Chapter 15
Puck can’t remember the last time they enjoyed a meal this lazily.
Most of the crafty they eat on set gets rapidly shoveled into their face in spare moments, and when they get home, they typically pop a frozen dinner in the microwave, not because they can’t afford to eat better, but because they don’t really care to.
Why waste twice as much time on an only slightly better outcome when you’re eating alone anyway?
But sitting here on a checkered blanket with a view of the mountains, eating a dainty sandwich quarter every few minutes until they reach an ideal level of fullness, Puck understands why some people take their time.
The Athenian catering staff are making the rounds with carafes of lemonade, ice water, and sweet tea, refilling glasses upon request. Not a single cloud has obscured the sunshine all afternoon.
Robyn probably ordered the weather to cooperate for this group picnic and the sky obeyed.
Last night with her was different. Robyn stirred a little bit in the night, and for a sleepy half-hour that felt like a dream, they idly talked about the day trip to Asheville and the post-yoga sex until they drifted back off again.
“Am I doing a good job?” was the last thing Robyn asked, and Puck felt a twinge in their heart at the fact that she cares so much about a wedding that they feel certain will unravel within the next forty-eight hours.
Still, they told her that she was the best maid of honor anyone could ever want, but her breathing had already deepened again, so Puck wasn’t sure she heard the assurance.
She had already left when Puck woke up—presumably to set up this picnic.
And she has indeed done a good job. “This was a fantastic idea” they tell her now, toying with the idea of being nice to her in public and hoping she returns the favor.
She’s sitting beside them on a blanket they’re sharing with Francis and Willa, and it’s the closest the two of them have come to acknowledging that they’re even on remotely friendly terms. “It was your idea, right?”
“Yeah, I read an article about wedding picnics on ,” Robyn says, selecting a shortbread cookie from the tiered tray on the center of their blanket. “It just seemed really Mia, you know? Casual but still upscale. Elegant, yet approachable.”
As much as it might pain them, Puck is realizing that Robyn really has gotten to know Mia well in a short amount of time.
There are aspects of the itinerary Puck doesn’t agree with, and seem to have been designed to appeal solely to the McLeods, but this picnic is perfectly tailored to the bride’s sensibilities, just with a bottomless budget.
Across the sprawling meadow in front of the Athenian, the family and friends of the couple are spread out playing lawn darts, enjoying cocktails, or simply lying in the sunshine.
Most of the wedding party has set up blankets along the edge of the forest encircling the Athenian so they can enjoy a bit of shade as needed.
Puck spots Phil downing his third mint julep—and yes, they’ve been counting—while Mia and Damon pop grapes and figs in each other’s mouths like decadent Greek aristocrats.
The mood is high, and it’s all Robyn’s doing.
All the more reason why she can’t know what Puck has in store for today—their most devious plan yet, and one they’ve been plotting like it’s an elaborate bank heist this entire time.
If Robyn knew how much Ocean’s Eleven–style advance planning had gone into this scheme, she might be impressed—if she wouldn’t be so outraged at its purpose.
On Tuesday morning, before the spa day began, Puck found a map of the Athenian grounds in the lobby and walked the entire property.
Their interest was piqued by a short path through the forest that led to a fishing pond where a single bench looked out over the water—the perfect place for a certain former couple to reconnect.
After their makeout session with Robyn was so rudely interrupted in the sauna later that afternoon, they snatched Mia’s phone out of a spa locker, used the code they still remembered from college to unlock it, and copied the phone numbers of everyone in the wedding party.
And later that night, after Robyn left and Puck recovered from being a writhing mess on the floor, they wrote out a series of riddles about different landmarks on the Athenian property.
Then, on Wednesday morning, they called a still-sleepy Ron to ask for Nick’s number. He was confused why Puck wanted to talk to the new PA while they were on vacation, but he gave it out anyway.
“So, you’re breaking up a wedding?” Nick said, when Puck walked him through what needed to happen.
“Don’t get too excited,” they cautioned. “My telling you this doesn’t make us friends.”
“No, but maybe you owe me a favor,” Nick said, commendably deciding to play his hand. “This is pretty complicated, and I’m going to have to hijack our SMS system to do it.”
Puck had to promise Nick that he could shadow them for the rest of the season to secure his cooperation.
And now all Puck needs to do is send one text to set this whole thing in motion.
In another world—one where Puck wasn’t waylaid by Robyn every spare moment—there might be a plan B to fall back on if this one didn’t work.
But today there is only plan A. This is their big chance to ensure the permanent outcome that began as a brainstorm on a piece of stationery.
While Robyn is busy talking with Francis, Puck pulls their phone out of their pocket and texts Nick: Ready?
The response comes almost immediately: Yes.
He’s on top of it. He must really want the quid pro quo Puck promised.
OK, go. Puck texts back, and then they quickly return their phone to their pocket so they can act surprised when Nick sends a dozen messages at once from the system they use to text the Homewreckers contestants’ burner phones.
Moments later, the bridesmaids and groomsmen are checking their buzzing, dinging, and vibrating devices.
“What is this?” Willa asks, reading the first text to herself.
Unsurprisingly, Robyn looks angry as she scrutinizes the contents of her screen.
“You guys, come over here!” Damon shouts, and the members of the wedding party dutifully get up off their respective blankets to congregate around him and Mia.
“Did you all get this too?” Mia asks, once everyone is assembled.
“Yes,” Anya confirms, as the others nod.
“I thought it was a scam, so I already deleted it,” Peter says.
Robyn seems disturbed that something is happening she didn’t account for in advance—and after how sweet she was last night, Puck allows themself to feel a little bit guilty about it. It’s a shame that saving Mia from years of hurt means ruining Robyn’s rigorous planning, but it has to be done.
“This wasn’t on the itinerary,” Robyn says, looking toward Mia as though she’s hoping the bride will kibosh this whole thing.
That look doesn’t stop Mia from turning back to her phone screen and reading aloud to the group in her best teacher voice: “Welcome to the Athenian’s signature scavenger hunt experience, handcrafted for your wedding party.
In a moment, each of you will receive an individual riddle leading you to your next clue.
If you follow your chosen path, you’ll find a prize waiting for you at the end, just as Mia and Damon have found their own prize: true love. ”
Lena instinctively awws at a line that made Puck queasy when they wrote it on Tuesday night.
Mia continues: “It’s vital for the experience that you each keep your riddles private. Please use the attached map as a guide. When you reach your clue, reply with a picture of it to receive your next riddle. Happy hunting, everyone!—The Athenian.”
Robyn looks up from her phone, on which she’s been reading along, and announces, “I’m going to find someone from the hotel staff to ask about this.”
Dappled in sunshine, surrounded by her friends, Mia is too happy to be bothered by her maid of honor’s anxiety. “Don’t worry about it, Robyn. The hotel is doing something creative for us. It’s fine, I promise.”
“Yeah, it’s the Athenian,” Peter says, with all the self-awareness, or lack thereof, of someone whose family stays in five-star resorts like they’re Holiday Inns. “They think of everything here.”
“Yeah, and at least I finally get to play a game!” Damon says, which momentarily puts Mia on the defensive in front of the group.
“Hey, I didn’t say you can’t play video games, just that you can’t do it all night, every night,” she says, trying to make the comment come across as teasing but unable to disguise the judgment laced through it.
“OK, OK, that’s enough, you two,” Phil says, looking a little too wobbly on his feet to excel at a scavenger hunt, but no less enthusiastic for it. “Let’s get ready for our riddles. I want to finish first.”
“You usually do,” Willa quips, and that gets everyone to laugh, defusing any of the lingering tension between Mia and Damon.
“It doesn’t sound like a competition anyway,” Lena weighs in. “More like we’re working together … separately.” Puck can always count on Lena to try to keep the peace—and her participation trophy attitude will ultimately help the plan. Puck doesn’t need people rushing through their clues.
But Puck should also say something to the group—before Nick sends the next text—in order to maintain their cover.
They look down at the map of the Athenian on their phone.
“Wow, did you know there’s a stone labyrinth in the botanical garden?
This place really does have everything,” they observe, doing their best to sound like they’re learning new information.
“I did, actually,” Robyn says.