33. Carina
thirty-three
Carina
M y very first Thanksgiving was only days away, and we were lucky enough to have both Jacques and Trav home for the day. I didn’t expect it happened often given how excited Linc was when he’d marked the game schedule on our calendar app. Then when Trav’s roster was issued, he’d whooped and jumped into Trav’s arms. Jacques had scooped me into an embrace, and we’d danced around the kitchen, laughing the whole time.
It was hard being separated from him during the season. He was home for a few days, then jetted off across the country for games. Sometimes it was only a couple of nights, others it was a week or more at a time. I didn’t know what I would have done without Trav and Linc. They were home and kept me company while Jacques was playing. We went to every game we could drive to, and Trav and I had flown to Vegas and Seattle for games too. But it wasn’t the same as having Jacques in our arms at night.
We were blessed with having him home for the next three nights, and I couldn’t wait. Cara, Alec, and Monroe were coming for Thanksgiving lunch, and Kamirah and Chris were visiting that evening. Both their families were in Boston, and they’d said something about not wanting to travel there.
I was loving the beautiful stretch of high energy in my second trimester. It was still going at twenty-seven weeks, and I was basking in it. I’d forgotten how much I loved catering for people until I’d cooked for the firehouse. Every time it was Trav’s turn to cook, we stopped in there with a feast. His station mates had become my guinea pigs for Thanksgiving too, happy to give feedback on every recipe I tried.
The only thing that could have made it better was to have Sophia and Pierre join us. It wasn’t going to happen; they were still ignoring my calls and from the conversations I’d overheard Jacques having with them, they were livid about Peanut. When they’d suggested I’d come off birth control to trap Jacques, he’d blown up at them. I had no idea how to bridge the chasm that had opened between us. No matter how many times I reached out, there was the same radio silence on their end.
Choosing to focus on the positives rather than keep mourning the loss of a lifetime of friendship was my only choice now.
It wasn’t a hardship. I was in love. We were happy. I was six months pregnant. Peanut was healthy. The publicity that had broken around Jacques becoming a father was overwhelmingly positive. Even the trolls on social media who’d bagged me for being too old and fat for Jacques had gone silent. Or maybe it was because I didn’t give a fuck what they thought. I’d deleted all my socials so I didn’t have to deal with what was said, and I was so much happier for it.
I popped a piece of raw carrot into my mouth and continued scrolling through baby furniture websites for ideas on furniture. Everything I’d suggested to Jacques, Linc and Trav had been met with a distinct lack of enthusiasm. We had such wildly different tastes, and they seemed to change their mind on a dime. I wanted light-colored timber and calming colors—purple, green, or a happy yellow—but they kept suggesting the complete opposite. Then when I found something like they’d describe, they’d change their minds again. We couldn’t agree on colors for anything. The gifts from our baby shower and the baby clothes I’d slowly been collecting were stacked neatly in a bedroom, but as for anything to put them in, well, that was still being debated.
I sighed. Travis was at work, and Linc was delivering a pot that he’d turned, then picking up some last-minute groceries. Jacques was out on a light jog before his home game tonight, and I was curled up with Zeus snoring at my feet. He barely left my side these days, following me everywhere, including the bathroom. It had been months since I’d been able to pee alone.
I marked another furniture set for the guys to look at and finished the last of my carrots. I was officially bored.
“Zeus, let’s go find Jacques.” I nudged my toe into Zeus’s ribs, and he snorted, then went back to snoring. I eased myself off the couch and made it three steps before he was trotting along beside me. “You big boof.” I ruffled his ears and smiled down at my shadow.
We crossed the yard to the paddock, and I watched as Jacques rounded the corner only a quarter of the field away from me, but I wasn’t going chasing after him, especially not in my Uggs.
My phone vibrated in my pocket, and I wandered over to the strip of shorter grass and sat down. Zeus plonked down next to me and rested his head on my thigh. We stretched out in the autumn sun, and I mused, “I got an email the other day, Zeus.” I rolled my eyes. My God, I was talking to the dog now. But his big brown eyes were so earnest, and he often talked back in that Staffy growly-howl kind of way.
I shouldn’t keep ignoring it. David rarely contacted someone personally, and when he did, it was usually important. Before I could talk myself out of it for the tenth time, I opened the email and started reading.
Dear Carina,
I hope you’re well and things are good in the States. I spoke to Cara last night, and she said you’re happy. I hope you are.
I know you’re probably wondering why I’m contacting you out of the blue, but it’s to apologize. Again. My behaviour this past year has been inexcusable. I hurt you, the one person who stood by me no matter what and who gave up her dreams to help me chase mine.
I huffed and shook my head. Yeah, I’d given up my dreams, but it wasn’t for him. It was for Cara, and I’d do the same thing again. I didn’t regret walking away from my music career. How could I when I had Cara? Not only that, but we’d had a good marriage. Even though it ended badly, we’d had many good years together.
I waited for the familiar weight to settle over me, the mix of anger, humiliation, and sadness. But it didn’t come. The hurt was like a scar, faded and barely noticeable anymore. I smiled, realizing that I wasn’t sad anymore. I’d moved on. I was over him and the way our marriage had ended. He’d always be my first love, and he was the father of my daughter too. But I’d found happiness and love. I looked in the direction of the paddock and smiled as I watched Jacques round another corner. I grinned and waved at him, and he blew me a kiss as he jogged past.
I went back to reading, buoyed by the shifting baby in my belly and the men that would come home to me tonight.
I quickly realized that without you and Cara here, the world isn’t as bright. I’m alone now, and before you roll your eyes too hard, I think it’s exactly what I both deserve and need.
I’m sending you some papers care of Cara. I didn’t know how else to get in contact with you. Please read them.
I don’t deserve your forgiveness, but one day I hope we might be able to talk like we used to.
David
On the spur of the moment, I video called him.
“Carina?” he answered with a smile. “You look wonderful.”
“Thanks, David.” I smiled and my mind blanked out.
David shifted, and his smile turned strained.
As the silence between us stretched out for a moment too long, I huffed out a laugh. “Well, this is awkward.”
He chuckled, and it seemed to break the tension. “It is,” he agreed with a much more natural smile. “I guess you read my email?” he asked hesitantly.
“I did.” I nodded. “Look, I don’t want to fight. You hurt me,” I said and shrugged. “But I don’t want to linger on that. I want to live and be happy.”
He paused for a moment, and I let him gather his thoughts. “Are you? Happy?” he asked. “Because I really want that for you.”
“I am.” I grinned, and heat stole over my cheeks. “You’ve probably heard that I kind of unexpectedly got married again, and I’m pregnant.”
A slow smile split his lips. “I did hear. Carina, it’s wonderful news. I’m so thrilled for you.”
“Yeah. I’m happy. Jacques makes me happy,” I said with another smile and tilted the camera down so he could see Zeus half lying on me. “This is our pup, Zeus.”
“Wow, you really are pregnant,” he murmured, awe in his voice.
I giggled and agreed, “I am. Six months. That was unexpected, too, and happened very quickly, but we’re thrilled.”
“Are Sophia and Pierre excited about the baby?” he asked.
“No, not really.” I answered, and he winced in sympathy, his eyes crinkling and his lips turning down.
“I’m sorry. It must be rough.”
I nodded and his eyes held a faraway look for a moment. I wondered if he was remembering when I was pregnant with Cara.
“Give Jacques my best.”
“What about you, David? Are you happy?”
He chewed on his lip, and I recognized his tell. He was choosing his words carefully. “I’m getting there. I broke it off with Danielle. I took a good, hard look at myself and realized just how toxic my behavior was. I wanted to be the kind of man my daughter could be proud of, you know? I wasn’t that anymore. But I’m working on myself, trying to become that man again. I needed to be single to do that.”
“Oh,” I answered, at a loss for words. He was right, of course; his behavior was toxic. I just hadn’t expected him to admit it or be trying to change.
“That’s what the paperwork I’ve sent to Cara is about,” he explained.
“What is it?” I asked, curiosity getting the better of me.
“Property settlement information. It was wrong to stick with the prenup when I strayed. I’ve sold all the properties and instructed the solicitor to send the money to you.”
I blinked, and my mouth popped open in shock. He held his hand up to stop me from speaking, but I had no words. I was utterly gobsmacked.
“They need you to send the authorization back to them to direct where to send the money. It’s still an uneven split, but it’s everything I can liquidate without selling a percentage of the business. Finding a buyer for less than a controlling share is difficult.”
“Don’t sell the business,” I ordered. “That’s your baby. I don’t want you to lose it, or even a share of it,” I explained, my words tumbling out of my mouth now. I was going on instinct, not even thinking about what I was saying. But I knew it was the right thing to do. “David, this is more than I ever expected. Thank you.”
“Like I said, I’m trying to be a better man.”
“You made a mistake. We all do.” I thought about my folly in almost leaving Jacques, Trav, and Linc without first telling them the truth. I’d almost broken the best thing to ever happen to me apart from my daughter. I inhaled slowly, and there was a lightness in my chest that strengthened my resolve. “I forgive you.”
“No, you don’t have—”
“I’m doing it as much for me as for you, David. It’s not about the money. It’s about your acknowledgement and the steps you’ve taken to change things. So, yeah, I forgive you.”
He sucked in a shuddery breath and blinked rapidly, looking away from the camera. “I’m sorry I ruined things. I’m sorry I disappointed you and broke your heart. I’m so, so happy that you’re in love and having a baby. You really are the best mum I’ve ever met.”
Tears sprang to my eyes, and I smiled. I’d missed him. I’d missed my friend as much as I’d missed my husband in those early days after we’d split. “Thank you,” I whispered. “I’d really like it if we kept in touch.”
“Me too. Take care, Carina.”
“You too,” I said. I hung up and sat in the grass, enjoying the sun, and Zeus whimpered. “I’m okay, bud.” I scratched his ears and shook my head. I had no idea how much money he was sending me, but it was a lot. The investment properties we had were worth millions, and so was the house on the water.
The tears running down my cheeks surprised me, and Zeus shifted to stand up and rest his head on my shoulder. I wrapped my arms around his thick body and buried my face in his neck. “God, Zeus, I nearly threw all this away, and I wouldn’t have had to. I was so fucking stupid.”
“Hey,” Jacques said gently, jogging over to us. “Is everything okay?”
I pulled back and smiled at him. He sat down in the grass with me between his legs and wrapped his arms around me. “Good boy, Zeus,” he added. I leaned into Jacques and breathed deep, inhaling his scent.
“Talk to me, beautiful,” he said after a moment.
“That was David,” I said and held up my phone. He growled, and I snuggled deeper into his embrace. “It was a good call. I’m not upset. At least not at David.”
“I’m confused,” he admitted with a smile. “Am I imagining his face when I hit the puck in tonight’s game or not?”
“No.” I giggled and patted his leg. “No need. You knew I was young when David and I got together—”
“Barely eighteen.”
“Not even.” I shook my head, not wanting to get into that. “What I haven’t told you is that we signed a prenup when we got married. David was starting the business, and I was na?ve. When we split, I got just over two hundred grand—”
“How? You were together for years, and he cheated. Surely it should have been half.”
“Yeah, but I agreed to ten thousand for every year we were together.” I shrugged. “Like I said, young and stupid. I took the payout and hopped on a plane here.”
“That’s why you were worried about working when you found out about Peanut.” His hand went to my belly, and Peanut shifted.
I smiled and moved his hand lower so he could feel the kick. But Peanut went still, like they were playing hide and seek.
“It was.” I nodded. “David has done some self-reflection and has sold all the properties we had. He’s sending me the proceeds. I don’t know how much it is—he sent the paperwork to Cara—but it’ll be a lot.” I laughed—it was either that or cry—and added, “I almost threw this away”—I gestured between us— “because I was worried about money and trapping you into a relationship you didn’t want. It would have been for nothing. I’ll never forgive myself for hurting you all the way I did.” My breath hitched, and my tears started falling again.
“Oh, beautiful. C’mere. I should never, ever have gone with Michael’s stupid suggestion. I’m sorry too. I should have listened to my gut. But the important thing is that we’re here now.” He held me close and carded his fingers through my hair until I’d cried my tears out. “I’m happy for you,” he said and pressed a lingering kiss to my forehead.
“He asked me to send you his best.”
“That was… diplomatic of him. At least he reacted better than my parents. Not that the bar is set very high,” Jacques responded, resignation coloring his voice.
“Yeah,” I sympathized and slid my hand up his shirt and pressed it against his abs, needing the skin-on-skin connection with him.
“I spoke to Mom and Dad about Peanut again,” he admitted quietly.
I pulled back and looked at him, waiting for him to continue with hopefully good news. “They were better than they’d been when I first told them, but they haven’t really come around.” He pressed his lips into a smile that looked more like a grimace. “I wish they were supportive too. They were always behind me, but now it’s as if they’re punishing me.”
“They’re punishing me, not you.”
He shrugged, but I could tell it was out of helplessness rather than nonchalance. “Doesn’t really matter who they’re taking it out on.” Jacques curled a piece of my hair around his finger and let it fall loose. “I always wanted to be as good a parent as they’ve been to me, but now….”
“Do you normally see them for Thanksgiving?”
He nodded. “They don’t want to come.”
My heart shattered. I knew I was the reason they were staying away.
“Did you invite them?”
“No.” He shook his head and sighed. “I want them to know their grandchild, but they won't if they don’t treat you well. I won’t have Peanut seeing them disrespect you. So I’m starting now.”
“Jacq—”
“No, beautiful. I won’t have it. It’s the line that I won’t cross.”
His words were final. There was no persuading him otherwise. I hated being the one who came between his parents, but I loved him even more for the way he stood up for me.
“Please ask them to come. Maybe once they see us together, they’ll understand.”
Zeus perked up, his ears stood straight up, and he wagged his tail. When he barked his excited yip, Jacques smiled and gestured to the drive with a tilt of his head. “Trav’s home.”
“He doesn’t finish his shift for hours,” I said, moving to my knees.
Jacques was on his feet in a second and helped me up. My brow was furrowed and my lips pressed tight. Fear curled low in my belly.
“He’s okay,” Jacques reassured me. “He didn’t go to work. He was organizing something.”
There was a convoy coming—Trav’s truck, another, bigger truck loaded with trees, then Linc’s Jeep and Alec’s EV. What was going on?
“We needed a hand before we left for the game.”
They pulled up to the house, and everyone piled out as we walked to greet them.
The trees on the back of the truck were big, already well established.
“What’s going on?” I asked Trav as he got out of his old truck. I narrowed my eyes playfully at him as he swept me up in his arms and gave me a quick hug.
Trav chuckled and gestured to the trees. “We needed some shade down the drive.”
O-kay. It was going into winter. Why did we need shade? “So you got trees?”
Oh my God, were they—
He grinned. “Yeah, jacarandas.”
I squealed. They were jacarandas! I launched myself at him and hugged him hard. I loved them. They were magical in the springtime when they were flowering. I’d grown up in a house that had one in the front yard, and those few weeks were my favorite time of year. I’d planted one in the first house we’d lived in, and when we’d moved out, I was more disappointed leaving the tree there than the house.
Jacques placed his hand at the small of my back, and Cara grinned. “Pretty good surprise, hey, Mum?”
I hugged her hello, then did the same to Alec and Monroe.
“It is.” I snuggled into Jacques and smiled at him, then hugged Linc after he joined us.
“The driver needs you to follow him with the excavator so we can get the trees out with the sling,” he told Trav.
Trav nodded and grinned at me. “Surprise!”
“Why don’t you go inside and get ready for the game while we do this?” Jacques suggested.
I linked arms with Cara, and we walked inside.
“So,” she started. “How’s the preparation for Thanksgiving going? Are you sure you don’t need me to make something?”
“I’m totally on top of things. Desserts are made and in the freezer, ready to be baked. I’ll pull the turkey out tomorrow morning, and Linc was picking up the rest of the vegetables we need. I’m all over it.”
“What about on the day, then? Can I come over earlier and help?”
“Of course.” I rolled my eyes. “You don’t even need to ask.”
Cara sat down on our bed. “I’m really glad we’re here, Mum.” She looked over her shoulder and eyed the massive mattress. “This bed is so freaking big.”
“It sleeps four of us,” I admitted and sat down next to her, waiting for her to speak. When she didn’t, I looked at her.
“Thanks for confiding in me,” she said with a smile, and I squeezed her tight. “Do you think I get being poly from you?”
I snorted out a laugh and gasped when Peanut kicked. “Technically, I think I get it from you,” I retorted and pressed her hand to my belly. “Peanut, this is your big sister. Say hi.”
Another kick, and Cara’s eyes widened. She looked at me with utter awe in her eyes. “Oh golly gosh, I felt bubs.”
“Pretty special, hey?” I smiled, then gestured to the walk-in closet, my smile turning into a frown. “My jersey doesn’t fit me anymore,” I complained.
“Borrow one of Travis’s.”
I did exactly that, raiding his drawers until I found his spare. It would have swum on me a few months ago, but now it’d be tight around my belly.
I pulled out my leggings and the Seals coat Jacques had brought home for me after their first game when I’d shivered my way through the whole thing. I had a pair of fur-lined knee-high boots too—my sub-tropical-acclimatized body could not do cold. I had Trav and Linc to keep me warm, but in as public a place as the stadium, we couldn’t hug or hold hands like we normally would. It didn’t matter, though. We didn’t need to show PDA to know what we meant to each other. These men, Peanut, and Cara were everything to me—and by extension Alec and Monroe too. Maybe I could pull off a Thanksgiving miracle and get Sophie, Pierre, and Jacques talking again. That would complete me.
Jacques came in and kissed me, his shirt already in his hand, on the way to the en-suite bathroom. “Hux and I are leaving in about fifteen minutes.”
“Okay.” I kissed him again and then gestured to Cara for us to leave so he could shower and get ready in peace. He had a routine that he stuck to. I wasn’t sure whether it was to get into game mode or a superstition, but it was something I never messed with. We always had a game to win.