25. Liv
25
LIV
C an you come around to the back and get me? The media is everywhere today .
I send my brother a text as I peer around the corner near the back door of the rink.
I can see a gaggle of reporters looking in the glass doors eagerly, pushing and jostling for position, and frustration coils in my gut. Maybe if my brother shields me, I will be able to get past them, and out of this building.
I’ll be right there .
I sigh and lean back against the wall, trying to collect myself. I still don’t feel great, but at least I haven’t had any more bouts of embarrassing nausea to deal with. I think about earlier, being cornered in the bathroom with all of my men, trying to hide the truth from them. I feel so bad.
It’s getting harder and harder to hide this from them. I can’t imagine a reality where I can tell them about the baby right now, though. It will threaten their chances at the playoffs, and I want them to be recognized for their talents, not our drama.
I try to imagine what it would be like if I were to reveal to everyone that I’m pregnant. There would be so many questions about who the father is, and all this nonsense with the pictures of the boys leaving my place would be brought back up. The media would put together a scandal in an instant.
I grimace and close my eyes. I don’t want to do that to them. I knew this was a bad idea. I just knew that we should have kept all of this in the past, where it belonged.
I think about the packet of birth control pills in the drawer in my bathroom. Why hadn’t they kept me safe? Had I really been that off in my timing when I was taking them? I feel so betrayed by the security net that I thought was firmly in place to protect all of us from this kind of mistake.
But is it a mistake? I press a hand to my belly and smile softly. When I think about having a baby, it doesn’t feel like a mistake, despite the poor timing. I always wanted kids. Not planning on having them right now and being uncertain about who the father is never played into that but hey, here we are.
“You’re not a mistake,” I whisper to the tiny life inside of me. “I will never let you think that.”
“You ready to brave the press?”
I glance up to see Max striding toward me, his bag of gear slung over one shoulder. He looks tall and confident, prepared to protect his sister against any kind of threat.
I smile at him warmly. I’m so glad that my brother and I are close. I’m worried that telling him the truth about what has been going on behind his back will cause him to be incredibly hurt, but at least I know that he and I have always been able to work through any adversity. He will recover, I hope.
“Yeah. Thanks for coming to help me out,” I say with a tired sigh.
“That’s what big brothers do for little sisters,” he says, slinging an arm over my shoulder as we start to walk toward the door.
“You’re barely older than me,” I remind him as he pushes the door open.
“Yes but I’m bigger and stronger,” he reminds me as the press pushes forward with mics and questions.
“Are you having a fling with multiple members of the team?” one of them shouts out.
“There are rumors about your friends coming and going from your sister’s apartment. How do you feel about that, Max?” another reporter calls.
I feel Max’s arm stiffen on my shoulders. He grits his teeth and increases our pace.
“You’ve been struggling with health issues on and off,” another reporter yells out. “Are you pregnant?”
This time, I go rigid, then lean myself against him, grateful for his support as we hustle toward his car.
Max yanks open the door for me and helps me quickly duck inside the car. He hurries around to the driver’s side door, practically shoving reporters out of the way so that he can open the door and get inside. He backs up carefully then picks up speed as we leave the rink parking lot in a hurry.
I sink deeper into my seat, my heart thudding in my chest. They knew about my ailments, asking if I was pregnant. Oh. My. God.
“Wow, they’re getting really creative with their questions these days,” Max grumbles as he turns out of the lot and heads toward the freeway entrance. “Pregnant? That’s a low blow, and beyond out of line.”
I don’t respond. I feel something warm on my face and realize that I’m crying. Damn these hormones that come with pregnancy. I can’t hide anything from anyone because my emotions just spill out for the whole world to see at will.
“Liv? What’s wrong?” Max asks, glancing over at me as he merges with the freeway traffic.
I try to speak but my throat is clogged with too much emotion. I sniffle loudly.
“Liv?” he asks me, his tone more urgent now.
“I wish I’d never taken this stupid job,” I say. “Everything is a fucking mess now.”
“Liv, you aren’t actually messing around with my friends, are you?”
The question lances straight through me, and I start sobbing, wrapping my arms around myself. “Max, I just… I can’t do this right now,” I plead.
“Oh my god,” Max says, shock evident in his tone. “You are fooling around with one of them. Liv, how could you guys do this to me?”
“It’s not just one of them,” I manage to force out.
Apparently, it’s ripping off the Band-Aid time.
“Liv, you aren’t making any sense,” Max says. I glance over at him, his knuckles white as he grips the steering wheel.
“I’ve been sleeping with all of them,” I hear myself say, my voice stronger now. “It’s been going on for a while. Since we were teenagers, actually.”
“Wait. Are you saying you’re sleeping with all of them one at a time, or are you participating in a fucking harem with my best friends and teammates? If so, none of you thought it was a good idea to tell me?” Max’s voice is much louder now.
I cringe into my seat. It’s not like Max to yell at me. It reveals just how upset he is.
“We didn’t think you’d take it well and we didn’t know how to tell you,” I whisper, sniffling again.
“For fuck’s sake!” Max grinds out as he gets off the exit.
I can practically see the smoke pouring out of his ears.
“Please tell me that reporter doesn’t know something I don’t know with her question about you being pregnant.”
I wince, but I make myself look at him. “It’s true,” I say. “I have no idea how they figured it out, but it’s true.”
Max’s jaw flexes as he clenches his teeth. “Whose is it?” he asks.
I sigh heavily. “I don’t know.”
“Liv!” Max sounds so disappointed that my heart sinks like a stone. “How could you do this to yourself, to them?”
I feel a flare of anger rise within as we approach the block that I live on. “Okay, now that is just too much. Do what exactly, Max? Get pregnant by accident despite taking the pill? Have a private life that isn’t anyone else’s business? Have sex with consenting adults?”
Max is silent for a moment. He parks the car outside my building, the quiet between us weighing us down like a heavy blanket.
He drives his hands through his hair then turns to look at me. I hate that I’m crying again, but I’ve decided I’m just going to be a mess today and there’s no stopping it. Besides, he did hurt my feelings. He should see the evidence of his spiteful comment plain on my face.
“Liv, I’m sorry. It’s just… it’s a lot to take in all at once,” he admits. He reaches out and takes my hand and I feel myself softening toward him.
“Tell me about it,” I agree, using my free hand to wipe at my damp cheeks.
“When did you guys start being a thing?” he asks cautiously.
“The summer I was sixteen,” I tell him with a sigh. I smile in spite of my fragile feelings. It had been a summer to remember, and I still don’t regret anything about it.
Max takes this in, his jaw still flexing as he holds back his feelings. “That’s a lot of years of history,” he says to me.
I nod. “We intended for it to stay in the past, Max, and it did. But then I got this job, and we were all together all the time again and it just all came flooding back.”
“Liv, if the press already knows about this, things are going to get really tough for you, really quickly. Not to be selfish, but this impacts all of us on the team, as well. We have a real shot at the Stanley Cup this year. I don’t want this whole thing to cause a major scandal.”
I blow out a breath and nod. “Don’t think I haven’t been thinking about that for weeks now,” I tell him. “I haven’t quite figured out what to do, but I will make this right, Max.”
Max’s expression turns angry again and he shakes his head. “My friends are the ones who need to make things right. After all, they knocked you up—one of them anyway—and they need to step up and make it public that you guys are in a real relationship. This is just shitty.”
I hold up a hand to stop him. “Wait a second before you get really angry at them. I haven’t told them about the baby yet.”
He swings around to stare at me. “What? Why not? Liv, that’s not cool.”
I can’t help but smile a little at my brother’s wildly fluctuating emotions. He’s gone from being angry at the press to being mad at his friends, to being mad at me. I do sympathize, however. He’s basically caught in the middle of all of this without warning.
“Think about it for a second,” I tell him gently. “You guys have the playoffs just around the corner. You’ve been waiting your whole lives for this kind of chance. You need to have your heads in the game, not on me. Besides, we never agreed to making this serious or a long-term thing. We didn’t talk about babies or committed relationships. It’s a big change in the dynamic.”
“I don’t care. They need to make it right. I’m calling them, and we’re having a family meeting,” Max states, rummaging for his phone in his pocket.
“Max, stop it!” I say firmly. “I don’t need you to avenge me or force one of them to come forward to the press and say they’re my boyfriend and that they’re stepping up. That’s not going to help anything at all.”
Max scowls at me, and I can see the hurt beneath his fierce expression. I feel awful, just like I knew I would.
“I wanted to wait until after the game to tell anyone about this. I knew it would affect the four of you and the team. I didn’t want you guys to be fighting when the match rolled around.”
Max looks away from me, his fingers worrying over the edges of his phone. “The problem is, Liv, that I know now. Do you really think it’s fair for me to carry this burden all by myself? How do I look those guys in the face now that I know your dirty little secret? That’s a lot to ask.”
I wanted to remind him that he didn’t have to pry, that he could have just helped me get home without badgering me about the things the reporters were saying. I wanted to remind him that my personal life was my own business, even if he did find out about it.
But I also know that the bonds between members of a sports team run just as deep and are just as relevant as the bonds that people form in romantic relationships. The guys on the team work like a single organism when they play. They need to be in tune with one another and be able to trust each other.
This news will make it hard for Max to feel comfortable with them even if I had told the boys about the baby.
“Just let me handle this, okay?” I plead. “Let me figure it all out with them before you start crashing around like a bull in a China shop.”
“Fine,” Max agrees with a long sigh. “But can you please let me know when you’ve let the cat, er baby, out of the bag? I hate secrets, and I don’t want to have to tiptoe around them all the time.”
“We still have a couple of weeks. Can you just get through the game, and then I can tell them? I can’t deal with my job, the press, and all four of you hating me at the same time.” I press my fingers to my temples to try and stave off the headache that is lingering behind my eyes.
Max reaches out and touches my hand again. His voice is soft as he says, “Hey, I don’t hate you. I was just really shocked, okay? I’m always here for you, Liv. If the boys don’t want to be there for you, I will be the best damn uncle that baby could ever hope for.”
I meet his gaze, tears threatening again.
“Thank you,” I tell him. “I love you, Max.”
He smiles at me for the first time since we got in the car and squeezes my hand. “I love you too. Come on. Let’s get you inside and get you in bed. You need a nap, I think, and some peace and quiet.”
As my brother helps me out of the car and leads me toward my place, I realize just how right he is. I have been racing through my days on adrenaline and barely restrained panic for weeks now. I feel completely and totally burned out.
But I have to admit, it felt good to tell Max about the baby, along with the rest. It’s one huge hurdle out of the way. Now, all I have to do is make it through the toughest media spotlight of my life before telling the boys that they’re going to be a father.
Piece of cake, right?