Chapter 21
Vanessa
twenty-one
. . .
An hour and a half later, I’m surrounded by my friends at our favorite local dive bar, and—well, all is not right in the world, but it’s slowly getting there.
I think.
Maybe.
Possibly.
“What the hell,” Ceci says.
I nod emphatically. “I know, right?”
“Let me get this straight,” she says, holding her hand out as if that’s going to steady her, when she’s already two drinks past tipsy and it’s only happy hour. “You have a hot, Swedish hockey player who wants to kiss on you and make sweet, sexy love to you—and instead you’re out with us?”
I blink. “Did you not hear a word I just said?”
“I heard you,” Arielle says. “I agree with Ceci, though. I think you should get back on that dick.”
“Uh… how?” Are we even having the same conversation?
“Love. Angel. Sweetheart,” Sadie says. “Butterfly, I love you. You know I do. But I swear to fucking high heaven, if you have the opportunity to get laid and don’t take it, I will never forgive you.”
Lifting my drink to my lips, I laugh nervously. “You guys are really invested in the state of my vagina.”
“Well, babes, it’s been a while,” Bex points out.
I glare at her. “Thanks, I hadn’t noticed,” I say tightly.
When Elsy called a meeting of the minds, I didn’t expect to be ganged up on. Bex, Ceci, Elsy, and Sadie are all single; only Arielle and Johanna are in relationships, and they’re both engaged to awesome guys, so their opinions don’t really count.
“This is not the type of gang bang I like,” I mutter under my breath, and Johanna winks at me.
“We care about you,” Ceci says seriously. “You deserve a chance to be happy.”
“Did you not hear the part where he said he wants to marry me?” My voice goes up in volume as it increases in pitch, and people at neighboring tables turn to look at us.
“Yeah, but are you opposed to the idea of marriage in general, or the idea of marrying someone you haven’t really been dating?” Johanna asks. “Because Sullivan and I started talking about getting married within the first three weeks, but?—”
“You guys were already living together,” Arielle points out. “Asher was always upfront that it was what he wanted. We’re only waiting until we’re both comfortable with the relationship before we spring it on our families.”
“Okay, you’ve known him for twenty years,” Sadie adds. They’re childhood friends and grew up together, even if they weren’t close back then.
Bex leans back in her seat, sipping her drink. “Fuck, just once I’d like the guy to fall first instead of me falling head over tits for an idiot. Do you guys have magic pussy or what?”
Arielle and Johanna glance at each other and grin.
“I have no idea what it is,” I tell her honestly. “It’s been almost ten years, and?—”
Bex rolls her eyes. “One, Katie and Alex got married nine years ago, and?—”
I open my mouth to interrupt.
“—and two, he obviously remembers you fondly,” she says loudly, over me, “so clearly you did something right.”
My memory is hazy on the best of days, least of all with the time elapsed and alcohol consumed between now and then.
“I mean… it was just sex.” I shrug helplessly. “We hooked up. We had a good time.”
“Did he get you to come, or did you have to do the work yourself?” Sadie asks, raising her eyebrows.
My eyebrows knit together. “It—we—” My face flames, but these women and I are open about pretty much everything. “It took some time. He lacked… finesse.”
“But if that was his first time,” Ceci says insistently, “and he still managed it? Think what he could do if he actually knew what he was doing.”
“I shouldn’t have told you that.” I bury my face in my hands. “What would you do if a random one-night stand from a decade ago suddenly announced he wanted to marry you?”
She scoffs. Her ex-husband is a piece of work. “Well, we all know that ain’t happening, so…”
“Indulge me. Humor me.” I stare her down.
“Okay,” she allows, “the marriage part is a little much.”
“I was still coming around to dating for real instead of dating for pretend,” I admit. “And then he throws this curveball at me and I…” I exhale shakily.
“So let’s reframe this,” Bex says seriously. “Question one: do you like him?”
I swallow. “I like him.”
“Question two: do you want to date him?” Sadie joins in.
“Um… I like kissing him,” I allow. “And I like his bird. His house is pretty cool, too.”
Arielle rolls her eyes. “Dating someone is about more than physicality and possessions. Do you like being around him? Does he make you smile? Laugh? Does he make you feel safe?”
“Well, yeah.” I sip my drink. “But marriage…”
“Take marriage off the table,” Bex repeats. “Do you want to date him? Yes or no?”
“I—I?—”
Sadie shakes her head. “The real question is, do you want to fuck him?”
“Yes.”
The word slips out immediately, and I flush, covering my face in my hands.
“So your pussy isn’t dead,” Johanna says. “Just hibernating.”
“Definitely not dead.” I think back to how it felt at the game, how everything just melted away until it was him and me and the most perfect kiss. My body warms and I bite my lip, thinking of his growly demands.
“I think you have to go for it,” Ceci says. “You’ll kick yourself otherwise.”
“But—”
Bex rolls her eyes. “For fuck’s sake, Vanessa. We’re saying to screw the guy, not marry him! You deserve to get laid.”
“I don’t want to hurt him, though.”
“So don’t,” Sadie says, like it’s that simple.
“If he wants more?—”
“He’s a big boy, he can handle it,” she says. “It’s up to him to decide if he can handle sex without feelings, just like you have to decide if you want sex with feelings. Except he’s not sitting here blathering on about it, he’s living his life.”
“He isn’t, though,” I say quietly.
Sadie’s eyebrows go up.
“He doesn’t go out. He doesn’t hang out with the team. On the road trip, he was watching a movie alone in his room until I interrupted him. He never goes out.”
“Maybe he needs an excuse to go out more,” Bex says. She nods to Arielle and Johanna. “They’re always calling us their social buffers, their reason to get out of the house.”
It hits me suddenly. I sit up straight in my seat.
Arielle and Johanna—they’re both on the spectrum.
So is Sven.
“What is it?” Arielle asks.
“You two have a lot in common with him,” I finally say. It’s not my place to go on about his private medical history, especially not things the public isn’t entitled to know.
Johanna smirks. “Well, it’s called neurospicy for a reason.”
“Do you want us to have a double—well, triple date?” Arielle asks. “You already know Asher and Sully. We can get together and prove it’s possible for a neurodivergent and neurotypical person to have a functional relationship.”
“I know you can. It’s not about that.” I rub at my forehead. “It’s just…”
Bex reaches across the table for my hand. “You’re in charge here, Van. He’ll have to adapt to your timeline. You can think about what you want. But you need to be sure.”