Chapter Eleven
TOREN
I fight not to fidget under the pressure of his stare. His presence is commanding, draws you in and makes you feel inferior without any effort. It’s not something he does or even tries to do, it's just him.
“Your war has become an issue for me.” His tone is unyielding and filled with accusation.
It’s on the tip of my tongue to apologize and place blame on my father and brother, that’s what the old Toren would have done.
This new version, she doesn’t give a fuck and will do whatever it takes to ensure the safety of her unborn child and be the victor of the impending war that is about to happen between me and Xaden Devlin.
There will only be one winner and I plan to make sure that it’s me standing on top of the ashes of his empire.
“All wars become messy, you know that. You knew sending me back home and allowing Carn and the others to accompany me would draw attention when people found out who they were.” His face remains impassive, giving nothing away.
I decide to continue on because I’m not going to stay quiet anymore, I’ll no longer be silenced or repressed.
“If you’re here to collect the guys then so be it, but I won’t be stopping.
I’m going to war against the Devlin Cosa Nostra with or without your approval, not that I need it. ”
A shadow falls over his features, he’s no longer hiding his disdain for me. It’s clear he doesn’t like me or even want me here, and something tells me the only reason I’m here isn’t because of the girls, but because of my relationship with Carnage.
“If it wasn’t for my brothers, you would have been dead weeks ago.
Don’t presume to think you remain breathing because you earned it.
You live because of the protection of the Denver Kings.
” White hot fury rolls through me. I clearly have a death wish because I don’t keep my mouth shut, I do the opposite.
“I survived without them or you and I’ll continue to survive long after you are gone ,because unlike Xaden and my brother, I actually have something worth living for.
” His gaze doesn’t waiver or even drop to my stomach but I can tell from the flicker of emotion in his eyes that he knows about me being pregnant.
I know the guys report everything to him.
I’m not mad at them, I know where their loyalty lies and I respect that.
“From what I hear, Xaden doesn’t even claim your child as his.” The air whooshes out of my lungs.
“Your point?” I grit out through clenched teeth.
“A man who has lost the one person he considered his reason for existing is a dangerous man, unpredictable even.”
I keep my outrage of him speaking about Em hidden as I say, “Don’t presume to think you know how Xaden feels about losing his sister—”
“Toren—” Tate doesn’t get to finish her warning. Alex slams his fist down on the table making me jump. Carn subtly shifts closer into me as if he is ready to protect me if The Butcher decides to come at me.
“Your assumptions are what are going to get you killed, you stupid fucking girl.” His words land like a punch to the gut.
“I know how he’s thinking, how he’s feeling and can predict his next move because I was him once.
” My brows raise slightly. “Losing my sister fucking slaughtered any good inside me. There was no color in my life after Ellie was gone, all I saw was black. I hated everything and everyone for a long time.” The pain in his tone can be felt.
Tate rests her hand on top of his arm, offering her silent support while shooting me a warning glare.
“Ellie was a light to all of us,” Vatican says wistfully.
“Xaden is shrouded in darkness because that’s all he sees, this world took everything from him. With him feeling like he couldn’t control anything, he turned to the only thing he could control.”
Alex’s words are like a bucket of ice water being dropped on me. I understand now.
“Killing,” I breathe out.
He nods stiffly. “He’s in control. In those moments he holds the power. He decides if you live or die. It’s the greatest high you will ever experience. That’s his outlet.”
“He blames me for their deaths,” I blurt.
Alex looks over at Tate, they share a look. It’s a look of soulmates speaking without words being needed.
“Alex has more in common with your man than you think,” Tatum says quietly, as she continues to look at her man with utter devotion.
“How so?” I press.
She tears her gaze away from him and looks at me with a pained expression.
“Your man blames you for his sister's death, even though you weren’t driving. He blames you for the crimes of your father and brother.” I nod.
“Alex understands how he feels because…” She takes a deep breath.
“My brother was the one who took his sister from him.”
My mouth parts and my eyes widen. I swear my heart stops for a second as her words sink in. I dart my gaze between the two of them, studying them like a complex puzzle I can’t solve.
It’s clear they are in love with each other, I can tell just from looking at Alex that he would burn the world down for Tate. He doesn’t hate her or want her dead for what her brother did.
Why can’t he see past my name like Alex did with Tate?
Anger unfurls inside me, not at them but at Xaden for not being able to see me as more than his enemy. He craves my demise, my pain and suffering.
To teach is to learn. To learn is to excel. To excel is to thrive. To thrive is to live.
I keep repeating that fucking phrase over and over again in my head. Breathing starts to become a chore, I’m on the verge of another panic attack. I close my eyes and picture the sound of the waves as they lap at the shore, think of his words as he held me and talked to me on the beach.
“I’m here,” I hear Harp say quietly from beside me.
It takes me a few minutes to get myself under control and get my emotions in check. When the panic passes I open my eyes and look directly at Alex.
“Xaden isn’t you. I’m not Tate. We won’t be the couple who beat the odds, this only ends one way.
He wants me dead. I can’t let that happen, I’ll pull the trigger when the time comes and I have to live with the fact that one day, I’ll have to tell my child that I was the one who took their father from them. ”
“You want a war?”
I hold Alex’s gaze so he can see the truth in mine. “Yes,” I say without hesitation.
“You’ll have the help of the Denver Kings as well as mine.” His admission stumps me.
“You’ll help?” I utter, he nods. “Why?”
Carnage stiffens beside me and something about that sets me on edge. “I won’t lose the only blood sibling I have left.” I jerk in surprise. I look over at Carnage who is looking at me with a guilt ridden look on his face.
“He isn’t talking about any of us, Tor,” Carn says in a tone that I’ve never heard him use before.
“Who is he talking about?” My stomach is in knots and something about the look in my friends eyes, tells me that what he’s about to say next is going to blow my mind and add another complication to this already fucking complicated as fuck war.
“Caspian Vought has no idea he’s Alex’s brother.” Carn’s words knock the air right out of my lungs and sends my mind spiraling.
He’s already betrayed Xaden by being a snitch, and now he’s done it again without even knowing.