Chapter 18 Vae
Vae
PAST
The beta hands me her dirty plates and gives me a look up and down.
“I just don’t think it’s natural that you’re spending all your time around them. Don’t you have any pride?”
She’s got a purple bob and hot pink lipstick on, with a pleather skirt, and she’s just wearing a bikini top. Jazzy is a particularly nasty girlfriend, but if they stay true to trend she will be gone in a week.
I grit my teeth. “Fuck off, Jazzy.”
She hisses. “I don’t care if you are grieving. Remember your place.”
“My place?” I say loudly. “My place is here. Right here. So get out of my face.”
“Hook, calm down.”
My temper shatters.
“Get your two-bit whore out of this house, Mal, or I will break her face,” I roar.
The three of them stare at me like I’ve gone insane.
“Vae, no-”
“It wasn’t a fucking request. Get her out of this house, and she doesn’t come back. Fuck her in the gutter where she belongs.”
Raynor cocks his head to the side, watching me intently.
Deacon hesitates. “Fine. But we’re talking about this later.”
“Yeah, we fucking are. By the way, I’m moving out.”
The three of them freeze.
Deacon turns back really slowly. “Jazz, call a friend to come get you. We need to talk to our Vae.”
“I’m not your sister! I refuse to sit here and listen to you lecture me,” I snarl back at him.
Mal folds his arms over his chest and deflates. “You’re leaving?”
“Yes-”
“I got into the Scorpions,” Mal says with a small smile.
I stare at him, all the anger seeping away. “You got in?”
“Yeah.”
I stalk out of the house, going out to the backyard and stand there in silence. They’ve followed me out; I can feel them.
“You see that star, the really bright one?”
“Yeah?”
“Maria used to read me this book about a boy who never grew up, pirates, and a world with impossible things. I want to go there. I don’t want to be here anymore. It hurts too much.”
“Vae, if there’s something going on, tell us. We can help you.”
“Forget about it. I’ll stay. While you set up your dream, Mal. I’ll stay.”
I force a smile. Our income isn’t enough to see the four of us into those dreams Maria gave us. And if anyone should get to become something more, it’s them.
Not me.
Never me.
I was just a kid that no one wanted who wished to live on a star.
PRESENT
I storm into the house, but Deacon catches my arm, spinning me around. My lungs seize, and all I can see are those deep blue eyes. I’m so screwed when it comes to these alphas.
Someone help me.
“What do you mean coming back was a mistake?” he shouts at me.
“Exactly what it sounds like, Deacon. I should have stayed away.”
“You know what gets me is that you’re just throwing us away. You cannot wait to be rid of us.”
“Don’t be ridiculous.”
I snatch my arm away from him and keep walking, going to the kitchen where I dump the bags full of groceries.
“I’m leaving now-”
“Just explain it to us. Who is he?”
“He’s my date,” I say, stuttering over the words. The last thing in the world I want to tell them is that he’s the alpha who will be servicing me during my heat.
I feel sick thinking about it, but I don’t have much time left.
“Where did you meet him? How did you meet him? Do you know what he’s like or who he is?”
I shrug. “He’s one of Marilyn’s friends.”
“So, you don’t know him?” Deacon sounds like he’s found an ah-ha fact to grill me about.
“That’s what dating is, Deacon,” I grind out in pure frustration.
“How old is he? He looks old!” Mal snaps and stalks past us. He doesn’t go far before he’s turning around, facing me again.
“He’s in his thirties, positively ancient.” I throw my hands in the air. “Why do you even care? You’ve had girlfriends. You went with Indy, even after you said you’d broken up with her.”
Is that my bitter voice?
“We had broken up with her, but Marilyn ordered it,” Deacon hisses.
“I thought I was kissing you,” Mal says in a haunted voice. “I drank too much, and I thought I was with you.”
“You weren’t.” The same sick betrayal rises again, but Mal’s devastated expression has the edge of my anger fading. I know him; if he says he thought it was me, then he did.
I slide past them both and find myself standing chest to chest with Raynor and that damn knowing gleam in his eyes. I dare you to do something about it, I silently shout at him.
He opens his mouth-
“Indy is a PR stunt, and she looks good with us. It’s just publicity.”
The wave of rage I feel is not able to be safely expressed. “I see,” I say, forgetting about Raynor, “so you care about how you look-”
“No!” Deacon shouts. “I care about how you look, desperately clawing at that guy. He was way out of your league. You looked like you were trying to be some omega chasing an alpha. Desperate and pathetic.”
I recoil.
“Deacon!” Raynor barks.
“I think I’m going to leave.”
“You’re not going anywhere,” Deacon fumes.
“Are you going to keep me here against my will?” I shout in disbelief?
The air is charged, the four of us teetering on the edge of something.
“Yes, I damn well am. It’s not safe for you to go home right now. You can sleep in your old room.”
I glare at him.
“And what the hell is that smell?” he shouts.
I blink at the space where he was, listening as he storms into his bedroom and slams the door closed loudly enough to rattle the entire house.
Mal sighs and stalks out as well, leaving me alone with Raynor.
“Well, you’ve sure upset everyone tonight.”
I turn towards him, and the smile on his face falls. He rushes forward and pulls me into his arms.
“Vae, ignore them; we’re idiots. Jealous, possessive idiots. He’s only upset because you looked so beautiful, and he’s never had to see you like that before.”
I sniff and bury my face in his chest. “I didn’t know it was a date,” I sob.
“It’s okay if it was. You’re allowed to have fun and see people. No one has packed you down. No one expects you to live the life of an omega-in-waiting.”
I freeze in his arms.
“You’re a beta, though. You’re allowed to have fun and date around, find the perfect person or people.”
He sounds unsure, as if he’s feeling me out, but I’m not going to be the one to say it. I’m not going to ruin their lives.
“Yeah. I’m allowed to date. Deacon is wrong. Jansen is a wonderful alpha, and he’s asked me out again.”
Raynor freezes. “Has he?”
I shiver at the deadly menace in his voice.
“Raynor, you said I could-”
“I know. I was trying to make you feel better, and you can, I just don’t have to like it.”
He drops his arms and gently sets me back from him.
“Shall we make something to eat and watch a movie?”
I nod my head miserably and follow him to the kitchen. To my amazement, he starts pulling things out and setting them up. Instead of waiting for me to take over, I watch with my heart in my throat as Raynor attempts to cook us pancakes.
When he finally gets a half-burnt pancake on the plate, I stare at it like it’s a declaration of love. He spoons some sugar and lemon on it and then smiles, though it fades.
“I’m sorry; it’s not very good.”
I reach out, holding tight to his hand. “It’s perfect, Raynor. It’s absolutely perfect.”
He grins and turns back and starts cooking more. They are doughy and a little bit too sweet, but they are actually quite nice.
I eat the whole pancake with my throat aching from holding back tears.
“You made me a meal!”
Raynor turns back and smiles. “I can make you so much more than that, Vae. It will be perfect. Everything.”
I don’t know what he’s talking about, but he seems to be talking more to himself than to me.
I grab the plates, but he snatches them off me and turns and starts washing them. Who is this alpha, and where is Raynor?
Mal comes into the kitchen and drops to his knees beside me, putting his head in my lap.
I pat his silky hair, feeling the heat of his breath on my thigh.
“I love you and Deacon, Mal. But you can’t just tell me I’m not allowed to have a life. If you don’t want me, why can’t someone else?”
“I said I did want you; you just don’t believe me.”
“You were joking.”
“Was I?”
I stare at him as he sits up, his earnest eyes glowing with outrage. He gets to his feet and pulls me up to mine.
His mouth crushes mine before I can speak. I cling to his shoulders as he pushes his tongue into my mouth. The taste of salted caramel fills my mouth, and his huge hand glides over my ass, squeezing me up against him.
I crush his shirt in my fists, pulling myself closer. Unable to break free of him.
As suddenly as it began, it’s over, and Mal is glaring at me.
“You will not find an alpha who can kiss you like that, Vae. And if I wanted, you would give me everything I want. I’m giving you a choice, a chance. Choose me.”
“You are a packaged deal and-” I glance back at Raynor. “Maybe-”
“Don’t you dare imply that I would walk away from an offer from you!” Raynor says with quiet but steely determination.
“But-” My head is spinning. “Regardless, it’s all or none, and Deacon doesn’t see me that way.”
“Deacon just needs to pull his head out of his ass and recognize a good thing in front of him,” Raynor says darkly.
I shake my head. My lips still tingle. “I’m not discussing this anymore tonight. Let’s go watch a movie and go to bed, and we can talk tomorrow once we’ve all had some time to think.”
I leave the room, but I think I hear one last comment. I can’t be sure, so I don’t turn around.
“I don’t need time to think; I’ve had a lifetime.”