Chapter 24
Vanessa
twenty-four
. . .
Sven seems to relax more and more the longer we sit at dinner. He finishes his glass of wine but waves off the bottle when I offer more. His eyes are bright, his face flushed, but it doesn’t seem like the alcohol has gone to his head.
I think… I think it’s me.
Which is absolutely ridiculous. There’s no way he’s serious about his supposed feelings for me. We barely know each other. He only likes the fantasy version of me he’s concocted in his head.
Except… Squeezing my legs together, I ignore the ache at my core, and try to focus on what he’s saying. My attention keeps getting caught on his mouth, his plush lips, the faint scruff lining his jaw, the long blond hair I want to run my fingers through…
Sven clears his throat, and I startle.
“What?” I ask.
“Are you okay?” he asks seriously. “You seem… distracted.”
“I am,” I admit readily.
His eyebrows go up, but he waits patiently for me to regroup.
“Do you want dessert?” he asks when I don’t say anything.
I’d rather have him for dessert.
“I think we should head out,” I tell him.
He blinks a few times. “Okay.”
Reaching across the table, I squeeze his hand. “I think we should head out.”
His eyebrows knit together. He’s not getting it.
“Take me home, Sven.”
His face falls. “Are you not having a good time?”
Wait.
No.
I squeeze his hand again. “I just think we’ll have a better time in your bed,” I say quietly.
It takes a second for him to understand. When he realizes what I’m trying to say, he swallows thickly, his grip tightening on my hand.
“Oh.” He lifts his other hand, gesturing to the waiter for the check.
“Oh?” I bite the inside of my cheek, taking in his strong, broad shoulders and the sharp angle of his jaw.
“I wasn’t sure if…” He clears his throat. “I would not want to pressure you.”
“You aren’t.” If anything, I’m the one pushing him.
“Are you… ready?” His face is pained.
It’s time for me to lay my cards on the table.
“I’m not in love with you,” I finally say. “I don’t know if I ever will be. I want to be, but that’s not the same thing. I don’t have feelings for anyone else, and I’m not interested in pursuing anyone else. I want you.”
The naked desire in his eyes makes me want to crawl under the table and hide away. Still, I persevere.
“I want to be in a healthy place where I can feel my feelings and be confident in them,” I tell him. “I’m not there yet. I’m working on getting there. After all these years… I have closure.”
He presses his lips together. “Andrews.”
“And me.”
I believed I was unlovable. That’s why Robby left me when we were talking about forever.
I believed I was unworthy of love. That was why my parents split up and started new families without me.
I believed I was incapable of love. That’s why I stuck to one-night stands and quick flings rather than expose my heart.
“I’m starting to come around to the idea that maybe I was wrong about some core fundamental thoughts.” Okay, a lot of them. “It’s going to take some time to rewire my brain and think differently.”
Taking a breath, I meet his gaze steadily.
“But I’m willing to put in the work. It’s worth doing—for you, for us.”
His breath catches. “Vanessa?—”
“Take me home, Sven,” I tell him. “Take me to your bed and love me, so that I can learn to love you, too.”
He gets out of his chair and walks around to my side, ducking down. He cups my cheek in his hand and kisses me sweetly.
“As you wish,” he murmurs, pulling away.
Briskly, he walks across the restaurant, and I see him speak in hushed tones with the waiter before he pulls out his wallet. Handing the waiter several bills, Sven turns on his heel and strides toward me. He cuts an impressive figure as he glides through the restaurant as easily as if he were on skates.
Tonight, he's wearing a dark blue three-piece suit with a yellow tie that's nearly gold, or maybe that's just the golden flecks in his green eyes. His long hair is loose to his shoulders, giving real-life Viking vibes. There’s a reason I read so much historical Viking romance…
And he’s mine.
He offers his hand and I take it, rising immediately from my seat. When I reach for my coat, it’s to find he’s holding it, ready to help me. When my arms are in the sleeves, he pulls the coat over my shoulders and around to my front, using the lapels to tug me forward.
Leaning down, he brushes his lips across mine, the barest whisper of a kiss that leaves me wanting more.
The valet brings the car around and Sven helps me in before jogging around to the driver’s side. After he shifts the car into gear, he takes my hand again, lacing our fingers together over the console.
His Beacon Hill townhouse looks the same, quiet and unassuming with flower baskets beneath the windows. Even in the cool winter weather, the plants are thriving. Inside, the stark contrast of the black floors and white walls with the greenery make the place feel so much more welcoming than they did the last time I was here.
“Where’s Rupert?” I ask as Sven takes my coat, hanging it in the closet beside his.
He nods toward a giant birdcage in the corner, with a sheet drawn over it. “She goes to sleep around sundown. Don’t worry, she’ll be awake early in the morning.”
“I can’t wait to meet her. Properly,” I add. “I don’t know that I made the best impression last time.”
“She’ll love you,” he says, and my breath catches. “Because I already do.”
“Sven…”
He shakes his head. “I know you have work to do. That’s fine. I’ve been dancing around my feelings for you for some time. I didn’t want to scare you off further.”
“Because the marriage talk after our first kiss wasn’t enough?” I try for a teasing smile.
His eyes are warm like molten honey as he shrugs. “I’m not good at reading between the lines. I don’t see the gray area,” he says. “I do best when things are explicitly spelled out, and you deserve the same.”
Sven takes my hand. “I love you, and when you’re ready, I want to build a life with you. I want us to have a future together. However long it takes to get there, I can wait. I’ll be here—for you.”
I bite my lip. “How do you know you won’t change your mind again?”
“I won’t.”
“But how do you know?” My heart hammers in my chest, wanting desperately to believe him.
“Because you are all I’ve ever wanted, even when it wasn’t an option,” he says. “Why would I throw away the very thing I’ve been dreaming about since we met nine years ago?”
I lose my breath.
“It—nine years ago? That long?”
He nods. “From the very first night we met.”
If I had any lingering doubts, they’ve fizzled away.
I hold out my hand and Sven takes it, lacing our fingers together.
“Take me to your bed,” I tell him. “Let me love you the way I know how.”
He pulls me close for a soft, sweet kiss.
I don’t want soft.
I don’t want sweet.