13. Ash
I kept my responses short, giving canned answers, but I needed to escape this room and find Olivia.
Post-game adrenaline set my blood boiling, and I wanted nothing more than to find Olivia and sink into?—
Cool your jets, Wilder . It wasn’t…we weren’t…we couldn’t… not yet.
Fuck. My mind tangled in knots over Olivia, over every fucking thing.
All I knew was how much I wanted to be with her. Not just for some post-game fuck, but for real.
It shouldn’t have been news to me, how much I wanted her, all of her, but seeing her wearing my name cemented something in me like I claimed her, and she accepted.
Maybe I should’ve paid more attention and been more attentive with the press, but Olivia waiting for me was the only thing on my mind.
Post-game sex, post-win sex more so, was a way to rid my body of adrenaline and endorphins after pushing myself to all physical limits.
It was hard and long, just like I would be if I didn’t stop thinking about it right fucking now .
And I flat-out refused to fuck her for the first time like this.
Even if she threw herself at me, I wanted to wait until I had her in my bed and I wasn’t hovering on the knife-thin wire between collapse and release.
Holy shit. I needed to extricate myself before I made a mistake and crossed an irreversible line. Seeing her wearing my jersey, mine , not one bought from the team shop, but one I’d actually worn made me preen in possessive male pride.
She still balked, no matter how much I told her I wanted her, though her reaction tonight hopefully meant she softened on that front.
And I realized I wanted to clear everything up before going further.
I would take anything she gave me, but I needed to know what she wanted, no matter how much it might hurt me.
When I found her after Press, she was shy again, and fuck , she was so pretty with her kiss swollen lips and mussed hair and my name on her back.
“How’s your dad? I meant to ask the other day, but I got a little distracted.” Just like I needed to distract myself now, so I didn’t pull her into my car and slide my hands under the fucking jersey and— get a fucking grip . But her blush told me she knew exactly what I meant. Good.
A long, exhausted sigh came before her response.
“He says he’s okay. I think he feels worse than he lets on, but then again, he says I overreact, so who knows?
” The ends of her ponytail slid through her fingers as she fidgeted with the russet strands.
Another sigh. “He asked about you.” When she trailed off, she pulled the ends of her hair tighter around her fingers, turning the tips white as she cut off circulation.
I didn’t know how to respond, so I reached out to take her hand, letting her squeeze my fingers instead of her own. Curiosity got the better of me, even though I wasn’t the kind of guy people told their parents about. “What did you tell him?”
“I told him you flew me across the country without a second thought, just because you saw how frantic I was to get there.” Her voice and eyes went soft as she spoke.
I waved her off. “I did what anyone else would’ve done.”
“No. Nobody else would’ve been able to make that happen but you.”
If I didn’t change the subject again, I’d show her what else I could make happen, right out here on the hood of my car, paint job be damned. “I’m glad you came.”
Olivia scoffed, the pretty pink blush staining her cheeks darker.
“It’s nice having someone to look for in the stands.
” I pulled on our joined hands, drawing her closer until I felt her breath catch.
“I liked knowing you were watching me.” The look on her face as I’d stretched would fuel a hundred fantasies.
I knew what those stretches looked like, and so help me, I couldn’t help imagining her warm, soft skin under my body instead of cold, hard ice.
“Why me?”
“Barnes,” I lowered my head to place my lips close to her ear, breathing her in. “What do you mean?”
“Why me ?”
Everything in me halted, trapped between the simmering wanting and needing to reassure something that is clearly bothering her, because I didn’t know how to tell her why .
She’d become so much more than the woman who hated me on sight, who saved me when I froze, who threw herself so frequently into everything she did.
What would it be like to be loved like that?
I saw so much in her, and if she’d deign to give me a fraction of herself, I would take it and be grateful.
Instead of saying any of that, though, I stupidly said, “I want you, Barnes,” emphasizing this basest of needs by scraping my teeth against the fluttering pulse point on her neck.
Her body went rigid between my hands, and the shaky inhale as she sucked in a breath was the worst sound. “Oh. For sex. I thought—never mind.”
Years ago, a stray puck hit me in the chest when I stepped onto the ice during practice without pads. It broke a rib and bruised my sternum, and I’d been unable to breathe deeply without pain for weeks.
It hurt less than whatever stupidity I just uttered.
“Olivia.” When she tried to free her hand from mine, I pressed her fingertips to my lips before letting her go.
“Sex is absolutely on the table, possibly on the table if you’re into that.
” My weak effort to make her laugh only made her narrow her eyes at me.
“I won’t lie to you, Olivia. Yes, I want to fuck you.
But I want everything . I want to bring you sour candy and let you steal my clothes when you stay over.
I want to read your weird stories that I don’t understand so we can talk about them later.
I want to see you in the stands at my games and see how pretty you can blush when you watch me stretch.
” The pink I’d seen before returned, slowly turning her cheeks from bloodless back to the soft warmth I’m used to.
“I want you , and everything that entails, and I fucking wish you understood that. But I will take anything you give me. Any tiny fucking thing you want to share, to be close to you.” The dark made it easier; maybe if she couldn’t see how I felt written all over my face it might make the weight of such stark honesty less painful.
“Anything?”
“ Anything , Barnes.”
The moment clung to its delicate balance as she considered me, her face unreadable. Maybe blurting out my hopes and fears and feelings for her in one fell swoop scared her off.
And the delicate balance shattered with the loud vibration of her phone against the frame of my car. “Shit,” she screeched, dropping the device in her haste to answer. “I have to answer, it could be?—”
“I know. Answer it.” The panic in her voice was enough to stuff everything I’d bared to her back down deep where it belonged. I wasn’t sure if I should resent the caller or be grateful to them for stopping me.
“Hello?” Her voice shook for a moment until she let out a gust of relieved air. “Dad. Hi.”
I concentrated on my own phone, walking a few feet away to give some semblance of privacy.
From the half of the conversation I heard, Olivia’s father updated her about his appointments and physical therapy progress.
Based on her tightened grip on the phone, she barely had a grip on her tension, trying to hold herself together by squeezing her arms close to her chest. I hated seeing her so sad and clearly missing her father, so I made a snap decision.
Crossing back to her, I held my hand out.
Blankly she stared at my hand before shifting her eyes to mine.
I opened and closed my hand, holding my other hand up to my ear to show her what I meant.
Arching one eyebrow at me and scowling, she turned halfway away, cupping her hand over the phone.
“Barnes, give me your phone.”
With a little slashing motion, she waved her hand at me, shooing me away.
“Come on, Olivia, let me?—”
“It’s nothing, Dad,” she said, directing a chilling glare at me.
Or maybe it would be chilling to anyone else, but I just thought it was cute.
“Hi, Olivia’s dad,” I called just loud enough to be heard over her.
She flipped me off, sighed, and handed me the phone. What the fuck are you doing? She mouthed.
I flipped her off with my free hand as I pressed her phone to my ear. “Mr. Barnes?”
A gruff voice greeted me. “Who is this?”
“Ash Wilder, sir.” Olivia invaded my space, getting as close to her phone in my hand as she could.
I stood straighter, using the extra inches of height I had on her to keep her from hearing.
Instead of pushing her away, I wrapped one arm around her, pressing her closer against me and keeping her there so she couldn’t reach higher.
With an exasperated sigh, she tried, and failed, to push away from me while her dad spoke.
“You’re the one I have to thank for bringing Livy home?”
“You don’t have to thank me. She was upset, and I wanted to help.”
A beat of silence. “That was very kind. Thank you.” His voice lowered as though he knew she was trying to eavesdrop. “She needs more people like that in her life.”
There was obviously so much about her I didn’t know, but that impressed on me what I did know.
Holding her closer to my chest, I continued, telling him my main reason for interrupting their conversation.
“Mr. Barnes, I wanted to ask if you’re available for a visitor next weekend?
We’re playing the Carolina Hurricanes, and my coach has a soft spot for Olivia.
I thought you might like to see her again.
” Olivia stopped trying to pinch my side through my jacket and looked up at me, a flurry of emotions flickering over her face.
“That would be nice. But if you’re both going to be here, I do have one condition.”
Oh, hell, this is it. This is when he tells me to fuck off and keep away from his daughter. If he Googled me or keeps up with sports at all, he knows who I am. And fuck, there’s no way she’ll go against what he says, they’re too close.
Mr. Barnes kept speaking, oblivious to my panic. “I’d like to meet you, Ash.”