40. Ash
An aching longing crashed into me. All the time spent away from Olivia, thinking everything between us ended cut deeper than I realized. Missing her made me miserable but seeing her waiting outside the locker room…
We needed to leave before I did something stupid.
Time apart should’ve weakened her hold on me, but she’d gotten completely under my skin. She might as well be a part of me now.
“Can we talk?” Her voice was low, and an invisible fist still wrapped around my throat, closing it off.
The clawing dread must’ve shown in my face. Olivia softened, inching closer.
“Whatever you’re thinking, it’s not bad. But I don’t want Nosy Nelly over there to eavesdrop.” Her eyes slid past me, though she seemed more fond than annoyed.
“I don’t need to eavesdrop when you guys are radiating sexual tension.
” Dante, whom I hadn’t noticed, draped himself over my shoulder.
“I’m one million percent waiting for someone to spill the tea as soon as you two get done with whatever is happening here.
” His light brown hands waved between us, a ring flashing as brightly as his white smile.
“Absolutely not,” Olivia and I said in unison.
“Mhmm. Tension and tea. Text me,” he shot over a shoulder as he bounded off to find someone else.
With Dante gone, silence fell again, heavy between us despite the arena sounds keeping up a constant low din.
Olivia’s eyes flitted in every direction but mine, but she seemed…
not anxious. Eager, maybe. Anticipating.
Being unable to read her mood sent me back to our early days, back before I knew her well enough to decode her tells.
Maybe I never knew her as well as I thought.
If she only wanted to talk to me to end things, I didn’t want to do this—whatever this was—with her.
A memory of her begging me not to take her home just to drop her had a tiny seed of hope blooming.
“Ash. Please, I’m—I’m staying. I understand if you need space right now. Tonight was a lot. But let’s make time. I’m sorry for all of it. I was going to come back anyway, but?—”
It was all I needed to hear. Crushing her to my chest, I breathed in her scent, realizing she must’ve done the same. Shoving her away from my grossness, I apologized. The wrinkle in her nose told me enough about how I smelled. “I can shower here or at ho?—”
“At home,” she interrupted, with a gleam in her eyes. “I’ll help, if you want.”
Of all the things I wanted, that was suddenly top of the list.
“Meet me there?”
Olivia nodded, tugging her bottom lip between her teeth.
It took everything I had to go into the locker room and change into fresh clothes instead of throwing her over my shoulder and sprinting for my car. Still, my fingers turned clumsy, the million times I’d removed my gear completely evaporating from my memory.
“D, tell Coach I’m missing press tonight,” I yelled over my shoulder on the way out the door.
Dante followed. “Your shirt’s on backwards. Why are you—oh. Oohhhh.”
I didn’t turn around. Hearing the smirk in Dante’s voice, I knew the gossip would spread through the team like wildfire, but I didn’t care. Olivia was back , and I led the team through a tough game for a win, surprising no one more than me.
And okay, maybe it was partially that I wanted what she was offering, but it was… her. I’d give her anything she wanted, and I wanted anything she’d give me.
I loved her. Still. Despite our distance and differences and the walls we’d both thrown up.
Realization sank in again, wrapping itself around me like a warm blanket on a chilled night as I sped through the arena to my car.
Every red light in the city conspired against me. Nothing else explained how I kept catching every light I came across, and they lasted ten times longer than usual. I was too fixated on getting home to check the mirror, but I would’ve put money on my looking like a wild animal.
As I neared my driveway, I slammed the garage door opener, praying the damn thing didn’t crash on the hood of my car.
Inside, I found Olivia, perched on a stool in the kitchen, waiting for me.
When I approached, she deliberately set her phone down with an audible clack, turning the entire intensity of her gaze on me.
Something inside me cracked and came back together, reforged.
The way I needed her consumed me, and if we didn’t hash things out now, before our clothes came off, we might never make it to that point.
“You wanted to talk?” My voice held the longing of the past few weeks.
The hurt of missing her and the way we left things.
It ached; the moment condensing between us.
Reaching for the end of her ponytail, Olivia twisted the brown strands around her the tips of fingers as she began to talk.
They climbed higher, twining around the length of her fingers as she told me about Alex’s offer (seriously, fuck that guy), meeting with her mentor who helped her find a job and gave Darren a place to live where Olivia wouldn’t be frantic with worry.
Everything seemed to tie itself up for her with a neat little bow.
“And I’ll start at PSU in two weeks.” Excitement flowed from her in waves, bringing a sparkle to her aquamarine eyes I’d rarely seen when she spoke about work.
I loved seeing her so excited. “That’s amazing, Barnes.”
“Mmm. All that’s left is…” She trailed off, glancing down at her hand and the hair she’d knotted with her fidgeting.
Releasing it, she looked back up to meet my eyes.
“I guess what I’m asking is if you still want me around.
I know what we said at the game, but I wanted to be sure.
I mean, I’m sure, but I wanted you to be. Sure, that is.”
Her babbling turned her cheeks pink in an adorable flush. “I’m sure I love you. I’m sure I want you to stay. I’m sure I want everything with you. Is that what you meant?”
The nod she gave was slow and deliberate. “Good, because otherwise this would be really awkward.” When she rose and sauntered toward my bedroom, I realized she wore my jersey and nothing else.
It was so fucking hot.
The mostly hidden curve of her ass drew my eyes down as I followed her in a trance through my bedroom to the stone shower, where she pulled the jersey over her head and tossed it to the floor.
“Holy fuck.” This was new, so much of our time together passed too quickly, I’d so rarely been able to take her in and savor her.
I knew she’d usually hate the attention, but the weight of her gaze in the mirror as I studied her was a monumental thing.
“Your turn,” she said, turning away to turn the water on.
Steam quickly flooded the room, erasing all the hard edges and creating a soft, sensual cloud.
I stripped faster than I had in my life.
My hands clenched and unclenched, wanting to reach for her, but afraid the time apart might make me too…
aggressive. Too intense, needing to bury myself inside her while I buried the hurt.
Olivia might like it, but I wasn’t ready, needing to readjust to our newly bridged canyon. As if she sensed it, she stepped forward, her fingertips grazing the looping trail of the vines in my tattoos.
“You first,” she said. The look in her eyes promised heat. “Sit on the ledge.”
Following instructions was one of the first things I learned as an athlete, so I did, my excitement and dick growing.
One of the jets sprayed on the stone seat inside the massive shower, warming it, and I sank onto it.
Water sluiced over my body, easing tension and exhaustion from the game, but ramping up my anticipation at the same time.
Each drop left a burning trail as it slid along my over-sensitive skin.
Reluctant to avoid Olivia’s gaze but needing a reprieve from my spinning thoughts, I tipped my head back beneath the deluge, letting it course over me.
Besides, after all the times she’d compared me to a statue, I might as well look like one.
A pleased humming sound announced her enjoyment of the scene, and my mouth curved into a slow grin.
“Like what you see, Barnes?” Leaning up to peer at her through the steam and water, I matched her gaze along my body with my eyes on her.
“Shut up. It should be illegal to look like that.”
“Like what?”
“You know exactly what you look like, Ash Wilder.”
Her eyes darted everywhere, pinning me. Each glance was a lightning bolt snapping down my nerve endings.
“Still nice to hear.”
“Men and their fragile fucking egos,” she said, finally stepping into the shower. The steam parted around her, a myth brought to life.
Water slid over her skin everywhere I wanted to touch, and okay, maybe I understood why her breathing went ragged. Something about the heat of the room, the steam billowing around us, droplets slipping over skin. It rendered me speechless.
I beckoned for her to join me; my back pressed against the chilled wall.
Olivia rolled her eyes but came to me. The trails of her hair curved over her shoulders and breasts, not hiding, but drawing my eye.
Without thinking, I reached for her as she sank down, her legs bracketing mine.
Somehow, her body was warmer than the two-degrees-short-of-boiling temperature of the water raining down around us.
Torn between the need to look at her like this, all gleaming wet skin and soft curves over me, and needing to sink into her, whether with my fingers or tongue or cock, I didn’t care.
But both were a need, a compulsion I couldn’t ignore. So, I did both, letting my eyes track the path my hands took as I slid my palms along slick swaths of skin over her arms, her stomach, her hips.
“This is supposed to be about you.” Olivia gasped as I grazed the tip of one nipple with the lightest touch.
“It is about me. Look at you, all wet and trembling, and I’m barely touching you.”
“Imagine how it would look with my mouth on your cock.” She reached between us, where my erection pressed against her, ghosting her fingertips along the aching length.
I hissed.
Another paralyzing, barely-there touch. “This looks painful. I can make it better.” With a barely perceptible movement, she leaned forward, and her chest flush with mine, the softness of her breasts pressed into me.
All the time missing her slammed into me and shattered my inhibition, so I caught her mouth with mine, letting every second of lost time gather between us in our shared breaths. Tighter, she clung to me. It broke something in me, and I pulled her tighter, leaving no space between our bodies.
And then she moved. All of her, her hand where it teased me, her torso, her wet heat.
Letting my head fall back against the shower wall, I waved at her, feigning nonchalance. I might implode from wanting, but I’d almost rather die before asking her to do what we both wanted.
She did it again, and?—
“Okay, fine, if you insist. Since you want it so badly.”
Her fingers wrapped around me, sliding her palm along my length, and I nearly fell apart at the touch. “Is it too much? Do you want me to stop?”
“ Please don’t stop.” Something heavier than words fell , scattering on the shower floor amid the water droplets. It might have been my mind; it might have been my heart. Between the sensation of her gliding hand and the elation pounding with adrenaline, I lost the ability to think.
“Anything for you, Wilder.” Her words and body were soft, but the kiss she pressed to my lips was anything but, quickly turning to fire when she nipped my bottom lip between her teeth.
With a sinuous grace she rarely exhibited, Olivia slid along the length of my body, nearly killing me with little flicks of her tongue and scrapes of her nails.
When she sank to the floor, she gathered her hair at her crown with one hand, inclining her head.
She was still giving me control, though, letting me direct her where I wanted—needed—her to be.
Threading my fingers through her hair, I tipped her head back, tracing my free hand along the length of her neck.
Blue eyes met mine, and she nodded, so I guided her head down and closed my eyes.
The warmth of her mouth slid over the head of my cock, and my hand tightened involuntarily in her slippery tresses.
Slowly, she sank down, enveloping me in heat.
Forcing my eyes open, I took in the sight.
The way she knelt between my spread legs, one hand fisted around me as she slid the flat of her tongue in a slow, burning path back up until her eyes met mine.
And she grinned around my cock, flicking her tongue over the head. I lost myself as I watched her, until I couldn’t take it anymore.
“Barnes,” I ground out. “Olivia. Stop.”
I tried to be gentle as I guided her mouth away, almost desperate to keep her in place but needing the moment to breathe and keep myself from shattering so soon.
“What’s wrong?” Her voice rasped, her lips red and swollen.
I wanted to kiss her senseless, taste myself on her. But I wouldn’t allow myself the luxury of coming in her mouth. Yet. “Nothing. It’s my turn.”
“But—”
“Shut up. I want to put my mouth on you, and I fucking will.”
She blinked, then her eyes sharpened, the blue turning almost steely gray as she gazed up at me. “Oh, yeah?” The grip she still had on me tightened, and her hand moved between us.
“Fuck, Barnes, I want?—”
“Shut up , Wilder.”
My jaw snapped close, teeth clicking audibly.
“How many times have you done this for me? Let me return the favor. Let me do this for you.”
“You don’t have to?—"
“Haven’t we had this conversation before?” A twist of her wrist had me seeing stars.
“We have.” My voice was barely audible through clenched teeth and the strain of keeping myself together.
“How did you think it would go, then? If I remember correctly, you won last time. Which means it’s my turn.” Evil, evil woman. She twisted her wrist again, sliding her hand up my length.
I didn’t know where to look, what to do. A strangled sound left my mouth, my only response.
“It must be such a hardship, right?” The steely glint in her eyes flashed to sparkling mischief as she teased me with the tip of her tongue.
“So hard. But after?—”
“Didn’t I tell you to shut up?” Then she sank down, further than she’d taken me before.
I shut up.
It was—it was—I didn’t have words for what this was. Our role reversal, her walking me through my self-effacing sabotage and bringing us to this point. All I knew was the way Olivia shattered me completely and put me back together.