35. Carina
thirty-five
Carina
I adjusted my red dress for the hundredth time already and exhaled heavily. My nerves were running riot, and it felt like a flock of thousands of starlings was twisting and turning inside me. I ran my hand over my belly, wishing I could settle it, but even Peanut was feeling my stress levels. They’d gone unusually quiet, and that was stressing me even more.
I’d have the answer to the question that had been plaguing me for months in minutes—would they forgive me?
I was about to come face-to-face with Jacques’s parents, my former best friends.
This was it. It was happening.
I wanted to hit pause on time to give myself a few more minutes, but I simply didn’t have the luxury. When Jacques had told me that his parents were coming to Thanksgiving, I’d asked Cara to hold off on coming until we were ready to eat. I didn’t want her to have to listen to me being reamed by my former best friend.
The wait was killing me.
The turkey and all the vegetables were in the oven, and the refrigerator was packed full of the rest of the sides and desserts. All the preparation was done. Now all I just needed to get over this hurdle... or maybe mountain.
I watched as Sophia and Pierre’s rental car pulled up outside. Jacques shot me a small smile and headed outside with Trav following him. There were warm welcomes and hugs all around, and it only made my nerves worse. I was happy Jacques’s parents were being good to him and Trav, but I wanted to puke. I was sure I was a sick shade of green.
Fear ate at me, the what-ifs worse already knowing that Sophia and Pierre were both disappointed and disgusted by me.
Linc crossed the room and rubbed his strong hands up and down my arms. “Hey,” he murmured. “We’ll get through this.”
“I don’t want Jacques to lose his parents. I know he’s going to tell them that he wants nothing to do with them if they won’t accept me.” I shook my head and blinked back the tears welling in my eyes. I whispered, “I can’t let that happen, Linc.” I sucked in a wobbly breath and reached for him.
He hugged me tight as I fought back tears, and I sank further into his embrace. I breathed him in and took solace in the way he held me. I’d never been a crier. I was a “let’s get this done” kind of person. I wasn’t an emotional mess. But now I was falling apart.
“You’re not an emotional mess,” Linc whispered, and I stilled. I hadn’t even realized I’d said those things out loud.
Unaware of my revelation, he continued, “It’s important to you. You understand what will happen if their relationship falls apart—you saw it with your own parents—and you don’t want that to happen to Jacques or Sophia and Pierre.”
He pulled back just enough to tilt my face up and kiss my forehead, his lips lingering there before he nuzzled my temple.
“Rusty,” Sophia called out, and I pulled back to see her arms out wide as she walked into the room.
I saw the moment Sophia spotted us tucked away in the corner of the kitchen, and her smile slipped. But she walked over to us, and a spark of hope lit up inside me, fanned by the barest of breezes. Linc kept one arm around me and kissed Sophia on both cheeks.
“Hello, Sophia,” I said. “It’s good to see you.”
“Carina.” She nodded and looked over her shoulder to her husband.
Pierre was close behind her and reached out to shake Linc’s hand. Pierre never once turned in my direction. He didn’t even acknowledge I was in the room.
“Right, if you’ll excuse me,” I said, overly cheery as the ember died inside me. I stepped away from Linc and mumbled, “I have to check on a few things.”
I entered the walk-in pantry and slid the door closed behind me. I needed a moment. I gripped the sink and exhaled slowly, thinking about all the wonderful things in my life. I didn’t need them, and I’d certainly be happier without them if they were going to treat me like this.
But Linc was right. I wanted Jacques to have his parents in his life, and I wanted Peanut to know their grandparents.
I picked up the baster and went back into the kitchen, a smile—that probably looked as fake as it felt—plastered on my lips.
“Darlin’, what can I do to help?” Trav asked as he finished washing his hands. He saw the baster and took it out of my hand and rested his other hand low on my back. “Are you okay?” he whispered, his face close to mine.
I nodded and pressed my lips into a small smile. It was the best I could do.
He wrapped his arm around my shoulders and gave me a quick squeeze, then offered, “I’ll check the turkey. I don’t want your back to hurt from bending over.”
I nodded my thanks and went to the refrigerator and took out the pumpkin pie I’d made. It needed to go into the oven too. “Trav, can you please pop this in there for me?” I asked.
“Sure, darlin’.” He slid the dish into the empty space and closed the oven door.
I was steadfastly ignoring the eyes on me while I checked my list. I startled when Jacques slid his arms around my waist and pressed a kiss to my temple. “Have they said anything?” he whispered.
“Your mum said my name as hello,” I replied.
The tension ratcheted up another notch when Linc checked my water bottle and refilled it for me. They were just doing the things we did for each other every day. We’d fallen into a happy routine where we naturally looked after one another. The casual caresses were second nature to us, but now that I knew Sophia and Pierre were watching, it occurred to me just how often we touched. From their perspective, it would look odd at best, and downright slutty at worst.
“So, Jacques, when’s your due date?” Sophia asked.
I stilled and Jacques tensed. His jaw bulged against my temple as he clenched his teeth. Then he grated out, “February twenty-third.”
“And do you know what gender the baby is?” Pierre asked conversationally, apparently not even realizing or caring that they’d upset us with their blatant dismissal of me.
“Sex,” Trav corrected without missing a beat. “And no, Carina wanted to be surprised.”
There was a pregnant pause, and I could imagine Sophia and Pierre looking at each other with raised eyebrows. Instead of looking their way, I focused on the view of the garden outside the kitchen window.
“Okay, then,” Pierre said.
“You do realize Carina is here in the room with us, don’t you?” Linc said. “You can ask her questions about Peanut, too, not just Jacques.”
“I’d rather not,” Sophia shot back.
“That’s it,” Jacques growled and whirled around to face them.
I spun, too, and reached for him, hooking my arm around his.
But he pointed his finger at Sophia and Pierre and said, “I’m done.”
“Jacques, no,” I pleaded.
“What, beautiful? You expect me to sit here, in our house, and listen to them disrespect you?”
His voice rose with every word he uttered, but I knew he wasn’t angry with me. His frustration was obvious in the way he gestured vaguely in the direction of his parents. For once, I didn’t care what their reaction was. Hearing Jacques’s words, seeing the fire in his eyes, and the passionate way he was defending me made me fall in love with him all over again.
“I won’t have it,” he argued. “You’re my wife. I love you. You’re the mother of our child. They have no right.”
I cupped his face and smoothed my thumb over the frown lines around his mouth. “I love you too. But they’re doing it to protect you. We haven’t given them a chance to see us, to understand what we mean to each other. Please,” I begged. “For your sake, for Trav’s and Linc’s—and for Peanut’s. Talk to them.”
“I’m ready,” Trav announced, walking over to us.
He put his hand on my hip and met Jacques’s gaze. Their stare held until Jacques broke it to meet Linc’s. When Linc nodded and made his way over to us, Jacques’s shoulders loosened, and he slid his hand down to tangle his fingers with Trav’s.
Jacques sucked in a deep breath and exhaled slowly. Then he looked at his parents, whose confused gazes were bouncing between the four of us.
“Mom, Dad, I’m bisexual,” Jacques announced matter-of-factly.
The moment the words were out, it was as if a weight had been lifted off him. He stood up straighter and pulled his shoulders back. He lifted his chin, and he closed his eyes for a moment, a serene smile curling his lips. “Travis, Rusty, and I have been together since college.”
“I don’t understand,” Sophia said.
“We hid my sexuality and our relationship from virtually everyone because of my career,” he explained.
“You’re gay?” she asked at the same time as Pierre stated, “So, the marriage is a sham.” There was a note of hope in his voice, an uplift in pitch and a tilt to his lips, a smile breaking free.
“No,” my three guys barked in unison, their harsh tones leaving no room for misunderstanding.
I huffed out a laugh and shook my head as the wide-eyed glee slipped from his face.
“I told you that I’m bisexual. Don’t erase my identity before you even understand it.” Jacques lifted his and Trav’s intertwined hands up, and he wrapped his other arm around me. “Carina’s and my wedding was a spur of the moment decision, but it was real. It is real. I’m in love with her, and she loves me—”
“So you, Travis, and Rusty are together?” Sophia asked, completely glossing over what he’d said about me. “Why didn’t you tell us earlier?”
“Because I was scared of losing you,” Trav replied. “I wasn’t sure you’d be supportive of us, and, frankly, I liked having you as parents.”
Linc reached for him, wrapping his arm around Trav’s waist and squeezing him tight.
“But it’s not fair to Peanut to keep secrets, so I need to be brave.”
“Why brave? What in the world made you think that we wouldn’t support you? We’ve always supported you,” Sophia said. Her brows were drawn, and her lips were turned down in a frown. She held her hands out wide as if she were pleading for them to prove her wrong.
“Have you really?” Jacques questioned.
Perhaps it was an unfair question coming from him. His parents had literally relocated across the world to help him pursue his love of hockey. But when it came to his relationship—the one they knew about—they’d been less than supportive. In fact, Sophia’s reaction was almost laughable given the conversation we were having.
“We have,” Pierre shot back belligerently.
“You could never lose us. We love you,” Sophia added.
“With respect, you’ve just proven Travis’s fears were valid,” Linc disagreed.
“What in the world?” Sophia asked just as defensively as Pierre had.
Linc gestured to me and shook his head. “You walked away from Carina because you don’t approve of her relationship with Jacques. You’ve just spent twenty minutes completely ignoring her, and she’s standing right in front of you. What’s to say that you wouldn’t have done the same to Travis and me?”
Sophie stilled, her mouth dropping open the only movement she made. A look of horror crossed her face, and then she turned to Pierre.
He scoffed and rolled his eyes, “That’s entirely different.”
“Is it?” Linc asked, dead serious.
“Yes, Carina took advantage of Jacques.” Pierre pulled his chin up and looked arrogantly down his nose at me.
“Well, you’ve got control of the puck,” Jacques said, letting go of us and facing up to his parents.
He was taller than his mum, but his dad still had an inch or two on him. But Jacques had presence. When he walked into a room, people looked, and they followed. It was no wonder we were all utterly besotted by him.
“The four of us are together. Carina and I are married, but it makes no difference to Carina’s and my relationship with Travis and Rusty that we aren’t married to them. We’re all having this baby together. We’ll all be parents to Peanut. You either accept it or you don’t. You either treat all of us with respect, or you walk away. It’s up to you. But if you make the decision to leave….” He shook his head and bit his lip.
I wanted to go to him, but Linc held his hand out, stopping me. It was as if he could read my mind.
“Well, if you walk away, you won’t get to know your grandchild.” He paused and let that nugget of information sink in, then added, “I’ve always looked up to you. I’ve always wanted to be as good a parent as you’ve been to me. But I’m disappointed in you.” He shook his head, his lips drawn down in a frown.
“Jacques—”
He continued without letting his mum finish. “You should be ashamed of the way you’ve treated Carina. You’ve been so callous with her, and you’ve hurt Travis, Rusty, and me too. We’ve watched her suffer at your hands. She nearly left because she didn’t want to come between you and me.” He huffed out a breath and looked at me, his half smile more sad than anything else.
“When Carina told her ex-husband the news, he congratulated her. Her daughter did the same. You ended decades worth of friendship and completely misjudged both of us. If you think anyone can take advantage of me to the point that I’m manipulated into marrying them, you don’t know me at all. If you think that Carina would ever do that, you never really knew her either.”
Sophia and Pierre looked like they’d been slapped. But it was about time they’d been made to see reality.
Travis grasped Linc’s and my hands and led us over to Sophia and Pierre. “I hope I don’t have to say goodbye to you. But I will if it means protecting the four people I love.” He placed our joined hands on my belly and Peanut chose that moment to kick. He smiled down at me with wonder in his eyes, then looked to Linc when he spoke. “Jacques isn’t coming out publicly. We’d appreciate it if you kept what we’ve told you here confidential regardless of your decision.”
My guys had voiced what they’d needed to say, and now it was my turn. “No matter what your opinion of me is, think of your son, his partners, and your grandchild. I’m not going anywhere.”
Jacques clasped my hand and brought my knuckles to his lips, brushing a soft kiss over them. I smiled and squeezed his hand. I was so grateful for him, for all three of them, and for their making me see sense.
“They’ve given me something precious—love—and I am going to spend the rest of my life loving them right back, no matter what your thoughts on the subject are. I’m not after Jacques’s or Linc’s money. They know that. I’ve proven it to them.” I locked onto Pierre’s stare and faced off against him, not breaking eye contact until he nodded and blinked.
“I also never wanted this—” I said to Sophia and gestured to the gulf between us, “—us, fighting like we are. I miss my best friend, but I won’t fight for you anymore. Jacques has communicated his feelings, and I respect them. So, if you want to stay, lunch is at 1:00 p.m. Cara, Alec, and Monroe will be arriving shortly. If you decide to leave, you still have time to go before they get here, if that’s what you’d prefer. I’d like for our first Thanksgiving to be celebrated together, but that’s entirely up to you.”
“Carina, I…,” Sophia exhaled on a sigh and rubbed her forehead. “I don’t understand how you can fall in love with someone in a matter of a few hours—”
“It started before that,” Jacques interjected. “But you don’t care, do you?”
“No, that’s not what I was going to say,” Sophia reassured him, finally starting to act like the warm, caring woman I knew she was. “I was trying to tell you that I don’t understand how it happened in a few hours.”
Jacques squeezed my hand tight, and I held my breath, waiting to see what she would say. Trav stood behind us, his arm around my waist, and Linc stepped closer to Jacques, the four of us a united front in front of them.
“But I can see how in sync you are here.” Sophia met each of our gazes and shrugged. “Maybe it was a spark at the beginning that you assumed was love—”
I sucked in a breath. She was being condescending, and she didn’t even realize it, but I couldn’t let my own frustrations ruin any chance at a resolution here.
“—but it doesn’t matter. Looking at you now has changed my mind. I was mistaken and for that, I’m sorry. We’re sorry. The way you lean on and support one another… it’s the same way Pierre and I are there for each other.”
Pierre nodded at her words and added, “I’m sorry too. If it’s okay with all of you, we’d like to stay for lunch. We’d also like to know our grandchild.”
“We’d like that,” I answered. “Would you like to see the nursery? Perhaps Jacques can show you while I keep an eye on what’s cooking.”
“How about we wait and do it together?” Pierre suggested.
There was a knock at the door before Alec stuck his head in and called out, “Mom, Dad, Happy Thanksgiving.”
I couldn’t help my grin at his ludicrousness.
It only felt like a few months ago that I’d been alone in the pool house, listening to my ex-husband fuck his girlfriend, wondering what would become of my life. Now, I was surrounded by the people I loved—my partners, my daughter and her partners, and even Jacques’s parents. I’d found something so much more than I ever hoped. I found family. It truly was something to be thankful for.