Chapter 2
Vae
PAST
He’s been here a day, and he’s already perched on the windowsill, halfway out the door. My lower lip trembles as I take a tiny step towards him.
“Raynor,” I whisper his name. My heart is breaking. What if he gets hurt? What if he’s alone?
I stand there in the moonlight that spills into the room, tears streaming down my cheeks, unable to think of something to say to make him stay.
“Let him go; we don’t need him!” Deacon growls.
I let out a little sob; it just explodes out of me, loud and startling.
He pauses on the windowsill, looking back. His eyes are so calm; he’s not scared at all, but I am. I’m scared enough for both of us.
“You promised you’d stay with me forever,” I whisper.
He’d said it when he first saw me, and I think I’d fallen in love with him then, as much as a seven-year-old can.
Raynor, with all his concentrated intensity, hesitates, freedom and a life unexplored just one jump away, me and the crappy home he doesn’t want caging him in.
I think he’s going to do it; he’s going to leave. I cry harder, my stomach hurts, and I can’t stop.
He comes back slowly, shifting his body like it hurts until he’s back in the room, his hands clenched. He stares out the window, mourning the life he’s not going to have.
I run to him and wrap my arms around his waist, burying my face in his back. I’m sad he can’t chase his dreams, but I’m just so relieved that he’s staying with me.
“Okay, Vae, okay. I’m not going anywhere.”
PRESENT
“Are you sure?”
“I’m really sorry, Vae, but I’m absolutely sure, and I’m not wrong. The results are crystal clear.”
I shake my head, wishing desperately that she will jump at me and scream surprise. I’ll take the jump scare just to undo this nightmare. Pregnancy would be a more welcome surprise than this.
“But, I mean, how exactly?”
Doctor Warren is a beta with an aura of warm reassurance. She’s been my doctor for the past four years. I was lucky to get an appointment today. Her hair is tied back in a bun, and her brown eyes regard me with deep concern.
“You should have come in for the results earlier.”
I shake my head. “I don’t want this.”
She reaches forwards and takes my hands in hers. “I know this is scary, but you’ve got all the symptoms. All the signs are there. Hot flushes, cold sweats, increase in arousal, change in appetite and mood. You’ve even started nesting.”
“I have not!”
“Oh, and how long were you up cleaning last night?”
I look down at our joined hands. “That’s different; my housemates are slobs.”
“Yes, slobs.” She points a finger at the floor, counting, “but still alphas and living with you. Maybe you wouldn’t have awoken for a while, maybe you might have stayed a beta forever, but the fact is that the close proximity of so many alphas in your space has pushed this heat forward, which explains the elevated symptoms.”
I close my eyes. “Are you sure?” I sniffle. “Are you sure I’m an omega?”
She squeezes my fingers. “I’m sure. We’ve done all the tests, and they’re all showing positive for omega. There can be no more doubts.”
I sniffle again, struggling to hold back the tears, yet another sign of my emotional changes.
“What am I going to do?”
She inhales and holds it before sitting back. “Well, that’s what we’re going to have to talk about. Do you think your housemates will be able to help you with your heat?”
I almost throw myself back in the chair. “No! I mean, no. They have a girlfriend, and they don’t think of me like that.”
Her lips thin, and she looks down. “Okay, I don’t like these options, but let’s put the information out there. If you go into heat there, they will either help you or you will be left to fend for yourself. But you said they have a girlfriend. Is she an omega?”
I nod.
“Right, so you absolutely cannot stay there.”
“What?” I ask, stunned. Of course, I was planning on leaving, thinking about it, but to have my choice just so suddenly stripped from me is shocking.
“Omegas tend to lean towards being territorial.
The usual catty jealousy between females will intensify and could roll into violence, especially with two females fighting over the same alphas.
So, you're going to need to move out. Now, I have the numbers of some shelters, places that will help you.”
I stare at her, unable to comprehend the horror her words are inflicting.
“I need to move out right before my heat? But I’ll be vulnerable.”
“Yes, you will be vulnerable wherever you are. Of course, you have to move out. And here is a list of places that can help you find someone to help you with your heat.”
“But can’t I just take suppressants? There are heaps of medications that stop heats from happening.”
I’m almost desperate, but she just keeps passing pamphlets into my hands. I drop some and bend over to pick them up, watching her in some kind of shock while she pulls open drawers and grabs more.
“Yes, but I don’t like to prescribe them because there are dangers that may occur later in your life. It’s not worth it. Just go out and meet some of these alphas, choose one to sleep with, and get it over and done.”
I bite my lip as a tear slips down my cheek. “I don't want it to happen like that.” The admission is whisper-soft.
She pauses, swinging back from where she’d been peering at her computer. “Oh, sweetheart, is this your first time?”
“I wanted it to be with someone I loved, with someone special.” I burst into noisy tears. She pats my knee and hands me a tissue, letting me cry.
“I know, and it’s okay to be upset. But, honestly, these guys are trained to make sure you feel good. They will be so much better than some fumbling love interest. I promise you. You want your first heat to feel good.”
I wipe my nose and try to listen as she starts rattling off more information. I can’t hear her, though.
All I can think about is my boys. What are they going to do without me? How am I going to survive without them?
I make my way home in a daze, but when I get there, a party is in full swing. I forgot about it.
I stand on the footpath, staring at the open front door. There are people in the front yard, a couple making out on the porch, and music blaring loudly. I can feel the bass in my teeth. The neighbours get home and glare at our house, walking inside and slamming the door.
They won’t ring the cops; they like me too much, though their regard is wearing thin. We’d agreed on no more parties, not without warning. Why are the guys breaking their own rules?
I force my way inside, sliding against drunk alphas, betas, and omegas, their scents turning into a sickly sludge in the air, their hands touching my sensitive skin until I want to cry.
My scalp crawls, and more than one person grabs my ass on the way past. The invasive touch causes me to feel cold, and I almost turn and run away.
“Vae!”
Malcolm appears, weaving to the beat of the music. He passes a couple of people, smiling and exchanging excited words before he gets to me. He towers over me and follows as I open my bedroom door, only to find a trio rolling around on my bed.
The sick, hard ball that fills my stomach leaves me numb. I don’t know what to do. This is my safe place, my belongings. My nest.
I can’t breathe.
My eyes burn.
I feel a scream working its way up my throat.
“Hey, Vae, what’s wrong?”
Crap, I can’t fall apart. Not right now.
I ignore him, going into the kitchen, but when I open the fridge, there’s nothing there.
The food I bought is gone. My body starts to shake, but I’m not cold.
The noise hammers my ears, people talking, music, movements.
The scents are even worse in here. My scent is almost gone.
I can’t smell Deacon, Mal, or Raynor. Just so many strangers.
I slam the fridge and turn, almost tripping over Mal, but he’s the last person I want to see right now. I don’t want him near me. If he asks me what’s wrong, I’ll fall apart, blurt out everything, and that would just ruin all our lives.
He grabs my shoulders and holds me still. I try to pull away, but he pulls me to him and holds me like he knows I’m falling apart. The whole room goes still and silent; all I can see is him.
“What’s going on? Did you have a bad day?”
His face creases in concern, and he pulls me even closer so we’re chest-to-chest.
I don’t want to cave. Nor do I want to give in to his sweetness, but I can’t stop the thoughts. I might never see them again. As soon as I tell them I have to leave, it’s going to ruin everything. As soon as they discover I’m an omega, it’s going to end us. They will never look at me the same.
The words, the secret is right there on the tip of my tongue.
His arms close around me, and I find myself pressed against a hard chest. The salted caramel, I can almost taste, and I can feel my body reacting to him, finding a calm and peace that I yearn for.
“Mally!”
Malcolm pulls back with a laugh that sounds self-conscious. He sidesteps just as Indy comes flying into the room. She beams at him but sends a quick glare in my direction when he’s not looking.
“I need you, Mally.”
I scoff and repeat her words with a sneer.
I head towards the door, ignoring them. If I want to be alone, there is only one place I can go. I walk down the end of the corridor and slip into Raynor’s room.
The room is lit up by a screen showing music videos, but the rest of the room is painted black, and he’s stapled material to the walls in layers that give the room a soft, nest feel. I toe off my shoes and go and lie in his bed.
It doesn’t smell of anything but him. No one else is allowed in here. Not Mal and certainly not Deacon. I think he’d kill Indy before he would allow her in here.
He’ll probably kill me, too.
I bury my face in his pillows, getting soothed by his vanilla scent, despite myself.
I don’t know how long I’m lying there, trying really hard not to think about this disaster that is my life, when the door opens.