Chapter 17
Case
Anger & Guilt
Gripping the steering wheel as I drive in the rain to where my brothers are partying for the night, my phone keeps buzzing in my pants.
I growl, digging for it and see it’s Lyla.
Fuck that. I toss the phone onto the passenger seat and keep driving.
I’m done with her. Unfortunately for my father I will not be returning to that house while she is there and I will be doing my own thing during the holidays.
Who am I kidding? I’m such a liar. This shit is going to eat me alive.
I shouldn't have left her like that. I shouldn’t have said those cruel words to her.
I’m just so fucking angry and the buzzing coming from next to me isn’t helping.
She’s relentless but I just need a minute.
I need to think. I hate how much I still want her.
How much I wanted her to beg me for forgiveness.
Laying her down on the bed making—no, forcing her to spill each word—each truth from her lips as she moans, whines and whimpers in the short little purple nighty, it’s all I can see.
But no–instead I let my rage blind me, ignoring what my heart really wanted.
This whole time she’s been Mercedes. I’ve tasted her.
I’ve felt her. I’ve been with the girl I yearned for this whole fucking time and never knew and what’s even more mind blowing is she never knew it was me.
How? How did this happen? No wonder I’m obsessed with both women because they are just one.
One I’m so fucking in love with. Or maybe I have it all wrong and it’s just infatuation.
“Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!” I scream into the empty car, slamming my fists against the steering wheel.
Thunder rumbles in the sky as the rain continues to pound against the windshield.
I really should just go home and wait for her but I need to cool down first. Getting off the next exit I make a left then a right and pull into the school lot.
Finding a parking spot I head over to my brother's dorm floor. That’s where the party is happening tonight.
Before getting out of my car I lay my head back and close my eyes for a second, taking a deep breath.
Do I really want to deal with people tonight?
Drunk people at best? Groaning, I turn my car back on and pull out.
I’ll just go home and drink until I can’t move.
That sounds much better than giggling puck bunnies and all the noise of it.
I used to love partying but as I’ve gotten older I like more low key get togethers preferably half naked girls paid to show us a good time.
Slamming my fists against the steering wheel again because no matter what everything circles back to her.
Driving down the highway, I growl as traffic begins to build and I see there’s been an accident.
Red and blue lights blind me as I pass while the rain still pounds relentlessly, not giving me much to see of the wreck.
Once everyone stops being nosey and actually drives, the traffic diminishes and I get off at the next exit.
Pulling up the driveway I sigh, she still hasn’t returned.
Putting the car in park, I get out and let the rain pour over my body.
Taking a deep breath, I walk up the pathway and into the dark silent house.
Turning on the lights, I head straight for the liquor cabinet and grab the most expensive bottle of bourbon, open it and take a swig.
Kicking off my shoes, and removing my shirt and pants.
I plop on the couch and just stare at the wall as I continue to drink.
This is not what I had planned tonight. I just wanted to come home and sit down with her and get some answers.
I was hoping to tell her how I feel if she actually was honest with me.
Even now after everything I do know. I still want her.
I want her so fucking bad it hurts. I’ve never cared for another woman before.
I never wanted more than just sex until her. This is so fucked.
Bringing the bottle to my lips, I take another swig letting the burn of the bourbon flow down my throat.
The house is so quiet and still and I hate it.
The past few weeks knowing she was here brought warmth into this place.
Even her mother’s presence brought light into this dark house.
My father is a cold man and I’m not sure what her mom even sees in him.
Maybe it's just me and my brothers that he treats like this. I can’t remember him and my mother being together.
She died by the time we were four years old.
My father raised us alone. No, that's a lie. We were raised by nannies until we turned fifteen then he fired the help and we’ve been on our own since.
So the house has been cold and boring for many years.
Why is it that as I sit here on this couch I can still smell her everywhere.
Fuck! I really do have it bad for her. I wish she would just come home already.
I get up and take another swig, finally feeling the alcohol flowing through my veins warming my body as I walk up the stairs.
Stopping at her room I take another swig and step inside.
I inhale deeply while walking towards her messy bed.
Sitting down I take another swig and another as the room begins to spin.
I just want her to come home. Please let her come home and find me drunk in her bed.
I don’t care if she yells at me and demands for me to leave.
I just need to know she’s okay and safe.
I also want to apologize for saying all those cruel things to her.
I’m just so fucking mad and as usual I let my anger and assumptions get the best of me.
I yelled and screamed without really listening.
I should’ve taken a step back and just listened to her.
Taking another swig I gag knowing this is my limit.
If I drink anymore I’ll end up puking all over her bed and that’s not okay.
So I set the bottle down and lay back against her velvet headboard.
I stare out the window watching the trees sway in the cold wind since the rain finally stopped.
Every time I see headlights shine against the wet window my heart skips a beat but it’s still not her.
I close my eyes for a second. Hoping to just take a small nap and wait for her to come home. Just a little nap is all I need.
Gripping the steering wheel as I drive in the rain to where my brothers are partying for the night, my phone keeps buzzing in my pants.
I growl, digging for it and see it’s Lyla.
Fuck that. I toss the phone onto the passenger seat and keep driving.
I’m done with her. Unfortunately for my father I will not be returning to that house while she is there and I will be doing my own thing during the holidays.
Who am I kidding? I’m such a liar. This shit is going to eat me alive.
I shouldn't have left her like that. I shouldn’t have said those cruel words to her.
I’m just so fucking angry and the buzzing coming from next to me isn’t helping.
She’s relentless but I just need a minute.
I need to think. I hate how much I still want her.
How much I wanted her to beg me for forgiveness.
Laying her down on the bed making—no, forcing her to spill each word—each truth from her lips as she moans, whines and whimpers in the short little purple nighty, it’s all I can see.
But no–instead I let my rage blind me, ignoring what my heart really wanted.
This whole time she’s been Mercedes. I’ve tasted her.
I’ve felt her. I’ve been with the girl I yearned for this whole fucking time and never knew and what’s even more mind blowing is she never knew it was me.
How? How did this happen? No wonder I’m obsessed with both women because they are just one.
One I’m so fucking in love with. Or maybe I have it all wrong and it’s just infatuation.
“Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!” I scream into the empty car, slamming my fists against the steering wheel.
Thunder rumbles in the sky as the rain continues to pound against the windshield.
I really should just go home and wait for her but I need to cool down first. Getting off the next exit I make a left then a right and pull into the school lot.
Finding a parking spot I head over to my brother's dorm floor. That’s where the party is happening tonight.
Before getting out of my car I lay my head back and close my eyes for a second, taking a deep breath.
Do I really want to deal with people tonight?
Drunk people at best? Groaning, I turn my car back on and pull out.
I’ll just go home and drink until I can’t move.
That sounds much better than giggling puck bunnies and all the noise of it.
I used to love partying but as I’ve gotten older I like more low key get togethers preferably half naked girls paid to show us a good time.
Slamming my fists against the steering wheel again because no matter what everything circles back to her.
Driving down the highway, I growl as traffic begins to build and I see there’s been an accident.
Red and blue lights blind me as I pass while the rain still pounds relentlessly, not giving me much to see of the wreck.
Once everyone stops being nosey and actually drives, the traffic diminishes and I get off at the next exit.
Pulling up the driveway I sigh, she still hasn’t returned.
Putting the car in park, I get out and let the rain pour over my body.
Taking a deep breath, I walk up the pathway and into the dark silent house.
Turning on the lights, I head straight for the liquor cabinet and grab the most expensive bottle of bourbon, open it and take a swig.
Kicking off my shoes, and removing my shirt and pants.
I plop on the couch and just stare at the wall as I continue to drink.
This is not what I had planned tonight. I just wanted to come home and sit down with her and get some answers.
I was hoping to tell her how I feel if she actually was honest with me.
Even now after everything I do know. I still want her.
I want her so fucking bad it hurts. I’ve never cared for another woman before.
I never wanted more than just sex until her. This is so fucked.
Bringing the bottle to my lips, I take another swig letting the burn of the bourbon flow down my throat.
The house is so quiet and still and I hate it.
The past few weeks knowing she was here brought warmth into this place.
Even her mother’s presence brought light into this dark house.
My father is a cold man and I’m not sure what her mom even sees in him.
Maybe it's just me and my brothers that he treats like this. I can’t remember him and my mother being together.
She died by the time we were four years old.
My father raised us alone. No, that's a lie. We were raised by nannies until we turned fifteen then he fired the help and we’ve been on our own since.
So the house has been cold and boring for many years.
Why is it that as I sit here on this couch I can still smell her everywhere.
Fuck! I really do have it bad for her. I wish she would just come home already.
I get up and take another swig, finally feeling the alcohol flowing through my veins warming my body as I walk up the stairs.
Stopping at her room I take another swig and step inside.
I inhale deeply while walking towards her messy bed.
Sitting down I take another swig and another as the room begins to spin.
I just want her to come home. Please let her come home and find me drunk in her bed.
I don’t care if she yells at me and demands for me to leave.
I just need to know she’s okay and safe.
I also want to apologize for saying all those cruel things to her.
I’m just so fucking mad and as usual I let my anger and assumptions get the best of me.
I yelled and screamed without really listening.
I should’ve taken a step back and just listened to her.
Taking another swig I gag knowing this is my limit.
If I drink anymore I’ll end up puking all over her bed and that’s not okay.
So I set the bottle down and lay back against her velvet headboard.
I stare out the window watching the trees sway in the cold wind since the rain finally stopped.
Every time I see headlights shine against the wet window my heart skips a beat but it’s still not her.
I close my eyes for a second. Hoping to just take a small nap and wait for her to come home. Just a little nap is all I need.