Chapter 28
Vanessa
twenty-eight
. . .
I can’t wipe the smile off my face. All week long at work, people give me knowing smirks. I’m sure they can guess what goes on between me and Sven after hours. For each of the four-game home stretch, between games, I stay at Sven’s place. In the evenings, I go to the game, watching from the pit. During the break between periods, he’s focused on the game, but as soon as the final buzzer sounds, he wraps me up in a hug in front of everyone.
I’m on my lunch break when he enters the lounge, whistling as he pours himself a coffee and adds about an inch of creamer.
Wait.
He doesn’t drink coffee creamer.
As I watch, he pulls down a second mug and adds a small splash of almond milk to it, then joins me across the room.
“Hey,” he says, setting the first mug in front of me. “How’s your day going?”
“Not bad.”
Waking up in his arms was heaven. It was everything I wanted and didn’t know I needed. There’s a calmness in my soul. I hadn’t realized it was so disruptive, so jittery. Now that everything is still… it’s like I can breathe again.
“Do you want to grab dinner tonight?” Sven asks.
“Pick me up at seven?” I have to run home and get a few things ready. Tomorrow, we hit the road again with a trip to D.C. and then Buffalo.
He grins at me, squeezing my hand.
We sit in easy silence as the players and staff filter in and out of the lounge. A few people give us a smile or a nod, but most leave us alone. They’re getting used to seeing us together.
Robby waltzes into the lounge and makes a protein shake. He grins when he sees me, ambling over to us.
“Hey, Nessie,” he says quietly. “You doing okay?”
I nod. “I am, yeah.”
“Good.” He gives me a soft smile, then turns to Sven. “You treating our girl right?”
To my surprise, Sven doesn’t get upset at his calling me their girl.
“Always,” he says. He looks up at Robby. “Do you want to sit?”
My ex looks surprised, then pleased. “Yeah. Thanks.”
I’ve spent so much time ignoring him, I haven’t noticed if he’s made friends yet. Does he have people here? I have Jacky and Patrice, I guess even Scott is okay, but does he have anyone? What about in the city at large? He’s been on the road for so long. It’s hard, isolating, especially when you have to start over all the time.
“Do you have any plans for the holidays? Going home?” Sven asks Robby.
“Nah. My parents and I don’t talk anymore,” he says easily.
My eyebrows go up. “You don’t?” His enmeshment with his family was a big bone of contention in the two and a half years we were together.
“They didn’t like the last person I dated and made clear I wasn’t part of the family any longer,” Robby says with a lightness to his tone. “It’s better this way.”
I set my hand on his arm, squeezing gently, and he gives me a sad smile.
“How about you guys? Meeting the parents?”
Sven shakes his head. “My parents are in Sweden. They don’t visit.” His words are crisp and cool, trying to be unaffected, but his eyes are sad. The estrangement must weigh on him more than I thought.
“Nessie?”
“I got a holiday email card from my mother.”
Robby’s eyebrows raise. “That good?”
My shoulder lifts in a halfhearted shrug. “Her kids are cute. I think the oldest one is in high school, maybe college.”
“You still don’t talk to them?”
“Not since graduation.” That was the last time I invited both of my parents anywhere—and neither of them wanted to take off for two days to come see me walk across that stage for my diploma.
Sven threads our fingers together, lending support.
“It’s better this way. I have Elsy and Bex and Wyatt, and now I have Sven, and…”
“People always ask why I have no relationship with my parents,” Robby says. “It’s complicated.”
“We’ll make our own family,” Sven says.
Robby looks between us, his eyes dropping to my belly. “Are you—you’re not p?—”
“No. No.” I shake my head quickly.
“Family is what you make it,” Sven continues. “We can pick and choose the people we keep in our lives. The people who mean the most to us. Biology doesn’t make a family.” He squeezes my hand. “Love does.”
Robby swallows thickly. “I’m glad you two have each other.”
“Now we just have to find you your happily ever after,” I tell him lightly.
But he shakes his head. “Nah. I don’t think that’s in the cards for me.”
“Come on. You can?—”
“Not without making some personal sacrifices I’m not ready to make,” he says quietly, firmly.
With a sigh, I relent. “Okay. I can see that.” He doesn’t have to come out publicly until he’s ready. With his role as assistant equipment manager on the ice every game, he leads a semi-public life, and the fans are viciously intent on learning every single thing about the team and the staff.
“I just started figuring out my life without playing hockey,” Robby says. “I’m still working out the rest of it. I’ll get there.”
Sven looks at me, then my hand on Robby’s arm, and I hastily move it away. “Well, you’ll always have a place in our family,” he announces.
My eyes go wide. “What do you mean?”
“He cares about you, and you care about him,” he says, meeting my gaze steadily. “We all have shitty enough families that we deserve the chance to start over and build something new. So, if you’re okay with it…”
“I am. But you know he and I—” Waving my hand between my ex and me, I lose my nerve. “We used to… we were…”
Robby chokes.
Sven looks at him for the briefest moment, then back to me.
“Do you plan on sleeping with him?” he asks, genuine curiosity in his voice. “Do you want to be with him?”
“No! Not at all. We’ve talked about this. You and I—we’re committed. That’s… it’s entirely different.”
Robby is my past. The history. Sven is my future.
And to my surprise, that doesn’t scare me nearly as much as it used to.
Sven squeezes my hand. “Then whatever happened between you, it’s in the past. All we can do is move forward. And frankly, we could all use a little more love in our lives.”