18. Liv
18
LIV
T he first thing I do in the morning is check the gossip sites. There are a few articles about me, mostly speculation on who I’m really dating, but what I said at the conference seems to have worked.
Of course, the real test will come when I leave the hotel later today. I’m sure there will still be some reporters on my ass, but the scant number of articles gives me hope.
My stomach is a little queasy but that’s probably from dehydration. Despite that, I’m still in a good mood. Actually, this might be the best I’ve felt in a while. Perhaps all I need to solve my problems is to get fucked within an inch of my life.
Difficulties at work?
Just get laid.
Media circus turning your life upside down?
Sex can fix that too.
Dick: The problem solver for any woman’s ailment.
The thought is so comical that I actually laugh out loud.
Damn, I really am in a great mood and it feels good.
“What could you possibly be laughing about this early in the morning?” Dimitri grumbles.
“Nothing.”
“Didn’t sound like nothing.”
“I’m just feeling good. That’s all.”
He leans over and kisses my temple. “Good.”
“You think your press conference strategy worked?” Connor asks, joining us at the tiny table.
“I think so, at least a little bit. I’ve only been able to find three or four articles and a handful of posts talking about my love life. Spotlight Secrets refuses to give up.” I roll my eyes. “They’re convinced it was a calculated point in the wrong direction so I could keep my real boyfriend a secret. The fact that people still think they’re a reputable news source after all this is beyond me.”
I can feel them staring at me.
If I refuse to look up from my phone we won’t have to have this conversation. Everything will go back to the way it was and no one’s feelings will get hurt.
If you actually think that’s what’s going to happen, you’re as delusional as the people running Spotlight Secrets.
Last night made it clear to me what I want but I know there’s no way they’d go for that again. We’re not teenagers anymore. It would be too complicated to maintain, let alone keep it a secret. The only reason I didn’t get too attached when we were younger was because there was a hard end point. What’s going to stop me this time?
I can’t afford to be distracted by any kind of romantic entanglements at this point in my career. That would go completely against the plan.
I need to keep my nose to the grindstone so I can get to where I want to be by the time I’m thirty. Then, and only then, will I start focusing on finding someone that fits into my life and makes me want to settle down.
I can’t let whatever hold they have on me derail any of that.
How do I even start that conversation?
Hey, remember when we fucked with no strings attached as teenagers? Would you be open to doing that again?
Or something like, I know you’re at the point where you’re starting to think about your future both on and off the ice. How do you feel about putting all that aside for now and setting up an exclusive booty call situation instead? Reason being, it would be too easy to fall in love with the three of you and I’m terrified of commitment. Thanks so much for understanding.
No matter how I word it, it’s still shitty and extremely unfair to them.
Connor clears his throat. “Liv, we’ve got to talk about it.”
“I know. I just don’t know where to start.”
I hate how vulnerable I sound.
“Would it help if we start?”
I nod.
“This was so much easier when we were kids.” Connor sighs.
Hearing my own thoughts spoken out loud by someone else causes me to look up.
“I know exactly how you feel.”
“Pretending nothing happened and trying to go back to our everyday lives clearly didn’t work. We were kidding ourselves when we said it was just a one-time thing. It seems we can’t keep our hands off each other the second we’re alone. Whether it’s just you and Aiden or all of us has proven that.”
“I didn’t mean to keep that from anyone. It wasn’t my intention to hide it, but how the hell do you bring something like that up?”
“I get it. You had way too much on your plate then and I should have checked in on you more often. I’m sorry,” Connor replies.
“So am I,” Dimitri adds.
“You have your own lives. I don’t expect you to drop everything and come running the second mine gets messy.”
“But we want to, at least I do. I can’t speak for Dimitri and Aiden.”
“You can when it comes to this,” they both say in so many words.
“And that’s exactly where we run into trouble,” says Connor. “We all want to be with you, to be there for you for whatever you need. It’s just that we don’t know where you stand on any of this, and that’s a breeding ground for conflict. Being stuck in the penalty box watching everyone else play was one hell of a wake-up call during the scrimmage. We talked about it amongst ourselves, but we can only get so far without you.”
“You need to tell us what and who you want.” Aiden squeezes my hand. “Whatever it is, we can make it work. And if you need some more time to think about it, that’s okay, too. We can wait.”
“I don’t need time. I know what I want. I just don’t think you’re going to like it.”
“We said we would work it out. Just tell us,” Dimitri says gruffly.
“I don’t want labels. I’m too focused on getting established here to worry about any kind of formal relationship. But I do want exclusivity.”
“That’s reasonable. Go on.”
“This is probably going to be the part that you’ll find unreasonable and ruins everything.” I take a deep breath to steady my nerves. “I couldn’t choose back then, and I can’t choose now. How could I? Aiden, you’re the sweetest guy I know. You always make me feel safe. And Connor, you always know how to take charge and get me out of my own head. I don’t think I could ever give up how vibrant everything becomes with how passionate you get about the things you care about, Dimitri. Last night and that time in New York, it was just so easy, right. Maybe I want too much, but if we could make it work then, why can’t we keep making it work now?”
They’re staring at me again.
It’s Connor who breaks the silence. “So if I’m hearing this correctly, you’re saying you want to see the three of us, together. Us and you.”
“Yes, but I understand if?—”
He holds up a hand to stop me. “I’ll be honest. That did come up as a possibility when we talked after the governor’s dinner. I didn’t think it’d be a possible scenario?—"
“Why not?”
“It seemed like you and Aiden were getting close, that the two of you had something special. I figured you might lean that way.”
“So last night was what, goodbye?”
“I thought it might be.”
“So why bother coming to see me at all then?”
“Because I couldn’t stomach the thought of giving you up without getting to touch you one last time.”
Connor slams his hands on the table then stands up so fast his chair topples over. Before I can register what’s happening, his hands are in my hair forcing me to look up at him.
“Do you really think that you’d be easy to forget?”
“It certainly seemed that way with your parade of bimbos on social media. You had a different girl every night,” I snap.
“And did it ever once occur to you that they all looked just like you?”
“I…”
His lips crash down on mine as he takes what he wants. He’s always been so in control of himself, always one step ahead. This kiss goes beyond pure passion, it’s raw and unhinged.
Someone clears their throat and we break apart.
“I’m all for fighting and fucking, but this might be one of the last times we’ll have alone without having to worry about being interrupted,” says Dimitri.
“You’re right. I just—” Connor looks at the floor.
“I get it. She’s…” He shakes his head. “Doesn’t matter right now. We need to focus. If this is going to work, we all need to be on the same page.”
I nearly fall out of my chair in surprise. “Wait. You’re agreeing to this?”
“If you had asked me two days ago, I would have said hell no, but last night worked. It’s always worked if we’re being honest with ourselves. I am the most possessive fucker on the planet, but last night, all that flew out the window just like it did in New York, and just like it did ten years ago. All I wanted to do was please you, and I enjoyed knowing that they were pleasing you, too. This dynamic—whatever it is—works. Maybe it’s batshit crazy, but the four of us have something good going here, and I don’t want it to stop.”
His words hit me directly in the heart. “I don’t want it to stop, either.”
“But we can’t keep doing it like this. No more secrets. Everything needs to be out in the open. I get that we’re not all going to be together every time. We all have our commitments but I think keeping the communication open about it should stop any conflicts before they have a chance to start.”
“Group chat?” Connor suggests.
“Perfect. Feeling left out? Put it in the chat. We’ll work it out. Want company? Into the chat. But it only works if we’re honest.”
“I can do that.” My gaze flicks over to Aiden. “You’re the only one who hasn’t said anything. How do you feel about all this?”
“Some things are just inevitable. I guess this is one of them.”
“None of that artsy-fartsy talk from you in the chat, either. Informed, enthusiastic, and clear consent,” Dimitri retorts. “So, is it a yes or no?”
“Yes, you uncultured swine. Of course, I want this.”
“Are you sure? I know this is a lot to ask of you, of all of you, really. You don’t have to say yes because I want you to.”
“I’m sure.” Aiden gives me a warm smile.
“As if you could ever make me do something I didn’t want,” Dimitri scoffs.
“I want what makes you happy. I’m all in,” Connor says.
“So now what?”
“Deals like this are usually sealed with a kiss, but I’m interested in a bit more than that.” Connor grins. “Unless you’re too tired from last night, that is.”
“Are you trying to bait me into fucking you?”
“I don’t know. Is it working?”
Unfortunately, he never gets to find out because just then, a knock sounds at my door.
“Liv!”
Bang. Bang. Bang.
“I know you’re up.” Max sing-songs. “It’s time for breakfast.”
Bang. Bang. Bang.
“Is he slurring his words?”
Aiden grimaces. “Yeah, a little bit.”
I sigh. “There’s going to be no getting rid of him in this state. You guys go hide in the bathroom or something. When I get him far enough away from the room, I’ll text you the all-clear.”
They grumble for a second but they know Max almost as well as I do so they don’t bother trying to argue.
The first thing I notice when I open the door is the smell.
“What the hell? Did you fall into a vat of alcohol?”
“No. Champagne shower after the game.” He grins.
“That doesn’t explain why you still have alcohol emanating from your pores.”
“That’s because I never went to bed.”
Max tries to lean against the door in a devil-may-care fashion, but instead, he stumbles and sways. I reach forward and catch his arm before he can smack his head on the doorframe.
“I was partying so hard I didn’t even know it was morning until my alarm went off.” He leans in conspiratorially. “You know, I think I might still be a little drunk from celebrating.”
“You don’t say.”
“I do say.” Then his eyes brighten. “Hey, I have an idea. I'll just shower here and that’ll help me sober up for breakfast then we can head down together.”
“No. You can’t come in here.”
Max raises an eyebrow. “You have company, don’t you? Let me in so I can give them the talk. Make sure they’re good enough for you.”
Yeesh, and I thought sober Max was bad.
“You promised to back off, remember?”
“I did, didn’t I?”
“You did.”
“But if I don’t come in and shower I’m going to stink at breakfast, and you’ll be annoyed with me.”
There’s no sense in arguing with him. He’s not in his right mind.
I take a long, slow breath.
“How about you go back to your room and grab a shower? You can grab a quick nap while you’re at it and meet me at the hotel restaurant in an hour.”
“Okay.” He concedes.
He heads down the hallway swaying like a tree in a windstorm.
Are you really going to let him walk away when he’s like this? What kind of sister are you?
I duck back into the room and grab my phone and room key. When I poke my head back out, he’s halfway down the hall.
“Max, wait.”
“What?”
“Let me walk you to your room.”
“I can do it myself.”
I catch up to him and grab his arm. “I’m sure you can, but I’m doing it anyway.”
He shakes off my grip and almost falls over. I grab him again but harder this time.
“Why are you being so mean to me? Are you on your period or something? You’re always mean to me during that time.”
His words make me freeze.
When was my last period?
Shouldn’t I have had it by now?
Fuck.
Now’s not the time for this. Your only goal in this moment is getting your drunk brother back to his room. Once you do that, then you can panic.
“That’s none of your business,” I say firmly. “And I’m not any meaner to you than I am regularly.”
“Yes you are. When we were thirteen, you gave me a black eye.”
“You hid my tampons. You deserved it.”
“And then when we were fourteen, you moved my entire bed set outside when I was at practice.”
“You hung my stained sheets on the flagpole outside of our house right before all your friends came over. You deserved to sleep outside like a dog.”
He rests his head on my shoulder apologetically and I force my knees not to buckle under the added weight.
“Maybe I went a bit too far on that one. Are you still mad at me?”
“No.”
“Good. But you have to admit what you did was mean.”
“Sure, if it makes you feel better.”
“It does.” Max pats my arm.
This is going to be a very long walk.