Chapter 25 Vae
Vae
PAST
I smile up at the guy as he leans down to kiss me.
Stop, no. I don’t want this. It’s not your kiss. The frantic thoughts explode to life in my mind.
His lips touch mine, and it’s just nothing. They are soft but slightly chaffed. The pressure is firm, but somehow not here, too. He doesn’t press into me or hold me, his hands stay at his side. It’s the most awkward kiss of my life.
I’m supposed to be having sex with this guy. Exploring my sensuality.
That was the plan.
Find out what I’m missing and live my life.
Because they are never going to see me as more than family.
“Are you done dropping her off, buddy?” Deacon asks with barely controlled threat.
My date pulls back. “Uh, sorry. Yeah. It was a lovely night, Vae. I’ll call you…” he cocks his head to the side and squints.
“Wait, aren’t you Deacon Katz? Of the Scorpions?”
Oh, here we go.
“I am.”
“I fucking love you, man. That slapshot last game was legendary; the umpire was a total dick.”
Who even is this beta?
I watch as Deacon invites him in, and they go into the lounge to watch the game on TV.
My skin’s crawling, so I sneak past them and go to the bathroom and get in the shower. The door opens, and I freeze, wondering if it’s him. What was his name? Trent?
“Vae, I’m not a fan of the way your date is trying to get a lick of Deac’s cock.”
Mal. I should feel relief, but instead, there’s only more excitement and a frisson of something wilder.
“That’s my problem, how?”
Mal steps closer, so the only thing separating us is that thin curtain.
“You kissed him.”
I stay silent.
“And now you're washing him off.”
“No, it’s not like-”
“But, Vae. I kissed you first.”
With that dark reminder, Mal swans out as silently as he came in.
PRESENT
I’m sitting on the couch, leaning forward with my elbows on my knees, in a cake-induced coma. Raynor is lightly running his finger up and down my spine when I see something that shocks me. I jump towards the TV, staring up at it, willing it to pan back to my alphas.
“What’s wrong?” Raynor asks.
I bite my lip, my heart is thumping, and then I see it.
“Oh.”
Raynor stands beside me, peering at the TV intently. “What is it?”
“They dressed up; their suits are pressed. Clean. Look at them. Deacon smiles politely at the camera, too, look at that.”
Raynor watches with a frown.
I go back and sit on the edge of the couch. The warm-ups start, and Mal and Deacon try. I can see them trying. They make comments, and today, for the first game ever, they go up and knock their helmets with our goalies.
“Wow!” Raynor says. “They really are trying.”
I sit there on the couch, clenching Raynor’s thigh, watching as Deacon refuses to get into punch-ups. He listens to the referee and linesmen. He is polite to the players from the Beta Bashers team. He’s respectful to the coaching staff.
It’s making my head swim.
On the ice, they throw him up against the boards, but he doesn’t react.
Everything he does is to the letter of the game.
He plays exceptionally well. Flies across the ice, and I see the alpha who loves this game more than breathing come to the surface.
All the skills I know he possesses, he highlights them, leaving everyone watching unable to doubt why he’s a player in the Scented Scorpions team.
When he goes off, Mal comes on, and it’s the same thing. He dances across the ice, slicing it up. His stick is like an extension of his arm; when he goes flat out, no one can catch him.
He takes the puck and, instead of keeping it, passes it off to a surprised Paxton. The play goes on, and someone scores, but I’m too busy watching as Mal goes to the bench and steps off the ice out of view.
“What is going on?” Am I crying? No way.
“I think maybe they might be listening to you,” Raynor says and kisses my cheek.
I get a text and pounce on my phone, pulling it out and staring intently.
“Who is it?”
“It’s a friend. She wanted to tell me to watch the game.”
Raynor doesn’t say anything, but I stare down at Marilyn’s message and feel a tight band constrict around my chest. It’s just a simple, ‘well done, Vae,’ but it means they are noticing. I’m saving them.
The game finishes, and they win. Deacon and Mal go and join the team instead of standing apart. It’s their first win, and I am so proud of them. And they did it with skill and all the things they need to succeed in this life.
“Vae, breathe.”
But I can’t because they are shaking hands and doing it in a polite way; they are the picture of perfect players, and I want to cry because I didn’t think it would work.
Two hours later, my phone rings. I scramble for it and jolt when I realise it’s a video call. I answer it and see Deacon and Mal sitting in the hotel room. The room isn’t great, but I don’t care, I’m just so happy to see their faces.
“How are you, Vae?” Mal asks and gets up close to the camera.
“Raynor bought me cake.”
It’s all I can think of to say, all I can get out. I clear my throat and glance at Raynor as I struggle to hold back my happy tears.
“You won!”
Deacon, who was frowning, breaks into one of his mind-melting smiles. “We did. Are you happy, Hook?”
I smile at him. “You looked like you were flying.”
Deacon clearly wasn’t expecting me to say that. He chuckles and glances behind me.
“Are you taking care of her, Raynor?” he asks crisply.
“Of course. We’re sitting on the couch, watching your game, and I’m bribing her with cake. Lots and lots of delicious cake.”
“When we get back, we can sit down and talk and figure out how we want to handle things. What will change, what won’t.”
I lean back, a bit unsure about his curt words.
He looks away and rubs his face.
I track his movements and look at Mal, who just winks at me.
“I’m not sure what we have to talk about.”
Deacon scowls. “There are so many things. When are you moving back in? Or are you planning on not coming home? Where do you want your nest? Vae, what do you need for your heat? Have you thought about any of this?”
I open my mouth and close it. “I was more worried about finding an alpha for my heat; I didn’t really worry about the rest of it.”
Mal leans forward and snatches the phone from Deacon. “Oh, let me help you. We can go shopping and pick a room and just make it your space.”
I stare at him. “You’d do that?”
“Of course, Vae. Whatever you need. This is your first heat. We need to make it memorable and perfect for you.”
Their hotel door opens. “Downstairs, the coach wants to see everyone.”
Mal kisses the phone screen, getting a smack on the back of his head from Deacon, and they both say bye a bit absently, but they are going to a team dinner. I’m thrilled.
Kinda thrilled.
Deacon didn’t seem happy to see me. He seemed…frazzled. Panicked. Angry.
Raynor takes my hand and pulls me up. “Come on, I have a secret cake that you’re going to want to try.”
Deacon vanishes to the back of my mind as I follow Raynor into the kitchen.
Mal has us meet them at the arena, where he throws his suitcase at Raynor, grabs my hand, and jogs away with me. He bundles me into his car, then pauses and kisses me hard. It’s a dizzying assault that leaves the car stinking of honeycomb candy. He doesn’t seem to notice at all, though.
Just smiles widely. “I missed you.”
I’m too dazzled to answer him, but he just takes that with another smile and rushes around the side of his truck.
“Okay, where to first?”
Where?
I wish I could get my brain to function a bit better. It would help to have some kind of clarity here.
“Sure. We need nest things. Clothes. Soft plushies. What do you like, Vae?”
I hesitate. “I don’t know.”
For some reason, my answer makes Mal’s smile disappear.
He starts the car and reverses. “We haven’t been very good to you, have we? Always taking and never giving.”
“You guys take care of me just fine.”
“You,” he says with a wink, “are a big liar.”
My cheeks heat, but he reaches across and covers one of my hands with his. I remember when our hands were the same size. I remember when I would be the one reaching out to him.
We drive, but I don’t pay any attention. All I can focus on is the warmth of his hand.
“We tried hard to make you proud of us this time, Veevee.”
“I know; I saw it. All of it. I was so happy.”
Mal smiles and flicks the indicator on. I’m transfixed by the softness of his expression. He seems content.
“It was a brilliant game, and you both deserve the win.”
“Fuck the win.”
I jolt, startled by his aggressive words.
He pulls the car into a carpark and turns to me with no intention of getting out of the car.
“You love hockey.”
“Vae, you are more important, and you need us. I’m going to step up and be the person you need me to be. Starting with this.”
I follow his finger as he points in front of us. The store is expensive; it’s high-end, but it’s full of nesting materials. Pillows, blankets, candles, lights, all the things you could possibly need to set up a nest that would see you the happiest of omegas.
When he gets out of the car, I stay sitting there, wondering how to gather the courage to even set foot in a store like that.
Mal opens the door and drags me out of the car.
“We should go somewhere else. Cheaper. Less high-end.”
“Just have a look, Vae.”
I shake my head, but he’s towed me into the store, and I can’t stop looking around.
The lighting is a soft ambiance of warmth that I want to melt into.
The entire store is set out in organised sections by colour and texture.
There are poufs and beanbags made out of furry material, chandeliers of glittering light.
Wind chimes that are hand-carved in polished wood and dream catchers that are as big as my torso.
I take a hesitant step forward, and a woman sweeps towards us. Her uniform is white and clean but soft and loose, flowing behind her as she moves.
“How can I help you?”
I step back and put myself half behind Mal.
He smiles charmingly at the woman. “Can we please see the…” he glances at me and raises an eyebrow.
I can’t look away from the shiny chandeliers. I know I shouldn’t want one, but it’s so pretty. It’s throwing light all over the place, tiny little rainbows.
There’s also a deep midnight green fluffy blanket that is draped over a white couch that is calling me. As we get close, I reach out and run my hand over it.
Mal snatches it up.
“No! Wait!”
“Uh-uh. You need these, and I have money I want to spend.”
“Mal,” I whisper, glancing at the woman and looking away when she smiles. “We can go somewhere else-”
“Stop, we’re here. You want the shiny thing. Let me do this for you to make up for being a dick and making you cry.”
“Who said I cried?”
Mal turns and cups my cheek. “You have the biggest heart of anyone I’ve ever known. Of course, I made you cry, probably every day. So, let me make this up to you.”
He lets go and takes my hand, dragging me deeper into the store. It still feels wrong, but he’s so happy and comfortable that it’s hard to remember that I don’t belong.