Chapter 9
Chapter Nine
Tate
I stare at my phone, reading through the messages with Maskedsnack for probably the hundredth time. She’s witty, smart, and in a few days I’m supposed to meet her in person and film content. The thought makes my stomach twist in a mix of excitement and terror.
I’ve been exploring my sexuality online for a while now, trying to figure out who I am outside of my job and my family’s expectations.
I message her back.
#Notaserialkiller
I’m nervous as fuck about meeting you.
Her response comes back almost immediately.
Maskedsnack
Good or bad nerves?
I think for a moment.
#Notaserialkiller
Both. I want this, but I’m also terrified.
Maskedsnack
That’s normal. And for what it’s worth, I’m nervous too. But I think it’s going to be good. I think we have chemistry.
I smile at my phone. There’s something about the anonymity of this that makes it easier to be honest. I can tell her things I’d never tell anyone else.
#Notaserialkiller
Talk to you soon
Maskedsnack
Can’t wait
By the time work ends, I’m restless, anxious, and horny as hell. I need to burn off some of this energy, so I text a few friends and suggest hitting up a bar near the arena. Within an hour, I’m walking through the doors of Smokey’s, and I head straight to the bar and order a whiskey neat.
I’m on my third drink when Landon Kane walks in. He’s alone, but his eyes find mine across the bar, and he makes his way over to where I’m sitting.
“Hey, Coach,” he says, sliding onto the stool next to me. “Mind if I join you?”
“Sure, what are you drinking?”
“Whatever you’re having,” he says, and signals the bartender.
We fall into an easy conversation, not really about anything. Landon keeps ordering drinks, and I keep accepting them. My vision gets a little fuzzy, and I’m aware it is probably a bad idea.
“You know what I’ve been thinking about?” Landon says, leaning closer to me. “The locker room.”
My pulse thumps in my neck. “Landon . . .”
“I’ve been thinking about it a lot,” he whispers.
“We can’t do this,” I say, but I don’t move away from him.
“Why not?” he asks. “Who’s going to know?”
He has a point. The bar is crowded, and we’re tucked away in a corner. No one’s paying attention to us.
“Come on,” Landon says, standing up. “I need to show you something.”
I follow him as he leads me toward the back of the bar, in the direction of the men’s room. We slip inside, and he locks the door behind us.
The moment the lock clicks, he slams me against the door and kisses me. I hesitate for a split second before I give in to the need to be closer to him. He tastes like whiskey, and I’m drowning in the sensation.
“I’ve wanted to do that every day this week,” he breathes against my lips.
“Landon,” I whisper, but he cuts me off by kissing me again. His hands are everywhere—on my waist, in my hair, sliding down my back.
He breaks the kiss only long enough to spin me around and press my chest down against the counter. He pushes my shirt up and runs his hands over my bare back, then his mouth is there, kissing and biting the skin between my shoulders.
“That’s it,” he murmurs against me, making goosebumps erupt all across my exposed flesh. “Just like this.”
I grip the edges of the counter, my breathing becoming ragged as he kisses and licks every inch of my back through my shudders and twitches. His hands slide around to the front of my jeans, and he unbuttons them deftly, then pushes them down along with my boxers.
“Look at me,” Landon demands.
I lift my head to find him reflected in the mirror above the sink. I’m riveted to his movements as he undoes his own jeans and they drop to the floor.
He presses against me from behind, his hard cock sliding between my cheeks, and I can’t help but moan. He reaches around and grips my cock, stroking it slowly while he grinds against me.
“Fuck,” I gasp, my hips thrusting into his hand. “Landon, I’m—”
“I know,” he says. “I’ve got you.”
His pace increases as the pressure builds at the base of my spine. I can feel his breaths getting faster against my neck, and his strokes become more desperate.
“Come for me,” he whispers in my ear.
And I do.
My orgasm hits me hard, and I come all over his hand with a strangled cry I hope no one outside the bathroom can hear. Landon follows seconds later, his body tensing as he spills onto my back.
For a moment, we stay frozen in our positions—until reality crashes in.
What the hell did I just do?
I push up from the counter and slip away from him, very aware of what happened. I grab a handful of paper towels and clean myself up while Landon does the same.
“That was a mistake,” I blurt out, making sure he knows this shouldn’t have happened.
Landon smiles. “Was it really? Once is a mistake, Tate. Twice, not so much.”
“You’re a player on my team, and I’m your assistant coach. This is wrong on so many levels and could cost me my job.”
“It doesn’t have to mean anything,” he says.
“It already means something,” I say. “Landon, it means I crossed a line I shouldn’t have.”
I look at myself in the mirror and barely recognize the person staring back at me. My hair is mussed, my shirt is wrinkled, and I have marks on my neck that are going to be impossible to hide.
What the hell was I thinking?
“Tate,” Landon whispers. “Talk to me.”
“There’s nothing to talk about,” I say, moving toward the door. “This won’t happen again.”
Landon doesn’t respond. He stands there as I open the bathroom door and walk out, leaving him in there alone.
I make my way back through the bar, my heart pounding. I don’t look back.
Instead, I catch a rideshare home and spend the rest of the night staring at my ceiling, thinking about how badly I’ve fucked everything up.
What the hell am I going to do?
My phone buzzes around 2 a.m. It’s a text from Landon.
Landon
I’m sorry. That wasn’t fair. My head isn’t in a good place right now and I took that out on you. I’m backing off. You won’t have to worry about me anymore.
I stare at the message for a long time before responding.
Me
Do you want to talk about it?
There’s a long pause. Then three dots appear, disappear, then appear again.
Landon
Not really. But maybe I should.
Me
I’m listening.
Landon
There was someone a long time ago who I thought was the one. You know? Like, I was going to build a life with her, then she just disappeared. Ghosted me and my brother with no explanation.
Me
That sounds rough.
Landon
It was. Is. I don’t know. It’s been five years and I’m still not over it.
Me
What happened?
Landon
That’s the thing I don’t actually know. We never talked about it. She just cut us out and ran. I’ve spent years wondering what I did wrong.
A twinge of sympathy hits me, mixed with confusion about why he’s telling me any of this.
Me
And now?
Landon
She’s back, and seeing her makes me realize I never actually moved on. I’ve just been pretending I did.
Me
Is that why you came on to me at the bar?
Landon
Partly. But also I’ve been thinking about you since the locker room. I think I might be using you to avoid dealing with my feelings for her.
I appreciate his honesty, but it still stings.
Me
So what are you saying?
Landon
I’m saying I’m sorry. And I need to deal with some shit before I drag you into my mess.
Me
For what it’s worth, I don’t think you’re a mess. You’re someone who got hurt and is trying to figure it out.
Landon
When did you become so wise?
Me
I’m not wise, but I understand what it’s like to be confused about who you are and what you want.
There’s another pause, and then the dots reappear.
Landon
Can I ask you something?
Me
Sure.
Landon
When did you know? That you were into guys?
I take a long time to answer this one because the truth is, I’m still figuring it out.
Me
I don’t know if there was a specific moment.
I think I’ve always known something was different about me.
Growing up, I was attracted to girls, but there was always this thing with guys too.
I couldn’t admit it because of hockey, so I just pushed it down.
Then I realized I was miserable pretending to be someone I’m not.
Landon
Does your family know?
Me
God, no. My father is old-school. He’d lose his mind. My mother would try to be supportive but would definitely have a lot of feelings about it. My brother wouldn’t care, but he’d probably make jokes about it for the rest of my life.
Are you out?
Landon
To some people. Levi knows. And the girl I told you about. They’ve known since college. Levi has always been more comfortable with it than I am. My sister suspects, but we’ve never talked about it. I just don’t bring it up.
Me
That sounds exhausting.
Landon
It is. Which is probably why I act like a drunken idiot at bars and make terrible decisions.
Me
You’re not an idiot. But you’re human.
Landon
Human or not, I still owed you an apology. Whatever you’re exploring, you deserve to do it on your terms, not because some confused guy is trying to work through his issues.
Me
I appreciate that.
Landon
For what it’s worth, if you ever want to talk about this stuff, I’m here. No pressure or expectations. Just someone who gets it.
I read that message a few times before responding.
Me
Same. And Landon, you’re going to get through this. Whatever happened with her, you’ll figure it out.
Landon
I hope you’re right.
I set down my phone and stare up at the ceiling again. My alarm goes off in a few hours, and I should really sleep.
But now I’m also dealing with the fact that Landon Kane just opened up to me about his deepest insecurities, and I wish it didn’t make me want him more, but it does.
There can be nothing between us; it crosses way too many lines, and his head is messed up over a girl.
I only wish things were simpler, like they were back in college, where all that mattered was hockey and getting laid.