her lips pursed as if she tasted something nasty. “I can’t imagine how sore you’d be after preseason training.”
“It’s hell. That’s why we’re going to go hard for a few hours every day—make sure we’re fit enough to get through it.”
Carina turned to me. “I’d love to do something.”
“Great. Is there anywhere you’d like to see?” I asked.
She hesitated and gave me a small smile. “Um....” She hitched her shoulder up. “I don’t really know.”
“What about a walk? There’s a small waterfall about thirty minutes away. We could take Zeus and do the trail. It’s only an hour’s hike on flat ground.”
“Penasquitos Falls?” Jacques asked, and I nodded. “It’s an easy trail. Probably quiet today too.”
Her eyes widened comically, and she mock whispered in horror, “Easy for you or easy for me? There’s fit—” She motioned to herself, then pointed to us— “then there’s actually being fit.”
I chuckled and nudged her foot with mine. “It’ll be easy. I promise.”
She narrowed her eyes playfully and pointed her fork at me. “It’d better be. If I’m sore tomorrow—”
“Hey,” I held my hands up in self-defense and laughed. “Those two will make you sorer than I ever will.”
She giggled, and her cheeks turned a pretty pink. “Eh, when I let them.” Carina winked at me, and I snorted out a laugh. “Okay, you’re on. Let’s do it,” she agreed.
***
Carina and I were doing an easy stretch routine in the living room. She’d been joining me when I did yoga, trying some of the basics, and was enjoying it. It was usually something I did by myself—it was my time to recenter myself without any external interference—but having Carina here was somehow soothing. I liked her company. Today’s session wasn’t yoga, though. We were just loosening up before our walk.
The doorbell chimed, and I opened the door to Hux, who had his gear bag slung over his shoulder. Travis had only just left—they’d probably passed each other on the driveway.
“Come on in. Jacques is getting his gear on. You can head down to the basement if you like.” The rink wasn’t quite in a basement—it was more like an addition to the side of the homestead where the land fell away toward the valley. But we accessed it via a set of closed-in stairs, hence the nickname.
We’d given Carina the grand tour the day she’d arrived, and it was the only thing she’d been genuinely shocked over. It was excessive, but it was really the one thing—aside from the property itself—that Jacques and I had spent a lot of money on.
The rest of the ranch was typical of the properties in this valley. She’d barely blinked at the array of buildings and machinery we had, but the rink had stunned her silent. It was the same reaction Jacques had when I showed him the plans after I’d sold my app.
“I still can’t believe you have an ice-skating rink here,” Carina said, catching the tail end of our conversation as she finished stretching. She was dressed like me in a pair of shorts, a T-shirt, and running shoes, and had a broad-brimmed straw hat, water bottle, and sunglasses ready to go.
“Hi, Alec,” she greeted with a smile.
“Mom!” Hux exclaimed and threw his arms around her in an exaggerated hug.
She laughed and rolled her eyes. “Oh my God, you’re as bad as Monroe. He’s calling me Mum too.” Instead of pushing him away, she wrapped her arm around his waist and hugged him side-on.
Hux grinned, his smile warm and a little shy. I’d never heard him mention his parents. He’d spoken about his grandmother a lot, and I knew she’d passed before he was drafted. I wondered whether she’d raised him.
His grin turned shameless, and his eyes lit up with wicked delight. “Aw, there he is,” he said as Jacques walked into the kitchen, wearing compression tights, shorts, and a training jersey.
“Hey, Hux,” he greeted. “Give me a second. I’ll just get a bottle of water.”
“No rush, Dad. I have time.”
Jacques froze mid-step. His eyes widened, and he slowly opened his mouth. It was as if someone had set up a frame-by-frame playback in a movie.
A comedy.
Carina darted her gaze to Jacques and giggled. I held up my hand for Hux to high-five. He was a freaking legend.
“I… don’t… I’m not,” Jacques sputtered, then squeaked, “Fuck.”
“Don’t worry, Dad. I’ll be a great son-in-law. I’ll take good care of your daughter too.”
“You’d bloody better,” Carina said, poking him in the ribs.
Jacques scrubbed his hands over his face and peeked out from between his fingers. “I’m your father-in-law?”
“Yep, my girlfriend’s stepdad.” Hux laughed, and he nudged Carina over to Jacques, walking with his arm still around her shoulders. “Family hug!”
I chuckled and pulled my cell phone out, snapped a photo, and sent it to Travis. He’d get a good laugh out of this.
By the time they pulled apart, Jacques had regained some of the color in his cheeks, and he was laughing.
I asked, “Carina, shall we?”
Jacques murmured something to her, and she answered, “Yes, let’s get going,” in a tone that was brighter and bubblier than I’d expected.
I let Zeus in and showed him his harness. Instead of sitting down like he’d been trained to do, he started jumping around, and I had to wrestle it onto him.
We were in my Jeep, having just turned onto Highland Valley Road, before I asked the question I’d been wanting to know. “What happened back there? You didn’t sound too enthusiastic.”
She sighed. “It’s a secret, but… I hate exercise. With the passion of a thousand suns. I was kind of hoping you’d forgotten, and we could stay and watch Jacques skate.”
“He’s mesmerizing on the ice,” I agreed. “I get it. I don’t hate exercise, but I’m not like Jacques or even Travis.”
“They’re total overachievers,” she groused, and I barked out a laugh. Finally, someone who understood my pain.
I grinned and said, “It hurts to watch them, doesn’t it?”
“Oh my God, yes! Last week when I went horse riding with Trav, it felt like I’d taken a fist up my butt. My ass was killing me for days.”
I choked on my own breath, and tears formed in my eyes as I tried to breathe, laugh, and cough all at the same time. “It gets easier,” I snorted between wheezing laughter.
“That’s what he said,” Carina said with a cheeky smile. She pumped her eyebrows comically, and I dissolved into peals of laughter again.
Carina was good people.
I pointed out the highlights around us as we merged onto the I5, Lake Hodges to our right. We broke into giggles every time we looked at each other.
There were only a couple of cars in the parking lot when I pulled in, and we didn’t meet anyone in the first few minutes of the hike.
“You weren’t sure what you wanted to do before. You know you can suggest anything. I may not like peopling, but I’m happy to go places with you, and if I’m not in a good headspace, Travis and Jacques will always do their best to go.” I didn’t want her to sacrifice wanting to do or see something because of me. I’d either deal with it, or I wouldn’t go.
She hesitated. “It’s not that. I just feel…. I don’t know. Kind of lost.”
“What do you mean?”
“Well, when I was married, it was always work. Whenever we did something socially, it was usually a charity fundraiser or dinner with important clients or suppliers.
“When Cara was younger, we used to do a lot more. I did my best to spend quality time together, but I worked too much.”
I sensed that she was processing, not quite sure how to link the two together. But I had an idea of what she was going through. I’d felt the same way when I’d crashed and burned at work.
“Then Cara moved out, and I was still adjusting to it just being David and me. We split so quickly after that. I quit work, and I didn’t even know what I liked anymore. I wasn’t even sure who I was. I’m still not. I’m spinning round and round in circles wondering whether I enjoyed the things we did together, or if it was just spending time with David and Cara that I enjoyed.”
“I’ve felt completely untethered before. It was as if I’d lost my identity.”
Carina turned to me, sympathy in her eyes and the press of her lips in a small frown.
I explained, “I worked for a big tech company, and then suddenly I didn’t. I was a software engineer, then I wasn’t. Did I love writing code, or did I do it because I was good at it? Did I even choose that career because it was what I wanted, or was it just because my math teacher told me I could do it?”
“Exactly.” She nodded. “I feel like I need to rediscover who I am. But I don’t even know where to start.”
“Start with experiences. Go with your gut—do things you’re excited about. You got to experience Vegas in a classic Vegas way—” I teased.
“There’s no need to remind me,” she groaned, but her lips curled up in a smile that lit up her face when she looked at the ring on her finger. She was beautiful, but when she smiled like that, she was breathtaking.
I didn’t even know if she realized what she was doing. She really did like Jacques and Travis, and I was ecstatic that we were making it work together.
“You’ve ridden a horse, and you’re hiking with me now. You’re learning what it’s like to have a dog. You’ll get to go to hockey games soon and we can go to a few away games so you can see other cities too. But they’re all things we enjoy. It’s okay if you want to curl up on the sunporch and read a book all day, or… whatever you want.”
“Thank you,” she said. “It’s partly that but also work. I have no idea what I want to do for a job.” She flicked her ponytail back off her shoulder and batted away a fly. “I’ve always worked, and I know I’ll have to do something, moving forward, but I have no idea what. I’d love something part-time, maybe with kids, but with me being on my own, it’s unlikely I’ll be able to afford to even rent,” she mused.
It was as if she was thinking out loud, and I appreciated her honesty, but didn’t she realize she wasn’t on her own? She had us. Travis wasn’t rich, he never would be with his job, but we didn’t differentiate between his money and ours. We’d do the same with her. Even if she didn’t have a cent to her name and never wanted to work again, we’d still look after her.
But at the same time, I understood her need to stand on her own two feet. Carina had signed an agreement to get divorced sometime after Jacques signed his contract renewal. She’d refused to let him pay her out. She and Jacques had argued over it, but he backed down when she’d said it was either money or sex, not both. He was horrified that he’d left her feeling like he was paying her to sleep with them. Carina could have taken Jacques to the cleaners, demanding a huge sum for her silence, but she’d gone the other way. She hadn’t needed to take the moral high ground, but I respected her a hell of a lot for it.
“Jacques would never let you struggle,” I said. “Neither would I.”
“I appreciate the sentiment, Linc, I really do.”
Warmth bloomed in my chest. She’d started shortening Travis’s name—I’m sure she would have shortened Jacques’s, too, if she could have—and now she’d done it for me too. It was stupid, but it made me feel like I’d gained her approval and was in her inner circle.
She continued, oblivious to the thoughts ricocheting around in my head. “But in less than a year, Jacques will have no responsibility to me at all. When he’s ready for it to be the three of you again, we’ll break up. I do need to be able to stand on my own two feet.”
Is that what she really thought was going to happen here? “I can’t see them wanting to break up just because of an agreement, Carina.”
She shrugged. “There are a lot of variables that need to work out. Even if we don’t break up, I’ll still need to pay for things. I need some income.”
This was a conversation the four of us needed to have as a group.
“The view is so different everywhere I look,” Carina mused. “It’s a clash between desert and tropical paradise, as if they’re fighting for existence in the same space.”
I smiled and let her change the subject, talking about nothing and everything as we walked Zeus. We were almost at the waterfall when he stopped in the middle of the path and squatted.
“Oh, he’s not. Is he?” she asked.
You’d better believe he was. Whatever he’d eaten last night was coming out foul at the other end. It was the kind of smack-you-in-the-face stench that I’d be smelling for hours. I’d genuinely consider scrubbing out my nostrils with a toothbrush if it helped. Flies descended on us before Zeus had even finished taking his shit.
I heard the sound of dry heaving before I saw her. Carina had turned a sickly shade of green and was holding her stomach. She’d moved upwind from us—a good thirty feet away—but she was still struggling.
I’d noticed that she was sensitive to smell, but this was a whole new level. It made me a horrible person, but I wanted to laugh at her antics. Except she was serious.
She covered her mouth and nose with the neckline of her T-shirt and dry heaved again, wiping her eyes as tears streamed down her face.
“Hey, are you okay?” I asked when she turned away from me and dry heaved again.
Zeus finished his monster shit—the size of a dinnerplate—and I bagged it up and tied it off. I’d have to carry it around until I found a trash can, but Carina wouldn’t be able to stand that. There was one at the beginning of the trail. I could run back and toss it, but I didn’t want to leave Carina by herself.
“That’s the most disgusting thing I’ve ever smelled,” she groaned.
“It’s pretty bad. Do you think you can handle me carrying it while we go to the falls and walk back?”
“I don’t know why it’s affecting me so badly.” She shook her head and gripped her stomach again. “I’ve changed more dirty nappies than I care to remember. I can stomach vomit. But that—”
She dry heaved again, and I put the bag down, gave her Zeus’s lead, and gestured to where we’d come from.
“Dog shit is where you draw the line,” I said sympathetically. “Give me twenty minutes. I’ll run back to the start of the trail, toss the bag in the trash, and come back.”
She was torn. She wanted to tell me not to worry about it, but as soon as she got a whiff of the smell, she was holding her stomach again.
“Take Zeus. I’ll be back. He won’t do another one while I’m gone.” She huffed out a laugh, and I grinned. “Who needs a firefighter or pro-athlete to be their hero when you have me? Dog Shit Man!”
I didn’t give her a chance to respond before I picked up the bag, held it at arm’s length, pinched my nose, and jogged down the track away from her. I could hear Carina’s giggle as I turned the corner and gave up my act. I was being ridiculous, but I liked hearing her laugh. I liked making her happy the same way that I loved seeing Jacques and Travis happy. We had a connection. We were becoming friends. I was so grateful that my guys had chosen Carina and not someone I had trouble getting along with. Maybe it was selfish of me to think like that given they were the ones in a relationship with her, but our home was my safe space, and I needed it. Carina made it more welcoming with her smiles and easy grace.
My heart was pounding after the run, but I was true to my word—twenty minutes later, I was back. Thankfully there was no more shit to speak of.
She gave me her drink bottle and insisted I take a swig of it, preserving my own. It was the little things that endeared her to me. When she was satisfied I wouldn’t pass out from the exertion, she hooked her arm through mine, and, still holding Zeus on the lead, we started walking again.
Zeus stopped and squatted again, and we both groaned. “Zeus, I love you mate, but fairdinkum. If you’re gonna do a dump like that again, I’m leaving you here,” she said.
I snorted out a laugh at her Australian accent and expressions.
Carina playfully narrowed her eyes at me and said, “As for you, Dog Shit Hero Man, I’m going to tell Jacques and Trav to blow you as a thank you when we get home.”
I barked out a laugh. Yeah, I liked her. I really did.