Chapter 24 #2
Puck follows Mia down a side path through the woods, the birdsong above them the only soundtrack as they leave the din of the arriving guests behind.
After a minute of walking, the trees give way to a large greenhouse still being set up for the evening reception.
Through the windows, Puck can see helpers moving many of the planters to the side to make way for extra seating.
It’s two thirty p.m.—hours before the reception—but the bar inside is open and serving.
Puck will need some liquid courage to get through this conversation.
“What can I get you, ladies?” the bartender asks as they take two open stools, and while Puck has gotten used to letting casual misgendering brush off them, it’s Mia who intervenes.
“There’s only one lady here,” she says, hitting the right balance of letting the bartender know he messed up but without inviting further questions.
“I’m sorry, of course,” he stammers.
“Thank you,” Puck mouths to Mia, genuinely moved.
“Let’s try that again,” the bartender says, lingering on the faux pas when he should just move on. “What can I get you both?”
Does he want a gold medal? “I’ll take a French 75,” Puck says, with a wink at Mia. “Empress.”
“Excellent choice, sir,” the bartender says, and Puck decides to take it. His heart is in the right place. “And for you, miss?”
“Just a Diet Coke for me, thanks,” Mia says, which piques Puck’s curiosity.
She’s never been one to turn down a cocktail.
She’s not pregnant, is she? Mia removes her enormous wizard hat and sets it down on the seat next to her.
She still looks silly, her hair the color of Crest toothpaste, but seeing more of her face helps Puck take her more seriously.
“I can downgrade to a ginger ale or something,” they offer, feeling just as self-conscious about their order as they are about their own outfit. “If you’re not feeling a boozy vibe.”
“No, it’s just …” Mia says, then pauses. “Zan passed the two-year mark. He doesn’t mind if I drink, but I kind of like being his sober buddy.”
“Zander?”
Well, well, well. Puck got the sense that Zander hadn’t been telling them everything over text. When Puck last asked him what he was up to, he wrote back something like “Busy. Working six shifts a week,” and left it at that. It’s all coming together now.
“At first I didn’t tell you because I was still mad at you for ruining my wedding,” Mia explains.
“Then I didn’t tell you because I was mad that you were right about me and Zander.
And then I didn’t tell you because it had been so long that I was worried you’d be mad at me for not telling you sooner. ”
The old Puck would have felt triumphant about this.
But now they just feel remorse over all the time their misdeeds have cost them, for this strange temporal gap in their friendship with Mia.
Because even if Mia and Zan hadn’t ended up together, that would have been fine, too.
Puck has had to accept that even if everyone technically made their own choices back at the Athenian, and even if they were motivated in large part by their friends’ happiness, trying to tip the scales was still wrong.
They are learning to let people make their own choices, even on Homewreckers, where the contestants are more than happy to generate their own drama if they simply outline a few paths and ask them to pick one.
Multiple choice is still producing, it’s just more hands-off—a happy medium that allows Puck to live with themself.
If there’s a heaven, they’re pretty sure they’re still disqualified from entry, but they can at least aim for purgatory.
And as it turns out, most of the Homewreckers cast wants to get into trouble; they don’t need as much pushing as Puck once assumed.
“Mad at you? In what world could I ever be mad at you?” they ask Mia. “After what I did last year?”
“You don’t need to punish yourself forever, Puck,” Mia says, pausing to acknowledge the bartender as he delivers the drinks, placing a slice of lime onto the rim of her Diet Coke with an exaggerated flourish before attending to some other early arrivals at at the bar who are wearing elaborately embroidered red cloaks.
God, everyone really went all out on the theme, didn’t they?
“What if I want to punish myself forever?” Puck asks Mia.
But she won’t have it. “Puck, stop, you’ve been too hard on yourself for months now.”
“How do you know I’ve …” Puck starts to ask, but they don’t need to finish.
“Robyn,” Mia interrupts. “She says that you ask her how I’m doing almost every day.”
It’s no surprise that Robyn sees through Puck so easily.
She has had X-ray vision for their bullshit from the very beginning, and if anything, it’s only gotten more penetrating since they started living together.
But Puck has a high enough regard for their own intuition that they’re still a little mortified.
Robyn has been keeping a secret from them for months, hasn’t she? She must know about Zander.
“You’ve told her,” they surmise.
“Yes, but don’t be mad at her. She said it was killing her to not be able to tell you.”
“Why does everyone think I’m going to be mad at them?!” Puck shouts, which doesn’t help their case. “I’m a good Puck now! An honest Puck! I don’t bite!”
“I know a few Emory girls who would dispute the biting part,” Mia quips.
For a second, her fizzing Diet Coke is the only sound between them. Puck wants to trade their French 75, which they ordered mostly as a bit, for a soda so they can also stand in solidarity with Mia’s … boyfriend? Partner? What exactly are they to each other now?
“So how long have you been dating?” Puck asks, taking a sip of their drink but then remembering they should clarify. “This time around, I mean.”
“Promise not to be mad?” Mia asks, and Puck rolls their eyes at that—but she is, of course, joking, as she confirms with a cheeky smile before continuing.
“Zander called me right after I left your dumpy motel room that day and he got on the first flight to Atlanta. He said he had a lot of regrets in his life but kissing me at my own wedding wasn’t one of them. We had sex that night.”
If Puck hadn’t already swallowed, they would spit purple gin all over the bar. “You what?!”
“I mean, we’re all adults here, right?”
They’ve been dating again this entire time?
Next Mia is going to reveal that she and Zander are the ones getting married this week.
It’s almost like the Emory crew has laid a trap to try to get Puck to feel justified about what they did, even though they’ve spent a year repenting for it.
Puck was right about everything, and yet so wrong at the same time, and while that might seem puzzling, they know now that intent and action are not the same.
Actually confusing is how Zander managed to keep the resurrection of his relationship a secret for so long.
Just as Puck is trying to unravel that mystery, an enormous wolf walking on two legs comes up behind Mia and wraps her up in a hug from behind.
“Who’s an adult?” the wolf man asks.
“Certainly not you,” she says, turning to greet Zander.
Removing the heavy faux-fur mask from his head, a sweaty Zander grins at Puck like he hasn’t been hiding the biggest development in his life from them for the last year and change.
“What’s up, bro?” he says, addressing Puck, but his attention is divided.
“Hey, Mia, is this Diet Coke? I’m sweltering in this costume. ”
She nods and he reaches over her to pick up the glass, gulping half of it down in one draught.
“Hey, that’s mine!” Mia scolds him.
“Is there anything better than a cold Diet Coke, Puck?” Zander says, like he’s reading ad copy. “Everyone in AA talks about a Higher Power, but I think men became gods when we created aspartame.”
“OK, I’m cutting you off,” Mia interrupts, grabbing the glass back from him. “You’ve had too many of these.”
“And what are you supposed to be?” Puck asks, taking in Zander’s glorified fursuit top to bottom.
“I’m Blaidd, the Half-Wolf,” he says, like it’s obvious, then points down at Mia. “I’m the loyal companion to Ranni the Witch here.”
“Is that who I am, baby?” Mia asks.
“Yes, and I’ll always protect you,” Zander jokes.
Puck is glad to see them getting along but they would prefer the wolf-man acknowledge the elephant in the room. “So, uh, it kind of seems like you two are already married?” they prod.
“Look, we’re sorry we didn’t tell you, Puck,” Zander says.
“The truth is I have been really busy working. I’m opening a place in Durham.
Breakfast sandwiches for Duke students. I can charge twenty bucks for a fresh bagel with a Kraft single and some bacon.
Trying to save money for the real restaurant.
And I’ve been busy in … other ways, too. ”
Even dressed like this—or is it because they’re dressed like this?
—Mia and Zander are still the hottest couple Puck has ever seen.
The dirty joke only elicits a shove from Mia, who clearly isn’t ready to let the conversation venture into banter territory just yet.
She looks at Puck—and Puck feels like she’s really looking at them again, for the first time in years.
“I forgave you a long time ago, Puck,” she says. “After I heard how happy you were making Robyn, I knew you had changed.”
They reach out to grab Mia’s hand on the bar and clasp it tight. “I’m trying, Mia, I really am.”
“You don’t need to beat yourself up anymore, OK?” Mia assures them. “Zander and I? We owe the rest of our lives to you.”
“You owe it to Robyn,” Puck says through their tears. “I messed everything up, and she’s the one who fixed it.”
Mia squeezes Puck’s hand back. “My dear Puck,” she says, “I think maybe we fixed each other.”