Chapter 36 Vae
Vae
PAST
I look at the bills. All paid, my savings are small, but they're growing. I’ve cleaned the house, the kitchen is spotless, meals prepared for Mal and Deacon, and have figured out what Raynor and I are going to eat. I don’t have anything to do, and tonight, I have the house to myself.
I turn on the music so it doesn’t feel so empty and pull out the ingredients to start baking.
Three hours later, it’s iced and beautiful. I set it aside for tomorrow.
When I get up in the morning, the cake is gone.
I storm to Deacon’s door and kick it open. To my surprise, it’s just Indy, Deacon, and Mal. Raynor is nowhere to be seen.
“Where’s my cake?”
Indy sits up in a pile of my alphas and glares.
“Where’s my cake!” I scream.
“Jeez, Vae, take a chill,” Deacon hisses, grabbing his head.
I see half the cake and realise what they’ve done.
“You defaced my cake?”
“What’s the problem?”
“It was for the kids.”
“So, buy another one.” Mal yawns and snuggles back into the pile.
I glare, but none of them are getting up or seem to care.
I pack an overnight bag and storm out of the house, booking myself into a hotel for the night.
When I get home two days later, the house is trashed, but they didn’t even notice I was gone.
“I can’t do this anymore.”
PRESENT
Jansen walks beside me and stops at the gate. I glare at him.
“You’re a traitor.”
“Yeah, but I’m a sucker for puppy dog eyes, and your three boys have the biggest, most cutest puppy eyes I’ve ever seen, not to mention their butts.”
I sigh. “Sold me out for a perv?”
“Hey, I’m in desperate need here. It’s been a while, and I keep having to go to hockey games and stare at all the hot guys spinning around on the ice and making my blood pressure skyrocket. Oh, we could have been a thing.”
“No, we couldn’t.”
We both laugh, but the time for stalling is done. I need to go and confront my past so that I can find my future. One last time.
Jansen leans over and kisses my cheek. “Enjoy.”
“Enjoy what?” I snap, but he walks off without a backward glance.
I look back, but now that he’s not standing beside me distracting me, I can see the differences. The grass is mowed; the garden’s weeded. Wait, has the porch been painted, and the porch swing looks like someone has repaired it.
I push open the gate, and it doesn’t squeak.
The steps are neat and clean, and there’s music playing from inside the house.
I get to the front door and pause. Do I knock now? But before I can do anything, the door is pulled open, and Mal is standing there. He’s wearing a white shirt and black slacks, but his feet are bare.
He pushes open the screen.
“Vae.”
“I’m here, like you requested, for this talk.”
“Sure. Let’s talk, but first, are you hungry?”
I’m not given a chance to protest; instead, he leads me into the house, and I can only crane my head around in shock at the polished floorboards, the new runner. The broken furniture has been replaced, the walls have been painted, and put in frames are dozens of photos of the four of us.
We go into the kitchen, and I find the whole thing has been remodelled and renovated, with a stainless steel fridge and stove.
“When did you?”
“Oh, just after you left.”
He pushes me into a seat and puts a plate in front of me. I stare at the omelet and feel my eyes burn.
“Mal, what are you doing?”
“It took me a while, but I figured out how to make it. Lots of eggs. The lady who served me asked if I was okay and if I needed help.” Mal shakes his head with a bemused smile. “Please try it.”
I pick up the fork and try it. “It really is delicious.”
He kneels beside me, and I couldn’t eat to save my life. He lifts a hand–is it shaking?-and sweeps his hair away from his forehead.
“Vae, you are the best thing that has ever happened to me. I was blind and foolish, and it took me too long to see that the only thing I ever needed in my life was what I already had.”
I stare at him. “But you had Indy-”
“No, Vae. No, we didn’t have her. She was not ours, never ours. You were. I am so sorry I hurt you over and over.”
Mal lifts up slightly, and his lips collide with mine.
“You are my endgame, Vae. You’re the ice under my skates, the stick in my hand, the wins, the triumphs, the crowd cheering me on. Holy shit, Vae, you’ve been my everything for so long I didn’t even realise what it was.”
He grabs my hand and tugs me out the back, where I find a trampoline decked out with pillows and blankets. There are candles everywhere.
“What’s this?”
“So we can look at the stars. Come on.”
I climb up onto the trampoline and lie back. It’s not dark yet, but it will be soon.
I jerk upright when I hear the guitar and Raynor’s voice. He walks towards me, singing a song that I know really well. It’s one he wrote for one of his girlfriends.
“He wrote it about you,” Mal whispers in my ear. “He had a massive crush on you when you were younger. Your alpha fought so hard to hide it, but every song he wrote was a love declaration to you.”
I can’t look away from him as he sings. I crawl off the trampoline and stand surrounded by candles as Raynor pours his heart out to me.
His voice falls silent, and he sets his guitar down. “No more other omegas or betas. No more priorities higher than you. No parties and cruel words. From this day on, we’ll treat you how we should have treated you; we’ll give you everything, including a star to live on.”
Raynor hugs me, pulling me into one of those embraces that melts me completely.
“I’ve missed you more than I could bear, Vae.”
I can barely even focus on him, let alone get any words out.
He threads our fingers together, and he and Mal lead me from room to room. I marvel at the new couch. The huge TV. The new beds.
My new room.
“I don’t live here.”
“Yes, you do,” Raynor protests. “You always have and always will.”
The room is everything I always dreamed of having. Someone has painted a realistic view of the constellations on the ceiling. My bed is enormous with all new clothes hanging in the wardrobe.
“You can’t just-”
“We can, and we should have done it before.”
He reaches up and takes my necklace off.
“What are you doing?”
“Upgrading.”
He turns me towards the mirror. I find four stars interlinked with emerald hearts in each one.
“It’s beautiful.”
“You are beautiful, Vae.” Raynor steps back, dragging his fingers off my shoulders. “Yes, it’s time for the last surprise.”
He opens the door and leads us down the hall. Deacon opens the door on the left. It’s the biggest room, and it used to belong to Maria. I cannot even recognise it.
The nest is awash in teals, blacks, and golds. On the ceiling, there is a massive compass. I pause to study the artwork.
“It’s beautiful.”
“It’s your nest, if you’ll have it,” Deacon says, and I sense the others disappear. He leads me back to the bed and sits on the edge, pulling me between his legs.
I only realise I’m crying when the tears drip off my jaw. A part of me is mourning my old nest, the old me, the last few weeks. I’m overwhelmed. But Deacon is holding me.
“I love you, Vae. When I think about winning a game, I see you cheering me on. When I think about our future, you are here with us. There is no us without you. You are my dream, my hope, my peaceful days. I imagine us with a family, old, together, forever. I am sorry that it took this long to realise it. And I’m sorry I hurt you, Vae. I just made you off limits in my mind.”
“You can’t change your mind. I’m not one of those omegas, Deacon. You can’t toss me aside.”
“How could I toss you aside, Vae, you know every dark, nasty part of me, but then you know the best parts of me, too. Just like I know you, my Hook. I grew up so I could keep you.”
A sob escapes me, and he pulls me tighter to him, resting his forehead on my stomach.
I wrap my arms around him, holding on as my whole self crumbles and reforms.
“Come home, Vae. Come home forever. You don’t need to live somewhere else or on a star. This is your Neverland, and we will always be your Lost Boys.”
I squeeze him tighter. He pulls away and turns around.
“And I made this for you.”
I open the box and find a cake. One of my signature cakes, not perfect, but it’s pretty good. This is what really breaks through the last bit of my resistance. I don’t have this recipe written down. Anywhere. It’s known only to me.
“Did you make this, Deacon?” I ask in wonder.
“Yes, I do listen to you, Vae. I did it from memory. Try it.”
He grabs a spoon, scoops up a piece, and holds it to my lips. I open my mouth and moan.
“It’s so good, Deacon.”
“We listen to you, Vae. Even if you just talk about cakes, even if you don’t say anything at all. We hear you. You are our star.”
The world holds its breath. Take a chance. Be brave.
“And I have always loved you.” He pulls me in tight, kissing my hair. His body trembles, and I wonder if he expected me to say no, but then I’m lost in the scent of him, of them. Clinging to that combination of scents that has always been my favourite.
“I’m yours, Pan, for now and always. Let’s go get my stuff.”
“Tomorrow. Tonight, I want to make you feel good,” Deacon purrs as the door opens and the rest of my new pack creeps in.
My scent explodes into the room, and I melt into his arms.
“Vae, are you coming home?” Raynor asks.
I hesitate, letting the tension build. “I am.”
Their smiles are better than any star I’ve ever dreamed up.